Accepting last minute date

[DramaInPajamas]

Surgeon, smurgeon... there are MANY professions that require more time than a surgeon.

 

He is not considerate of your needs. Period.

 

Many doctors (surgeons especially) have God complexes.

 

They think the entire world revolves around them.

 

Ask yourself this... if he was a trash collector would you tolerate this behavior?

 

How much of your needs are you willing to sacrifice to date this character?

 

Trust me, the glamour of dating a doctor is false and short lived in most cases...

 

Oh yeah Im sure they do have god complexes. Ive dated a dr before many years ago and he was an idiot too.

 

I am in a very learned profession too and I manage to not have a huge ego.

 

Im not really sacrificing any needs at the moment. He has asked me out last minute 3 times and he has been told no 3 times. He can arrange in advance.

[Dis]

Do you know John Legend and Chrissy Teigen? After her meeting him for the first time he went his way for SIX MONTHS before coming back into the picture and deciding to pursue her after which they dated and now married and started a lovely family. TIMING is everything sweetheart. Don't let negative nancies here be the judge and jury of your life. As I'd say to anyone else, just be CAUTIOUS, ASK questions to know his true intentions and take things slow to protect your heart. If you have doubts, let him lead and not you.

I hate pessimistic people, try to see the light in everything but just be smart about your approach. Clearly even if he was in fact seeing other people and came back, thing is, he eliminated them and came back to something he wasn't AT ALL obligated to return to, so you left a memory which pulled him back in your direction.

Just take it slowwww, continue to get to know each other and assess things for YOURSELF and make your own judgements based on gut instincts. Good luck hon!

 

I whole heartedly agree that timing is everything. I'm going through something right now with someone where the timing was off before...so I know timing has alot to do with the success of relationships...when the timing is off...there is nothing that both parties can do to make it work...but when its on...well its on

 

But the OP's guy didnt just make a mistake or two. He bailed on her. He ghosted her and failed to communicate as to why this happened. If he had said to her, "I'm sorry I took off like that, this is why I did and I'll do X Y and Z so this doesnt happen in the future." (And back it up with actions) If he did... I would say to her...ok hear him out and insert your opinion too...but he didnt. He didnt show her he f*cked up....he didnt show her he was sorry....he just texted her to make last minute plans that suited him

 

Relationships can have a second chance if the timing is right...but our partners need to communicate with us...this communication shows us the timing might be right...there's no communication here....so the timing is still off

 

The OP's guy isnt communicating about the elephant in the room....the timing is still off...at the rate he's going I dont think it'll ever be on...he just isnt relationship material

Edited August 7, 2016 by Disillusionment373

[h0000]

Omg, 100 posts about a guy who can't even get his sh*t together?

[Dis]

Omg, 100 posts about a guy who can't even get his sh*t together?

 

Mhmm...good point lol

[DramaInPajamas]

Omg, 100 posts about a guy who can't even get his sh*t together?

 

Why post just to be scornful.

[Mystique01]

I dont want to date him anymore. But I wouldnt mind some more sex.

 

But Im not sure I want to that even with him now even though it was good. He just isnt worth the hassle

 

But why have sex with some guy who doesn't even deem you worthy enough to plan a legit drink date with you??

 

I just don't see the appeal honestly....not even for sex. Too many women settle for crumbs in the name of sex. Now if you don't want a relationship, then by all means, go ahead and sex up some guys....there are a million guys out here who would be willing to have sex w/you.

 

But if you want something serious, something honorable, and fulfilling, then please.....drop this guy and find another who actually values YOU. Maybe this guy will come around eventually, but at this point...why would you even want him?

 

Too many mixed signals and ghosting going on for me imo.

 

Plus, I keep thinking to myself.....he was "organized" enough to have sex w/you at least ONCE....so....how come it's so hard now to plan one date in advance, and stick to the plans??

 

How are you going to have sex with him???

 

He cant even manage to set up a date in a timeful manner

 

That's what I'm saying lol!

[DramaInPajamas]

Ok so I got a nice invitation in advance from this guy so I thought whatever see what he has to say.

 

Had a great time, drinks in a very nice place and we were going to go for food later.

 

He kinda explained himself he said it had been what 3 weeks and I said slightly more. Then he realized and he said he had been ridiculously busy. I said I never expected to hear from him again. He said that he was so sorry. He said that he was happy to see me again and we should keep doing it as we get on so well and are really compatible.

 

He said that he was coming off tinder, he wasn't going to date anymore as he didnt like it. He really liked me is what he was saying. He said he wanted to date but didnt want to get involved in something heavy very quickly and just enjoy. He'd been single for 3-4 years...well same for me in a way. My last serious relationship was a long while ago. Hence not wanting to get involved.

 

He said I dont have to come off dating if I don't want to but he has deleted the whole thing. He said we were very compatible but I might find someone moreso.....really?!

 

Then during the evening he had a load of plans for dinner etc but his phone went off a few times and he had loads of voicemails. He picked them up and said a patient was doing badly that he had just operated on. He said he really had to go in before his boss got in and deal with it. So evening cut short he drops me off near his hospital where I can get home ok from.

 

Then before then he had been talking about stuff to do later on and we'd see each other this weekend. He said he'd call. Again....really.

 

Im not sure what to think. I'm not optimistic and I don't think I want more than the odd date once in a while. Im a bit up in the air at the moment and will be for a while because of some life issues. Just someone to pass time with.

[DramaInPajamas]

I realize now this guy has said that he doesnt want anything serious. That doesnt bother me now and he can just be someone to have drinks with once in a while as he is a nice guy.

[elaine567]

I realize now this guy has said that he doesnt want anything serious. That doesnt bother me now and he can just be someone to have drinks with once in a while as he is a nice guy.

 

 

There are worse things in life.

 

At least you now seem to be both on the same page.

[DramaInPajamas]

There are worse things in life.

 

At least you now seem to be both on the same page.

 

Yeah in one way.

 

The only thing I dont get is why he told me specifically that he has deleted tinder and he is not going to use it anymore and that he met a few people and he is not liking it.

 

He said what he was trying to say was that he liked me. But then said he didnt want to get involved in something serious too quickly. Well we did meet like 3 times in a short space of time so maybe he backed away as he didnt want to get heavily involved: I did wonder that.

 

He also said I was really cool.

 

He mentioned it again later: we really should meet up again and then he said now I;ve deleted tinder.

 

And I mentioned a festival in october I wanted to go to and he actually asked me to look up the tickets and that would be a good idea: he could drive us down. WTF?

 

That has me confused.

 

But what I do know is bottom line: he said I dont want to get serious. No ifs not buts and no maybes: they say that and you believe them.

Edited August 10, 2016 by DramaInPajamas

[Mystique01]

Yeah in one way.

 

The only thing I dont get is why he told me specifically that he has deleted tinder and he is not going to use it anymore and that he met a few people and he is not liking it.

 

He said what he was trying to say was that he liked me. But then said he didnt want to get involved in something serious too quickly. Well we did meet like 3 times in a short space of time so maybe he backed away as he didnt want to get heavily involved: I did wonder that.

 

He also said I was really cool.

 

He mentioned it again later: we really should meet up again and then he said now I;ve deleted tinder.

 

And I mentioned a festival in october I wanted to go to and he actually asked me to look up the tickets and that would be a good idea: he could drive us down. WTF?

 

That has me confused.

But what I do know is bottom line: he said I dont want to get serious. No ifs not buts and no maybes: they say that and you believe them.

 

BINGO!!

 

What I don't understand though is, how could he possibly even have something serious with someone? He can barely schedule dates in advance and commit to them! LOL! Plus, even before the date is over, he's already rushing back to work because a patient isn't doing well. I mean honestly, Idk what he has to be afraid of really LOL.....with his schedule and dating habits, I can't see how he could ever have a serious relationship with a woman.

 

I always get the impression that guys mention right off the bat the little disclaimer about how they're "not looking for anything serious right now" as a way to sort of put it out there out front as a disclaimer so that later on down the line you can't come back and complain. They'll just say: "well I TOLD you I didn't want anything serious!"

 

Personally, I don't think a man who is looking for a serious long term relationship with a woman who he views as special would even lead with this statement so early on. In fact, I don't he would mention this at all!

Edited August 13, 2016 by Mystique01

[DramaInPajamas]

[/b]

 

BINGO!!

 

What I don't understand though is, how could he possibly even have something serious with someone? He can barely schedule dates in advance and commit to them! LOL! Plus, even before the date is over, he's already rushing back to work because a patient isn't doing well. I mean honestly, Idk what he has to be afraid of really LOL.....with his schedule and dating habits, I can't see how he could ever have a serious relationship with a woman.

 

I always get the impression that guys mention right off the bat the little disclaimer about how they're "not looking for anything serious right now" as a way to sort of put it out there out front as a disclaimer so that later on down the line you can't come back and complain. They'll just say: "well I TOLD you I didn't want anything serious!"

 

Personally, I don't think a man who is looking for a serious long term relationship with a woman who he views as special would even lead with this statement so early on. In fact, I don't he would mention this at all!

 

I know. It was a far cry from him toasting our second date when I last saw him before this. What on earth?

 

It was ridiculous though. He is still in his training so if he is told to get his a$$ back and sort something out, he has to go. When he pulled his phone out, he had two voice mails and a few texts, his boss had been told about the sick patient and was asking him what he was doing about it. So he had to cut short our meeting and get back because if his boss got there before he did it would have looked bad. He also had a huge surgery to do the next morning.

 

I did call him out on the last minute invites and said it you text me at gone 6pm, I am not going to be able to make it over to you before about 7:30 once you factor in getting changed and getting the bus or later unless you come and get me and that just doesnt work for me.

 

He explained himself in that he often doesnt know when he is going to get off work. He said he has had it so many times in the past that he has pre-arranged a date and then cant get out of work and has had to tell the woman he cannot come and stood them up. He said they often went nuts with him about it. That is why he asks when he knows he is out for real.

 

He mentioned wanting to see me this weekend, maybe saturday or sunday and also to see the festival in october and what do you know I last saw him on Tuesday night and not a single text.

 

 

I think I may also have caught him out. He said he didnt get back to me over last weekend as he was working ALL of it. Then he mentioned his family coming over to see him...so which was it?

 

Well I am not likely to develop feeling at all in this scenario and i may just have the odd drink with him as he is interesting to talk to.

Edited August 13, 2016 by DramaInPajamas

[Dis]

DIP....are you seriously...really buying any of of this????

 

Please...please tell me you recognize his words as complete BS!!!!

[DramaInPajamas]

DIP....are you seriously...really buying any of of this????

 

Please...please tell me you recognize his words as complete BS!!!!

 

I buy the bit about being horrendously busy at work as I saw it for myself.

 

As for the rest. I think the truth is this:

 

He didnt intend to see me again. Kept dating on tinder. Got no luck. I did the same: when he vanished I kept looking and found no one else as tinder is just a horrible app.

 

He specifically said he didnt like tinder and it wasnt working for him. He said he liked me. Yes maybe he has come back to see me as and when as he didnt find anyone else he liked or he wasnt able to fit people in same way with me.

 

Bottom line is, first time we met and he vanished I was really upset. This time around, I really dont care if he texts again or not. With that in mind, I cant get hurt from this and I am not even considering contacting him.

[Mystique01]

I know. It was a far cry from him toasting our second date when I last saw him before this. What on earth?

 

It was ridiculous though. He is still in his training so if he is told to get his a$$ back and sort something out, he has to go. When he pulled his phone out, he had two voice mails and a few texts, his boss had been told about the sick patient and was asking him what he was doing about it. So he had to cut short our meeting and get back because if his boss got there before he did it would have looked bad. He also had a huge surgery to do the next morning.

 

I did call him out on the last minute invites and said it you text me at gone 6pm, I am not going to be able to make it over to you before about 7:30 once you factor in getting changed and getting the bus or later unless you come and get me and that just doesnt work for me.

 

He explained himself in that he often doesnt know when he is going to get off work. He said he has had it so many times in the past that he has pre-arranged a date and then cant get out of work and has had to tell the woman he cannot come and stood them up. He said they often went nuts with him about it. That is why he asks when he knows he is out for real.

 

He mentioned wanting to see me this weekend, maybe saturday or sunday and also to see the festival in october and what do you know I last saw him on Tuesday night and not a single text.

 

 

I think I may also have caught him out. He said he didnt get back to me over last weekend as he was working ALL of it. Then he mentioned his family coming over to see him...so which was it?

 

Well I am not likely to develop feeling at all in this scenario and i may just have the odd drink with him as he is interesting to talk to.

But don't you see? Someone mentioning Saturday OR Sunday doesn't firm up plans. It doesn't do anything but keep you on the hook the entire weekend smh.....

 

This guy doesn't sound like he should be dating anyone at ALL at the moment. He needs to just stay single until his schedule can allow him to treat a woman with some common courtesy. Seriously, he shouldn't be trying to date anyone right now lol...

 

 

I buy the bit about being horrendously busy at work as I saw it for myself.

 

As for the rest. I think the truth is this:

 

He didnt intend to see me again. Kept dating on tinder. Got no luck. I did the same: when he vanished I kept looking and found no one else as tinder is just a horrible app.

 

He specifically said he didnt like tinder and it wasnt working for him. He said he liked me. Yes maybe he has come back to see me as and when as he didnt find anyone else he liked or he wasnt able to fit people in same way with me.

 

Bottom line is, first time we met and he vanished I was really upset. This time around, I really dont care if he texts again or not. With that in mind, I cant get hurt from this and I am not even considering contacting him.

 

Honestly at this point I'm not even really sure what he has to offer you. Some good conversation over dinner or drinks here and there whenever he feels like it and it's convenient for him? Hmmmm......Idk OP, I just feel like this guy is a HUGE time waster. He's using up time you could be spending on a decent guy who's genuinely interested in you and AVAILABLE date!

 

I know his job is busy, and I don't doubt that. But I'll never forget what a guy once told me. He said that a man is NEVER too busy for the woman he's really interested in. A man MAKES time for someone he cares about. And, he also said that the work excuse is the number one excuse a guy makes about why he hasn't been able to see you.

 

 

Of course, EVERY situation is different, but his words always stuck with me.

 

Looks like this guy needs to carve out more time in his personal life before trying to start something with you. Otherwise you're just going to end up frustrated with him down the line. Personally, I think you can do better.

[DramaInPajamas]

Yeah I didnt think of that. But saying a day over the weekend and at some point in the future, he is keeping me on the hook with vague plans and he must know he is doing that.

 

Trying to ensure I dont walk but not actually giving me anything.

 

I feel a bit low about it all: dating I mean. There are so may time wasters out there. It used to be the case that either you dated someone or you didnt. Now there is a whole extra layer there: they can just string someone along not really want you but just because they dont have anyone else.

[elaine567]

I get that he is busy, I get that he is at the beck and call of his boss and his patients, that is fairly normal surgical stuff.

 

What I don't get is the lack of texts/calls/emails/messages to keep you "on board", if that was his intention.

[DramaInPajamas]

I get that he is busy, I get that he is at the beck and call of his boss and his patients, that is fairly normal surgical stuff.

 

What I don't get is the lack of texts/calls/emails/messages to keep you "on board", if that was his intention.

 

I know, I understand about the work thing too. He is trying to get a permanent job there once he is finished his residency so he is out to impress and has to stay focused. I totally accept that his career will come first.

 

But you are right about the texting. I actually called him on it because he said something about it and I said "You're not much of a texter are you?" He agreed and said he is just like that, he sends concise messages, that it just his style.

 

I dont want him to get the impression that he can just crop up again whenever he wants no matter how long it has been.

 

This time though he said he will call me about meeting.....yeah right.

Edited August 13, 2016 by DramaInPajamas

[KathL]

I am dealing with one now. I decided to have enough of his bull****s so I am cutting my losses. Its such a shame coz everything seemed so promising at first. And its hard not to get disappointed and bitter about the whole thing.

[DramaInPajamas]

I am dealing with one now. I decided to have enough of his bull****s so I am cutting my losses. Its such a shame coz everything seemed so promising at first. And its hard not to get disappointed and bitter about the whole thing.

 

Yeah so much for the I'll call you and see you Saturday or Sunday.......

 

******* he is

[insert_name]

Yeah I didnt think of that. But saying a day over the weekend and at some point in the future, he is keeping me on the hook with vague plans and he must know he is doing that.

 

Trying to ensure I dont walk but not actually giving me anything.

 

I feel a bit low about it all: dating I mean. There are so may time wasters out there. It used to be the case that either you dated someone or you didnt. Now there is a whole extra layer there: they can just string someone along not really want you but just because they dont have anyone else.

 

They can only do this if you let them. I've had a number of girls do this to me, disappear and then circle back round 2 weeks later claiming they were 'busy'.

 

It used to really get on my goat until I realised the problem was ultimately me. I take a hard line on it now, if a girl disappears and comes back round I immediately stop seeing them as a romantic prospect and more as a bit of fun to pass the time, so I'll do whatever I think might wind them up. Some I will simply ignore, others I will make clear I have friendzoned and have a bit of verbal fun with when *I* feel like it- which confuses the hell out of them as to why *they* are the one friendzoned and why I am no longer falling over myself to ask them on a date The crux of it is that they no longer hold any interest to me in a dating capacity. It certainly saves me coming on here and starting a new thread everytime I encounter erratic behaviour.

 

I don't think I have ever seen a thread where interest was initially erratic and it eventually developed into a lasting relationship. If they are contacting you last minute or disappear for days on end or are otherwise vague when trying to set up a date then they 99% of the time they are playing games and would you really want to be with the 1% who aren't if that is what they are like? Demand high standards from the people you date no matter if they are a doctor or a surgeon or 'soooo haaaaawt!!1' or whatever and no-one can string you along and dating becomes a hell of a lot simpler.

[DramaInPajamas]

I dont want a relationship with him either. Just a bit of fun to pass the time but now he isnt even good enough for that.

 

I have seen a marriage happen with initially erratic interest. A boyfriend of mine from a couple of years ago. We were besotted. Met each others parents blah blah.

 

Then all of a sudden over for nothing. I later found out he was with someone he had had 1 date with before he met me. They didnt develop a relationship and he met me and we were serious. He went back to someone he didnt develop a relationship with after a year of being with me.

 

It does happen.

 

But this guy Im sick of.

 

He's not even worth casual fun with.

[elaine567]

He's not even worth casual fun with.

 

You can't have fun with a guy who never bothers to call can you? ... and even the sex with him sounds horrible too.

 

Time to give up.

[DramaInPajamas]

You can't have fun with a guy who never bothers to call can you? ... and even the sex with him sounds horrible too.

 

Time to give up.

 

Exactly.

 

I would be up for casual dating if he bothered to call but the hell with this.

[AMJ]

Don't let someone string you along, ever. You need to be too busy to return his texts or calls. I didn't read the whole thread but is he in a residency program? If so, then yeah- he doesn't have time to date.

Edited August 14, 2016 by AMJ