adarna Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 Looking for opinions. Is it too soon to move in with someone you met online after 6 months of dating? I'm worried that my best friend is moving too fast with her boyfriend, but maybe a different perspective will help me see that there's nothing to worry about. They met on Plenty of Fish back in January. Two weeks later they were official. They moved in together last week. In a new apartment. The lease is in both their names. I know this is generally not a big deal since everyone moves at their own pace. Here's why I'm worried: - When they met, she had just gotten out of a 7-yr relationship. She was really heartbroken and angry. It was about 2 weeks from the breakup that she joined POF because she was lonely. She chatted with a lot of men, but her now bf is the only one she met in person and dated. Here's the kicker: he still has his profile up! She has deleted hers, but he won't delete his. He can't even be bothered to at least hide or disable his profile so he doesn't appear in search results. - He is everything her ex is not and I can't help but think this is why she fell for him so fast. 4 examples: 1. She wanted to move in together, but her ex put if off for years and it never happened. (Her exes before him also wouldn't move in with her. Moving in together has always been her goal in relationships because she thinks it solidifies the relationship before marriage) 2. She wanted to go on all these trips, but her ex didn't have a lot of money. New guy is well off and they have already been on 6 trips with his friends. 3. Her ex's family didn't like her at all so she was never invited to family events. New guy introduced her to his mom and sister over Skype (they are from out of state) in February and they got on really well. - She has never been single for more than a month. I'm talking since high school, and we are both in our early 30s. She has always jumped from one long-term relationship to another and doesn't know how to be happy without one. - I hope I'm wrong, but I'm not sure that the guy is truly sincere. Moving in together was his idea -- he talked her out of leaving her old place and canceling her lease early, something she would have never done on her own, especially since her landlord is her uncle. He said her place was too far from him, he didn't like that her friends and family kept coming over, and he didn't like her staying at his place either. - This is my own personal opinion, but some of the things that come out of his mouth is such a turn off. My friend is Taiwanese and he says things like "I've always wanted to try an Asian girl" and "I love dating you/having sex with you because you're so exotic." *Cringe* Am I just not seeing her perspective?? At the end of the day I know it's her life and all I can do is be happy for her and be there for her if she ever needs me, but I'd like to hear your thoughts.
mamabear32018 Posted July 30, 2016 Posted July 30, 2016 I thought I posted yesterday but I don't see it, so this may be a double post. You sound like a really good friend. I can understand why you are concerned, I think I would be too. Do you have the kind of relationship that you are able to be pretty honest with each other? If so perhaps, voice a few of your concerns but beginning with something like you are my best friend and I really love you, is it okay if I share with you some concerns I have? If not, (I have some good friends that are difficult to be totally honest with, without hurting their feelings) then I would pray for them. Hope this helps!
Gaeta Posted July 30, 2016 Posted July 30, 2016 I would consider it a mistake in her situation. Can you make her change her mind? of course not. It will probably turned into a big mess very soon and she'll learn from it. When it does be there for her and don't be judgmental. I have seen friends heading head first into into disaster relationships, they have also seen me heading head first into the same. We stood by each other, learn our lessons, moved on, and now we talk about it and remember how stupid we were. 1
preraph Posted July 30, 2016 Posted July 30, 2016 You said yourself she's never been single longer than a month, so she's one of those who doesn't want to be alone at all and they always end up making bad mistakes and getting in bad situations, but other than giving her some sisterly advice such as she needs to learn to live by herself for at least a year or two and support herself so that she knows she can and doesn't think she needs to rely on a man to get by, not much you can do.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 30, 2016 Posted July 30, 2016 I have a close friend very similar to yours. The difference in my friend's case is that she was married to her ex (he cheated and left) and she has small children with him. I bang my head against the wall every day wondering what the heck she sees in this guy she moved into her home (and believe me when I say there are valid reasons to be concerned about him) They met in December and he moved in around March or April. She asked one time what I thought - and I was honest. I told her I thought she was moving way fast and that there are several things about her new guy that raise red flags. She thanked me for my honesty...and then more or less stopped speaking to me. It is hard because I care very much about her and her kids, but at the end of the day, it's not up to me to try to understand what she is thinking. She is 35 and has to make her own choices. But much like your friend, she cannot tolerate being single very long and she becomes attached very quickly. It's not something we will be able to understand, either. It's not easy to watch it all unfold, but it's not really our business either.
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