OLD failure?

July 29, 2016

There should be other threads about this subject, but I wanted to make one my own. It's more like venting anyway.

So... what the hell?

I downloaded Tinder and Happn about 5 days ago and I'm just disappointed. At first it was fun, with all these matches with very good looking girls and all, but then it gets so empty. I've tried different approaches, from a simple "hi" to commenting something about their pictures, bio or likes in common. But conversations often seem one-sided. It's like they don't care to keep it going.

I'm sure I've talked to at least 50 girls. Out of these, I got conversations going with about 3 of them; only met one of them in real life, she said I look even better in person. She is lovely, but I met her during a trip and I'm in another town now, so we are probably never seeing each other again, but surely I had a great time. Apparently she did too.

Is it like that for everyone? You talk to a shtload of people only to meet one or two of them? Maybe I'm doing something wrong?

Never really tried it before, and after 2 months of break up with my ex, I thought it would be a good idea. But it gets tiring to start convos that lead you to nowhere...

Btw I'm 26 yo, I consider myself good looking, I'm in good shape, hot girls often glance over me at parties and during the day. I don't get it. hehe

July 29, 2016

I like to think more men participate in OLD, and thus the skewed results.

July 29, 2016

I think OLD has flaky people in general, that goes both for men and women. I think men probably experience the flakyness more, but as a woman, I've experienced a lot of flaky men on sites like Tinder to all the way to eHarmony. I think what we all have to keep in mind is not everyone on OLD is going to have the same intentions and expectations that we have.

July 29, 2016

To give you a comparison I started another Tinder account for the first time in months almost exactly 15 days ago. I selectively swipe, around 25 per cent.

In that 15 days I have had around 30 matches, I have messaged most of them first (about 3 or 4 I couldn't remember why I had right swiped so didn't message).

Less then 10 developed into a full conversation, of those I arranged dates with 4- one cancelled (the distance was too great so I didn't re-schedule)

So I had 3 dates in 5 days this week. 2 were a no (one was a DEFINITE no, man she is worthy of a thread in her own right). And one was....actually a yes! Or at least a maybe. We seemed to really connect to the point where when the 'momentum' between us reached its peak I invited her on a second date and she agreed and seemed up for it. Ever since we have been texting and I have been trying to get into a conversation with her to ask her out again but she is only sending short texts many hours, sometimes days, apart and not answering my questions to try and engage her. I don't know why this is, the most likely answer (as this behaviour is quite common round here) is that she is juggling her options and keeping me on ice in case her other plates stop spinning. As enigma said, when you are on Tinder always be aware that she is talking to like, a million other dudes at the same time.

So yeah, 30 people, 3 dates, £80 spent and I am still back at square one. That is Tinder for you! It's a numbers game and unfortunately for men it is the numbers that will obstruct your attempts to succeed. At least it is low effort, you don't have to write out a long bio to try and sell yourself. Also it is in a man's interests to get their number and set up a date as soon as possible. The first time I tried Tinder I was chatting to girls for weeks! Now, I try and get a number within 10 messages, usually 5. If they aren'the keen then I move on. You have to accept that you can't win them all and will have some conversations lapse for whatever reason.

I am going to close my account now as the match rate has slowed down as it inevitably will for most guys but will come back to it in a couple of months and try again.

July 29, 2016

Many of the decent looking women using OLD have a ton of guys chasing after them at any given time. I would not expect any deep conversation from a girl who is also texting 230498230489 other dudes at the same time she is responding to you.

Yep, usually any change in behaviour on Tinder can be attributed to her options. Most guys are not selectively swiping so every right swipe is a match for an average woman. Just let that sink in for a second.

You have to catch her just at the point that no other dude is chatting to her and effectively wife her up in that brief moment to get any traction on Tinder. It really is an absolute dogfight for men. It is very rare that I have met a girl who seems ideal and ever time it always ends with a great first date and then flaky behaviour when trying to set up the second as she weighs up her options.

July 29, 2016

An incredibly average girl showed me her tinder

As soon as she opened it 50+ messages flooded through

Competition is tough

July 29, 2016

OLD is not fair to average looking Joes.

Girls getting messaged 20-50 times a day. The really pretty ones probably 75+

You might be able to set up a date with her Friday night, but odds are she's seeing another guy Saturday and another one on Sunday. Maybe some better looking more "successful" guys. The competition is tough so unless the chemistry is INSANELY off the hook, you are probably a one and done.

OLD is tough. You would think it makes it easier, and sure, first dates are somewhat easy to land (if you considering landing one every 2 months or so) but the trick is capturing their interest enough that they don't want to hit back one of the 50 guys who messaged her while you were out on your date with her.

July 29, 2016

Is it like that for everyone? You talk to a shtload of people only to meet one or two of them? Maybe I'm doing something wrong?

Nope that is pretty much it for everyone...

Think of it as a weeding process. The ones you didn't meet were naturally weeded out for whatever reason... At least it saves you money on dates!!!

July 29, 2016

To give you a comparison I started another Tinder account for the first time in months almost exactly 15 days ago. I selectively swipe, around 25 per cent.

In that 15 days I have had around 30 matches, I have messaged most of them first (about 3 or 4 I couldn't remember why I had right swiped so didn't message).
Less then 10 developed into a full conversation, of those I arranged dates with 4- one cancelled (the distance was too great so I didn't re-schedule)

So I had 3 dates in 5 days this week. 2 were a no (one was a DEFINITE no, man she is worthy of a thread in her own right). And one was....actually a yes! Or at least a maybe. We seemed to really connect to the point where when the 'momentum' between us reached its peak I invited her on a second date and she agreed and seemed up for it. Ever since we have been texting and I have been trying to get into a conversation with her to ask her out again but she is only sending short texts many hours, sometimes days, apart and not answering my questions to try and engage her. I don't know why this is, the most likely answer (as this behaviour is quite common round here) is that she is juggling her options and keeping me on ice in case her other plates stop spinning. As enigma said, when you are on Tinder always be aware that she is talking to like, a million other dudes at the same time.

So yeah, 30 people, 3 dates, £80 spent and I am still back at square one. That is Tinder for you! It's a numbers game and unfortunately for men it is the numbers that will obstruct your attempts to succeed. At least it is low effort, you don't have to write out a long bio to try and sell yourself. Also it is in a man's interests to get their number and set up a date as soon as possible. The first time I tried Tinder I was chatting to girls for weeks! Now, I try and get a number within 10 messages, usually 5. If they aren'the keen then I move on. You have to accept that you can't win them all and will have some conversations lapse for whatever reason.

I am going to close my account now as the match rate has slowed down as it inevitably will for most guys but will come back to it in a couple of months and try again.

I think you're asking for her number too slow, even 10 messages! Seriously, ask her for it, within 4-5 messages. I get bored and annoyed with guys that try to make this messaging thing too long and drawn out. My motto is, connect, ask for my number, call me on the phone and ask me out for a drink or dinner and do it soon. The ones that did that were the ones I had much more interest in. The ones that did this long messaging and took too long were the ones that I lost interest in. And you also have to keep in mind where she's coming from. There are A LOT of douche bags on OLD. Trust me, I've talked to many of them! So if you are start coming off as a douche, taking too long is one of the douche behaviors, she's gonna move on. If she works or is in school and her time is limited, she's gonna value her free time and be selective on who she talks to.

July 29, 2016

When using Tinder, I think the following applies to most men (and me):

10 matches - 3 conversations - 1 date.

July 29, 2016

I think you're asking for her number too slow, even 10 messages! Seriously, ask her for it, within 4-5 messages. I get bored and annoyed with guys that try to make this messaging thing too long and drawn out. My motto is, connect, ask for my number, call me on the phone and ask me out for a drink or dinner and do it soon. The ones that did that were the ones I had much more interest in. The ones that did this long messaging and took too long were the ones that I lost interest in. And you also have to keep in mind where she's coming from. There are A LOT of douche bags on OLD. Trust me, I've talked to many of them! So if you are start coming off as a douche, taking too long is one of the douche behaviors, she's gonna move on. If she works or is in school and her time is limited, she's gonna value her free time and be selective on who she talks to.

10 is actually the extreme end of the scale and is usually when we haven't established enough rapport yet. 5-6 messages is usually what I aim for for the reasons you state - it is better to risk losing someone through acting too fast than it is to risk losing them through boredom or saying too much.

At the end of the day, as Teknoe says, it is going to usually be a one and done on Tinder so there really is absolutely NO merit to guys spending any longer than they have to on any part of the initial interactions, from first message to the length of the first date. In fact that is pretty much the only major gain that I get from Tinder these days: seeing just how much I can optimise my time spent. I even have a script that I try and keep to that usually generates enough chat for 5 messages and then ask for the number. The net gains for the average guy really aren't worth spending much time over.

EDIT: I should add that getting the number usually isn't the problem, if I exchange 5 messages then I will usually get the number at some point from then on.

The problem is transitioning from the first date to the second. It is frustrating how it can feel like you are really making a connection and yet find afterwards that the conversation drops off via messaging.

Is it the same as getting the number? You have to set up the second date pretty quickly after having the first? I would like to think it is more natural to let it happen organically but I seem to have a problem where the girl is invested enough to reply after the date (when she doesn't have to, she could just not bother) yet there is no natural opportunity to ask without coming straight out with it and then the contact trails off....

Edited July 29, 2016 by insert_name

July 29, 2016

An incredibly average girl showed me her tinder

As soon as she opened it 50+ messages flooded through

Competition is tough

All she has to do is be thin and have her share of emails.

July 29, 2016

All she has to do is be thin and have her share of emails.

She wasn't thin, pics were poor but was fairly good looking, a solid 4 in my book. She let me go through it as I was intrigued, plenty of good looking guys complimenting her, asking her on dates etc.

For the record, yes.

July 29, 2016

She wasn't thin, pics were poor but was fairly good looking, a solid 4 in my book. She let me go through it as I was intrigued, plenty of good looking guys complimenting her, asking her on dates etc.

For the record, yes.

There was a Reddit post by a girl who, going by her Tinder profile pics, was at best about a 6 (not 'generically' attractive by any stretch). The post was all about her getting her 10,000th match. Yep, TEN THOUSAND matches. And she was a very plain Jane in her pics, no makeup, flat chest, quite tom boy-ish. None of the classic OLD visual 'hooks' at all.

10,000 matches and from the screenshot all the matches visible were trying to talk to her.

The thirst is real for men on OLD.

July 29, 2016

There was a Reddit post by a girl who, going by her Tinder profile pics, was at best about a 6 (not 'generically' attractive by any stretch). The post was all about her getting her 10,000th match. Yep, TEN THOUSAND matches. And she was a very plain Jane in her pics, no makeup, flat chest, quite tom boy-ish. None of the classic OLD visual 'hooks' at all.

10,000 matches and from the screenshot all the matches visible were trying to talk to her.

The thirst is real for men on OLD.

Wow - but I believe it.

I remember a girl I used to work with who met her husband through OLD. She was a solid 5 - big butt and small tits and a cute face. No swimsuit model.

She would tell me that going through her responses on line was almost a part time job. She would set an hour a night to go through all of them.

It's no wonder how women have zero idea of what a guy goes through. I think a lot of them make the assumption that guys have the same amount of opportunities.

On the flip side, I'm sure there are a lot of creeps out there sending penis pics and what not.

Has anyone tried Bumble? Where the matches are initiated by the women only? A lot of guys say good things because when the women reach out they are showing interest.

It's funny if you read the reviews on the app from women. A lot of women think the app sucks because they never get any responses. One reviewer commented "Welcome to the world of being a guy - sucks, doesn't it?". Ha ha.

July 29, 2016

Wow - but I believe it.

I remember a girl I used to work with who met her husband through OLD. She was a solid 5 - big butt and small tits and a cute face. No swimsuit model.

She would tell me that going through her responses on line was almost a part time job. She would set an hour a night to go through all of them.

It's no wonder how women have zero idea of what a guy goes through. I think a lot of them make the assumption that guys have the same amount of opportunities.

On the flip side, I'm sure there are a lot of creeps out there sending penis pics and what not.

Has anyone tried Bumble? Where the matches are initiated by the women only? A lot of guys say good things because when the women reach out they are showing interest.

It's funny if you read the reviews on the app from women. A lot of women think the app sucks because they never get any responses. One reviewer commented "Welcome to the world of being a guy - sucks, doesn't it?". Ha ha.

The only difference between Bumble and Tinder is that there is significantly less spam accounts on Bumble. You hear women complaining about getting only a "hi" or "hey" opening message, but guess what, that's largely what I've gotten from women on Bumble.

July 29, 2016

Wow - but I believe it.

I remember a girl I used to work with who met her husband through OLD. She was a solid 5 - big butt and small tits and a cute face. No swimsuit model.

She would tell me that going through her responses on line was almost a part time job. She would set an hour a night to go through all of them.

It's no wonder how women have zero idea of what a guy goes through. I think a lot of them make the assumption that guys have the same amount of opportunities.

On the flip side, I'm sure there are a lot of creeps out there sending penis pics and what not.

Has anyone tried Bumble? Where the matches are initiated by the women only? A lot of guys say good things because when the women reach out they are showing interest.

It's funny if you read the reviews on the app from women. A lot of women think the app sucks because they never get any responses. One reviewer commented "Welcome to the world of being a guy - sucks, doesn't it?". Ha ha.

Bumble is probably worse (at least in my experience). It is super elite in terms of the quality of the women and I can quite well believe the general belief that a lot of their profiles are fake.

The real problem with Bumble is that the algorithm is not as nuanced at Tinder (which tries to match you to equivalent people in terms of popularity. On Bumble each user is shown the most popular profile from the top down. So if your profile isn't getting right swiped it will only be seen by women prepared to dig right down through the stack and we all know the type of girl who is going to do that don't we? Thats right! The girl who is only interested in seeing who is swiping right on her....

Usually I get no matches on Bumble. I changed my main pic to one of me looking proper douche-y, black and white shot with me looking moody that looks like it was done in a studio for a modelling shoot. I got 15 matches straight off the bat before I got buried by the algorithm - none of them messaged me, despite me extending one of them. They all expired. From what I have read that is the typical experience on Bumble.

I would love them to release some hard stats on what percentage of matches actually have any sort of conversation initiated- they obviously won't because it will show the world that their so called USP of the woman messaging first is actually not a USP at all and is a major hindrance to the app being a viable dating app that could match Tinder.

August 4, 2016

Forgot I had made this thread. I decided to quit it for now. I like when I meet people in other situations, when we can actually have a talk and a moment. Girls usually enjoy my company, they laugh and all, and through texting you never know what is going on.

Deleted everything, maybe someday I'll feel like trying it again.

August 4, 2016

I agree. I figure that the best way to meet someone who shares my interests is to spend my time doing what I enjoy and let things happen organically.

August 4, 2016

I stopped using OLD some time ago, I'd rather do it in the flash now. Then your not trying to talk to a lady that's got 30 other guys also trying to grab her attention. Last time I was on OLD I paid extra on a site to get their premium features such as putting my message (and others that paid) to the top of the inbox etc.. Long story short all I got back was a like from a heavily overweight lady that didn't have a job LOL. This to a person that normally gets female attention now and then in public, at the gym and at business events. It's rather insulting to be honest and the low life's that operate in OLD telling lies left, right and center are what burn ladies the most leaving the rest of us guilty until proven innocent.

Avoid OLD and do it the old fashioned way. Go do things that interest you and probably will attract members of the opposite sex too.

August 4, 2016

Dear lord all these bitter men nit picking a woman's looks and rating her on a scale of 1 to 10 like her looks are what defines her. No wonder you're single. I met my boyfriend off of Okcupid after a long stretch of time as having to deal with men like you. My bf said the majority of women on these sites are boring and my personality stood out. We have so much fun together. Glad i have him and not these shallow pigs in this thread. Ironic part is I used to do a ton of online dating and I used to weed out men like this all the time. Perhaps women can sense that you're not a high-quality man

Edited August 4, 2016 by jazzyhands89

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