Author DramaInPajamas Posted August 3, 2016 Author Posted August 3, 2016 I am still interested but not at all costs. I think it is quite unreasonable to request dates at gone 6pm for the same day. How would I even get there? I cant drive if I am going to drink and then how do I get home? The transport links arent great.
Redhead14 Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 I am still interested but not at all costs. I think it is quite unreasonable to request dates at gone 6pm for the same day. How would I even get there? I cant drive if I am going to drink and then how do I get home? The transport links arent great. There is no reason that you have to drink alcohol . . .
Author DramaInPajamas Posted August 3, 2016 Author Posted August 3, 2016 There is no reason that you have to drink alcohol . . . I suppose so. But even by car it is a long way and parking is a nightmare in this city. It would make sense to leave the car.
katiegrl Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 DIP -- when he asks you last minute, could not you just say something to him like "Darn, would love to, but I have already made plans, can you ask me a bit sooner next time? Cause I would really like to get together!" That's what I would do, just like that. It doesn't have to be this big heavy convo about how disrespectful it is to ask you out last minute... just let him know what you prefer and if he likes you and wants to see you, then he will know what he needs to do to make that happen, and do it! 1
Redhead14 Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 I suppose so. But even by car it is a long way and parking is a nightmare in this city. It would make sense to leave the car. Frankly, I wouldn't go to all this trouble to meeting him then -- he ghosted you for two weeks, now he's attempted last minute dates 3 times . . . exactly what has he shown you that is keeping your interest? And, why isn't he coming to you???? I don't mean your house . . . just closer to where you are? That would be at least a better sign of some sincerity. 1
Mystique01 Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 DIP -- when he asks you last minute, could not you just say something to him like "Darn, would love to, but I have already made plans, can you ask me a bit sooner next time? Cause I would really like to get together!" That's what I would do, just like that. It doesn't have to be this big heavy convo about how disrespectful it is to ask you out last minute... just let him know what you prefer and if he likes you and wants to see you, then he will know what he needs to do to make that happen, and do it! Exactly!! That's what I do. If the guy is serious and actually really interested, he will learn to ask me out earlier with definite plans next time. If he's not, then he won't ever have "time" to go out. I find it's better to do it this way as opposed to: "You should be asking me out on dates earlier you jerk!"!!! LOL! That's a little creepy and a bit extra. You two are not dating and are not bf/gf. So he actually doesn't owe you anything. Right now is just the "getting to know you" phase. If he can't even nail down firm plans, that says a lot about him and his possible interest in YOU. I wouldn't get upset, I'd just let him know that you have other plans (actually HAVE other plans) and that hopefully you two can get together another time! 1
Author DramaInPajamas Posted August 3, 2016 Author Posted August 3, 2016 DIP -- when he asks you last minute, could not you just say something to him like "Darn, would love to, but I have already made plans, can you ask me a bit sooner next time? Cause I would really like to get together!" That's what I would do, just like that. It doesn't have to be this big heavy convo about how disrespectful it is to ask you out last minute... just let him know what you prefer and if he likes you and wants to see you, then he will know what he needs to do to make that happen, and do it! I was never going to call him on it as you are right it would be too much this early on. I will just say I was out and can he give me some notice in advance / ask me sooner.
Dis Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 Frankly, I wouldn't go to all this trouble to meeting him then -- he ghosted you for two weeks, now he's attempted last minute dates 3 times . . . exactly what has he shown you that is keeping your interest? And, why isn't he coming to you???? I don't mean your house . . . just closer to where you are? That would be at least a better sign of some sincerity. Yes! Why are you still interested in him???? If I were you...I wouldnt have said another word to him after his 2 week disappearing act He's shown you you are not a priority....he ghosted you for 2 weeks...he keeps asking you out on last minute dates...he has a horrible dating history due to his own issues....he treats you as a disposable object...what is there to like???? Just because you may not have alot of options doesnt mean you settle for the bottom of the barrel hun! Geez give it up hun...I'm saying this to wake you up girly...pls stop settling 2
Author DramaInPajamas Posted August 3, 2016 Author Posted August 3, 2016 Yes! Why are you still interested in him???? If I were you...I wouldnt have said another word to him after his 2 week disappearing act He's shown you you are not a priority....he ghosted you for 2 weeks...he keeps asking you out on last minute dates...he has a horrible dating history due to his own issues....he treats you as a disposable object...what is there to like???? Just because you may not have alot of options doesnt mean you settle for the bottom of the barrel hun! Geez give it up hun...I'm saying this to wake you up girly...pls stop settling I know I know. It is really because I dont have alot of options in the here and now. In the here and now it would be nice to go on a date. Sad maybe. :-(
katiegrl Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 He was very talkative before we met. Then had a great time in person. Then nothing. Now all a bit polite. he said he is looking forward to seeing me. I feel a bit differently about this. They had ONE date, it is unrealistic to expect that she should be a priority in his life at this point, after only one date. So he didn't call her for two weeks, big whoop. Again, they had one date. People need to lower their expectations. Relax, have fun with it! Obviously he is interested in her as he continues to ask her out. A priority? No. Interested? Yes. Which is all it should be after only one date. DIJ... obviously you still like the guy. So IMO, just let him know in your own way you would like him to contact you a bit sooner.... otherwise chances are you will have plans and won't be able to get together and you would really like to. If he still continues to ask you out last minute, then dump him. But at least let him know first what you prefer.... because in my experience some guys just don't have a clue. So it sounds like OLD and he's probably juggling some other women. Of course he is... they had ONE date! 2
katiegrl Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 You met him, slept with him, he disappeared, now he is back, but he keeps you dangling and no doubt he now has a better offer for this weekend. ... Wait, they had sex? Missed that.... ugh. 1
Author DramaInPajamas Posted August 4, 2016 Author Posted August 4, 2016 Wait, they had sex? Missed that.... ugh. Yes. Maybe it was silly to have sex but too late now. I am a grown up and I wanted to. And it wasnt one date. it was like 3. Met got on famously and ended up spending the whole weekend together nearly at his instigation. He kept speaking of future events and things we could do. Then ghosted for two weeks. I didnt expect to ever hear from him again. And then 3 last minute requests to meet. He can take me for a date or not. But I am not accepting a last minute date which will probably be a booty call. he said to me last week, lets arrange a catch up drinks. Fine by me. Then he ends up asking last minute all the time. Not cool.
katiegrl Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 Yes. Maybe it was silly to have sex but too late now. I am a grown up and I wanted to. And it wasnt one date. it was like 3. Met got on famously and ended up spending the whole weekend together nearly at his instigation. He kept speaking of future events and things we could do. Then ghosted for two weeks. I didnt expect to ever hear from him again. And then 3 last minute requests to meet. He can take me for a date or not. But I am not accepting a last minute date which will probably be a booty call. he said to me last week, lets arrange a catch up drinks. Fine by me. Then he ends up asking last minute all the time. Not cool. No.... I am not faulting you for having sex with him! I had sex with my ex the first night we met and we lasted six years. I said "ugh" because knowing you had sex changes my opinion. I think he should have called you sooner than two weeks! The fact he waited that long after sex is very telling IMO... frankly I think it's rather shytty and you should forget all my previous advice.... and just walk away from the whole thing. Block him if you don't think you can resist his texts. Next!
jazzyhands89 Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 It's not very smart to give a guy who had sex with and ghosted you the time of day. Have some self-respect. Don't be surprised when you end up getting burned 1
Author DramaInPajamas Posted August 4, 2016 Author Posted August 4, 2016 No.... I am not faulting you for having sex with him! I had sex with my ex the first night we met and we lasted six years. I said "ugh" because knowing you had sex changes my opinion. I think he should have called you sooner than two weeks! The fact he waited that long after sex is very telling IMO... frankly I think it's rather shytty and you should forget all my previous advice.... and just walk away from the whole thing. Block him if you don't think you can resist his texts. Next! Oh yeah, I had sex on a first date once and we were together for nearly two years. I could handle the being away for two weeks if he had a reason or explained himself. Hi I am so sorry I was under a load of stress, work has been terrible., let me make it up to you...but he didnt. He hasnt said a thing about it. He is very polite now and it feels like arranging a first date again. It is weird.
Mystique01 Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 I feel a bit differently about this. They had ONE date, it is unrealistic to expect that she should be a priority in his life at this point, after only one date. So he didn't call her for two weeks, big whoop. Again, they had one date. People need to lower their expectations. Relax, have fun with it! Obviously he is interested in her as he continues to ask her out. A priority? No. Interested? Yes. Which is all it should be after only one date. DIJ... obviously you still like the guy. So IMO, just let him know in your own way you would like him to contact you a bit sooner.... otherwise chances are you will have plans and won't be able to get together and you would really like to. If he still continues to ask you out last minute, then dump him. But at least let him know first what you prefer.... because in my experience some guys just don't have a clue. Of course he is... they had ONE date! I agree that after a few dates a woman can't expect a man to drop everything for her and act like he's her bf. But imo....this guy isn't even acting like he's all that INTERESTED in her...let alone acting like she's a priority in his life. When you really like someone, you can't stand the thought of not even contacting the person for 2 days, let alone 2 weeks. Come on...you know it's true! If he were really interested, he would be on pins and needles, just like OP is...wondering what she's doing, wondering when he will see her next, excited about setting up some firm plans to meet. This guy's actions to me are screaming 'not that interested', 'I have other options', or 'you're a good for-now-girl'. Now, if she's okay being a "good-for-now-girl", then by all means...go along with his last minute dates and lackluster effort. But if she wants to be something MORE to him, then I would not settle for less. He is showing her (imo) through his ACTIONS (not words!.....you can't believe what guys tell you), that right now in this moment, she is not really that much of a priority for him. Yes. Maybe it was silly to have sex but too late now. I am a grown up and I wanted to. And it wasnt one date. it was like 3. Met got on famously and ended up spending the whole weekend together nearly at his instigation. He kept speaking of future events and things we could do. Then ghosted for two weeks. I didnt expect to ever hear from him again. And then 3 last minute requests to meet. He can take me for a date or not. But I am not accepting a last minute date which will probably be a booty call. he said to me last week, lets arrange a catch up drinks. Fine by me. Then he ends up asking last minute all the time. Not cool. Hun...let me tell you, men will say a whole bunch of things in the moment that they don't really mean. Maybe even in that MOMENT they meant it, but unless a guy is actually following through with something, his words mean jack. It's a tough pill to swallow, but I had to learn that the hard way as well. And yes, we live in a society where a woman can sleep with a man early on if she wants to, and if that's what you want to do, that's your decision. But if you want something MORE from this guy (as in, a serious relationship), then I personally think it's wiser to allow a man to show you what type of person he is, where his interest lies, and if you really fit in with him and his priorities FIRST before engaging in an act that is so intimate. That's just MY personal motto. Otherwise, you end up feeling like this...You've slept with a guy, and now he's ghosted you or is playing hot and cold. I mean, I just think that if a guy is ghosting THIS early on in the game, and is blowing hot and cold this soon, that's not usually a good sign. Idk...maybe other women are fine sleeping with a guy and then never really hearing or seeing from them again, but I personally am not. Call it my own personal preference. I just think you can do so much better OP. Yes, we all get lonely and want a date every once in a while, but you should tell yourself that you are a CATCH! You deserve better than this! Don't you??? 2
Dis Posted August 6, 2016 Posted August 6, 2016 I agree that after a few dates a woman can't expect a man to drop everything for her and act like he's her bf. But imo....this guy isn't even acting like he's all that INTERESTED in her...let alone acting like she's a priority in his life. When you really like someone, you can't stand the thought of not even contacting the person for 2 days, let alone 2 weeks. Come on...you know it's true! If he were really interested, he would be on pins and needles, just like OP is...wondering what she's doing, wondering when he will see her next, excited about setting up some firm plans to meet. This guy's actions to me are screaming 'not that interested', 'I have other options', or 'you're a good for-now-girl'. Now, if she's okay being a "good-for-now-girl", then by all means...go along with his last minute dates and lackluster effort. But if she wants to be something MORE to him, then I would not settle for less. He is showing her (imo) through his ACTIONS (not words!.....you can't believe what guys tell you), that right now in this moment, she is not really that much of a priority for him. Hun...let me tell you, men will say a whole bunch of things in the moment that they don't really mean. Maybe even in that MOMENT they meant it, but unless a guy is actually following through with something, his words mean jack. It's a tough pill to swallow, but I had to learn that the hard way as well. And yes, we live in a society where a woman can sleep with a man early on if she wants to, and if that's what you want to do, that's your decision. But if you want something MORE from this guy (as in, a serious relationship), then I personally think it's wiser to allow a man to show you what type of person he is, where his interest lies, and if you really fit in with him and his priorities FIRST before engaging in an act that is so intimate. That's just MY personal motto. Otherwise, you end up feeling like this...You've slept with a guy, and now he's ghosted you or is playing hot and cold. I mean, I just think that if a guy is ghosting THIS early on in the game, and is blowing hot and cold this soon, that's not usually a good sign. Idk...maybe other women are fine sleeping with a guy and then never really hearing or seeing from them again, but I personally am not. Call it my own personal preference. I just think you can do so much better OP. Yes, we all get lonely and want a date every once in a while, but you should tell yourself that you are a CATCH! You deserve better than this! Don't you??? This is really well said...100% agree
Author DramaInPajamas Posted August 6, 2016 Author Posted August 6, 2016 He did it again on Wednesday early evening at 6pm asking me out. Last minute. I waited until the next day and said let me know in advance when you want to meet for drinks. No reply yet. Oh stuff him.
Dis Posted August 6, 2016 Posted August 6, 2016 He did it again on Wednesday early evening at 6pm asking me out. Last minute. I waited until the next day and said let me know in advance when you want to meet for drinks. No reply yet. Oh stuff him. Hun let him go He's tossing you crumbs You could prevent being constantly disappointed by him if you blocked him By leaving the door open...you're allowing yourself to continue to be disappointed and hurt by him Shut the door hun...block...block...block 4
katiegrl Posted August 6, 2016 Posted August 6, 2016 Shut the door hun...block...block...block Yup, yup, yup and yup! Enough is enough. NEXT! 1
Author DramaInPajamas Posted August 6, 2016 Author Posted August 6, 2016 I dont want to date him anymore. But I wouldnt mind some more sex. But Im not sure I want to that even with him now even though it was good. He just isnt worth the hassle
Dis Posted August 6, 2016 Posted August 6, 2016 I dont want to date him anymore. But I wouldnt mind some more sex. But Im not sure I want to that even with him now even though it was good. He just isnt worth the hassle How are you going to have sex with him??? He cant even manage to set up a date in a timeful manner 2
ElevenAndraste Posted August 6, 2016 Posted August 6, 2016 Do you know John Legend and Chrissy Teigen? After her meeting him for the first time he went his way for SIX MONTHS before coming back into the picture and deciding to pursue her after which they dated and now married and started a lovely family. TIMING is everything sweetheart. Don't let negative nancies here be the judge and jury of your life. As I'd say to anyone else, just be CAUTIOUS, ASK questions to know his true intentions and take things slow to protect your heart. If you have doubts, let him lead and not you. I hate pessimistic people, try to see the light in everything but just be smart about your approach. Clearly even if he was in fact seeing other people and came back, thing is, he eliminated them and came back to something he wasn't AT ALL obligated to return to, so you left a memory which pulled him back in your direction. Just take it slowwww, continue to get to know each other and assess things for YOURSELF and make your own judgements based on gut instincts. Good luck hon! 1
Author DramaInPajamas Posted August 6, 2016 Author Posted August 6, 2016 How are you going to have sex with him??? He cant even manage to set up a date in a timeful manner Hahaha. Good point. Im not going to run over on request at the last minute 1
tinkerbell16 Posted August 6, 2016 Posted August 6, 2016 After being warned to give me notice if he wants to take me out....he has just done it a third time. Asked last minute for tonight. This is actually getting irritating. Jeez I did bother with him when he vanished. Does suddenly make me more attractive that I am not jumping to it when he asks. Surgeon, smurgeon... there are MANY professions that require more time than a surgeon. He is not considerate of your needs. Period. Many doctors (surgeons especially) have God complexes. They think the entire world revolves around them. Ask yourself this... if he was a trash collector would you tolerate this behavior? How much of your needs are you willing to sacrifice to date this character? Trust me, the glamour of dating a doctor is false and short lived in most cases...
Recommended Posts