spottedjellies Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 Hi ! This is my kinda strange story: I dated a guy for about a year and a half... he was my first relationship and I really fell hard for him so I am kind of hurt. He did not really seem to care as much about me towards the end, however we had formed a deeper connection and within the last two weeks he said that he realized he has been in love with me for a long time and that he would be happy to spend the rest of his life with me! I was so happy to hear this because I had been helping him develop his feelings of love towards his family rather than for me.. so it was a pleasant surprise ! However he also told me he wants to sleep with other girls and has this desire to experiment more before settling down(he is only 22 and i am his second gf), when I told him I am not okay with taking a break for him to do this- and he said he would rather stay with me, and that we could work on our sexual connection. (I was a virgin before him and he loses interest sexually kinda easily) I became insecure though after that and more jealous and nervous when he went out with other girls- I also started being more emotional and crying a lot (something we struggled with often in our relationship). On the night we broke up, . I asked him if he would rather have sex with other girls and he said "yes" and I just couldn't take that anymore and told him we needed to break up. He agreed and finished the breakup when I began to chicken out. We were loving towards each other and ended nicely, although we both did cry. When I went to give him his stuff back after two weeks he said that he was over me, finally growing as a person, and doesn't miss me. This hurt because even though things got messy I did believe we were happy when we were together. He really genuinely seemed like he didn't care about me at all, two weeks ago in love with me... so I acted emotional again crying a lot, sending him text messages which he ignored and he told me "please dont contact me anymore" OHhh okay well I will add also we will have to contact eachother eventually, he did say he would want to stay friends and that he needs space now, he still uses my netflix account and since I am a foreigner living in a foreign country (his home country) he actually is the owner of the 2 year phone contract I have.. so I will have to pay him in a few months. He did say he didnt want to get back together in a month or even three but when I asked 'never?' he said I do not know about never... Anyway I am wondering if I do the no contact rule and give him time... will he realize that he has made a mistake? I mean I know no one here can actually answer that but essentially I am wonderingo you think it is a possibility that he could realize that he did truly care for me? Did the fact that I cried and sent him text messages hurt my chances of him missing me? I haven't spoken in a week i really still love him.. and i know he is immature and i am just hoping he realizes how much i tried OKAY so i know you cant answer for sure but I just would like some opinion on my situation, thank you.
PegNosePete Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 Anyway I am wondering if I do the no contact rule and give him time... will he realize that he has made a mistake? Okay, first off No Contact is not a "rule". I'm not sure where you read about it, but it is a method for you to recover and heal from the relationship and to move on. It is not a magic trick or a manipulation method to get an ex back or to make him "realise" anything. And secondly why do you think he made a mistake? He didn't want to stay with you, and so he broke up. Why does that mean it is a mistake? He made a choice based on his feelings (or lack thereof). Most likely he doesn't consider it a mistake at all. I mean I know no one here can actually answer that but essentially I am wonderingo you think it is a possibility that he could realize that he did truly care for me? As you say, nobody can know that. Only time will tell. Maybe he will change his mind (after experimenting sexually with a few other girls) or maybe he won't. It doesn't make sense for you to put your life on hold, waiting for something that might never happen. The best thing you can do is to begin the process of moving on. NC can help you here.
Bialy Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 (edited) He's 22. He was very clear about his desire to have sex with other females. At least he's being honest, I'll give him that. BUT please be careful. Guard your heart and... body. You don't want to catch an STD. If you haven't been tested, get a basic STD test to make sure you don't have anything. I'm sorry for having to go down this route with advice like this - but it's the harsh reality of these days. You say he was going out with other girls while you were dating him. He's at an experimental phase in his life -- not relationship material. Edited July 29, 2016 by Bialy
ExpatInItaly Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 He's not coming back, OP. Why? Because he is nowhere near ready to commit. He plainly told you he wants to have sex with other girls. Therefore, breaking up with you wasn't a mistake. He did the right thing.
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