My boyfriend won't pay for food

July 28, 2016

Should I dump him? What should I do? He's being ridiculously cheap about food, and i am getting mad because I wanted to get my hair done with my money, and what not and... or should kick him to the curb?

Yea, kick him to the curb and hang out a help-wanted sign. I'm sure guys with fat wallets will be lining up around the block.

July 28, 2016

So you dont work, not because you cant but because you dont want to because you would lose your right to free healthcare?

You then expect your working boyfriend to pay for things whilst he works and your dad gives you pocket money. You also ask your bf for $40 to replace something of yours.

It is a choice for you. You have chosen not to work knowing that leaves you with no income. Working will mean it all goes on medical bills but it is a choice nonetheless not to work and go to college.

But then your bf sounds lazy living virtually rent free and he wont even pay for food. If I were your dad I would chuck you both out. Your poor parents.

You want your pocket money from your dad, your bf to step up and pay for you, you dont want to work as it isnt cost effective. But where did you get $500 to spend on your bfs Christmas present? Why spend so much when you are so poor.

What would it be like to let this one go? Get your degree, sort out your career and start again with a new partner when you're fixed up.

It still surprises me that these choices have to be made. I live in a country where taxation funds the healthcare. I have had stomach problems. I've had two gastroscopies, a colonoscopy, a capsule endoscopy, a nuclear scan, non stop blood tests, etc etc etc. The cost to me has been $0 other than what I have already paid via taxation

I dont understand why such a rich country cannot provide a healthcare system for its people.

Edited July 28, 2016 by DramaInPajamas

July 28, 2016

Yea, kick him to the curb and hang out a help-wanted sign. I'm sure guys with fat wallets will be lining up around the block.

YOU need to read the thread.

She doesn't need a fat wallet, she just needs someone who pays their way, not a free loader who is using her and her parents to pay off HIS debt.

July 28, 2016

Break up with the boyfriend and also get some side job on cash money babysitting or something like that so you can get your hair done, or buy some cute top or a purse. You need a bit more pocket money and you could do that. My son is 14 and makes $30 a week mowing lawn . You could make a bit extra with minimum effort.

July 28, 2016

Break up with the boyfriend and also get some side job on cash money babysitting or something like that so you can get your hair done, or buy some cute top or a purse. You need a bit more pocket money and you could do that. My son is 14 and makes $30 a week mowing lawn . You could make a bit extra with minimum effort.

I don't think she needs to make any more money as it may muck up her benefits, she just doesn't need to spend the money she does have feeding and spoiling him. He needs to pay his way.

Getting your hair done for free is easy, just be a model for the trainees at your local salon, or you can go to the nearest hair dressing college and get a cheap rate.

July 28, 2016

Or dont get your hair done.

I never had my hair done as a college student. It is super expensive and not worth the money when I needed money for other things.

July 28, 2016

I don't think she needs to make any more money as it may muck up her benefits,

I think she was implying "under the table" money that doesn't get recorded in any official capacity.

July 28, 2016

But while I sympathize with the OP, all of this is a choice.

Making decisions that means she keeps her benefits but doesnt earn any money so she is dependent on other people. Then is resentful of what she cannot afford and wants money for hairdos and purses.

She cant buy a purse or have her hair done but she had $500 for her boyfriend at Christmas. It doesnt add up.

I think they should part company and she should start dating again when she is more financially stable. He sounds like a free loader.

July 28, 2016

I don't think the bf is a bad person just because he won't buy her things. $80 is cheap rent, however, that's what her parents agreed to. They must be pushovers because there's no way my unemployed daughter would be moving her bf into my home period. But, since they agreed to it, and they asked him to pay $80 to help him so he can move out and they can get their own place (I'm assuming they'd live together since she said he would 'support' her), then that's a non-issue.

Doesn't sound like OP is concerned about how much he's paying for rent as it's not going towards her and the initial post is about him paying for food and begrudgingly giving her money for a purse.

Like another user said, $500 in gifts for this man? and you don't have a job, so how much of that was money from your parents? If you have $500 to blow on gifts, I don't see why it's a huge deal for you to pay for food. Especially if you plan on moving in with him when he does get his own place.

You're not saving up for anything, he is, and on his salary, I honestly don't see how he'd able to afford an apartment anyway unless it was shared with someone who could split the rent. The more he blows on you, the longer he'd have to wait to get an apartment.

Kick him out if you want to, but you'll still be paying for your own food and you will have to put gas in your own car and get your own hair done and everything else you think you need on your parents pocket money.

You, like many other people, are basically poor. Time to start living like it. Do your own hair, where exactly are you going that it absolutely needs to be done professionally? $40 for a purse, go to Goodwill or TJ Maxx and save some money.

July 28, 2016

Yea, kick him to the curb and hang out a help-wanted sign. I'm sure guys with fat wallets will be lining up around the block.

Thread. Read. Not hard.

July 28, 2016

I'm confused now. Where is it mentioned that the OP spent $500 on her bf at Christmas?? Are you sure you're not getting that mixed up with another poster who keeps a very detailed list of what her bf spends on her and brings it out whenever possible?

It's in OP's post #7:

I spent like $500 on christmas on him, and he literally handed me $50 cash.

And post #11:

I spent $500 on him on Christmas and he literally handed me $50 cash.

July 28, 2016

Bluntly put, you sound clueless about money OP. None of your numbers add up. How can you afford 40$ of food on the 30$ spending money your dad gives you? How can you spend 500$ on gifts and 180$ on meals out? Where is the money coming from?

A variable income of maximum 3200$ a month (likelier 2400$ and possibly 1600$) is also not a flush income once income tax is taken out. It's more money than you are making, but your boyfriend also needs to pay attention to expenses (well, we all do).

You and your boyfriend need to sit down and talk about budgeting. He might have begrudgingly given you the 40$ not because he didn't want to but because you don't seem to understand budgeting. (Neither does he, to be honest, unless one counts capitalizing on a good deal on rent and free cleaning services as a smart budget move).

July 28, 2016

Ok, to clear the air for some of you because some of you seem to be not understanding. My boyfriend pays $80 a month in rent, my mom does his laundry for him and everyone else, he use MY car so much that I hardly ever use it, so he puts gas in it as he should. Btw to the rude person saying I shouldn't get my hair done? Umm...I would have the money and means to do it if I wasn't spending so much money on food every single day. I spent my saved money for my hair on him. That's not cool. I don't mind being equal, paying one week, and then he pays for the other week for food. I don't mind helping out but this has been an ongoing situation of me strictly paying for food. I am trying to find an under the table job where it's not documented so I can not lose my medical and still go to school. Unfortunately, those are hard to come by, I am not some lazy bitch. I go to college full time, and I trying to be a Physician Assistant, and with that said it wouldn't matter if I lost my medical. I would have a career where it is a high paying job.

My parents think it makes more sense to do that. I don't ask my dad for money. My dad willing hands me money to have, and he wants to do that because he always wants me to have pocket money. Everytime I got my hair done it was with my school money, or my dad's money, or stuff I sell. I never asked my boyfriend to pay for any luxuries I wanted. I bought them myself. I save my money a lot, and sometimes I have good sells on Ebay so, my money will accumulate. That's how around Christmas I managed to have $600 to my name, and I spent $500 on it on my boyfriend to show appreciation and love. He just handed me $50 cash. He literally asked me on birthday if I wanted $100, I said "no", because it was awkward and it made me feel weird, you shouldn't ask someone if they want money on their birthday, it should be natural to simply hand it to me without question. I took him out to dinner on his birthday, and spent $150 on gifts on him, it was natural, I didn't say "Do you want me to get you gifts?" That would be awkward and strange. Also, the food is expensive because he eats a lot he's not heavy or fat, but because he doesn't eat all day, he eats a lot. I am satisfied with a piece of chicken and vegetables, where as he needs like 7 pieces of chicken, pasta, vegetables, you name it. He eats a ton, so that is expensive for me, because I am not eating even half of what I make for him. I am mad because before he did take care of buying food where as now he isn't. He shouldn't be putting the load on someone who is a college student and not working. He gets consistent income every week. That is good enough. He can pay his debts and manage his money still with the amount he makes every week. I am not asking for much, I just want to be equal. I know that if i had a job that made as much as his, I wouldn't expect a dime off of my significant other because I would have the means to pay for everything. Especially if my significant other is working towards the medical field and being a Physician Assistant, I would understand that they need to devote their time and effort into school. It's hard, school is work. So, i at least expect him to provide the basic necesseties, not the luxuries I want. I only asked him for $40 because I literally had no money for a purse, because it is all being spent on food. If it was like before where he was paying for food, and I would help out when needed then I would have money for my hair, my purse and everything.

July 28, 2016

(Neither does he, to be honest, unless one counts capitalizing on a good deal on rent and free cleaning services as a smart budget move).

To be fair to the dude, $80/month rent is a HELLUVA good budget move.

....It's also a really crappy move, but yeah.

July 28, 2016

Ok, to clear the air for some of you because some of you seem to be not understanding. My boyfriend pays $80 a month in rent, my mom does his laundry for him and everyone else, he use MY car so much that I hardly ever use it, so he puts gas in it as he should. Btw to the rude person saying I shouldn't get my hair done? Umm...I would have the money and means to do it if I wasn't spending so much money on food every single day. I spent my saved money for my hair on him. That's not cool. I don't mind being equal, paying one week, and then he pays for the other week for food. I don't mind helping out but this has been an ongoing situation of me strictly paying for food. I am trying to find an under the table job where it's not documented so I can not lose my medical and still go to school. Unfortunately, those are hard to come by, I am not some lazy bitch. I go to college full time, and I trying to be a Physician Assistant, and with that said it wouldn't matter if I lost my medical. I would have a career where it is a high paying job.

My parents think it makes more sense to do that. I don't ask my dad for money. My dad willing hands me money to have, and he wants to do that because he always wants me to have pocket money. Everytime I got my hair done it was with my school money, or my dad's money, or stuff I sell. I never asked my boyfriend to pay for any luxuries I wanted. I bought them myself. I save my money a lot, and sometimes I have good sells on Ebay so, my money will accumulate. That's how around Christmas I managed to have $600 to my name, and I spent $500 on it on my boyfriend to show appreciation and love. He just handed me $50 cash. He literally asked me on birthday if I wanted $100, I said "no", because it was awkward and it made me feel weird, you shouldn't ask someone if they want money on their birthday, it should be natural to simply hand it to me without question. I took him out to dinner on his birthday, and spent $150 on gifts on him, it was natural, I didn't say "Do you want me to get you gifts?" That would be awkward and strange. Also, the food is expensive because he eats a lot he's not heavy or fat, but because he doesn't eat all day, he eats a lot. I am satisfied with a piece of chicken and vegetables, where as he needs like 7 pieces of chicken, pasta, vegetables, you name it. He eats a ton, so that is expensive for me, because I am not eating even half of what I make for him. I am mad because before he did take care of buying food where as now he isn't. He shouldn't be putting the load on someone who is a college student and not working. He gets consistent income every week. That is good enough. He can pay his debts and manage his money still with the amount he makes every week. I am not asking for much, I just want to be equal. I know that if i had a job that made as much as his, I wouldn't expect a dime off of my significant other because I would have the means to pay for everything. Especially if my significant other is working towards the medical field and being a Physician Assistant, I would understand that they need to devote their time and effort into school. It's hard, school is work. So, i at least expect him to provide the basic necesseties, not the luxuries I want. I only asked him for $40 because I literally had no money for a purse, because it is all being spent on food. If it was like before where he was paying for food, and I would help out when needed then I would have money for my hair, my purse and everything.

I'm not sure what you're arguing for. I think most of us who have done even a cursory reading of your thread agree with you that he's freeloading off you and your parents and you should kick him out.

July 28, 2016

I get school money, and I sell things. i save my money a lot actually and I managed to have $600 to my name around Christmas. Sorry I wanted to spoil the person I love with gifts and what not. My money varies because it depends what I sell on Ebay, my school money, and my dad's money and how much I save, do you all get that now? I am not inconsistent here, it just all depends, and around Christmas time I found a lot of things to sell, plus I go to thrift stores and find good buys to sell, and I just so happen to sell a ton of things that added up and plus my school money left over, so that's how I was able to spend $500 on him.

July 28, 2016

What does he say when you ask him for his share of the grocery money?

I mean, just stop buying his food unless he chips in. Stop letting him drive your car if it bothers you that much. You have choices here.

July 28, 2016

I'm not sure what you're arguing for. I think most of us who have done even a cursory reading of your thread agree with you that he's freeloading off you and your parents and you should kick him out.

Because there are some rude people saying I shouldn't get my hair done, and saying "How do you manage to pay for $500 on him, it doesn't add up." I feel like I needed to explain myself. Thank you for understanding.

July 28, 2016

What does he say when you ask him for his share of the grocery money?

I mean, just stop buying his food unless he chips in. Stop letting him drive your car if it bothers you that much. You have choices here.

I would also strongly suggest that your mum stop doing his laundry for him... I mean, for chrissakes.

July 28, 2016

The only solution would be to have your bf move out and stay with his parents until he can save enough to get his apartment. I don't think it's fair that you should have to pay for his food nor do I feel it is his responsibility to give you money. I also feel this is unfair to your parents. You chose your situation and it is your job to make it work. There are cheap ways to get your hair done and one includes doing it yourself. You are on ebay so get a cheap purse on there. I don't know how you got $500 to spend on your bf for Christmas, the money to take him to an expensive restaurant for his birthday; but that money would have been better used for necessities.

July 28, 2016

Ok, to clear the air for some of you because some of you seem to be not understanding. My boyfriend pays $80 a month in rent, my mom does his laundry for him and everyone else, he use MY car so much that I hardly ever use it, so he puts gas in it as he should. Btw to the rude person saying I shouldn't get my hair done? Umm...I would have the money and means to do it if I wasn't spending so much money on food every single day. I spent my saved money for my hair on him. That's not cool. I don't mind being equal, paying one week, and then he pays for the other week for food. I don't mind helping out but this has been an ongoing situation of me strictly paying for food. I am trying to find an under the table job where it's not documented so I can not lose my medical and still go to school. Unfortunately, those are hard to come by, I am not some lazy bitch. I go to college full time, and I trying to be a Physician Assistant, and with that said it wouldn't matter if I lost my medical. I would have a career where it is a high paying job.

My parents think it makes more sense to do that. I don't ask my dad for money. My dad willing hands me money to have, and he wants to do that because he always wants me to have pocket money. Everytime I got my hair done it was with my school money, or my dad's money, or stuff I sell. I never asked my boyfriend to pay for any luxuries I wanted. I bought them myself. I save my money a lot, and sometimes I have good sells on Ebay so, my money will accumulate. That's how around Christmas I managed to have $600 to my name, and I spent $500 on it on my boyfriend to show appreciation and love. He just handed me $50 cash. He literally asked me on birthday if I wanted $100, I said "no", because it was awkward and it made me feel weird, you shouldn't ask someone if they want money on their birthday, it should be natural to simply hand it to me without question. I took him out to dinner on his birthday, and spent $150 on gifts on him, it was natural, I didn't say "Do you want me to get you gifts?" That would be awkward and strange. Also, the food is expensive because he eats a lot he's not heavy or fat, but because he doesn't eat all day, he eats a lot. I am satisfied with a piece of chicken and vegetables, where as he needs like 7 pieces of chicken, pasta, vegetables, you name it. He eats a ton, so that is expensive for me, because I am not eating even half of what I make for him. I am mad because before he did take care of buying food where as now he isn't. He shouldn't be putting the load on someone who is a college student and not working. He gets consistent income every week. That is good enough. He can pay his debts and manage his money still with the amount he makes every week. I am not asking for much, I just want to be equal. I know that if i had a job that made as much as his, I wouldn't expect a dime off of my significant other because I would have the means to pay for everything. Especially if my significant other is working towards the medical field and being a Physician Assistant, I would understand that they need to devote their time and effort into school. It's hard, school is work. So, i at least expect him to provide the basic necesseties, not the luxuries I want. I only asked him for $40 because I literally had no money for a purse, because it is all being spent on food. If it was like before where he was paying for food, and I would help out when needed then I would have money for my hair, my purse and everything.

You're missing the point. You started this post off talking about how you can't get a legit job bc of healthcare benefits being cut off. You're a college student living at home and having almost all of your bills being paid for by your parents. You're on the struggle bus. You had $600 to your name and spent $500 on gifts for ur bf. You could have put some of that towards a bill for your parents, or started saving just so you don't end up in a situation where you can't afford things you want. You can't get mad at him because he didn't spend the same amount on you. You don't give gifts to get the 'thanks' and to receive the same amount. That tit for tat is not realistic, especially when your financial situations are both dire but still very different.

Nothing about this situation is equal. Understand the difference between spending other people's money and spending money you labored for. Why do you expect a man living in your parent's house to be able to support you? Neither of you can even afford to support yourselves. Your parents are supporting the both of you.

and no, school is not work in the same manner as what your parents or bf do, unless you're being paid to go there. It's admirable, but it's not supporting you.

and wanting him to pay for all the food so that you can afford to keep your money and do all these extras for yourself makes you sound spoiled. College students are poor. We have loans. We deal with it. You don't want him to pay for the food bc you can't afford it, you want him to pay for it so you can get your hair done and have purses. In your situation, those things should be the least of your concerns.

Yall are both taking advantage of your parents. Moreso you, because I doubt they would have let him move in if you hadn't asked them.

July 28, 2016

You're missing the point. You started this post off talking about how you can't get a legit job bc of healthcare benefits being cut off. You're a college student living at home and having almost all of your bills being paid for by your parents. You're on the struggle bus. You had $600 to your name and spent $500 on gifts for ur bf. You could have put some of that towards a bill for your parents, or started saving just so you don't end up in a situation where you can't afford things you want. You can't get mad at him because he didn't spend the same amount on you. You don't give gifts to get the 'thanks' and to receive the same amount. That tit for tat is not realistic, especially when your financial situations are both dire but still very different.

Nothing about this situation is equal. Understand the difference between spending other people's money and spending money you labored for. Why do you expect a man living in your parent's house to be able to support you? Neither of you can even afford to support yourselves. Your parents are supporting the both of you.

and no, school is not work in the same manner as what your parents or bf do, unless you're being paid to go there. It's admirable, but it's not supporting you.

and wanting him to pay for all the food so that you can afford to keep your money and do all these extras for yourself makes you sound spoiled. College students are poor. We have loans. We deal with it. You don't want him to pay for the food bc you can't afford it, you want him to pay for it so you can get your hair done and have purses. In your situation, those things should be the least of your concerns.

Yall are both taking advantage of your parents. Moreso you, because I doubt they would have let him move in if you hadn't asked them.

While I agree with you, I really don't think the bf is the innocent party here by far. He's a grown ass man, he KNOWS $80/month is pretty much just garnish on the platter as far as rent goes, yet he goes along with the sweet deal at her parents' expense and lets her mum do his laundry to boot.

IMO, supporting their own child with medical problems is okay if they have consented to it, but they really shouldn't be supporting a stranger whose only tie to the family is that he's their daughter's boyfriend.

July 28, 2016

Rude?

Where are you going that requires you to have your hair done professionally.

You dont need your hair done when you are struggling to afford food and clothes.

July 28, 2016

i think her bf might not be a parasite.

she is a person who grew up on having an allowance. She gets 200$ monthly and probably her grandads and parents give her around 500$ for christmas, bday and stuff...

they "finance" their own food, her parents don't buy them food, so...givin 80$ for electricity for him, water, heating should probably cover it.

when you tell someone "it's ok, just pay something symbolic for electricity and heating but you two buy your own food" they will of course stick to that.

Sometimes in life you need to put things on paper and be honest! Your bf might see you having perfect hair all the time, always have a clean house, having cloth, spedning 500$ on him for christmas. He might think you are rich family who is fine with him living there and can afford anything. While he is just a truck driver e.g. your mom and dad are doctors and have a decent house!

So...my point is that you need to tell your bf that you want a job and move in with him because its not okay that your rich family supports you too and that you are not kids anymore.

E.g. someone can see me driving a good car, having my own place, have a steady job, always well dressed. My friends could think I am capable women and awesome and work hard. While in fact they don't know I have 20.000 euros of debts on my credit cards.

Yet I always smile and never complain to anyone of my debt. People don't know the truth, so....

Truth is always something in between

Edited July 28, 2016 by miranda11

July 28, 2016

While I agree with you, I really don't think the bf is the innocent party here by far. He's a grown ass man, he KNOWS $80/month is pretty much just garnish on the platter as far as rent goes, yet he goes along with the sweet deal at her parents' expense and lets her mum do his laundry to boot.

IMO, supporting their own child with medical problems is okay if they have consented to it, but they really shouldn't be supporting a stranger whose only tie to the family is that he's their daughter's boyfriend.

I didn't say he was innocent, but he wouldn't be freeloading off her parents if she was not allowing it. That's great for parents to support their child, however, it's a bit odd to be blowing money on a man rather than the people supporting you. She should still be trying to help out in any way she can. Like, instead of her mom doing everyone's laundry, SHE could do the laundry since her man's dirty drawers are in there too.

If those were my parents, I'd have that place spic and span and shining like the top of the Chrysler building every day. She's got them supporting her, idk why she thinks her bf is capable of or needs to support her as well. Should have never moved him in.

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My boyfriend won't pay for food

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