DramaInPajamas Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 Would you? Guy who has done a ghosting and come back asked me for a catch up drinks over the weekend. He asked me on Wednesday. It is now Friday. He said he would let me know end of the week. Would you bother going if he asks me last minute?
gorf Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 Would you? has done a ghosting come back asked me for a catch up drinks Wednesday. It is now Friday. He said he would let me know end of the week. Would you bother going if he asks me last minute? So... who is the guy. A friend? More than a friend? Sounds like it could be a sort of date. He made plans in advance like a date, told when he would let you know, still have not heard, has ghosted before. I would say make your own plans and when he finally decides to "get around" to you.. you should tell him "sorry, didnt think I was going to hear back so I already made plans" and throw it back at him. Short answer. No, I would not bother. And that is coming from a guy. If you are planing to grab a drink and catch up.. its not like hes planning a day trip to the beach or overnight stay in the mountains. Its a freakin drink. How hard is it to set that up or at least let you know something. 3
Author DramaInPajamas Posted July 29, 2016 Author Posted July 29, 2016 So... who is the guy. A friend? More than a friend? Sounds like it could be a sort of date. He made plans in advance like a date, told when he would let you know, still have not heard, has ghosted before. I would say make your own plans and when he finally decides to "get around" to you.. you should tell him "sorry, didnt think I was going to hear back so I already made plans" and throw it back at him. Thanks. I will do exactly that.
CryForNoOne Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 Why all the games? If you want to go, then go? If not, don't go. Why does it have to be getting back at him for something you've perceived that he has done to you. By even thinking about it in those terms, he's already messing with you... 3
salparadise Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 I'd go by the overall quality and feel of the communications. If you've never met and just casually chatted, and if you're just going to meet for drinks, then why not? It depends on how last minute you're talking about too. Several hours would be ok if you haven't already made other plans. I wouldn't be sitting around waiting on him though. I'm sure a lot of women will tell you NO WAY! because the take it as disrespectful or something. I don't think you have to see it that way. But if you do think he's being disrespectful, just don't reply until the next day. Now, if this were a date-date then last minute would not be acceptable.
Author DramaInPajamas Posted July 29, 2016 Author Posted July 29, 2016 He was very talkative before we met. Then had a great time in person. Then nothing. Now all a bit polite. he said he is looking forward to seeing me.
JewelD Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 Is it a date or just a hang out? If u dont care how it turns out and dnt hv other plans, it wouldnt hurt to go. However, i personally dont like ppl wasting my time or assuming i cant find anything else to do within 3 days. Hes telling you tht you are low on his list of priorities. That would bother me and i wouldnt give him the pleasure of my company. 3
Author DramaInPajamas Posted July 29, 2016 Author Posted July 29, 2016 Is it a date or just a hang out? If u dont care how it turns out and dnt hv other plans, it wouldnt hurt to go. However, i personally dont like ppl wasting my time or assuming i cant find anything else to do within 3 days. Hes telling you tht you are low on his list of priorities. That would bother me and i wouldnt give him the pleasure of my company. He said drinks. Suggests a date really.
CryForNoOne Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 He was very talkative before we met. Then had a great time in person. Then nothing. Now all a bit polite. he said he is looking forward to seeing me. So it sounds like OLD and he's probably juggling some other women. It didn't work out with the others so now he's pursuing you again. If you like him, just go on another date. It's really way too early to take anything personally. He doesn't owe you anything and vice versa. Just go if you think you will have a good time. If not, don't.
Author DramaInPajamas Posted July 29, 2016 Author Posted July 29, 2016 So it sounds like OLD and he's probably juggling some other women. It didn't work out with the others so now he's pursuing you again. If you like him, just go on another date. It's really way too early to take anything personally. He doesn't owe you anything and vice versa. Just go if you think you will have a good time. If not, don't. That is what I figured. He never intended to see me again but hasnt found anyone else. 1
Gaeta Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 No, this guy does not deserve a drink with you. When a guy ghost on you and he comes back he better have concrete plans like Saturday 8 pm at the sport bar located at corner of 5th Avenue and 87th street. If you don't get that type of concrete plan than there is no drink! I would not accept 'I'll get back to you later this week'. It's just an open window to ghost again. 9
Author DramaInPajamas Posted July 29, 2016 Author Posted July 29, 2016 No, this guy does not deserve a drink with you. When a guy ghost on you and he comes back he better have concrete plans like Saturday 8 pm at the sport bar located at corner of 5th Avenue and 87th street. If you don't get that type of concrete plan than there is no drink! I would not accept 'I'll get back to you later this week'. It's just an open window to ghost again. Exactly. He suggested us meeting again on Tuesday and I said ok. He then on Weds says great he will let me know and it is now Friday night. No wonder this guy has no luck in dating and doesnt last in relationships. Problem is, I have kept looking for options too. I have kept using dating sites and talking to guys. almost all of them have asked me for sex striaght up to which they were told no and unmatched. Or they chat for a bit and go. I havent found anyone else either and I am lonely. 1
smackie9 Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 This guy fails.....who wants to be a backup/ option? 7
mortensorchid Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 I have one in my black book who does this - he appears then vanishes for a while. He's been doing it for about the 3 years I have known him. Sometimes I reach out, sometimes he does, I know he sees other women, I see other guys and we're both okay with it. Why do I keep going back to him and him to me? Loneliness. As for your situation, being that it's an OLD thing, know that he's seeing other women most likely and it's what it is. Meet him at the last minute? I wouldn't bother unless I didn't have a backup plan for the night. If you do meet him, don't expect to hear from him again.
Gaeta Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 Exactly. He suggested us meeting again on Tuesday and I said ok. He then on Weds says great he will let me know and it is now Friday night. No wonder this guy has no luck in dating and doesnt last in relationships. Problem is, I have kept looking for options too. I have kept using dating sites and talking to guys. almost all of them have asked me for sex striaght up to which they were told no and unmatched. Or they chat for a bit and go. I havent found anyone else either and I am lonely. If you are serious about finding someone than get on a real dating website and stop using those Tinder and whatsnot for hook ups. Get on a dating website that been used by other people with success like match, okcupid, eharmony and similar dating websites in your area.
Author DramaInPajamas Posted July 29, 2016 Author Posted July 29, 2016 If you are serious about finding someone than get on a real dating website and stop using those Tinder and whatsnot for hook ups. Get on a dating website that been used by other people with success like match, okcupid, eharmony and similar dating websites in your area. I have. I had terrible luck on eharmony and match. A couple of morons from match and eharmony I had a couple of short relationships but they ended up not serious either. I expected more from paid sites. 1
Gaeta Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 I have. I had terrible luck on eharmony and match. A couple of morons from match and eharmony I had a couple of short relationships but they ended up not serious either. I expected more from paid sites. I met 200 men over 3,5 years of online dating before meeting my boyfriend. You have to accept it won't be easy and disappointments are part of the game. Spend as little time a possible on those that are half interested in you. Concentrate on men who show genuine interest. 3
Gaeta Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 You will not meet the man of your life on Tinder. Go back so sites with better reputations. 1
Author DramaInPajamas Posted July 29, 2016 Author Posted July 29, 2016 I met 200 men over 3,5 years of online dating before meeting my boyfriend. You have to accept it won't be easy and disappointments are part of the game. Spend as little time a possible on those that are half interested in you. Concentrate on men who show genuine interest. Wow. How long have you been together now?
Larryville Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 Get on a dating website that been used by other people with success like match, okcupid, eharmony and similar dating websites in your area. Exactly. He suggested us meeting again on Tuesday and I said ok. He then on Weds says great he will let me know and it is now Friday night. No wonder this guy has no luck in dating and doesnt last in relationships. Problem is, I have kept looking for options too. I have kept using dating sites and talking to guys. almost all of them have asked me for sex striaght up to which they were told no and unmatched. Or they chat for a bit and go. At the risk of repeating myself AGAIN… LOL! The dating site is irrelevant, it doesn’t matter and depending on where you live and your population base it can matter much less. As discussed with OLD we have the “perception of choice”, but not actual choice itself. Depending on how inflated our ego is and how serious you are about finding someone to be in a relationship with the individuals selection (acceptance) process is the issue. Every one of the millions of people on a site once they get their claws into someone will still be looking from side to side wondering if there is still something someone better. The selections offered by OLD don’t equal unrestricted access to a ready and waiting list of beautiful, perfect people. Every man and woman online still has criteria that must be met by people who want to date him or her, and every guy and girl is still in ongoing direct competition with every other person of their gender. Everyone must ask themselves before they decide to reply to an email or send an intro email. What is special about you? What makes you a catch? NOT what your friends say, (I see on OLD sites a woman will say my friends say I'm funny, cute, smart... seriously!?) not what your mother says. Take a good long, unfiltered look at yourself. Let’s get real ladies if a smoking hot dude contacts you and you are not in his league, think… why is he contacting you. Same with guys, before you send out that intro email. If you are uneducated and broke dude will that hot lady be the least bit interested in you? Ladies, if a certain guy contacts you and WANTS YOU, there is no ambiguity, you will know pretty damn fast. If he ghosts, he found another option. When I contact a woman I assume she will still be collecting dudes numbers until she clearly states I’m at the top of the pecking order. In another thread we talked about mirroring, the interest should be genuine and the behaviors will mirror. As for this thread, should you accept a “last minute date” from a dude who according to you… Then had a great time in person. Then NOTHING Hell no!! 4
Gaeta Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 Wow. How long have you been together now? 8 months. I had tons of 1 coffee date who went nowhere. I had several micro-relationships that lasted 1-2 months. I was played, lied to, mislead, I even was kidnapped. I also made friends that I have kept to these days, I have met gentlemen but we didn't click in that way. It's like playing dice, you can meet right away or you have to roll the dices 100s of times. One of my friends met her husband online, he was the 3rd man she met. They're married with 2 kids now. No one knows when it will be your turn.
Author DramaInPajamas Posted July 29, 2016 Author Posted July 29, 2016 8 months. I had tons of 1 coffee date who went nowhere. I had several micro-relationships that lasted 1-2 months. I was played, lied to, mislead, I even was kidnapped. I also made friends that I have kept to these days, I have met gentlemen but we didn't click in that way. It's like playing dice, you can meet right away or you have to roll the dices 100s of times. One of my friends met her husband online, he was the 3rd man she met. They're married with 2 kids now. No one knows when it will be your turn. Ive been played and lied to loads. Kidnapped is a new one.
Larryville Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 Ive been played and lied to loads. See that’s the thing, I’ve never been lied too, I’ve never been ghosted, I have only had one incident where this woman pissed me off so much, that we did not even go on out dinner date. She drove to see me, but after touring where I work she was rude to a co-worker and I was done, told her to take me back to my place, I got out of the car and did not look back. I had a sense of her rude, silly personality… but she was freaking hot so I ignored and decided to TRY and go out. Me I’m not going on countless popcorn dates, meet and greet coffee dates just for the F of it, I don’t have the time or money for that crap. I’m processing every nuance of her profile, profile pics, emails, phone conversations her voice, intellect ect. Folks be selective, increase your own value and self-worth because not everyone is worth your time and effort and understanding. I met 200 men over 3,5 years of online dating before meeting my boyfriend G I remember when you first said this number and I was floored at first, but then I processed How many women have I met where I had engaged enough to know them pretty well? A series of emails, a good long phone conversation(s) NOT in person… maybe 80 in 5 years, How many face to face? 30 maybe. When I went thru a dating slump I sat down and wrote it/them out. About a third of these I did not remember their names. (red head lady, Lawyer lady) Bottom line to me, MY number was high but someone said you needed to test drive lots of different people to get a better perspective on who that ideal person might be. I nitpick much more now because frankly I don’t care if I am ever in a full blown relationship anymore. We all have our methods to navigate the madness. After adopting that mindset I seem to have more options (current women who I am in contact with at various stages) Met 3 recently, meeting two more this weekend and one lady I am had extensive contact with for about a month whose prospects look good, for now… But G Kidnapped is a new one. Where the human/man $#/t detector would need adjustment, fine tuning…
Gr8fuln2020 Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 Would you? Guy who has done a ghosting and come back asked me for a catch up drinks over the weekend. He asked me on Wednesday. It is now Friday. He said he would let me know end of the week. Would you bother going if he asks me last minute? NO. This guy is waiting for something better than yourself (in his mind). He disappeared and wants to have drinks this weekend, but doesn't firm up the time, place??? He tells you that he'll let you know by the end of the week? He came crawling back to you...lol. This guys is not into you. Ignore him.
Gaeta Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 Larry: You just need to understand where I was coming from. I had no dating experience as I married my first boyfriend that I met at 17. There I am at 45 single, with less experience than a 17 year old, and apparently super hot which I had no clue lol. You know the song it's raining men? that was my story, men were falling left and right to meet me. I could meet 2-3 men in a same day at my most busy dating phase. I dated hot dudes, younger dudes, good boys, bad boys, white, black, yellow, green and purple. Name it! I lived at 45 what I was meant to learn and live at 17. So yes, that is how I ended up meeting around 200 men. Through my 3,5 years I learn, stop doing the same mistakes, stop being so sensitive to looks, started to decline invitation, started to recognized red flags, etc For those with no dating experience online dating is one hell of a ride. Yep! Kidnapped. Had a coffee in the middle of the day with some man I had exchanged with 3 weeks. I had his full name, and his place of work. After coffee it was poring rain and he offered to drop me at my metro station. I accepted, what could happened at 11 am on a Saturday right? Well he did not drop me at my metro station and instead took me for a 40 minute ride on highways where he tried to convince me we were meant for each other and he wanted to spend the day with me. I had the scare of my life!
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