Zahara Posted July 30, 2016 Posted July 30, 2016 I feel awful right now that he gets to skip off loving life while I have to get through the pain of this. It's not right. Anything you have to say to comfort me I would greatly appreciate. I am hurting and in tears. And you can love your life too but it's going to take some time to get there. Yes, he gets to move on because he was never truly was invested in you but you knew that through most of your 6 years with him. But you'll have the chance to one day live a fulfilling life after you've grieved and healed from this. It's not the end. It's a new beginning for you. Granted you can't see through the emotional fog but you will rise above this. And as painful as this is, a very valuable lesson to be learned. It's going to help you create better boundaries and rebuild your self-esteem. Cry and cry some more and let it all out. Be kind to yourself -- take a long hot bath, get into some comfy clothes, eat a proper meal, hydrate as much as you can and treat yourself with care. 1
Redhead14 Posted July 30, 2016 Posted July 30, 2016 I feel awful right now that he gets to skip off loving life while I have to get through the pain of this. It's not right. Anything you have to say to comfort me I would greatly appreciate. I am hurting and in tears. We are trying to comfort you by attempting to get you to realize that you haven't lost anything. This could not have been a fulfilling relationship for you. There's probably been a ton of anxiety and even loneliness at times even though you "had" him. Now you can let go of all that and breathe again. Do the grieving you need to do, do it in little bits, so as not to overwhelm yourself. Set aside, say 1/2 an hour a day, to sit with your feelings and thoughts and then force yourself to do something else -- anything else. Clean closets, call a friend you haven't spoken to in a while, get your hair done, make car repair appointments, buy yourself something you've needed or wanted. If you do this for a while, you'll find that you don't take as long to sit with the feelings. It's like a tea kettle letting off steam so it doesn't boil over.
Author Darien 76 Posted July 30, 2016 Author Posted July 30, 2016 Redhead and Zahara, Thank you. You're right. There was much more unhappiness than happiness with him. I didn't feel at ease with him. I thought things were taking a positive turn when he took me to his family and to look at rings and apartments. Then a couple months later things turned to ***** because I didn't feel like things were healthy enough for me to make a move with him. So I didn't. It hurts to be lied to and I truly have no idea what sick people get out of lying to other people and cheating etc. How is that fulfilling to hurt people? Be single if you want to date around! 1
Zahara Posted July 30, 2016 Posted July 30, 2016 How do I ease the hurt? It's very raw and fresh. It's going to follow you everywhere for the next few weeks and maybe months. The only way past it is through it. Lean on your friends. Reach out to your family as much as you can. Find comfort in their words and affection. I started meditating when I was struggling with pain. Look into making this a part of your daily routine. It calms, heals and nurtures. Get into exercising -- endorphins are a great mood enhancer. It's also going to help you feel good about yourself and feel accomplished. See a therapist if you can to help you journey through this. Whenever you're feeling bad, go for a walk, take a drive, etc., to distract you from those thoughts and to get you out of your home so you're not in a corner dwelling within walls. Try volunteering for a cause you are passionate about -- give of yourself to those that are worthy. You need to start focusing inward. You have a void and you tried to get this man to fill it and now he's gone and it's up to you to rebuild from within. The pain is inevitable. It'll come, like waves and it'll go, giving you some reprieve. But when it comes, reach out to those that love you and care for you. Post here. Get up, move. Distract yourself, get busy. Journal your reality and who he truly was. Go for a run. Pick up the phone and call someone. Just don't sit and dwell. If you do that, it's akin to you digging yourself into a hole. 1
Author Darien 76 Posted July 30, 2016 Author Posted July 30, 2016 I appreciate all of your caring advice. It's hard when the mind starts running to keep moving forward. I'm glad I decided to post here. 2
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