Els Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 If you spend $75 every time you go out then that's $300 a month that could be put toward things like savings. I would be very surprised if they were spending $75 every date, especially given the activities he mentioned (movies, bike rides, picnics). If a couple can't date without it costing $75 every time, they have bigger problems than just money. 1
Author Mysteryman9110 Posted July 31, 2016 Author Posted July 31, 2016 I would be very surprised if they were spending $75 every date, especially given the activities he mentioned (movies, bike rides, picnics). If a couple can't date without it costing $75 every time, they have bigger problems than just money. Let me give you an example.. I met my gf yesterday. I met my gf at 1pm yesterday. After the movie was finished she said she was hungry because she didn't eat all day. I wasn't so we found her a place to eat. The cost... 30 dollars. I told her I wasn't hungry but she still wanted to get a lot of food. She could have ate something cheap, but nope. We went to another place for drinks.Instead of getting something reasonably priced she goes for the most expensive thing they have like a magnet. Sometimes on dinner its 40 or 50 dollars just for dinner. Mind you this is just what we spend on FOOD. This is not talking about entertainment. Now tack on another 70 bucks for hotel costs.
SevenCity Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 I would be very surprised if they were spending $75 every date, especially given the activities he mentioned (movies, bike rides, picnics). If a couple can't date without it costing $75 every time, they have bigger problems than just money. Even if it is $40 each time, we don't know the financial situation of the op. What's wrong with her picking up the bill once and a while? And for her to recommend less sex it's saying that going out is her priority. That's not what you want in a gf.
Author Mysteryman9110 Posted July 31, 2016 Author Posted July 31, 2016 Even if it is $40 each time, we don't know the financial situation of the op. What's wrong with her picking up the bill once and a while? And for her to recommend less sex it's saying that going out is her priority. That's not what you want in a gf. My financial situation is that I make about average salary and I am trying to pay back a student loan debt so I can eventually have the option of having a family one day. I haven't mentioned the debt to her, but I have explained very well that I need to save money. She agrees and then doesn't bat an eye when we drop 30 bucks for her food.
elaine567 Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 We have been texting.She said that we should cut down on the sexy time so that I can save money on the hotel costs. ... I don't like how her solution is to just cut down our sex life from once a week to once every two weeks. It's frustrating because when we go out to eat she doesn't worry about the money. Just yesterday I spent 30 dollars for her to eat. ( I wasn't hungry ) . I feel like she is treating our sex life as something that isn't necessary, but going out to these random picnics is more of a priority to her. I think you are right, she doesn't really like the "sexy time" it is of little interest to her, hence her prioritising other things - anything to reduce the time alone with you in private. I guess it may be something to do with her traditional outlook and upbringing, or she may be getting the impression you are all about sex and she really doesn't like it.
Els Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 Let me give you an example.. I met my gf yesterday. I met my gf at 1pm yesterday. After the movie was finished she said she was hungry because she didn't eat all day. I wasn't so we found her a place to eat. The cost... 30 dollars. I told her I wasn't hungry but she still wanted to get a lot of food. She could have ate something cheap, but nope. We went to another place for drinks.Instead of getting something reasonably priced she goes for the most expensive thing they have like a magnet. Sometimes on dinner its 40 or 50 dollars just for dinner. Mind you this is just what we spend on FOOD. This is not talking about entertainment. Now tack on another 70 bucks for hotel costs. What does she say if you tell her you cannot afford an expensive place? I think you should say that the next time - if she cares about you she will change to a cheaper one or offer to pay if she really wants the expensive one. And, like I asked you in my above post, didn't you just work out an agreement with her to split hotel costs? Even if it is $40 each time, we don't know the financial situation of the op. What's wrong with her picking up the bill once and a while? And for her to recommend less sex it's saying that going out is her priority. That's not what you want in a gf. Did you read my post above the last one? It's just how things go in East Asian culture (my guess of the OP's specific culture, as there are only 3 Disneylands in Asia and all are in East Asia). If the OP wants a gf who splits the bill all the time or never wants to go out, that is his prerogative but it would be extremely uncommon in his culture. Especially if he is dating 24 yos.
elaine567 Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 What's wrong with her picking up the bill once and a while? Nothing but if traditionally Asian men are expected to pick up the tab then the OP is probably being a cheap skate in her eyes... does he then deserve sex?
Author Mysteryman9110 Posted July 31, 2016 Author Posted July 31, 2016 I think you are right, she doesn't really like the "sexy time" it is of little interest to her, hence her prioritising other things - anything to reduce the time alone with you in private. I guess it may be something to do with her traditional outlook and upbringing, or she may be getting the impression you are all about sex and she really doesn't like it. I'm not sure how graphic we are allowed to be in this section. But last night she was like an energizer bunny. Other times I will send the most mundane sexual message and she doesn't like it. Sometimes she seems ashamed, and other times its like she is an animal. She is very reserved, but once her buttons are pushed she gets super intense. Under the right circumstances she is wilder than any woman I have ever been with. But other times she seems to be shut down sexually.
Els Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 Nothing but if traditionally Asian men are expected to pick up the tab then the OP is probably being a cheap skate in her eyes... does he then deserve sex? Especially given the age difference, yeah. When I was dating in my late teens/early 20s in Asia, the guy always insisted on paying, but we would eat/date vcheaply as we were both college students. A few of my friends were dating older men - while my SO and I were munching on street food, they'd be going to hotel buffets and fine dining. It was just an 'expectation' that comes with dating an older guy, I guess. I don't know any college student who dated an older guy but went on the same types of dates as college couples did. 1
Author Mysteryman9110 Posted July 31, 2016 Author Posted July 31, 2016 What does she say if you tell her you cannot afford an expensive place? I think you should say that the next time - if she cares about you she will change to a cheaper one or offer to pay if she really wants the expensive one. And, like I asked you in my above post, didn't you just work out an agreement with her to split hotel costs? My gf is super sweet and understanding. I really hope I'm not putting her in a bad light here. I think she is naive because she lives at home and has lived a very sheltered life. She still has a curfew and is living at home. She is receptive to all of my ideas and says she understands me and it makes me feel really good, but she doesn't back any of it with her actions. She says she understands but still picks restaurants with little to no regard to price. On Friday night she agreed we would eat at a cheap place, but on Saturday she picked something that was expensive. I think the reason for this is that her parents take care of her still. I think she just doesn't understand the value of money. I really think that she can change her ways. I'm not wanting to break up with her over this because she is a sweetheart in many other ways. I just need to get a backbone and reign her in. The problem is that when I suggest spending time at my place she probably thinks that I just want sex. I cooked for her last time, played guitar for her, and we watched a movie. I tried explaining to her that the important thing is that we are together. She says she agrees but then she will want to go out and do something and spend more money...
Els Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 My gf is super sweet and understanding. I really hope I'm not putting her in a bad light here. I think she is naive because she lives at home and has lived a very sheltered life. She still has a curfew and is living at home. She is receptive to all of my ideas and says she understands me and it makes me feel really good, but she doesn't back any of it with her actions. She says she understands but still picks restaurants with little to no regard to price. On Friday night she agreed we would eat at a cheap place, but on Saturday she picked something that was expensive. Well, she cannot pick something without your input, right? So when she 'picks' a place that is too expensive, tell her you cannot afford it. And suggest a cheaper place. If my guess of where you live is correct, street food is delicious and cheap there. I might be cynical because all of the age gap relationships I've seen in Asia involved the man taking the girl to really expensive places. But it's possible that yours might be the exception. Only way to know is to start going on cheaper dates. 2
elaine567 Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 I'm not sure how graphic we are allowed to be in this section. But last night she was like an energizer bunny. Other times I will send the most mundane sexual message and she doesn't like it. Sometimes she seems ashamed, and other times its like she is an animal. She is very reserved, but once her buttons are pushed she gets super intense. Under the right circumstances she is wilder than any woman I have ever been with. But other times she seems to be shut down sexually. She is probably conflicted. She gets horny, but then she feels used and ashamed and no doubt feels guilty too, so she shuts down.
Author Mysteryman9110 Posted July 31, 2016 Author Posted July 31, 2016 She is probably conflicted. She gets horny, but then she feels used and ashamed and no doubt feels guilty too, so she shuts down. Maybe. She is very sexually repressed. There are many positions that she did not try before being with me and I have introduced a lot to her already. She is super receptive to all my sexual suggestions and I have gone fairly extreme even by western standards.Not only does she not bat an eye, but she does everything I ask with such eagerness that it sometimes surprises me with how open she is to my suggestions. Zero hesitations if we are alone. It's mainly through texting she acts very reserved and she seems to not put a priority on doing other things.
elaine567 Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 he is super receptive to all my sexual suggestions and I have gone fairly extreme even by western standards. Oh dear!!! Maybe that is why she never wants to be alone with you, ever considered she is being super polite? As you say she does everything you ask of her, that doesn't necessarily mean she likes it.
Timshel Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 Well, she cannot pick something without your input, right? So when she 'picks' a place that is too expensive, tell her you cannot afford it. And suggest a cheaper place. If my guess of where you live is correct, street food is delicious and cheap there. I might be cynical because all of the age gap relationships I've seen in Asia involved the man taking the girl to really expensive places. But it's possible that yours might be the exception. Only way to know is to start going on cheaper dates. It reads that OP does not want to tell his gf that he can't afford it. He will complain that she has no sensibility about money....but the sex and having her as a gf outweighs his ability to tell her that she may not order/have/engage in activities that she expects. It seems that you are incompatible OP but want to keep her because you are sexually intrigued and stimulated. Be honest with her about not wanting to go out so often. Be honest with her that your income does not provide for ordering the most expensive items on the menu and that a meal at home/snuggle time is what you need. 1
Author Mysteryman9110 Posted July 31, 2016 Author Posted July 31, 2016 Oh dear!!! Maybe that is why she never wants to be alone with you, ever considered she is being super polite? As you say she does everything you ask of her, that doesn't necessarily mean she likes it. We don't need to get graphic, but she likes it. You will jut have to trust me.
Els Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 It reads that OP does not want to tell his gf that he can't afford it. He will complain that she has no sensibility about money....but the sex and having her as a gf outweighs his ability to tell her that she may not order/have/engage in activities that she expects. Yup, still wondering why he refuses to take this obvious course of action. The way he makes it sound, she's dragging him at gunpoint to a restaurant that he doesn't want to go to, and he has absolutely zero say in it. 1
basil67 Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 I think the reason for this is that her parents take care of her still. I think she just doesn't understand the value of money. Are you sure this is the cause? Even young teenagers who are still living with their parents can understand concepts of things being affordable or expensive. Be careful that she doesn't have the life skills of a 7yo.
Author Mysteryman9110 Posted August 3, 2016 Author Posted August 3, 2016 Have you told her directly this is how you feel? Her and I agreed a while ago that we would alternate going to my area one week and her area another week. I am always the one traveling to see her. I am not only interested in sex with her. I really do care about her. But at the same time I don't want a woman who needs to be entertained and I don't want her to treat me like a buddy or activity partner. She told me that she works a lot and suddenly I understand what she wants to go out all the time. I told her that this is a relationship and she should try to consider my feelings more. I understand her situation, but just because she wants to go out and do 10 things every Saturday doesn't mean I want that too. I think we should take turns traveling and what each other wants to do, but it seems like I'm doing much more of what she wants. I explained the above feelings through text and she still wanted to do a bunch of things this weekend. My words went right over her head. I told her that it is her turn to come to me and she said she didn't want to do that. I said I was going to just stay in my area and she got upset because I thought she was being selfish. She cried for a while and I had to webcam with her for almost two hours to get her soothed. She goes through moments where she says she understands me, and then her actions almost never change. Yesterday I traveled for 2 hours to see her in her area. I bought her dinner and everything was great, but I will still have to travel to see her this weekend. I also don't appreciate people here who are treating me as if I'm some horny 16 year old boy. Of course I want sex with my girlfriend when I see her only once a week. Don't act like I'm some kind of a horn dog for expecting our sexual relationship to be strong. It's not the most important thing to me, but its incredibly dishonest for me to say it is not important at all to me.
Timshel Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 Square meet circle. Shake hands and part ways. Don't force it, you do not fit. 2
Els Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 I also don't appreciate people here who are treating me as if I'm some horny 16 year old boy. Of course I want sex with my girlfriend when I see her only once a week. Don't act like I'm some kind of a horn dog for expecting our sexual relationship to be strong. It's not the most important thing to me, but its incredibly dishonest for me to say it is not important at all to me. Of course there's nothing wrong with that, just like how there's nothing wrong with her wanting to go out on a date with you when she only sees you once a week! Surely there is time for BOTH sex AND a date when you're only 1.5 hours away from each other and don't have kids???
Author Mysteryman9110 Posted August 3, 2016 Author Posted August 3, 2016 Of course there's nothing wrong with that, just like how there's nothing wrong with her wanting to go out on a date with you when she only sees you once a week! Surely there is time for BOTH sex AND a date when you're only 1.5 hours away from each other and don't have kids??? Going out isn't the issue. The issue is that I am usually the one paying for the hotel rooms on top of traveling over an hour one way to see her. You are framing it as if I am complaining because she wants to go out and do things. That ISN'T the point. Her wanting to do MANY things that cost money, not wanting to compromise on traveling, and always wanting things her way is the issue for me
Els Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 Going out isn't the issue. The issue is that I am usually the one paying for the hotel rooms on top of traveling over an hour one way to see her. You are framing it as if I am complaining because she wants to go out and do things. That ISN'T the point. Her wanting to do MANY things that cost money, not wanting to compromise on traveling, and always wanting things her way is the issue for me You said you both split the travel, you also said she has agreed to split the costs of the hotels, and you have never responded to the suggestion that you just decline if she wants to go somewhere that you can't afford. Want to do that?
Author Mysteryman9110 Posted August 3, 2016 Author Posted August 3, 2016 You said you both split the travel, you also said she has agreed to split the costs of the hotels, and you have never responded to the suggestion that you just decline if she wants to go somewhere that you can't afford. Want to do that? I said we AGREED to split the traveling . If she is honoring what she said she would then why do you think I would bother to make this thread? She has only been to my area 2 or 3 times and the rest of the time I'm traveling close to her, and one of those times was because she had to attend a conference. She isn't willing to live up to her end of the deal and doesn't compromise as much as I do . I traveled to see her just last night. I traveled for 2 hours, she traveled for 5 minutes.We did agree to alternate going to each other's areas, but she back tracked on that and now says that traveling makes her too tired. Then when I told her that she should help me with cost of hotel so we can have alone time, but of course she complained that its too expensive. See what I'm dealing with here? As far as food, I have also repeatedly told her that I am trying to save my money and we should find some place cheaper next time. She has been saying how much she agrees with me and then her actions don't change. I try to be very flexible with her and try to make her happy the best I can. It's hard to compromise with her because she wants things her way and doesn't want to budge much.
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