WonderKid Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 It didn't take long as I thought. But I did. I look at myself and the diaries I've written and shared and I did NOT like the man it represented. The Wonder I know would NEVER get like that. And I vow not to get like that again. I was a strong alpha-driven male about 4 yrs ago. Then I fell in love. Love happened. I don't even know how it happened, it just did. But I won't be that vulnerable again. I can't. The warmest areas of my heart are officially reserved for a woman very worthy. Other than that no. Only trace I have of my ex is through her sister. I still have her on FB. I actually love her kids. I fell hard for them because they fell hard for me. I never been as close to any kids as them. But to her, I'll go NC forever if it came to that. And even if she comes back to me asking to be friends I'll oblige. But I won't be the friend she's fantasizing of. How I know that I got past this break up is last week I ended up screwing another woman. Just like that! Naturally just went for it. While my heart was telling me not to let go, my brain said otherwise. Once that happened it's like I detached from her ultimately. In those weeks I could not pinpoint why or how this breakup happened. It was like I was trying to solve a matrix. But the conclusions I came to is that she got bored and wants bang other guys. Even though she claims celibacy I strongly doubt that will stand--I mean it didn't stay long with me. Sooner or later she'll get in with a new guy. Unless he's a complete pushover, she won't find a guy that's willing to stop sex altogether and deal with the negative sides of her personality. So all I can say is good riddance and I'm glad I've grown and experienced this so I know what to be weary about and to expect. This was just an individual update. No more about this scenario again. Thanks to those who actually helped me out and to one good person I've been Pming, and who I should've listened to about this whole thing from the get go.
juniorrocha Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 4 years relationship and it took you 3 weeks to get over? You either were checking out of the relationship a long time ago or you're just experiencing something new, which leads your brain to think you're over your ex. I would say the second is the case here. About just as long as you, I met this fantastic girl who I really liked. When I'm with her, my ex doesn't even cross my mind. However, the days or times we're not talking, my ex pops up in my head again. And it makes me miss her. I'd say you're only completely over someone when you can picture them with someone else and not feel a single thing. When you look at their pictures and your heart doesn't jump. When you see them around and you're completely okay with it. Else you haven't moved on. I'm only saying all of this stuff because you shouldn't fool yourself. If you are indeed over your ex, that's very good! But be careful, it's tricky. Give it a few more days/weeks and see how you feel then. You wouldn't want to find out months from now that you didn't grieve enough and still miss your ex very much.
Toodaloo Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 Its great that you are feeling so strong and positive but... Do not be surprised if something catches you unawares and you have a relapse... Just saying... Its perfectly normal to be a bit up and down... 2
Blanco Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 Congrats on your sexual conquest. Do not be surprised or feel upset when you inevitably come down from this high. Healing isn't linear. 1
Bialy Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 You're probably NOT done processing the breakup and relationship. Having sex with someone else has maybe helped you realize you CAN go on after her. BUT there might be times that you still think and reflect on things in your past relationship, whether good or bad. It's natural, especially if you're staying connected on FB. 1
Author WonderKid Posted July 29, 2016 Author Posted July 29, 2016 The sex did help but it wasn't a definite factor. What got me to this point is I kept thinking about all the bad in the relationship. Like, yeah I miss her and stuff, but also I look at the guy I was back then and I don't want to be that guy again. I have no business being that. And I strongly doubt if I can ever trust my heart to her again. I think she could catch me unaware on one of the days I am really lonely. But I'm gonna battle that. Three weeks is quick but I feel very confident about this. I feel like I won't have a "down" for a long time. If she's with another guy, I could only say I seen it coming I'm not surprised. I know it's okay to have ups and downs. I'm not afraid of that. But even when I keep having memories of our relationship, as soon as I began to feel nostalgic, I think about the bad times and how unloved I felt at times. That helped me move on.
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