spike7165 Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 Would appreciate some thoughts from you dating gurus :-) Try and keep it short.. I'm 40, met a lady 29 on a plane (cabin crew) asked her out and had a great date, 6 hours of chat, food etc. Had a sort of 2nd date on the way back from my biz trip and met her for coffee after her flight. It's looking good, flirting, her leaning into me, making time even after no sleep for coffee, saying she enjoys talk to me etc. She was proud enough to meet me in front of her whole crew. It feels positive however I think what attracted her is that I was mysterious, travel a lot and her type. She's been texting me everyday and I'm wondering how to build attraction and not be too available. I do have a tendency to get too ahead of myself and excitable about someone I like before it's the right time. Trying to think best way to put it, basically that she seems into me by her actions of making time but I don't want to mess it up by being too keen or talking too much, but equally don't want to be cold and back off totally. What's the best way to keep things going in the right direction in the days of IM chats :-) Thanks Guys and Gals..
kolleamm Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 If she genuinely likes you it's very hard to screw it up with little things like seeming too available. 4
Author spike7165 Posted July 28, 2016 Author Posted July 28, 2016 Lol I do hope you're right as I am vastly prone to screw ups... I'm as sure as a guy can be she like's me, no woman spends two hours having coffee after being awake all night working lol... if she didn't I just seem to have hit the hat trick of chemistry, attraction and life goals/interests etc compatibility and don't want to f** it up by being too keen or eager..
JewelD Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 just try not to put all your eggs in one basket. If you start thinking, this is going great, she's going to be to my gf, we're going to do x,y,z, that's when things can start to go downhill. Just respond to her in the same way you normally do. If it's meant to be, you being mysterious or not available as often isn't going to make or break anything.
kolleamm Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 You will be fine I guarantee it. Also if you ever have an awkward moment with her, say you're having an awkward moment and make it sound funny. Always fun to do 1
Author spike7165 Posted July 28, 2016 Author Posted July 28, 2016 just try not to put all your eggs in one basket. If you start thinking, this is going great, she's going to be to my gf, we're going to do x,y,z, that's when things can start to go downhill. Just respond to her in the same way you normally do. If it's meant to be, you being mysterious or not available as often isn't going to make or break anything. Thanks. I am over thinking it....going to try keep texts light and airy and not so frequent so there's some stuff to talk about on hopefully the next date...but yeah this is my sweet/horror spot where I can see potential with someone them manage to F it up :-) I won't deliberately be mysterious then but will try to keep it light and let her text me...
Bialy Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 Keep the communication going and see her often - if she is interested, she will be receptive. My only question since you met on a plane - do you live in the same area or is this a long distance thing? If it's the latter - that will complicate things. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 ...I'm wondering how to build attraction and not be too available. I have NEVER dated a woman that felt like I was giving them too much time. I simply don't get this kind of attitude. I do have a tendency to get too ahead of myself and excitable about someone I like before it's the right time. I get this. But this is something you need to reign in. Take it slow, but do not deliberately sabotage by being a stand-offish jerk. If she's the real deal, her contacting you is not a test to see if you're clingy or needy. She genuinely wants to be with you. Frankly, more people (guys) lose girls by playing these games than being too needy. The good ones won't stand for that sort of behavior. 1
Gaeta Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 Don't play any games. If you feel like talking to her than do so. Nothing worse than to try to modify the natural course of a new relationship. Let it unfold at its own speed. My only advise. Set up next date. You want to appear as a serious man and not a boy looking for a chat friend 2
thecrucible Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 It sounds like it's going really well. I'm a perfectionist so I know how you feel with regards to second-guessing yourself. However you can afford to be a little more positive without putting eggs into one basket. So you can say to yourself "Of course she will like me, I am darn awesome". I also agree with Gaeta when she said to grab the iron while it's hot and make the most of it when you get momentum. You can be eager without coming across as too eager. If she has genuine feelings for you, then there is a lot of space to 'screw up'. I'd try my best to put that out of mind if I were you and make the most of each moment - then she'll want to come back for more. These days I'd rather have a nervous kind man than a really cocky one and a little bit of nerves can be endearing. 1
Author spike7165 Posted July 29, 2016 Author Posted July 29, 2016 Thanks for all the really helpful advice... I wasn't planning on a long online chat last night but that's what happened. She said she had been talking to her Mum about me, very good sign and was very chatty, positive and talking about potential trips at the end of the year. I kind of get the theory from all these dating coaches etc that maybe being mysterious and aloof works if it's just one date out of many but like a couple of you said if it's meant to be it will be and not to overthink or "act". Dating theory says to set a date then not chat before it but I'm not sure how you can do that when a lady is into you and wants to talk to you. In any case, with her work and travel it will naturally preclude too much chat in the next few days anyway. Regarding the long distance comment, she's a flight attendant but although we're in close but separate countries now, moving isn't a problem for me if it comes to that and she knows that now. I've done long distance before and it totally sucks, lol. I've been single for a long time mainly because I believe in chemistry and connections and they don't happen often, this one seems to be how can I say, the perfect fit, comfortable even though it's new and I'm not nervous with her more like I know an amazing thing when I see it and don't want to do a typical guy screw up lol. I'll keep you all posted, this forum is great support and it's not good when people disappear...
kolleamm Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 I like how most dating rules teach us to avoid contact with a person. It's basically "don't message them at this time to reduce your chance of screwing things up!" When you message someone it shows confidence. You can message her whenever you want. Throw away the dating books. Their basically excuses to avoid talking to your date just so you can make it to the next date. 1
Author spike7165 Posted July 29, 2016 Author Posted July 29, 2016 You are so right, you totally hit the nail on the head. I guess it's about maintaining some mystery as well, but it's mainly about screwing it up lol. I guess there are probably topics best avoided on chat and face to face to minimize screw ups but I'm glad the feedback both from the guys and girls here is not to avoid chat. It wouldn't be me to play games so either she will like the real me or not... 1
Lois_Griffin Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 Regarding the long distance comment, she's a flight attendant but although we're in close but separate countries now, moving isn't a problem for me if it comes to that and she knows that now. I've done long distance before and it totally sucks, lol.. So. Only 2 short days ago, you were asking everyone how you could keep things light and airy so you don't appear over-anxious, and you were asking how much contact was good without going overboard and appearing too eager, etc. etc. And only 48 hours later you're telling her you'd have no problem moving to her country? I shudder to think what you'll tell her a week from now, but I won't be surprised to find out that you've volunteered to donate one of your kidneys to her sick Uncle. Gah. 1
Author spike7165 Posted July 29, 2016 Author Posted July 29, 2016 Haha.....it just came up that she thought long distance relationships were an issue, and I just said that if we went in that direction then because I am luckily able to work anywhere moving wouldn't be a problem further down the road. I wouldn't have mentioned it if she hadn't already raised it to start with...
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