moon Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 I'm gonna have to admit that talking to my ex helped me. I didn't talk to him for eight months. He sort of dumped for a new girl, but he won't admit to that. He says my jealousy and hot tempered rage drove him away.........I really love imagining him being so scared of me that he had to hop into the arms of another woman---but that's beside the point. Anyway my ex is a swinging single again........no hot dates lined up, just some carnage leftover from a few rebounds after me. But talking to my ex again (after he started chasing me again last month) actually made me feel better. I realized that my ex isn't such a hot ticket after all. He got dumped shortly after he dumped me. He hasn't seemed to have done much right since we broke up. Me, I got into therapy and feel a bit changed now. I felt so much stronger talking to him and damn it I actually forgave the guy (but I doubt I'll forget). So anyway, we stopped talking again after we spent a weekend together (it'd be too weird to keep up a relationship with him at this point). But I can actually say that I feel tons better. So if you are up to it. If you feel healed enough and it's been long enough. A conversation with your ex, hearing them apologize, give you their version of things or whatever........isn't so bad to hear sometimes. It lifted a lot of weight off of me, especially when he was begging me to come back and I was able to say.....Look buddy you broke my trust....tisk, tisk. So anyway, if you aren't hoping to hop back into a relationship with them, I don't think it's sooo bad to have a little talk. But OP I think it's too soon for you. One month of NC is probably not enough and she's seeing somebody else. That's gonna hurt you to talk to her I think. Wait till she's single and desperate and you're able to say naaahh, not this time girl. I'm moving on.
Author NightsEcho Posted July 7, 2005 Author Posted July 7, 2005 Hey Moon, Thank you for the reply. I guess I should let you know, about a month ago, she called and came over to visit me. She said she could only stay for 1/2 hour and then had to go. It felt like she was squeezing me in. Well, we chatted I looked at some pics she had (which is how i confirmed the new b/f) and after being calm. i couldn't take it anymore. I told her I had been patient and wanted to know what happened so I could change for my next relationship. She said I did nothing wrong. Then I asked if she ever thinks about us. She said once in awhile, but not really. At the end she was leaving and she hugged me. I lost my brain and by accident (her hugging me) I just said "bye, love ya babe" She said nothing, got in her car and drove away. I was crushed. I e-mailed her the next day, and said this was to hard, and that I would respect her new relationship. I didn't wanna be the clingy ex-b/f and to say a prayer for me. I said good-bye, and I would never apolagize for saying how i feel. So that was at 3 months...now its a week over four. 1 month NC. So she sends this message saying "just wanted to touch base, see how you are, see how your trip was and cali......oh by the way i may move 900 km away for 2 years on July 18....bye) okay whatever. So I call her back and leave a nice message...just returning your call....hope your well...bye. Nothing in response. So after a few days I'm pissed i text her a message..."were you gonnacall me back?" nothing. So I lost it. I sent her an e-mail saying I can't do this. Just leave me alone. you know i care about you. And now you cant even find time to call me (when we were together she called 5+ times some days) BAsically..Piss off e-mail.....No response. I should feel bad, but i don't. She cheated on me, ran to a new guy, strung me along, the treated me like dirt. I know some guys think there perfect, but she was my princess. I raised her puppy (cause her parents would not let her keep it) and she took it back and gave it away. I took her out to nice resteraunts, (even though I am a university student) nice hotels. Never said a mean thing to her during or after the breakup) She is beautiful and will probably never come back.....
Author NightsEcho Posted July 8, 2005 Author Posted July 8, 2005 Well, here I am again..... After 6 days NC...she called me back. Whoopdee doo. I love this girl, but I am done. She said something about her being sick lately, (she must have had time to call then) and that she was going to Vancover for school. (Not with the new b/f, but who knows?) And finally, told me to call her back.....l Oh man, I am so getting over this....instead of my heart jumping, I was pissed off, more like what kind of nerve do you have. I sent her kind of a closure e-mail for myself...maybe she got it maybe not. Who the hell contacts there ex 4+ months of being broken up to chat randomly like this? SHe has never once said anything about getting back together...and basically told me to move on. Well I would ex-girlfriend IF YOU WOULD LEAVE ME ALONE! I don't wanna be her friend....not now anyway.....maybe in like 3 years when I don't care. Grrrrrrr
greenhorn Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 I think when she moves to the new place then she will not contact you and then you can forget her easily. The other way to be indifferent to her would be to get a new gf
Author NightsEcho Posted July 8, 2005 Author Posted July 8, 2005 Ya green, Believe me I have been dating and things, but it is to early for me to have a g/f. I'm actually starting to enjoy being single. after 3 1/2 years it feels like rediscoveringing yourself. Oh heres the catch I forgot to mention. Now she is not moving to September....not July, and that is still only if she gets in. Green, why do you think this girl continues to talk to me after I have been so clear?
greenhorn Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by NightsEcho Green, why do you think this girl continues to talk to me after I have been so clear? I know your story and I know that you were treated in an unfair manner and I bet she also knows it, so it pricks her conscience to have treated you that way and out of this conscience she contacts you or wants to be a friend. It is like "Ok dude, You can't be the man in my life but as a consolation you can be my friend " so that it appeals to her conscience as well. Now girls thinks that all men are spineless and will agree to all that they say. It is too early for you to think of GF but ofcouse you can spend time dating and mingling with others, idle mind is devil's workshop and that way you will keep thinking about her.
miss-gonewest Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Women have egos too you know... we like to call to keep ourselves in the picture and to find out what's going on. Don't forget how inquisitive we are - although she left you, it would still kill her to wonder about what you are doing, who you are seeing etc so by keeping that little bit of contact going, she is keeping herself in the know. She will also like the boost it gives to her ego to know that you will still respond to her, even though she treated you so bad. I think the most powerful thing you can do is totally ignore her. It would drive me around the twist if it happened to me!
greenhorn Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by miss-gonewest Women have egos too you know... we like to call to keep ourselves in the picture and to find out what's going on. Miss GW, don't you think this is 'sadist', first to dump and then to see how the guy is doing !! I think the most powerful thing you can do is totally ignore her. It would drive me around the twist if it happened to me! I fully agree to this and this is what you should do NE.
Author NightsEcho Posted July 8, 2005 Author Posted July 8, 2005 As always thanks everyone. Well I did for the first time, what I never imagined...I didn't call her back. Didn't feel like it at all, and still don't. It feels weird, like I know I will always love her, but know to much damage has been done. As a wise men once said on here, (universe) I have cracked, she has woken up everyday and rejected me. So I won't call her, but I may need your guys support now more then ever
Author NightsEcho Posted July 11, 2005 Author Posted July 11, 2005 Hey all, Been a few days since I last posted. I just wanted to let you know I am still holding up the NC after she called me. I know it's mean to just ignore someone, but for once I feel strong. I have been holding strong. This weekend I went to the world famous Calgary Stampede, met a cute girl, and now might be going out for a drink. Oh and the girl from my past has been in touch more in the last 2 weeks then in the last 3 years. My question to all you at LS, is that when you get to the point of moving on, and you don't really want them back, is it still normal to think about them a few times a day, and have like for example the odd dream here and there? I just wanna know because I feel like I am moving on and yet I still feel like she is connected to me some how. My ex that is (duh)
miss-gonewest Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 Originally posted by greenhorn Miss GW, don't you think this is 'sadist', first to dump and then to see how the guy is doing !! I never said I condoned it.... I was just saying it happens...! And I agree that it is sadistic and it'd shht me if someone were doing it to me! And its certainly not limited to being a girl thing - go check out the posts from GottaBeStrong (and several other posters!). Now NE, I am so totally proud of you! You have done so well! And big congrats on meeting your gal, make sure you let us know how that drink goes. And yes, its totally normal to still think of them even though you feel you have moved on. They were part of your life and part of you for a time - that doesn't go away over night. I still find myself getting upset when I hear certain songs, or remember certain things, but I no longer have the leaden, sick, sad feeling inside and now I feel so good and strong! The thoughts of him get less and less and now I get to feel really proud (like this morning) when I woke up and realised that for nearly the last week, he wasn't my first thought in the morning. That feeling can't be beaten, I tells ya!
greenhorn Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 NE & Miss GW, Glad that you both are doing good, I got your point MGW, and yeah there are people in this world who get much pleasure in playing sadistic. NE, good that you are spending some time with someone else, they say that it is the time which heals but I also believe that it the new love which heals. But most of us does not have that much or risk appetite to give one more try. All the best for your new journey, BTW , the internet connection at my home is down since weekend so I am not able to post, now I am posting from my work.
Author NightsEcho Posted July 12, 2005 Author Posted July 12, 2005 Hey Green and MGW, Thank you for all you replys. Ya know what? Life is a weird beast. So I get home from work last night. And my phone rings at like 12:30, I pick up. (LIttle back story, after my breakup, my ex's bestfriend took my "side" and we became good friends) Well her ex phones me up. He's all threatening to kill me and put me in the hospital. He said he has heard all these things that me and my ex's friend has been sleeping together. He was so pissed off. So instead of yelling back I talked to him calmly, and told him none of this was true. That if he doubts me I will meet him anytime, and if he wants I'll look him straight in the eye when I say that. He calmed down, but seemed to be a little edgy. He said he also heard all this stuff that I cheated on my ex! (which is complete bulls&^%) and that I post breakup I was sleeping with anything that moved. (also not true) So now I don't know what my ex has heard about me, frankly I don't care. She can speculate all she wants. Maybe it is her making this up to justify it all. Now this ex of her friend has been an ex for a year! Makes me quite proud in how I handled the breakup. Some people out there really seem to lose there minds NE
Author NightsEcho Posted July 13, 2005 Author Posted July 13, 2005 Well I talked to my friend who has the crazy ex, everything seems to be quiet, this guy just blows a lot of smoke I think. (I hope) Anyway, a full week of NC with my ex, haven't called her back. Feeling strangely calm lately. Like not much can phase me. NE
greenhorn Posted July 13, 2005 Posted July 13, 2005 Hi NE, Your friends ex is definitely an a**h*** and you should ignore all of what he said. Some of the things he might have cocked up by himself or might be your ex was spreading the lies to justify her act.Whatever it is, you already are doing what is best i.e. NC. Cut the grapevine as well, though this will take a couple of months but the day when you stop getting any dib-dab about your ex will be the best. The more I hear and more I see, I find that it happens with everyone - the 'heartbreak' only thing is that some ppl like us are little bit unfortunated to be cheated and dumped. You are doing good NE, I saw your replies to Sanne post, keep it up cheers
Author NightsEcho Posted July 20, 2005 Author Posted July 20, 2005 Well all, this will likely be my final post. After lot's of hoping, praying and learning. She is not coming back to me. I waited two weeks before I broke NC to find out what was going on. We talked nicely enough. She said she was moving Aug. 15 to live by herself and go to a year round school. She said she won't even be back for christmas or easter or summer. She will now be gone. I had hoped that by giving her lot's of space. By being a big man and not pushing her that maybe she would come back, maybe I could get my second chance. I didn't......it's been almost 5 months and my chances have slimmed considerably, not grown at all. To all that are on here I wish you the best in your luck with your ex. Even if they cheat, lie, or act like idoits, we still love them. I told her we could be friends....I doubt it......last act of a desperate man. The last thing I said to her was don't forget about me, I mean that to my core. Hope she enjoys her absence and remembers that at one time, in this place, she had someone that loved and supported her no matter what. To hell with her
greenhorn Posted July 20, 2005 Posted July 20, 2005 I am sorry NE, that was a touchy post. You look forward going further. I can't believe sometimes girls can be so sadist. Good Luck
miss-gonewest Posted July 31, 2005 Posted July 31, 2005 Sheesh, I disappear for a few days and look what happens! NE you were doing so well, I thought you'd decided to move forward and try and put your ex behind you? What happened to that? I am sorry that she is leaving and that you are sad about her departure; and I more sad that you think that you shouldn't stick around here anymore I know we couldn't help you with your issue, and that the outcome wasn't what you wanted, but we'll miss ya! Remember its never over until the fat lady sings.... just because your ex is moving, it doesn't mean that she will never, ever come back to you. Goodness, stranger things have happened dude!!! What happened to the new gal you met - did you ever hook up for that drink? No matter how you feel about your ex, you should never stop moving forward; take every chance to get out and meet new people. Laugh, live and enjoy life! If you do decide to visit back here, make sure you say hi OK?
cosis Posted July 31, 2005 Posted July 31, 2005 My ex-girl owes me $500 but I will wait a few months before you see me on Judge Judy
Author NightsEcho Posted August 8, 2005 Author Posted August 8, 2005 Green & MW, I hope you guys re still kicking around here. It's been awhile since I posted and my life has become amazing agin. I went to San Diego on a trip to rediscover myself. It was awesome, great stories and lot's of good times. The best part, I met a girl that made me move completely over my ex. We met in Mexico and had the most intense summer fling ever. We hd so much in common, and were pretty much inseperable. She made me laugh and smile again. Now we talk everyday even though I am back in Canada, phone bill should suck. I owe you both so much for your words of encouragement and want to say thank you. I hope to hear updates from you NE
miss-gonewest Posted August 9, 2005 Posted August 9, 2005 NE, your post has made my day! I love happy stories! I am so glad that you are back on track and I am so glad you decided to come back to LS and let us know how you're travelling.... its great when folks share! Keep in touch & best of luck with your San Diego seductress; I hope something comes of this. And hey, now you can go post in the dating forum instead of the breaking up forum now. LOL. Its a whole new world for you!
Recommended Posts