PC96 Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 Hey guys! So I relapsed yesterday. By that I mean I wrote up this sad pathetic message and was about to send it to her. But I guess the good news is that I didn't! I've been off loveshack for half a year and I'm still pining about the same girl that I only dated for 2 months. The crazy thing is that it's already been a year since the breakup and I still feel sad about it. I kind of went crazy the first few months and then she told me to leave her alone. Then we briefly exchanged messages 6 months later of NC and we forgave each other and were okay with things. Fast forward 3 months later to yesterday, I got upset over an article I was reading and then ended up down this spiral of thought. But I made a commitment to myself that I wouldn't send her anything without waiting 2 days. It's stopped me from messaging her a handful of times. Most of the time I'm pretty happy and okay with things when I'm just going about life but definitely still think about her everyday. I haven't really dated anyone after but that conscious decision because I didn't think it was fair to date anyone if I still thought about my ex. You guys think that I should just go out there for the hell of it and get back into the dating game? Don't worry, I'm not the kind of guy to screw a girl over.
Redhead14 Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 Hey guys! So I relapsed yesterday. By that I mean I wrote up this sad pathetic message and was about to send it to her. But I guess the good news is that I didn't! I've been off loveshack for half a year and I'm still pining about the same girl that I only dated for 2 months. The crazy thing is that it's already been a year since the breakup and I still feel sad about it. I kind of went crazy the first few months and then she told me to leave her alone. Then we briefly exchanged messages 6 months later of NC and we forgave each other and were okay with things. Fast forward 3 months later to yesterday, I got upset over an article I was reading and then ended up down this spiral of thought. But I made a commitment to myself that I wouldn't send her anything without waiting 2 days. It's stopped me from messaging her a handful of times. Most of the time I'm pretty happy and okay with things when I'm just going about life but definitely still think about her everyday. I haven't really dated anyone after but that conscious decision because I didn't think it was fair to date anyone if I still thought about my ex. You guys think that I should just go out there for the hell of it and get back into the dating game? Don't worry, I'm not the kind of guy to screw a girl over. I don't think you should start dating until you are having no impulses to reach out to her and not thinking about her at all for a good period of time. Don't worry, I'm not the kind of guy to screw a girl over. -- Doubt that you would do that intentionally, but unless you get all this packed up and put away, you may find yourself pushing away a new dating partner without even really knowing why. 1
Author PC96 Posted July 28, 2016 Author Posted July 28, 2016 That's very true. I've been staying away from dating for a year because I know that I know that there may be consequences since I still think about her and get urges to reach out. But I'm beginning to doubt that time is washing away the thoughts. 2
Satu Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 snip You guys think that I should just go out there for the hell of it and get back into the dating game? Don't worry, I'm not the kind of guy to screw a girl over. No. You're not ready to date yet. Redhead14 explained that very well. What do you think about when you think about your ex?
Redhead14 Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 That's very true. I've been staying away from dating for a year because I know that I know that there may be consequences since I still think about her and get urges to reach out. But I'm beginning to doubt that time is washing away the thoughts. Is this the girl you were seeing for 2 months? If you are still struggling with this one for a year, you might want to seek counseling. This is a bit extreme PC. Short of counseling, I would surround myself with tons of friends and family and activity. Find a hobby, try new things, anything, a bowling league. 1
Author PC96 Posted July 28, 2016 Author Posted July 28, 2016 snip What do you think about when you think about your ex? I don't really know at this point. It changes from time to time. Somedays I miss her, somedays I feel guilty, somedays I feel embarrassed, other days are fine. 1
Author PC96 Posted July 28, 2016 Author Posted July 28, 2016 Yeah, this is the girl that I only dated for 2 months. I feel so embarrassed that I still feel this way. It is very extreme and I've been trying to figure out what is wrong. I'll look into counseling I guess. 1
Author PC96 Posted July 28, 2016 Author Posted July 28, 2016 The crazy part is that I dated a girl for 2 years before this girl and it wasn't this bad. 1
Redhead14 Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 Yeah, this is the girl that I only dated for 2 months. I feel so embarrassed that I still feel this way. It is very extreme and I've been trying to figure out what is wrong. I'll look into counseling I guess. How soon after the end of the 2 year relationship did you connect with this girl? 1
Author PC96 Posted July 28, 2016 Author Posted July 28, 2016 I started dating this girl 5 years after my previous relationship and had long since moved on from it so I'm not sure if there can be any connection there lol
Author PC96 Posted July 28, 2016 Author Posted July 28, 2016 So no lol not a rebound relationship or anything. I felt completely emotionally stable after.
Giggles666 Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 You feel guilty, embarrassed, humiliated.... My thinking is it might be your ego and not her. I been there, it's tough. Alsom we all mess up to the point of being embarrassed or feeling guilty, or humiliated. Don't beat yourself up over it. Try and learn from it. Is it your ego more than the actual girl?
WonderKid Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 It's good you didn't send it. I wouldn't necessarily call it a relapse. More like therapy somehow. I agree with others saying you are not ready to date. You gotta keep it real with yourself. Even though I'm about 90% over my breakup, I know for a fact that I'm nowhere near ready to form something serious again. It'll take some time. That's all you need is time and you can be good.
SevenCity Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 I differ with seemingly everyone on this board. You absolutly should date other girls. You are not going to get over this girl with nothing. Other women have done more for me after a breakup than 100 therapists. You will get your confidence back and have something else to work on rather than pining over this chick.
Blanco Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 You feel guilty, embarrassed, humiliated.... My thinking is it might be your ego and not her. I been there, it's tough. Alsom we all mess up to the point of being embarrassed or feeling guilty, or humiliated. Don't beat yourself up over it. Try and learn from it. Is it your ego more than the actual girl? It absolutely is. I vaguely remembered OP's story, so I went back and saw that I posted in his original threads. tl;dr of it all was the relationship ended and the OP sent several "final" goodbye type messages, most of which the girl basically brushed off. Her nonchalance with the whole thing is, I believe, what's kept the OP fixated a year later. Lots of references from people in those original threads about bruised ego.
Blanco Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 I differ with seemingly everyone on this board. You absolutly should date other girls. You are not going to get over this girl with nothing. Other women have done more for me after a breakup than 100 therapists. You will get your confidence back and have something else to work on rather than pining over this chick. I'm actually inclined to agree. I don't usually endorse the idea of dating as a means to move on, but given the circumstances of the OP's situation, I think this can be an exception. This isn't a case of someone struggling with a breakup because they rebounded and now have to deal with two failed relationships. It's more a case of scarcity mentality amplified by the sense that he was so easily discarded. In short, meeting and dating new women might douse that scarcity mentality and show the OP what he probably already knows: This girl wasn't The One nor is her disinterest an indictment on his desirability to other women.
frigginlost Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 I'm actually inclined to agree. I don't usually endorse the idea of dating as a means to move on, but given the circumstances of the OP's situation, I think this can be an exception. This isn't a case of someone struggling with a breakup because they rebounded and now have to deal with two failed relationships. It's more a case of scarcity mentality amplified by the sense that he was so easily discarded. In short, meeting and dating new women might douse that scarcity mentality and show the OP what he probably already knows: This girl wasn't The One nor is her disinterest an indictment on his desirability to other women. Count me in as well. I am one of the ones that scream don't date to get over someone else, but in this instance I completely agree that it is warranted.
Giggles666 Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 I would agree it's fine to date as long as you understand there is another person involved and you can be fair to them. I recently had a woman ask me out, I had to tell her I had feelings for someone else and she flipped out on me. In the end, though I think I saved her trouble. It always sucks to reject someone, but better up front than hurting someone later down the line. 1
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