AlwaysGrowing Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 You're not a slut...you gave into weakness. I just said this on another thread, no one gets married thinking they're going to be alone & no one knows how it feels until they're actually in that situation. Now you feel guilt which is a good thing & you learned from it. Of course you can't get the guy out of your mind, your H is a long away & OM is right there. The only thing that sounds really off to me is that he threatened to kill himself. That's absolutely not normal & if he's deployed & has the possibility of having PTSD...well I'd be extremely nervous of that for when he gets back. MC is great but sounds like he needs intense IC before even being worried about the marriage. Until he's mentall stability should become before your marriage. Good luck Yes....when you marry a service member you sign up to be alone for part of the marriage. You sign up...not always being able to even get ahold of them by phone, email or any other means. Military marriages are one of the most difficult to maintain. The left behind spouse has to have a full independent life outside of the marriage....one with strong boundaries. Ones SO cheating on them when deployed can cause extreme mental stress....they are already in a stressful situation, and have zero input into what is going on at home. Maybe the OP does not have the necessary skill set to be a military spouse. 4
Whoknew30 Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 Yes....when you marry a service member you sign up to be alone for part of the marriage. You sign up...not always being able to even get ahold of them by phone, email or any other means. Military marriages are one of the most difficult to maintain. The left behind spouse has to have a full independent life outside of the marriage....one with strong boundaries. Ones SO cheating on them when deployed can cause extreme mental stress....they are already in a stressful situation, and have zero input into what is going on at home. Maybe the OP does not have the necessary skill set to be a military spouse. It's one thing to say you know how it will be but one wont know what it's actually like until there. That's why divorce is so high within the military...which means a lot spouses aren't cut out for it. It's sad but the truth. Also lets not pretend it doesn't go the other way around...I know a lot of solders that have cheated! Infact I really don't know one that hasn't cheated (personally). It was a kiss & she feels guilt. I personally think the "ill kill myself" is more of a concern than the kiss.
Cloudcuckoo Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 (edited) My husband is an ex-serviceman of 24 years. Not once in all that time (and his longest deployment to sea was 10 months) did I ever even consider accepting the many invitations to be entertained by predatory men. In fact while my husband was away, my friends always used to say that for a woman who was such a social butterfly, i was the ice queen when it came to men. That's not to say I wouldn't comment on an attractive man, that's to say I was well aware of my own personal boundaries and moral code, and I love nothing more than a G&T or a good red but drink or no drink I would ALWAYS shut that s**t down the minute the flattery started. I would never dishonour a man working to keep us all safe in our beds at night. My husband still works at sea, the crusty old matelot loves being a sailor, and who am I to take that away? I live with his job and get on with it. There's a vast difference between being alone and being lonely and frankly I love my life! He's away until end October. 3 months on 2 and a half off. Now I'm not too old that I don't get attention from men, but nothing has changed. I still don't let my guard down.... You're young I understand, but you must take responsibility for your actions within this new marriage. That takes being a grown up, so search your own moral code and decide if you are capable of keeping healthy boundaries and respecting your husband while he is serving away from home. If you can't honestly make that sort of commitment (a marriage isn't just a ceremony with pretty words), then be generous enough to let this poor chap go while you discover who you really are before getting involved in the future. Being a serviceman's wife isn't like being married to a civvy. It takes a particular kind of woman to live with all that goes with him, including those protracted separations. Wishing you a healthier future. Cuckoo Edited July 31, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language~T 3
William Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 (edited) After doing some clean-up on this thread I'd like to remind everyone of our Site-wide individual and group berating policy and that the use of terms covered by that policy are flagged regardless of context or who said them first. ~T Edited July 31, 2016 by William Fixed link.
understand50 Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 After doing some clean-up on this thread I'd like to remind everyone of our Site-wide individual and group berating policy and that the use of terms covered by that policy are flagged regardless of context or who said them first. ~T When I follow the link it goes no where.....
William Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 When I follow the link it goes no where..... Thanks for catching that and any member can read any of our announcements by looking at the top of the page in forum view, with this forum being the 'Infidelity forum'. Great information there and thanks in advance for reading. Original William
stillafool Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 OP why are you hanging out with men while your husband is away? That's a recipe for disaster. Don't you have female friends to hang around with? Plenty women are into Pokemon Go. Why weren't you with one of them? 2
wmacbride Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 (edited) Yes....when you marry a service member you sign up to be alone for part of the marriage. You sign up...not always being able to even get ahold of them by phone, email or any other means. Military marriages are one of the most difficult to maintain. The left behind spouse has to have a full independent life outside of the marriage....one with strong boundaries. Ones SO cheating on them when deployed can cause extreme mental stress....they are already in a stressful situation, and have zero input into what is going on at home. Maybe the OP does not have the necessary skill set to be a military spouse. I am away on vacation, but I took a peek at this site, and had to respond to the points made in this post. Op, I am a military spouse and have been one for a lot of years now. It's not an easy road to travel, and you will find yourself alone a lot of the time. It's hard enough for an "old lady" like me,but when you are young, it can be really difficult. It's not a life everyone is cut out for, especially if you have weak boundaries. It's even harder if your spouse deploys as a singleton and you have little to no rear party support. My spouse is in a trade where he's away a lot, and when he is, I often can't contact him except once every few weeks for a few minutes if I am lucky. Is that something you are ready to accept in your own marriage? I will also say that, as someone who found out my husband had been having an A right before he deployed, you simply can not work through this while he is away. It requires face to face communication. I would suggest that you speak to your H's unit padre and ask his or her advice, even if you are not religious. I am agnostic, and fond my H's squadron padre to be really helpful. He was understanding, gave me a kick in the rear when I needed it, and taught me a whole lot of swear words in French:cool: Edited July 31, 2016 by wmacbride 1
NTV Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 Hey, just wanted to pop in and see how you're holding up. I'm glad you told hubby. What do you think you're looking for from us right now that will help? Have you heard of the five love languages (book)?
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