bachdude Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 So just for the record, Miranda11 has this guy, Jerking off to FB Getting women's numbers Having OCD Stalking women This is really presumptuous. This shows how a person's imagination and thoughts can get out of control. Pretty out there. 3
Author Ellejay Posted July 28, 2016 Author Posted July 28, 2016 (edited) He probably isn't cheating on you, but i think he is taking you for granted. I am a woman, but honestly I don't exchange phone numbers or google my old hot mates or potential mates on FB if I am commited to someone. Your guy is considering you the 2nd best and 2nd option untill something better comes along. I wouldn't be anymore with someone who has a need to jerk off his collegues on FB or gets turned on by their photos while he lives with me, thats gross. I think that sooner or later he will find something better and dump you. For now it's all ok. You split bills, you cook, clean, he is bloody blessed. Man who wants a future and is serious about you doesn't do what your BF does secretly. I am doing what he does when I am actually not into a guy really much, but he is okay when I can't find someone better. Since I am 30 I know how to back off and call things off because I now what I want in life now. If someone doesn't completes me enough and makes me search further subconsceusly or consceusley, I leave to be fair play. I know people get bored when that pass a year or two in a relationship, but still...If you think someone is your good option you don't have needs to look at other places What I would do if I were you...I wouldn't be like "I saw your FB searches by mistake" thats childish. I'd say to someone, I really like you but I don't think we have a future togethere since you have a need to look at other places e.g. facebook or stuff and jerk off another women. So I am gone, I won't be someone's second option especially since you used to cheat on someone before, I don't think you are ready to settle down. I am sorry but I don't want this in my life and living in doubts also is no life, so I am gone. Good luck finding someone else and thats it. I won't be someone's 2nd best, good luck finding someone who will make you happy sexually and in other fields, I guess we are not a good match. I'd move the next day and be gone... That's pretty irrational, I'm sorry. & He didn't jerk off to them, I believe. He searched them at work so I think that would be extremely inappropriate lmao. Secondly, who said I was second best? There was no proof of him cheating. He didn't exchange numbers nor did he talk to them, because he doesn't have a phone. My cousin works in the same department as him & which they carpool together & he would've told me by now if he did. He's just been snappy lately at me, & so I was simply nervous at the thought of him attracted to someone else because of his past. My intentions of this post was to also gain perspective of someone who has cheated in the past & see if I was being paranoid or not. For the record, I don't think age defines wisdom. You're telling me that you're 30 & you would bounce the next day in my situation & not even hear the other person's side. They're not nudes, girl. They're searches. Kudos to you to know what you want in life, but I don't agree to act so dramatically to things like this, especially if there's another side to the story. I don't mean to be so harsh, but I don't think relationships are meant to be given up so easily & they need cultivation. I know I may be young, but I certainly know what I want too & it doesn't consist of giving up so easily when things get tough. Ending the relationship wouldn't be such a wise choice, since there is no proof & the relationship is great besides this concern of mine... Edited July 28, 2016 by Ellejay 1
miranda11 Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 You are insecure person who opens a thread I promise I wasn't snooping, now you are defending a guy who cheated on his 2 ex gfs... Yet you are too insecure for mentioning they are all HOT! What do you expect to people to say to you? Your relationship is dead already, there is no trust. You have a low selfesteem mentioning they are HOT! If you trusted a guy and were confident, nothing would bother you and you wouldn't open this topic here. All I am saying your BF is a jerk and that you should dump him. Someone cheats on everybody, can't stay faithfull to them, yet he is into other women on FB, he will exchange you and put you on the bench in a couple of months or a year. I don't date men who tell me they were cheaters... it's like dating and addict person. You can keep your friend in a pants for a while, sooner or later you do the same things...some people are just not meant to be faithfull. He is 26 and is acting like a horny teen. a grown up men doesn't google female mates over and over again unless he is attracted to them... whatever, you are twenty, you will mature and pick wisley men in future and not rush into things and moving in with cheatrs as a teenager... 3
elaine567 Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 Maybe there is not a huge difference between having a FB search full of dream apartments, as you are looking to improve your own and a FB search full of dream women, as you are looking to improve your own... 1
elaine567 Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 For the past month, he has been checking out other "hot" women and that may be harmless curiosity, but he is also now snaps at the OP and instead of trying to alleviate her quite understandable fears over him, he gets defensive. Miranda may have been shot down by some of the regular posters but she makes a great point, when people are content with what they have, they are not going to be obsessively searching for something else. People in content relationships do not tend to hunt for hot people to drool over, they do not look up old bfs, exes and hot friends. They tend to do that when they are looking for more than what they have. When what they have is not floating their boat or not "enough". Yes, he is 26 and no doubt horny and he may have a thing about just looking at hot women, but as he also has a track record of cheating and he has changed his personality recently too, then this cannot just be dismissed as being nothing. 5
elaine567 Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 OP. A relationship where you feel the need to do things, to prevent a man cheating on you, is never going to be happy one for you. Yes, you can wash his socks, be every which way in the bedroom, do his homework???, tidy his room???, but if he is going to cheat he will still do so. People can be perverse, the nicer, the more loving, the more caring you are, the more likely he may be to cheat on you. Being nice and giving him everything he wants is no guarantee he won't cheat. A loving foundation at home can give some people a base to cheat. She loves me, she'll never leave, she trusts me, she won't find out, so I can do what I like. 3
katiegrl Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 (edited) For the past month, he has been checking out other "hot" women and that may be harmless curiosity, but he is also now snaps at the OP and instead of trying to alleviate her quite understandable fears over him, he gets defensive. Miranda may have been shot down by some of the regular posters but she makes a great point, when people are content with what they have, they are not going to be obsessively searching for something else. People in content relationships do not tend to hunt for hot people to drool over, they do not look up old bfs, exes and hot friends. They tend to do that when they are looking for more than what they have. When what they have is not floating their boat or not "enough". Yes, he is 26 and no doubt horny and he may have a thing about just looking at hot women, but as he also has a track record of cheating and he has changed his personality recently too, then this cannot just be dismissed as being nothing. Fair points elaine, however speaking personally, I *was* very happy and content in my relationship, my searching was not *obsessive* nor was I on the *hunt* for *hot* people to *drool over.* I was simply curious as to what my old friends, including old bfs were up to, nothing more, nothing less. There is actually a great site specifically for that purpose, called *classmates.com.*. And my searches actually resulted in my reconnecting with some of my old friends, so it turned out to be a positive. All done while I was living with my bf, which he knew about and had no problem with. In fact, he did the same. I don't know what's going on with the OP's bf, I have never met the guy and don't know him. And neither do you. Or Miranda or anyone else .... except the OP. We can speculate until hell freezes over what his motivation is, but at the end of the day, it is all speculation.... based on our own personal experiences..... the OP is the only person who knows him, and while she is insecure and needs to work on that, if she trusts him and wants to understand him, rather than assume and attack, that is her prerogative... and none of anyone else's business. Including mine. And if he is cheating, that fact will rear its ugly head soon enough, after which OP can decide what she wants to do.... Edited July 28, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
Lois_Griffin Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 Not too long ago, I questioned if he had attraction to anyone at his work because his demeanor significantly changed; more confident, a girl coworker gave him a phone because he doesn't have a phone, charming to others even when I was next to him to the point where I thought he was flirting! It just seems like he LOVED the attention. I think this stuff is more telling than his mouth-breathing activity on Facebook. You didn't answer the other poster who asked about this phone he was given. Was it an old phone she gave him that he had activated with his own cell phone plan, or is this phone on HER plan? 2
elaine567 Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 Fair points elaine, however speaking personally, I *was* very happy and content in my relationship, my searching was not *obsessive* nor was I on the *hunt* for *hot* people to *drool over.* Exactly but your top ten searches i guess did not consist of looking for hot dudes, you were also not snapping at your bf and arguing a lot, nor I guess were you all defensively prickly... I guess had you been. he would not have been so comfortable with your FB surfing would he? I do not know if this guy is cheating or not, only he knows that, but something isn't right in this relationship. 2
miranda11 Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 (edited) She is just unmature person, yet she says she is mature. I don't think no one rational moves in with a guy by only being 19 when he tells you he is a serial cheater. I dated a guy who told me he left his ex gf, that he had a son with her and that he made some crimes... WTF? I ran away, just stoped answering his texts and told him it's over. He told me he hates them. So what am I suposed to do? Date that kind of man no matter how good looking or how good he treated me? No way! I still believe there is a strict policy of being too honest. My last guy with who was I just hooking up and developed some werid feelings for about who I came to this forum is smoking weed almost everyday. He also told me he had done coke and some stuff while he was younger. He had some stories. But what I've seen in his eyes while he was telling me his actualy some of funny stories which happened to him, it was not regret or not wanting to do it anymore. It's the fact that he got so happy about talking his past drug experience that I am sure he would do again if he had money and better job. I was hooked on this guy for the last couple of months like some jerk too, too blind to actually think rational while all the signs are showing different. This guy could move in with me and be with me. I've could of call him because he was into this and I know he'd come when I've started to live alone. But I am ending stuff between him too. He won't stop doing weed or maybe even something more because I observed the way he talks about this stuff. And who am I to change it or judge him constatly for that if I am the one who never tried drugs and is not willing to do it ever? So I've wrote him off because I see he won't change and basiclly I don't want to be someone's sponsor or mom constantly taking care of someone not to relapse and living my life, planning some future with someone who has big issues and doesn't do anything to change it. He can't keep a job for more then a year because of his weed. lucky for him he lives in amsterdam where it's legal. My point is when you start to see some signs with your bf, lover whatever that he is not chaning and that he is doing the same thing over and over again, sooner or later some **** will happen. maybe not now, maybe in 5 years. All I know is that I am not someone's mom and that I don't want to become an insecure person because someone is acting like a selfish jerk. It's okay to look at porn, turn around for other hot women, or FB some once in a while. But bein a jerk and doing it constantly is not a sign of someone who is willing to change. It's like my guy moves in with me, I talk to him and he tells me that he is smoking too much and that it's wrong that he gets sick once in a month so that he passes out abusing weed or drugs and in the end....i see on his phone that he is searching where to buy weed in berlin (where I live), or German weed or whatever...and just that. I am sorry but I wouldn't be paranoid thinking then that he wants to smoke weed again when he told he is off of that. I think I'd be realistic asuming that he doesn't want to change and won't. So in these situation you need to accept the fact that you are dating a sex addict or a drug addict and live with that facti, or you just let them go without any arguments and heavy talks. I never fight with men and point them they are doing something wrong. When I see someone is not willing to change, I am gone and let them go without any further explanations. Because I think we are both grown enough to see other person is not willing to change. As I said I am not someone's mom or whatever that he needs to proove himself to me everyday with exuses, that's not love, that dating a selfish dick who takes you for granted. Guy likes to FB hot women, so...? She can accept it or dump him. He flirts in front of her with her coworker who bought him phone, so...? She can accept it or dump him. Telling someone you are cheating, I know, why is she doing this, you flirted with her, I promse I am not snooping but you search for better looking women is wrong because the signs someone won't change are like 80%. She is too young to waste her life and money with someone who is a serial cheater and constant flirt. But the problem is that she can'taccept that. First she is saying potential cheating? Then she defends him? it's contradictory and evidence of non healthy relationship. Of course people get defensive when they are doing wrong things being acused for it. Edited July 28, 2016 by miranda11
bachdude Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 Posters here really need to stop this nonsense of "If I did this, it would mean . . ." Therefore "If kategrl's BF does it, it must mean the same thing as it does for me" You are not him, he is not you. Stop projecting your own motivations onto another person. 1
JewelD Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 Posters here really need to stop this nonsense of "If I did this, it would mean . . ." Therefore "If kategrl's BF does it, it must mean the same thing as it does for me" You are not him, he is not you. Stop projecting your own motivations onto another person. Everybody does that to a certain extent. You yourself said that unless he's taking viagra, he probably couldn't sleep with a coworker and be able to get it up to sleep with her afterwards. You've never slept with this man, how do you know how long it takes him to get it up? Is that not you projecting your own experience on him? Bc there's plenty of men his age who can be ready for round two in mere minutes. IJS.
bachdude Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 Everybody does that to a certain extent. You yourself said that unless he's taking viagra, he probably couldn't sleep with a coworker and be able to get it up to sleep with her afterwards. You've never slept with this man, how do you know how long it takes him to get it up? Is that not you projecting your own experience on him? Bc there's plenty of men his age who can be ready for round two in mere minutes. IJS. Thank you for backing up my point!
JewelD Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 It clearly doesn't back up your point, it simply shows you're doing the exact same thing you're complaining about. If she agreed with your opinion that he wasn't cheating, I doubt you would care that she projected her own motivations on him.
bachdude Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 It clearly doesn't back up your point, it simply shows you're doing the exact same thing you're complaining about. If she agreed with your opinion that he wasn't cheating, I doubt you would care that she projected her own motivations on him. Who is "she"? You did back up my point because you said I wasn't following my own advice. I agree with you that I was projecting myself onto her boyfriend. In making your point you inadvertently backed me up. My main point in this whole thread is the rush to judgment and that many of the ridiculous claims are not warranted by the facts. That's all. Posters are making massive assumptions about the BFs motives of which they no absolutely nothing about. 3
JewelD Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 Who is "she"? You did back up my point because you said I wasn't following my own advice. I agree with you that I was projecting myself onto her boyfriend. In making your point you inadvertently backed me up. My main point in this whole thread is the rush to judgment and that many of the ridiculous claims are not warranted by the facts. That's all. Posters are making massive assumptions about the BFs motives of which they no absolutely nothing about. She as in the user who posted before you who you appear to be referring to. It's not backing up your point because I don't agree with it. You can't give advice without using your own point of reference. Some people take it too far, but it shouldn't only be pointed out when someone doesn't agree with your own opinion. None of us know anything about anyone on here, that's a given and the benefit of this site. However, our only method of giving advice is to speak from our own experiences (hence why everyone on basically every post does it) and what we think is most likely the issue. 1
miranda11 Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 I am not saying that he is cheating or cheated on her or didn't cheat on her! Man you are the one saying he isn't cheating because he'd need a viagra, thats assumptions. I've slept with my ex bf couple of days ago who is 34 years old 4 times in 24h. From my own experience If some told me he was a cheater and I yet moved in with him, then he FB and stalk and uses FB just to stalk women (the evidence is 10 women in his search, not 3, 10) Then he gets free phone from his co worker that happens to be good looking according to his gf? I am sorry unless you get a phone free from company money and unless your co worker is your boss or supervisor who wants you to have a decent phone so that you can get your job done. I seriously have nothing else to say. Probability with all the fact she gave us that he will cheat on her in a couple of monhts, tomorrow or 5 years is 80%. Living with someone who puts you down and makes you suspicious is really a healthy relationship to continue... everybody need adrenaline rush and action, right? It's how relationship are based- on possesivness and jelaousy and stalking exes FB search bar. You can also log in to someone's facebook account too, but author did snoop his account. You need to click on search bar to list you 10 recent searches it doesn't pops out just like that. Curiosity killed the cat, she got what she was looking for and now she needs to continue living in doubts with serial cheater. Have a good life girl. I think you deserve a better guy who doesn't yells at you and gets defensive when you tell him what you did...
Author Ellejay Posted July 28, 2016 Author Posted July 28, 2016 Hey guys, thank you for all your posts as it gave me insight to many perspectives. I know I left out some key factors like if his phone already had service & if it was new, but some of ya'll exaggerated some of the things I said haha. Although, I did not agree with some things, I do agree that I was insecure due to the consecutive incidents (with his change in demeanor, receiving a cracked phone with no sim card or any service, recent hostility, & latest facebook searches) & that I should stop playing MamaBear haha (it was only temporary!) His actions weren't like him, & this made me freak the fck out. But wouldn't anyone? So Miranda, to a degree you are correct with me being insecure. When I initially posted this, I was certain that he was cheating (my mind got the best of me) & after taking the time to calm down & read everyone's post, everyone's was significantly different & I realized that the only way would be to talk to him to really get the answer. UPDATE: We were talking via Google Chat yesterday(since we both do not have phones lol) & he sensed that I was off (which is remarkable because I made it a conscious effort to not to show the anger until I talked to him at home). Now keep in mind that he's at work, so I didn't want to talk about this issue while he was working, although he insisted. I still didn't budge & I told him to wait til he got home, & it wasn't anything big, just a concern & irritation. He literally freaked out & called me on facetime audio, (I have an iPhone with no service, only works with WiFi) through my cousin's phone (they work in the same department). He sounded so worried & he told me he's going to come home now because he wanted to make sure I was alright. Him sounding so worried only made me feel like he knew he was guilty, so I tried my best to keep my composure(some tears fell here & there), & I told him that he can't afford to come here, especially since it was so busy at his work & the matter can wait til he got home since I wanted to talk to him face to face. This went on for about 20 minutes with no yelling, until he finally calmed down from his anxiety, & said, "Well, whatever it is, I'm sorry for what I did & I love you." I thought, "HE'S GUILTY!" lol. Fast forward to when he got home; he seemed genuinely happy to see me & asked if we could finally talk. So we talked & I told him the whole situation. I told him how I mistakenly stumbled upon it & everything. He looked at me & said, "Would you like to go through those with me? I have a reason for every one of them." & I did not want to. I told him just tell me what were the intentions of them in the first place. You know what he said? "I have been searching them because I was trying to see what's Jacob's type & taste in women based on appearance. He was trying to show women that he thought I would find attractive as well (Jacob is his close coworker who has kids & a wife who both knows me)." He told me to ask my cousin if I didn't believe him & I did somewhat believe him (I played that game with my girlfriends before to see what kind of guys they were into too lol) but it still didn't sit well with me. I spoke upon issues again like the phone from his coworker (who I didn't say was beautiful by the way or hot) , his hostility, & everything else that was eating away at my mind. He explained that his coworker was nice to everyone & she didn't need that cracked phone, & he was hostile because of the lack of sleep & stress from his papers (which is true). Later that night, we had dinner with my cousin who works with him & his boyfriend, & my cousin confirmed it saying my boyfriend & his coworker do play that guessing game & vouched for his coworker's nice personality (the girl who gave the phone). Also, Jacob's wife was livid when she found out too apparently, thinking she was being cheated on, only to find out they were playing a game. -___- He sincerely apologized after we got home for his aggression, & the fact that I believed there was a possibility of him cheating. He honestly thought he was going to come home to a bag packed with clothes & all his belongings (I've done that before lol oops, but not because I thought he was cheating. PMS is no joke haha). He cried & said he didn't want to lose me, especially if it meant because of his past with cheating. He explained that it sucks because he feels like no matter how he tries to show how faithful he is to me, I still assumed he was cheating (but he did admit he would've acted more irrational than me & would lose his sht if roles were to switch). Therefore we concluded, my insecurity does come into play & made my mind crazy, so it is something I need to work on & he needs to get some damn sleep LOL. Now I already know some of you won't agree with the reasoning behind those searches, but in all honesty, to me it seemed pretty harmless. Like what katiegrl said, most relationships nowadays do feel restrictive & suffocating, & in reality, I think everyone looks every now & then. I think it's human nature. I mean, when I come across men who are attractive, I'm not going to lie, I think they're damn attractive. But, I'm not going to go talk to them or exchange numbers. I even find women who walk my way attractive, but not because I'm attracted to them. It's just because I think they're beautiful. Heck, my boyfriend & I even catch each other look at the same people sometimes & he's open enough to say he's handsome or pretty. For the record, he usually treats me with respect & it was just lately that he had a change in demeanor. When I would usually approach things, he wouldn't act so aggressively towards them. That's why it caused me to freak out. It's been happening for a month & I just couldn't take it. But then again that's when school started, too & he became a lot more stressed. Anyways, I realize I wasn't being very descriptive with my posts, therefore it lead to some misconceptions because of the lack of key information. But Miranda, you seem to have vivid imagination haha. The women he searched for were beautiful, not his coworker! I don't recall reiterating that or half of the things you've mentioned... But then again, it could be the lack of information I provided. Also, if you were to check on Facebook, it really does drop down the recent searches once you click it -___-. Maybe I'm just naive, or maybe because I'm 21 & not 30 like Miranda lol, but I believe people can change. Heck, I know I wasn't the same person I was when I was 18. But I don't think people should be held accountable for their past, UNLESS their current actions say otherwise, then there's still hope for them to change. Trust me, I didn't plan on dating "a serial cheater" nor moving in with him, but I've definitely grown a lot more by being in this relationship with him. I guess I've failed to provide why I have so much hope for him; He has moved to my town before(I was going to school & I didn't want him to have to leave his town in order to be with me, but yet he insisted), hasn't smoked cigarettes & vaped for 1 year because I didn't agree it was beneficial to him (started smoking at 13 years old), & he has started to go back to school after helping me with mine lol (he has never finished college) in which they were all voluntary. I see the effort he puts daily, especially in building towards a future, but it was just recently that I questioned it because he was acting strange for more than a week (which is why I was freaking out so much). I could be wrong & he may end up cheating on me, who's to know. I just know that I would miss out on a great relationship,( like someone said), if I were to break up with this wonderful man who unfortunately made mistakes in the past. ANYWAYS, I'll let you guys know in the future LOL, but until then, I'll be that 21 year old idiot some of you guys may believe, who is happily learning new things & growing, by living with her "serial cheater".
bachdude Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 She as in the user who posted before you who you appear to be referring to. It's not backing up your point because I don't agree with it. You can't give advice without using your own point of reference. Some people take it too far, but it shouldn't only be pointed out when someone doesn't agree with your own opinion. None of us know anything about anyone on here, that's a given and the benefit of this site. However, our only method of giving advice is to speak from our own experiences (hence why everyone on basically every post does it) and what we think is most likely the issue. Ok, I don't want to get into splitting hairs here to much but I never said you agreed with me, per se. I said you backed up my point. How? Because you gave a good argument why my projection onto her BF was not valid. That is how you backed me up inadvertently. See what I mean now? I didn't say we can't use our experiences to give advice. I said posters on this specific thread are projecting their own motivations onto another person, such as.... "People who are content do not look up old exs or hot friends" So I understand, you are actually saying that projecting our own motivations onto others is a good way to proceed? Just because we all do it?? I think it's something we all need to be careful and wary of, not just say, well, we all do it after all! 1
bachdude Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 Hey guys, thank you for all your posts as it gave me insight to many perspectives. I know I left out some key factors like if his phone already had service & if it was new, but some of ya'll exaggerated some of the things I said haha. Although, I did not agree with some things, I do agree that I was insecure due to the consecutive incidents (with his change in demeanor, receiving a cracked phone with no sim card or any service, recent hostility, & latest facebook searches) & that I should stop playing MamaBear haha (it was only temporary!) His actions weren't like him, & this made me freak the fck out. But wouldn't anyone? So Miranda, to a degree you are correct with me being insecure. When I initially posted this, I was certain that he was cheating (my mind got the best of me) & after taking the time to calm down & read everyone's post, everyone's was significantly different & I realized that the only way would be to talk to him to really get the answer. UPDATE: We were talking via Google Chat yesterday(since we both do not have phones lol) & he sensed that I was off (which is remarkable because I made it a conscious effort to not to show the anger until I talked to him at home). Now keep in mind that he's at work, so I didn't want to talk about this issue while he was working, although he insisted. I still didn't budge & I told him to wait til he got home, & it wasn't anything big, just a concern & irritation. He literally freaked out & called me on facetime audio, (I have an iPhone with no service, only works with WiFi) through my cousin's phone (they work in the same department). He sounded so worried & he told me he's going to come home now because he wanted to make sure I was alright. Him sounding so worried only made me feel like he knew he was guilty, so I tried my best to keep my composure(some tears fell here & there), & I told him that he can't afford to come here, especially since it was so busy at his work & the matter can wait til he got home since I wanted to talk to him face to face. This went on for about 20 minutes with no yelling, until he finally calmed down from his anxiety, & said, "Well, whatever it is, I'm sorry for what I did & I love you." I thought, "HE'S GUILTY!" lol. Fast forward to when he got home; he seemed genuinely happy to see me & asked if we could finally talk. So we talked & I told him the whole situation. I told him how I mistakenly stumbled upon it & everything. He looked at me & said, "Would you like to go through those with me? I have a reason for every one of them." & I did not want to. I told him just tell me what were the intentions of them in the first place. You know what he said? "I have been searching them because I was trying to see what's Jacob's type & taste in women based on appearance. He was trying to show women that he thought I would find attractive as well (Jacob is his close coworker who has kids & a wife who both knows me)." He told me to ask my cousin if I didn't believe him & I did somewhat believe him (I played that game with my girlfriends before to see what kind of guys they were into too lol) but it still didn't sit well with me. I spoke upon issues again like the phone from his coworker (who I didn't say was beautiful by the way or hot) , his hostility, & everything else that was eating away at my mind. He explained that his coworker was nice to everyone & she didn't need that cracked phone, & he was hostile because of the lack of sleep & stress from his papers (which is true). Later that night, we had dinner with my cousin who works with him & his boyfriend, & my cousin confirmed it saying my boyfriend & his coworker do play that guessing game & vouched for his coworker's nice personality (the girl who gave the phone). Also, Jacob's wife was livid when she found out too apparently, thinking she was being cheated on, only to find out they were playing a game. -___- He sincerely apologized after we got home for his aggression, & the fact that I believed there was a possibility of him cheating. He honestly thought he was going to come home to a bag packed with clothes & all his belongings (I've done that before lol oops, but not because I thought he was cheating. PMS is no joke haha). He cried & said he didn't want to lose me, especially if it meant because of his past with cheating. He explained that it sucks because he feels like no matter how he tries to show how faithful he is to me, I still assumed he was cheating (but he did admit he would've acted more irrational than me & would lose his sht if roles were to switch). Therefore we concluded, my insecurity does come into play & made my mind crazy, so it is something I need to work on & he needs to get some damn sleep LOL. Now I already know some of you won't agree with the reasoning behind those searches, but in all honesty, to me it seemed pretty harmless. Like what katiegrl said, most relationships nowadays do feel restrictive & suffocating, & in reality, I think everyone looks every now & then. I think it's human nature. I mean, when I come across men who are attractive, I'm not going to lie, I think they're damn attractive. But, I'm not going to go talk to them or exchange numbers. I even find women who walk my way attractive, but not because I'm attracted to them. It's just because I think they're beautiful. Heck, my boyfriend & I even catch each other look at the same people sometimes & he's open enough to say he's handsome or pretty. For the record, he usually treats me with respect & it was just lately that he had a change in demeanor. When I would usually approach things, he wouldn't act so aggressively towards them. That's why it caused me to freak out. It's been happening for a month & I just couldn't take it. But then again that's when school started, too & he became a lot more stressed. Anyways, I realize I wasn't being very descriptive with my posts, therefore it lead to some misconceptions because of the lack of key information. But Miranda, you seem to have vivid imagination haha. The women he searched for were beautiful, not his coworker! I don't recall reiterating that or half of the things you've mentioned... But then again, it could be the lack of information I provided. Also, if you were to check on Facebook, it really does drop down the recent searches once you click it -___-. Maybe I'm just naive, or maybe because I'm 21 & not 30 like Miranda lol, but I believe people can change. Heck, I know I wasn't the same person I was when I was 18. But I don't think people should be held accountable for their past, UNLESS their current actions say otherwise, then there's still hope for them to change. Trust me, I didn't plan on dating "a serial cheater" nor moving in with him, but I've definitely grown a lot more by being in this relationship with him. I guess I've failed to provide why I have so much hope for him; He has moved to my town before(I was going to school & I didn't want him to have to leave his town in order to be with me, but yet he insisted), hasn't smoked cigarettes & vaped for 1 year because I didn't agree it was beneficial to him (started smoking at 13 years old), & he has started to go back to school after helping me with mine lol (he has never finished college) in which they were all voluntary. I see the effort he puts daily, especially in building towards a future, but it was just recently that I questioned it because he was acting strange for more than a week (which is why I was freaking out so much). I could be wrong & he may end up cheating on me, who's to know. I just know that I would miss out on a great relationship,( like someone said), if I were to break up with this wonderful man who unfortunately made mistakes in the past. ANYWAYS, I'll let you guys know in the future LOL, but until then, I'll be that 21 year old idiot some of you guys may believe, who is happily learning new things & growing, by living with her "serial cheater". Bravo! And I think we have all spoken our peace and should leave it at this folks.
JewelD Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 Ok, I don't want to get into splitting hairs here to much but I never said you agreed with me, per se. I said you backed up my point. How? Because you gave a good argument why my projection onto her BF was not valid. That is how you backed me up inadvertently. See what I mean now? I didn't say we can't use our experiences to give advice. I said posters on this specific thread are projecting their own motivations onto another person, such as.... "People who are content do not look up old exs or hot friends" So I understand, you are actually saying that projecting our own motivations onto others is a good way to proceed? Just because we all do it?? I think it's something we all need to be careful and wary of, not just say, well, we all do it after all! Yeah, and people do that a lot. "Men who are interested in you will text you back". What's the difference there? Meanwhile, I do not care to continue this pointless conversation with you, just consider your own actions before trying to chastise others because they don't agree with you.
bachdude Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 (edited) Yeah, and people do that a lot. "Men who are interested in you will text you back". What's the difference there? Meanwhile, I do not care to continue this pointless conversation with you, just consider your own actions before trying to chastise others because they don't agree with you. Sounds good to me. Have a good day! Edited July 28, 2016 by bachdude 1
bachdude Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 A do let us know how you are doing, ellejay! Best wishes and best of luck to you! 1
Author Ellejay Posted July 28, 2016 Author Posted July 28, 2016 Aww, thank you bachdude! That's extremely sweet of you. Hopefully I'll bombard this forum with wedding pictures to pictures with the grandkids... LOL. I sincerely appreciate your rational inputs & best of luck to you as well (=
bachdude Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 Aww, thank you bachdude! That's extremely sweet of you. Hopefully I'll bombard this forum with wedding pictures to pictures with the grandkids... LOL. I sincerely appreciate your rational inputs & best of luck to you as well (= That would be great! A true LoveShack success story! I was happy to give input. I hope the thread was helpful! Thank you and all the best!!
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