Tonight's internet date

[mortensorchid]

Had an internet date tonight. Good guy, met him at a restaurant, we ate, didn't seem like a crazy person. If I haven't heard from him in 48 hours it's a no go. Not much to write home (or the forum about), good guy and all but I have a feeling he won't contact me again. Just another report.

[CryForNoOne]

Isn't it like only 8PM in the East Coast? Isn't that a really short date???

[salparadise]

If I haven't heard from him in 48 hours it's a no go.

 

 

He told you that? Is he going on a

?

[CryForNoOne]

He told you that? Is he going on a

?

 

Unless he got trapped under a large bookcase, I'd agree with her that 48-hours in a no go...

[salparadise]

You could follow up yourself, ya know.

 

I was going to wait 24 hours after first meeting my girlfriend. She beat me to it - texted "Let me know if you'd like to do it again." It was actually a huge relief, because I really liked her and was starting to get a bit anxious. I texted back, "how about Friday night." That was almost a year ago and we still have not had an argument (we're both quite agreeable).

[kolleamm]

That's funny because usually I wait for the woman to contact me after the date lol

[Ami1uwant]

Isn't it like only 8PM in the East Coast? Isn't that a really short date???

 

For a first meet its dinner only usually...say you meet by 5:30 out by 7:40 snd home by 8pm

[CryForNoOne]

For a first meet its dinner only usually...say you meet by 5:30 out by 7:40 snd home by 8pm

 

Ah. I never do dinner before 730PM. That's pretty typical in LA.

[SevenCity]

For a first meet its dinner only usually...say you meet by 5:30 out by 7:40 snd home by 8pm

 

Dinner seems like a bit much for an Internet date, no? I was thinking coffee or something small that makes it easy for both parties to either bolt or continue.

[mortensorchid]

We met at 6:30, done by 8. He said he has a teenage son at home and didn't want to stay out too late because he was having some friends over without him there. Understandable, I don't have kids myself but he does. And I was fine with the amount of time spent out.

 

I just have a feeling I won't hear from him again. I've been out on a lot of internet dates in the past, the man seems like a good guy (or at least neutral) and he never calls me again. I've also been on ones that is like talking to a brick wall where you just get yes/no answers out of them, and the rare one where I have generated an almost instant dislike of one another and the guy is so rude that he actually walks away from me - not even a handshake - and says "Bye." I hope no one ever has such an experience, but they exist.

 

This is another one of those generic encounters. Good man and all, but ... Probably not someone I will be with.

[leogirl876]

Dinner seems like a bit much for an Internet date, no? I was thinking coffee or something small that makes it easy for both parties to either bolt or continue.

 

Please don't do coffee, lunch or anything like that. If you want to keep it shorter, then meet up for a drink in the evening. Coffee is too casual and it automatically starts things off going in the friend zone direction, whereas, a drink is more intimate and something you do with a romantic partner.

[Dis]

Please don't do coffee, lunch or anything like that. If you want to keep it shorter, then meet up for a drink in the evening. Coffee is too casual and it automatically starts things off going in the friend zone direction, whereas, a drink is more intimate and something you do with a romantic partner.

 

I could be wrong, but as a man, when I make a date with a woman I am interested in, I clear my schedule for the rest of the evening, just in case things go well. Sounds like he gave you an excuse to cut things short, something else I have done when I was not interested, but didn't want to just tell the lady I wasn't keen on her.

 

Ya it sounds like he used his teenage son as an excuse to leave early...sounds like he wasnt feeling it

 

I agree with leogirl too. I think drinks is a perfect first date...esp for online dating. Coffee is too "innocent" and friend-like and dinner is too much pressure in case it doesnt go well

 

But dont worry hun! Theres many other fish in the sea! Good for you putting yourself out there!

 

And geez I've never had a date where the guy just walks away from me and says "bye" I'm sorry you had that happen to you...that sounds awful!

 

Keep at it girly! And be hopeful! You deserve to find someone great!

[mortensorchid]

It's now been 4 days since the encounter and I haven't heard from him. Back to the drawing board.

[Sunkissedpatio]

I agree if by 48 hrs no word from him buhhh-bye!

 

 

Please don't do coffee, lunch or anything like that. If you want to keep it shorter, then meet up for a drink in the evening. Coffee is too casual and it automatically starts things off going in the friend zone direction, whereas, a drink is more intimate and something you do with a romantic partner.

 

Exactly! Coffee meets are for serial daters who are meeting 100 women a week and finding something wrong with all of them because the unicorn they are looking for doesn't exist.

 

A guy who takes you out for a drink is putting time into getting to know you. Plus a coffee date is the most unromantic setting ever, total friend-zone.

[JuanDelToro]

What if it's 48 hours and 1 minute? He missed the boat?

[CryForNoOne]

What if it's 48 hours and 1 minute? He missed the boat?

 

No we're saying SHE missed the boat. She said he was a good guy but had a feeling she wasn't going to hear back from him and her intuition was correct. With rare exception, a guy will contact a woman he likes within 24 hours. So 48 hours is well past that. If he contacts her after 48 hours, it's very likely she is his plan B or C or D... Thus, probably not worth maintaining contact unless she is fine with being a consolation hookup, which most women are not.

[joseb]

If I paid for the date I wait to hear from her.

If she doesn't text a thanks, that will most likely be that.

[CryForNoOne]

If I paid for the date I wait to hear from her.

If she doesn't text a thanks, that will most likely be that.

 

LOL! When I read all these crazy mind games over texting from both genders, I wonder how many missed connections result from all this nonsense. What happens if Mr. "I don't text if I pay" goes out on a date with Ms. "If he doesn't text me the next day he's not interested"... They may both really like each other but never talk again. Or worse, she comes on here and posts "He was a real gentleman. I really liked him. He even paid for dinner but ghosted me. Should I text him or would that be clingy and desperate?" Meanwhile he posts "I liked her but can't believe she didn't even have the decency to text me after I paid for dinner. Just another spoiled OLD b!tch with too many options and looking for that unicorn that doesn't exist..." Then a week later, one or the other gets really lonely and breaks down sending a text. The other comes back on the forum and starts a thread about how they were ghosted but now their date reappeared. Seeking advice, all the other jaded LSers reply "H3ll no! Block them. They want to keep you around as a consolation prize. Don't dignify them with a response!" This cycle repeats and repeats until they finally he or she starts a thread "I'm retiring from dating..."

 

I have 3 very simple rules for texting in the early dating stages:

 

- Text when you want to text. No silly rules. Just always keep it brief.

- ALWAYS text within 24 hours of first meeting to secure a date. Again keep it brief.

- After first date, send a text thanking them for a good time. Even if you never intend to see that person again. It's the polite thing to do.

 

I've never ghosted someone and I've never been ghosted. Now I've had several instances that I texted her with no intention of ever seeing them again, but they always reply. I won't hint at future plans and they always get the message. No game playing. Intentions are always VERY clear without making anyone feel bad or leaving them wondering. It's really not very hard...

 

PS I've also had several instances where I've suggested future plans but their lukewarm response was a clear indicator they weren't that interested. Again, no ambiguity...

Edited August 1, 2016 by CryForNoOne

[Sunkissedpatio]

If I paid for the date I wait to hear from her.

If she doesn't text a thanks, that will most likely be that.

 

What if she already thanked you at the end of the night? how many times do you expect a woman to thank you for buying her dinner? wow LOL

 

I mean we appreciate it but c'mon!

[salparadise]

If I paid for the date I wait to hear from her.

If she doesn't text a thanks, that will most likely be that.

 

 

I agree, joseb. If you paid for dinner she owes you a thank you regardless. Any woman who sits silent in such a situation is sort of ghosting herself.

 

The best thing is to simply keep the conversation going if you're interested, and don't worry about gender crap. So antiquated.

[joseb]

LOL! When I read all these crazy mind games over texting from both genders, I wonder how many missed connections result from all this nonsense.

 

 

For me it's got nothing at all to do with mind games.

 

If someone lacks the basic courtesy to say thanks for a date if I've paid for it, then I won't want to see them again

Simple as that.

 

Now maybe I would send a text if I was really keen and the date went well and I has few options. I dunno.

 

But my main point was to illustrate to the OP exactly what you were suggesting...she may be missing out on a date out of missed communication. Unless she split or paid for the date, i stand by my assertion. That it's she who should thank him and make contact.

[joseb]

What if she already thanked you at the end of the night? how many times do you expect a woman to thank you for buying her dinner? wow LOL

 

I mean we appreciate it but c'mon!

 

I don't want to make if sound like I have a bunch of rules really. I do play it by ear.

But unless it was a kind of "thanks, can't wait to do it again" rather than a lukewarm kinda thanks, I wouldn't really count it. I'm looking for someone who.is interested. Im not going to chase low interest girls.

[phineas]

That's funny because usually I wait for the woman to contact me after the date lol

 

This.

I learned years ago If I don't receive a "thank you" text for taking them out before i'm home then she isn't interested and I don't contact her again.

[SevenCity]

What if she already thanked you at the end of the night? how many times do you expect a woman to thank you for buying her dinner? wow LOL

 

I mean we appreciate it but c'mon!

 

It's good manners. Remember when we were kids (not sure if you're as old as me) when we would say thank you to people when they gave us gifts and we still had to write a thank you note?

 

Yea, that.

 

I would expect no less than a simple text and lack of one would turn her into a FB or for me never to call again.

 

I'll take it one step further and say I expect any girl I tske out to at least reach for her wallet in an attempt to contribute to the bill. Any girl who I dated who did that turned out to be a caring, selfless person. Any one who didn't turned out to be extremely selfish.

[phineas]

I don't want to make if sound like I have a bunch of rules really. I do play it by ear.

But unless it was a kind of "thanks, can't wait to do it again" rather than a lukewarm kinda thanks, I wouldn't really count it. I'm looking for someone who.is interested. Im not going to chase low interest girls.

 

Yep.

Just about every other guy I've talked to (including myself) says basically the same thing.

 

And if she is interested then still didn't thank me she wasn't raised with any manners.