My boyfriend won't pay for food

[stillafool]

 

IMO, supporting their own child with medical problems is okay if they have consented to it, but they really shouldn't be supporting a stranger whose only tie to the family is that he's their daughter's boyfriend.

 

I agree and I think it is wrong that their daughter would ask them to let him stay there even if he was paying more than $80 a month.

[Els]

I didn't say he was innocent, but he wouldn't be freeloading off her parents if she was not allowing it. That's great for parents to support their child, however, it's a bit odd to be blowing money on a man rather than the people supporting you. She should still be trying to help out in any way she can.

 

Agreed.

 

Like, instead of her mom doing everyone's laundry, SHE could do the laundry since her man's dirty drawers are in there too.

 

If he absolutely has to live there, both of them should be doing it IMO. AND the other household chores too...

[GunslingerRoland]

Your bf should be chipping in appropriately for the living situation... I don't know about having to divide up your food and his, but he should clearly be paying more than $80/month.

 

 

I think he needs to start looking at a better job though, $400/week must be pretty close to minimum wage, right? Like others have said, he should be able to earn close to double this as a truck driver. Also what is with your mom doing his laundry? You guys are grown ups, not kids on a sleep over.

 

 

That being said, I'm not sure I feel as bad for you as others do. You are on medical, but going to school full time, is that allowed, sounds like a loophole in the system. You complain about being broke, but you spent $500 on him for Christmas? Why? I make 6 figures and my wife and I don't spend that much on each other combined. Go to craigs list or ebay and you can probably get a purse in great condition for a fraction of the cost.

 

 

You both need to realize that you are adults, and start looking after yourselves and each other. I feel so bad for your parents.

[BluEyeL]

I don't think she needs to make any more money as it may muck up her benefits, she just doesn't need to spend the money she does have feeding and spoiling him. He needs to pay his way.

Getting your hair done for free is easy, just be a model for the trainees at your local salon, or you can go to the nearest hair dressing college and get a cheap rate.

 

Yeah, not gonna muck benefits if you do some babysitting or cleaning a house or two for cash money that doesn't get reported. It would be like say 50$/week to have some more pocket money. I am sure my babysitters didn't report their income, since some didn't want to give me their SSN to deduct them from my taxes. Only one ever did agree to report her income and I could claim childcare expenses on my tax report.I had a lot of babysitters, rather after school and summer care raising my son as a single parent with no family or ex around.

 

These being said, I don't suggest she makes more money so she can give it to him. Just kick him out and do some work for your pocket money so you don't have to depend on boyfriends or father.Like I said, even my 14 yo makes more money than you.

Edited July 28, 2016 by BluEyeL

[DramaInPajamas]

The OP doesn't work to avoid paying medical bills. So free health care.

 

No rent. Her parents do the housewor and laundry dor both of them.

 

She asks for pocket money for purses and is irritated she wants her hair done.

 

She earns some money selling things but blowd all of ot of presents instead of living costs and she doesnt want to buy food either.

 

OP when I was 18 I was living in college and paying $100 a week for a room, no food included, and doing my own laundry. If I wanted something i paid and if i didnt have the money i couldn't have it.

 

Why dont you take some responsibility. No one owes you a living.

[csj77]

What do your friends think about your situation?

Is this kind of thing common where you live or in your circle? Where the girlfriend spoils the boyfriend more? Do your girl friends have similar experiences or do their boyfriends contribute more to maintaining their standard of living?

 

How long till you finish your studies?

[mortensorchid]

Honey, that was the most pathetic post I have ever read on this forum. Not about your relationship trouble but about the cries of poverty. You're poor? Fine, don't complain about it. If you're wealthy, don't boast about it. It's a two way street.

 

With that being said this is what you do: Don't eat out at all and eat in. You'll be surprised at how much money you save.

[SoulCat]

Because there are some rude people saying I shouldn't get my hair done, and saying "How do you manage to pay for $500 on him, it doesn't add up."

 

 

I think you're picking a fight with the wrong person/people here.

 

Instead of taking on the people of this board, you need to sit down with your boyfriend, work out what your joint monthly income is, what your monthly outgoings are and how much each of you can and need to contribute to make sure all bases are covered.

 

 

If I get a job that exceeds $500 a month, then i will be cut off of medical

 

Why are you not trying to land a part time job that doesn't take you over the $500 per month limit?

 

You know, rather than relying on this:

 

My dad gives me $30 a week for pocket money to have.

 

 

Personally, I'd be embarrassed to be getting 'pocket money' at your age.

[Redhead14]

The only solution would be to have your bf move out and stay with his parents until he can save enough to get his apartment. I don't think it's fair that you should have to pay for his food nor do I feel it is his responsibility to give you money. I also feel this is unfair to your parents. You chose your situation and it is your job to make it work. There are cheap ways to get your hair done and one includes doing it yourself. You are on ebay so get a cheap purse on there. I don't know how you got $500 to spend on your bf for Christmas, the money to take him to an expensive restaurant for his birthday; but that money would have been better used for necessities.

 

The real problem here is that she is "taking care" of him. It's a one-sided relationship and she allowing herself to be used. And, why would he be concerned about the food when she has been spending such significant amounts on him . . . "she's got money, what's the big deal?. And, her priorities are out of whack -- hair done, nails, etc. Those kinds of things get tabled until you're out of school and working. She asked him to prioritize and categorize his money -- she needs to do that too! And, she could get a decent pocketbook at Walmart for $20-$25 bucks. The guy is paying rent -- which in this case, would constitute room and board -- so food is part of it. If he's working 14 hours a day, he's not using a whole lot of electricity and really only eating one meal a day there and may some snacks. How much does he eat anyway?

 

This is a money management/priorities issue more than it is a relationship issue, although, I did say it appears to be somewhat one-sided. I'm a little put off by the fact that be grudgingly gave her $40 for a purse just because a boyfriend could do something like that, but then again, if he's seeing what we are seeing in terms of how she manages her money, I could see why he'd be a little hesitant.

[ChickiePops]

Ok Victoria, you have 5 pages worth of advice, 99% of it to dump this loser. What are you going to do?

[startingagain15]

I understand the struggle to stay on medial assistance. I am a single widowed mom of 4 kids. I cannot make over a certain amount a year or I lose my medical assistance (for all of us) and my survivor's benefits. So I have a part time job making just under the amount that would put me over the top. It's really not that hard. This enables me to get the kids and I some of the "luxuries" we couldn't afford otherwise.

 

But yes I agree with the other posters as well. Your boyfriend and you are both mooching off your parents and for some reason they are enabling it. Dump the boyfriend or at least make him move out. Finish your schooling with great thankfulness to your parents for pulling you through and get a good job where you can support yourself. Good luck!

[preraph]

This is very simple. Have your dinner before he comes home and have nothing for him to eat in the fridge or on the stove. When he complains tell him, "Sounds like you need to make a trip to the grocery store."

 

You're not his mother and that's how he's treating you.

[LexiB]

Ok Victoria, you have 5 pages worth of advice, 99% of it to dump this loser. What are you going to do?

 

Wondering this myself. As far as problems go, this one is pretty simple to solve. What are you gonna do?

[kendahke]

Why are you living with him?

[DramaInPajamas]

Ok Victoria, you have 5 pages worth of advice, 99% of it to dump this loser. What are you going to do?

 

99% of it was to dump him and get a job herself. If she earns less than $500 a month she can keep her benefits.

[Kamille]

The OP and her boyfriend should be talking about financial goals and figuring out a fair item to item budget. They should save an emergency fund. They should be working towards moving out of her parents' house.

 

Once they've got that part figured out, then they can see how much money is left for lavish gifts. That's how budgeting as an adult works.

[Leigh 87]

I don't understand why he chooses to live with her parents. Most me have too much pride.

 

I totally understand that people can loose their jobs and face living on the streets or opting for help fom family or partners. Not everyone affords savings. My bf was one of them, for 2 months.

 

The second my bf got a job and saved for a bond- he applied like crazy for a place and moved out ASAP.

 

He still feels ashamed of himself for being between jobs for 2 months and having to accept help. He now saves and budgets for a rainy day. It was a wake up call that he had to rely on someone due to not having sufficient savings like most adults.

 

He worked out the average rent for a room for the 2 months he stayed at my parents and is now paying it back.

 

I am not sure why the OPS bf "needs" to live with her and her folks when he actually has a job. My own bf saw it as an absolute last resort and is still ashamed about it and can barely face my parents.

 

Men are usually too proud to let their partners parents support them unless it is absolutely desperate.

 

Why can't he rent? Why does he HAVE to save for an apartment? Why is it her parents role to help him save for his own hypothetical mortgage?

[DramaInPajamas]

I don't understand why he chooses to live with her parents. Most me have too much pride.

 

I totally understand that people can loose their jobs and face living on the streets or opting for help fom family or partners. Not everyone affords savings. My bf was one of them, for 2 months.

 

The second my bf got a job and saved for a bond- he applied like crazy for a place and moved out ASAP.

 

He still feels ashamed of himself for being between jobs for 2 months and having to accept help. He now saves and budgets for a rainy day. It was a wake up call that he had to rely on someone due to not having sufficient savings like most adults.

 

He worked out the average rent for a room for the 2 months he stayed at my parents and is now paying it back.

 

I am not sure why the OPS bf "needs" to live with her and her folks when he actually has a job. My own bf saw it as an absolute last resort and is still ashamed about it and can barely face my parents.

 

Men are usually too proud to let their partners parents support them unless it is absolutely desperate.

 

Why can't he rent? Why does he HAVE to save for an apartment? Why is it her parents role to help him save for his own hypothetical mortgage?

 

Quite.

 

If it was their daughters husband that is one thing. But him living off her parents when he is only a BF.

 

If they break up then they have enabled someone to get a mortgage a their expense with nothing in it for them or their daughter.

[Leigh 87]

Quite.

 

If it was their daughters husband that is one thing. But him living off her parents when he is only a BF.

 

If they break up then they have enabled someone to get a mortgage a their expense with nothing in it for them or their daughter.

 

Well yeah.

 

I am all for parents helping out their own kids. And I get a lot of slack for not working full time during my podiatry degree. Which is a full time only option so my parents helped me out and ket me live at home despite being 30. I worked part time, kept the place clean and got the best grades.

 

But to basically enable a boyfriend to afford a HOUSE. Or even a crappy little apartment.

 

Most people rent and if they want a mortgage, they go without luxuries for a few years in order to afford to rent abd also save for a mortgage.

I know people earning 100k a year and yet cannot afford to rent AND save for a mortgage. So it really is a massive luxury ro even afford a mortgage these days.

 

The only people I know who can afford to save for a mortgage are joint income couples with a combined income of 160 to 200k.

 

Her bf cannot afford real estate. Plain and simple. My own bf cannot afford to buy his own place either. So he rents like most of us.

 

I am all for accepting help but getting somone elses parents to fund a mortgage, and then not being very generous to their daughter is the height of rudeness.

 

He could at least splash out and spoil his gd considering he barely pays anything towards rent and should therefore have loads of disposable income ( most of which he should save obviously).

[VictoriaD]

Here we go with judgmental ignorant people again! First off, I was willing to get a full time job, but my parents are concerned parents, and care about my health. I did have a part time under the table job for a cleaning company for awhile, and I loved it! I was making $10 an hour working 5 hours a day 3 days a week, but unfortunately they just needed a fill in till the woman can come back in the company from her medical leave. I do help out around the house. My mom has a specific way of doing laundry so with that said, she doesn't allow me to do it, because I either put too much soap in or not enough. She's picky about laundry. I clean the house though and I clean the bathroom alot. I do help around the house, and my parents agree to this, I did NOT demand this in any way shape or form for them to give me money, and to support me like they do. That is all their choice. However, my parents are educated people and they sat down and said "Ok, well if you want a full time job, let's figure out if you would still be ok with your medical and still have money for food and pocket money." I agreed, and we figured it all out and it wouldn't be worth it because all of my money would be going to medications and doctor visits. Bare in mind, my medications are $400 without insurance, and luckily because of my medical assistance it's $3. I have severe stomach acid GERD that i almost puke everyday and sometimes do. 1/3 of my whole stomach is red and I have to get another endoscopy in 6 months to see if the regimen of my medications are working and making my stomach less inflamed.

 

I, however am able to go to school and able to work, but it's just not worth it due to my issues and my ongoing problem of IBS I had since I was child. So please stop with the ignorance. My parents are looking out for my welfare. They don't want me to be even more stressed out and have more problems by me struggling with a full time job and college. They are trying to keep my stress levels down as much as possible. I still contribute to myself though even through selling things. My parents aren't rich either, so whoever said that is dumb. But once again you all have it wrong. I am not some spoiled little bitch, I help out with cleaning, dishes, and I go to school full time, and try to make an income for myself till I can find another under the table job along with my schooling. So get that straight. I am tired of these ignorant comments. School is work, you don't stop. When you work, and you're done for the day, you're done. When you go to school you're never done. You have homework, studying, tutoring, etc. So stop with the BS on "School isn't work" it is. Especially if you are going into the medical field, it's pretty damn hard. I am tired of this ignorance. Disgusting!

[VictoriaD]

Also, I am grateful for my parents, and respect them alot. So stop saying I am "mooching" off my parents. THIS IS ALL THEIR CHOICE! I did not care to support myself fully, they just care alot about my health. You people are so messed up! I am not using my parents what so ever, I even told my dad he didn't have to give me money, but he insists. I went through a lot of trauma which results in a lot of stress and obvious physical health problems, so they are trying any which way they can to keep my stress levels down while in school, because they know that school is stressful and it is because I am not doing something easy. I am going into the medical field trying to be a Physician Assistant which requires a lot of thinking and studying. Can't believe how rude you people are to say I am "mooching", ewww...get real!

[joseb]

You both need to read up on the basics of budgeting.

At some stage you will have to support yourself.

 

You need to realise that spending $500 on christmas when you have no income is crazy.

There are many ways to show love an affection that cost nothing.

 

And forget the expensive hair when you simply can not afford it.

It's like me thinking I should buy a Ferrari. I could, but I'd be struggling to pay rent for a while.

 

He needs to realise that $80 a month is a joke.

$80 a week would still be a deal.

 

And he needs to realise that all the food he eats costs money.

 

So if you want to keep seeing him, get together, figure out a budget that is reasonable, and consider if him living with your parents is a good idea or not.

[Leigh 87]

Also, I am grateful for my parents, and respect them alot. So stop saying I am "mooching" off my parents. THIS IS ALL THEIR CHOICE! I did not care to support myself fully, they just care alot about my health. You people are so messed up! I am not using my parents what so ever, I even told my dad he didn't have to give me money, but he insists. I went through a lot of trauma which results in a lot of stress and obvious physical health problems, so they are trying any which way they can to keep my stress levels down while in school, because they know that school is stressful and it is because I am not doing something easy. I am going into the medical field trying to be a Physician Assistant which requires a lot of thinking and studying. Can't believe how rude you people are to say I am "mooching", ewww...get real!

 

I totally agree.

 

People on here call me a moocher too. I study podiatry full time and while I usually work part time, sometimes I don't around exams.

 

People here call me a moocher for not working full time to fully support myself. Little do they know that my degree does not allow for part time students.

 

People assume that just because they were able to do a full time medical based degree that took 40 hours a week of study while they worked full time, that EVERYONE should be able to do 70 plus hour weeks in order to support themselves through college.

 

Personally, if I have kids then I will be supporting them during college. No matter what their age is. I think that paying 75k for a degree is a crap deal as it is- to have to work a minimum wage job just for necessities 30 hrs a week on top of a content heavy med degree- is an even crapper deal.

 

Life is hard and I will be supporting my kids. Buying their food and allowing them to sleep under my roof will not be expensive.

 

Kids these days study their whole lives, go to college , get in 50 plus K worth if college debt, have to settle for 8 dollar an hour min wage jobs during college and do 80 hour weeks with work and school with no non necessities to show for their hard work.....

..only to graduate, battle to find a job snd have to then accept a crappy graduate wage that does not even afford necessities much less hair cuts.

 

I totally agree in parents helping their kids out and I don't believe it makes us moochers.

 

It is super expensive to totally support yourself during college.

 

To get good grades, you would need to study 40 to to 50 hours a week in most difficult degrees. I don't blame you for wanting to avoid a 30 to 40 hour a week job that would be required for u to live and afford basic medical expenses for your condition.

 

Your bf should be way more generous considering he only pays 80 a month rent....... why can't he rent like everyone else? No ine buys these days. Only couples who BOTH make 6 fgures can afford to buy- your bf should really be moving out and renting.

 

What he is doing to your parents is wrong.

 

He is not your hubby. They don't owe him.

[Leigh 87]

The OP and her boyfriend should be talking about financial goals and figuring out a fair item to item budget. They should save an emergency fund. They should be working towards moving out of her parents' house.

 

Once they've got that part figured out, then they can see how much money is left for lavish gifts. That's how budgeting as an adult works.

 

She has a full time degree!!

 

No she should not be aiming to move out whilst she is studying.

 

Her priority SHOULD be study.

 

I agree that a pary time job is important. But she shouldnt be aiming to move ou ASAP before college ends. It just shouldnt be as inportant of a priority as college right now.5

[anika99]

Also, I am grateful for my parents, and respect them alot. So stop saying I am "mooching" off my parents. THIS IS ALL THEIR CHOICE! I did not care to support myself fully, they just care alot about my health. You people are so messed up! I am not using my parents what so ever, I even told my dad he didn't have to give me money, but he insists. I went through a lot of trauma which results in a lot of stress and obvious physical health problems, so they are trying any which way they can to keep my stress levels down while in school, because they know that school is stressful and it is because I am not doing something easy. I am going into the medical field trying to be a Physician Assistant which requires a lot of thinking and studying. Can't believe how rude you people are to say I am "mooching", ewww...get real!

 

 

I don't think you deserve the judgement you have received here either. If your parents are concerned for you and they want to help you get started in life by supporting you through school then that's nobody's business but theirs. I also don't know why people are ganging up on you because your bf lives there for $80/month. Again, that is a choice your parents made and that's up to them, not you.

 

 

The bottom line here is that your bf is going to take from you as long as you allow it. I've never understood people who whine about being taken advantage of and yet do nothing to stop it. If you don't want to pay for his food then simply stop doing it. If you continue to pay for his food then stop whining about it. Simple.