Accepting last minute date

[DramaInPajamas]

Oh hun...this guy just is not worth your time

 

Pls pls value yourself! You are worth so much more than standing around as someone's back up plan

 

Hun like I said before...would you do this to someone??? Ghost them for 2 weeks....then text them with a hald a** attempt to meet up??? I dont think you would...so dont tolerate someone doing this to you

 

I know you're kind of holding out hope that maybe...just maybe this could work out...even if he ends up just being your friend...but I can tell you from experience....this guy wouldnt be a good bf or a good friend....there is nothing positive that you can gain from talking to this guy

 

Time to cut the cord hun...block him and take your power back

 

I am not dignifying a last minute what are you up to text with a response.

 

He could have even said sorry work has been hell, I've been so busy..but he hasnt.

 

It is a shame. I thought he was different.

[DramaInPajamas]

Did it again. He asked me out for a drink literally last minute today. On a Monday.

 

I said I was out already.

 

He said no worries go another time.

 

I guess I wasnt wrong to decline?

 

He isnt chatting to me very much now. He used to loads before we met.

[smackie9]

Like I said 42 posts ago, this guy fails. You are putting way too much energy into this. It's time to move on.

[DramaInPajamas]

Like I said 42 posts ago, this guy fails. You are putting way too much energy into this. It's time to move on.

 

I know. Why does he keep asking me out though.

 

I am not jumping to it last minute on a Monday.

[smackie9]

I know. Why does he keep asking me out though.

 

really? why the hell is this so important to you? who cares!! No one can answer that but him....why don't you just come out and ask him that. Ask him why he won't get a relationship off the ground with you. Ask him why to everything you asked us for 57 posts.

 

 

 

Maybe the other 40 hours are actually spent with his GF/wife. Seriously let it go and move on.....

[DramaInPajamas]

really? why the hell is this so important to you? who cares!! No one can answer that but him....why don't you just come out and ask him that. Ask him why he won't get a relationship off the ground with you. Ask him why to everything you asked us for 57 posts.

 

 

 

Maybe the other 40 hours are actually spent with his GF/wife. Seriously let it go and move on.....

 

Ive been to his place, he was going to take me out to meet his friends so I doubt he has a wife / gf.

 

It is probably because I am black and white. Either I want someone or I dont. So I never get it when someone does the hot/cold routine. Why do I care because we did really get on. But he isnt worth this.

[smackie9]

Like I always say, date those who treat you the way you want to be treated.

[Dis]

Ive been to his place, he was going to take me out to meet his friends so I doubt he has a wife / gf.

 

It is probably because I am black and white. Either I want someone or I dont. So I never get it when someone does the hot/cold routine. Why do I care because we did really get on. But he isnt worth this.

 

Ya hun its time to let him go

 

I'm a black and white thinker too...so hot/cold or on/off feelings dont mesh well with me either.

 

I've learned that dating really isnt black and white though...dont get me wrong...you should totally lose this guy and any guy who is hot/cold with you but relationships and dating all have grey areas...no one is either imperically good or bad...niether is any relationship

 

But like smackie said, you really need to stop giving this guy anymore space in your head

 

Its over hun...onto bigger and better things!

[Versacehottie]

Did it again. He asked me out for a drink literally last minute today. On a Monday.

 

I said I was out already.

 

He said no worries go another time.

 

I guess I wasnt wrong to decline?

 

He isnt chatting to me very much now. He used to loads before we met.

 

I'm not quite sure of what all is going on with him/the interactions because you haven't given us the full story from when he contacted you yesterday, your response and today, etc.

 

What I think though is that you are in danger of just playing games with him. What are you saying back when he is asking you out last minute? Act mature and give him an alternative. Being evasive or not offering up an alternative (WHEN YOU WANT TO GO) is not helping either of you or getting your message across well. Idk, maybe you are offering up an alternative day but make sure you aren't being snarky or playing games.

 

He also may be just a last minute guy who does not plan. Clearly something that you might find incompatible. That's why I said, squeeze him in if it realistically works for you and only then. If you are being desperate, it will be transparent or will fail for those same reasons somewhere else down the line.

 

I also think if you don't care about dating him at all and just want the "why" question answered--then yeah let it go. good lluck

[DramaInPajamas]

I'm not quite sure of what all is going on with him/the interactions because you haven't given us the full story from when he contacted you yesterday, your response and today, etc.

 

What I think though is that you are in danger of just playing games with him. What are you saying back when he is asking you out last minute? Act mature and give him an alternative. Being evasive or not offering up an alternative (WHEN YOU WANT TO GO) is not helping either of you or getting your message across well. Idk, maybe you are offering up an alternative day but make sure you aren't being snarky or playing games.

 

He also may be just a last minute guy who does not plan. Clearly something that you might find incompatible. That's why I said, squeeze him in if it realistically works for you and only then. If you are being desperate, it will be transparent or will fail for those same reasons somewhere else down the line.

 

I also think if you don't care about dating him at all and just want the "why" question answered--then yeah let it go. good lluck

 

When I get asked out literally at after 7pm on a Sunday night there is no way I am going. I want to look good on a date with and if I get asked out last minute, it will take forever to get ready and also as he hadnt contacted me, I was seeing another friend on Sunday so I told him that.

 

Then when he asked me out last minute today, again I wasnt dropping everything to run out. So I told him I was seeing family (which I was) and to next time give me the heads up when he is free and I will keep it free too. He said ok and that he will. If he asks me out in advance this time I may give him another chance.

 

He might be a last minute guy. It might be due to work. One of my friends has a friend who is a surgeon and she told me that her friend has no life. This month she is on call this weekend and working both weekends after that and working until 9pm many nights. Maybe he really doesnt know when he can be free.

 

But again that doesnt excuse him vanishing for over 2 weeks last time. I never thought I would hear from him again.

 

Right now the communication is very very polite. It is almost like arranging a first date again.

[CryForNoOne]

It is probably because I am black and white. Either I want someone or I dont. So I never get it when someone does the hot/cold routine. Why do I care because we did really get on. But he isnt worth this.

If that's the case, why don't you take charge! Turn the tables on him and ask him out last minute and see how he reacts. You obviously still want to go out with him, so just get on with it instead of pining and waiting.

[DramaInPajamas]

I just feel bad that Ive got another barely interested last minute requester.

 

Are there any decent guys out there.

[DramaInPajamas]

After being warned to give me notice if he wants to take me out....he has just done it a third time. Asked last minute for tonight.

 

This is actually getting irritating.

 

Jeez I did bother with him when he vanished. Does suddenly make me more attractive that I am not jumping to it when he asks.

[Redhead14]

After being warned to give me notice if he wants to take me out....he has just done it a third time. Asked last minute for tonight.

 

This is actually getting irritating.

 

Jeez I did bother with him when he vanished. Does suddenly make me more attractive that I am not jumping to it when he asks.

 

Does suddenly make me more attractive that I am not jumping to it when he asks -- Sure, but he's just hooked on the chase. He'll just drop it again when/if he does get what he wants.

 

Jeez I did bother with him when he vanished -- Just view it as a lesson learned Turn it into a positive.

 

he has just done it a third time -- He's a slow learner at best. Show him you're a faster learner and block him now and never unblock . . .

[Gaeta]

He might be a last minute guy. It might be due to work. One of my friends has a friend who is a surgeon and she told me that her friend has no life. This month she is on call this weekend and working both weekends after that and working until 9pm many nights. Maybe he really doesnt know when he can be free.

 

Surgeons don't know if a 1 hour surgery will turn into a 4 hour one but they do know ahead of time, a lot ahead of time, their surgery schedule. They are booked weeks at a time and they know their time off ahead of time as well.

 

I'd say it would be easier for this guy to schedule you ahead of time than to count on the fact he'll get off work early.

 

I think this man just does not want to schedule time with you ahead of time because you are not THAT important to him. He prefers using you as a last minute filler with nothing else is on the agenda.

[Versacehottie]

When I get asked out literally at after 7pm on a Sunday night there is no way I am going. I want to look good on a date with and if I get asked out last minute, it will take forever to get ready and also as he hadnt contacted me, I was seeing another friend on Sunday so I told him that.

 

Then when he asked me out last minute today, again I wasnt dropping everything to run out. So I told him I was seeing family (which I was) and to next time give me the heads up when he is free and I will keep it free too. He said ok and that he will. If he asks me out in advance this time I may give him another chance.

 

He might be a last minute guy. It might be due to work. One of my friends has a friend who is a surgeon and she told me that her friend has no life. This month she is on call this weekend and working both weekends after that and working until 9pm many nights. Maybe he really doesnt know when he can be free.

 

But again that doesnt excuse him vanishing for over 2 weeks last time. I never thought I would hear from him again.

 

Right now the communication is very very polite. It is almost like arranging a first date again.

 

I don't think whatever you are communicating with him is coming off very clearly. Actually bolded above, to be honest, sounds like you are fine with a last minute "i'm free", are you? You should have said: I'm busy tonight, but I'd like to see you, let's PLAN something for next week. Easy, direct. And then if he still can't, maybe he's not compatible for you. I think you are getting upset though because in part you are expecting him to be a mindreader of figuring out what works for you.

 

It sounds like you are holding onto the feeling of being disrespected which is not good either. Decide he is worth moving forward with in some way (in increments) or that he's not. This feels like each of you is playing hard to get. (well maybe he is not anymore/that's hard to tell). It seems like it's just cause hostility on your end though. I think it important that you are clear with him about what you need in order to accept a date.

 

Also even if you don't accept the last minute date, you could still have a nice interaction with him at that time he asks. I'm just trying to help you with the total picture. Good luck

[DramaInPajamas]

D

Surgeons don't know if a 1 hour surgery will turn into a 4 hour one but they do know ahead of time, a lot ahead of time, their surgery schedule. They are booked weeks at a time and they know their time off ahead of time as well.

 

I'd say it would be easier for this guy to schedule you ahead of time than to count on the fact he'll get off work early.

 

I think this man just does not want to schedule time with you ahead of time because you are not THAT important to him. He prefers using you as a last minute filler with nothing else is on the agenda.

 

Quite. He had no problems booking for Friday night in advance first time we met.

 

I didnt contact him at all when he vanished on me so he is just hooked on the chase again now he thinks he cant have me?

 

I would like to see him again but not like this. If he is going to be like this then stuff it. Just plain rude IMO.

 

Ive already warned him to give me advance warning if he wants to meet.

[DramaInPajamas]

I don't think whatever you are communicating with him is coming off very clearly. Actually bolded above, to be honest, sounds like you are fine with a last minute "i'm free", are you? You should have said: I'm busy tonight, but I'd like to see you, let's PLAN something for next week. Easy, direct. And then if he still can't, maybe he's not compatible for you. I think you are getting upset though because in part you are expecting him to be a mindreader of figuring out what works for you.

 

It sounds like you are holding onto the feeling of being disrespected which is not good either. Decide he is worth moving forward with in some way (in increments) or that he's not. This feels like each of you is playing hard to get. (well maybe he is not anymore/that's hard to tell). It seems like it's just cause hostility on your end though. I think it important that you are clear with him about what you need in order to accept a date.

 

Also even if you don't accept the last minute date, you could still have a nice interaction with him at that time he asks. I'm just trying to help you with the total picture. Good luck

 

Maybe you're right. I'm supposed to be seeing a friend later anyway. I may say out tonight, are you free later this week?

[Versacehottie]

Maybe you're right. I'm supposed to be seeing a friend later anyway. I may say out tonight, are you free later this week?

 

I wouldn't. That's again open ended and not what you want. Use the words, "let's PLAN something later this week" OR you can say: I'm not free tonight, what about Friday?

[DramaInPajamas]

I wouldn't. That's again open ended and not what you want. Use the words, "let's PLAN something later this week" OR you can say: I'm not free tonight, what about Friday?

 

Ok cool. I may try that.

[Versacehottie]

Basically you keep leaving it open-ended with a non-planner who you may not be a priority to. You care about knowing when the date is. So ask for that. To continue to leave it open-ended is asking for more of the same problems.

[Versacehottie]

I think there is no harm in you suggesting the day to get together. He is trying to take you out. The scheduling hasn't worked thus far. So at this point, no need to be obtuse, just tell him what day will work for you.

 

Now don't get all upset if he isn't free that day. I'd offer up one other day if say friday is no good for him and if it isn't OR he tries again to leave it open-ended himself (saying sounds good, but i might have something going on, I'll let you know), then i think it's safe to assume, you won't be compatible and are just a last minute option for him.

 

This guy needs more directness and it's a good lesson for you too. Even great guys with good intentions (don't know status of this one yet) sometimes need to hear what we expect and want. If you won't tell them, you might mess up with a good guy. Speak up a little.

[DramaInPajamas]

I think there is no harm in you suggesting the day to get together. He is trying to take you out. The scheduling hasn't worked thus far. So at this point, no need to be obtuse, just tell him what day will work for you.

 

Now don't get all upset if he isn't free that day. I'd offer up one other day if say friday is no good for him and if it isn't OR he tries again to leave it open-ended himself (saying sounds good, but i might have something going on, I'll let you know), then i think it's safe to assume, you won't be compatible and are just a last minute option for him.

 

This guy needs more directness and it's a good lesson for you too. Even great guys with good intentions (don't know status of this one yet) sometimes need to hear what we expect and want. If you won't tell them, you might mess up with a good guy. Speak up a little.

 

I am very wary though. This is a guy who had a good couple of dates with me and then vanished for over 2 weeks. Now asked me out after 6pm on three occasions since Sunday. It just makes me wary

[Versacehottie]

I am very wary though. This is a guy who had a good couple of dates with me and then vanished for over 2 weeks. Now asked me out after 6pm on three occasions since Sunday. It just makes me wary

 

Yeah, of course. But you still are interested in him though, right? Otherwise we wouldn't have this thread?

 

That goes back to what I said about clearing whatever conflicts you have in your own head and stop trying to punish him for whatever he got wrong.

 

You decide it's worth it to see what is there and there was a possible decent reason for disappearing. It doesn't have to even be that decent IMO. if you had only two dates, you ARE NOT a priority to him yet reasonably. OR you decide that what he seems to offer does not appear that it will meet the threshold of your expectations (reasonable ones) at this stage. That's having a sense of self and knowing your worth and being reasonable.

 

Not to be taken the wrong way, but I don't think you have a strong self of self and are also not being reasonable. If you strongly believe he is in the wrong (i don't but I'm not you), then don't talk to him. Also one way to "deal" with this dilemma, is to call him out on it for reappearing after disappearing for two weeks. That way, you can hear his explanation and decide for yourself if you find it in line with what you find acceptable thinking or if you think it's bs.

 

Right now you are sending mixed messages. To him, to yourself, even to us on this thread. This thread wouldn't exist if you didn't have current interest in this guy that you wanted to explore. I know you are trying to find the 'perfect' solution to this dilemma. As I said before, any continued contact with him that benefits you, is gonna require that you speak up in some way. It sounds like you will regret just walking away but that may be only because you don't have strong core beliefs about yourself. In order to have good relationships and communications with whoever, you need to be clear on your own intentions and even when you are NOT clear, state that to the other person. Take responsibility for your life. No one is going to make you go out with him or be hurt by him if you don't let it happen. You won't really be that hurt if you decide he is a clown and even after going out with him experience more disappearing, you will KNOW he is not good enough for you. Get a handle on your worth. Good luck

[Mystique01]

So... who is the guy. A friend? More than a friend? Sounds like it could be a sort of date. He made plans in advance like a date, told when he would let you know, still have not heard, has ghosted before. I would say make your own plans and when he finally decides to "get around" to you.. you should tell him "sorry, didnt think I was going to hear back so I already made plans" and throw it back at him.

 

Short answer. No, I would not bother. And that is coming from a guy. If you are planing to grab a drink and catch up.. its not like hes planning a day trip to the beach or overnight stay in the mountains. Its a freakin drink. How hard is it to set that up or at least let you know something.

Thank you. I agree.

 

OP...I hate to say it, but this guy sounds like he's using you as a "backup plan". I don't know him of course, but this story just reeks of this guy possibly having lots of girls on his rotation.

 

Trust me, when a guy REALLY wants to take a woman out, he makes FIRM plans. He at least keeps in contact to let you know what's going on with his schedule. And if he can't do it for the day that he wanted to, he will let you know ahead of time.

 

This "watching and waiting" to "see" if you two still have a date is for the birds imo.

 

 

Idk...it just sounds very fishy to me. Maybe he has good intentions, but it doesn't seem like you're a priority for him. That's just MHO.

 

 

 

Surgeons don't know if a 1 hour surgery will turn into a 4 hour one but they do know ahead of time, a lot ahead of time, their surgery schedule. They are booked weeks at a time and they know their time off ahead of time as well.

 

I'd say it would be easier for this guy to schedule you ahead of time than to count on the fact he'll get off work early.

 

I think this man just does not want to schedule time with you ahead of time because you are not THAT important to him. He prefers using you as a last minute filler with nothing else is on the agenda.

 

EXACTLY.

 

This is the feeling I get as well.

 

I personally wouldn't suggest anything else to him if this is the 3rd time this guy has flaked out on me. But that's just me.

 

I say just go on with your life and make your own plans. Believe me, if he's serious about taking you out, he will get some firm plans so he can nail you down.