camillalev Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 (edited) I started recently hanging out with someone I like and seems to like me back quite a bit. We got it a conversation about relationships and I asked him when his last one was and he told me he was involved with someone during the fall/winter and they broke up in the spring. He said he noticed that they had different values, goals, lifestyles etc and had danced around the idea of ending it until their relationship reached a turning point and he had to do it. he said the breakup experience was a first for him because it was the first time he had to break up with someone who he still "really liked and really cared about" and that it was extremely difficult but the right choice in the end. Obviously, hearing this did not feel great. He's very nice, seems to like me a lot(through actions and words), plans cute dates, always initiats the next hangout, has invited me to hang out with his friends(but I couldn't go), etc but I wonder if this isn't a way to distract himself from the healing process of a breakup, even for a short(6-7 mo) relationship. On our 3rd date he told me he liked me a lot and that he'd like to see me more regularly and that it had been hard for him to only see me once a week. Which seemed sweet but also a bit strange since 3 dates, at least for me, isn't long enough to develop that level of attachment. A few friends didn't think so and that their relationship/feelings developed the same way but given the recent breakup I'm not sure? For a timeline, The earliest they could have broken up is in April and we stared hanging out beginning of June. Not sure if that's when they actually stopped talking since breakups never seem to be super clean and NC. I like him and am developing feelings for him but I'm worried about this and whether he still has feelings for her. Is it smart to continue seeing him, should I bring this up? [] Edited July 28, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs added and personal information redacted. 1
Mario2109 Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 You're over analyzing, over thinking, making things complicated. The guy likes you a lot, yes he probably still has some feelings for his ex, but you should know that you can't get rid of feelings in 2 months.. If you think he's going too fast, let him know in a polite way.. Make sure he knows you like him and don't freak out.. Good luck 1
Author camillalev Posted July 28, 2016 Author Posted July 28, 2016 Thanks for the feedback. I think he probably is still recovering from his breakup. I'm probably going to bring it up to him next time I see him.. I'm nervous about what he will say. A good friend of mine is just out of a multi year, live-in relationship and is bringing a girl he's hung out with a few times to a party where I'll be meeting her. He's most definitely rebounding and it makes me think meeting friends maybe isn't the big deal that I thought it was Has anyone met someone soon after a breakup had a meaningful relationship happen afterward? Bleh. 1
Blanco Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 Has anyone met someone soon after a breakup had a meaningful relationship happen afterward? Sort of. My last relationship lasted three years and started about six months after she had broken off an engagement with the father of her two young children. I won't say it was a healthy relationship, though. Quite the opposite, in fact. She's been with someone else since a couple months after we split. They're still together as far as I know a year and a half later, so I guess if we're simply talking about duration of relationships, my ex is capable of stringing together quite a few "meaningful" relationships with little space in between. However, if these relationships are at all like mine with her was, they're lacking of substance and emotional connection; eventually coming off as existing out of convenience and a desire to not be single, rather than to share your life with someone you feel you have an unbreakable bond with. 2
Satu Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 (edited) I'll give you my take on what a 'true' rebound relationship is, and leave you to decide if it applies in your case: Rebound relationships are fuelled by a desperate attempt to escape the pain caused by the loss of a previous relationship. "Smallness, dependence, separateness, feeling you have injured your good object, are all fairly obvious to the eye and not easily denied if one is facing reality. But reality is pretty painful much of the time in childhood, even when you have an intact family that is living harmoniously. Most children naturally gravitate to wishful ideas, the most fundamental of all being the idea that there is magic, and you can have it and instantly erase all of the pains I just outlined. Every area of life that lends itself to the possibility that there might be magic will be seized for their use as magic. If I put on mom’s bra, it will magically give me breasts and I can feed myself. If I pick up daddy’s cordless drill, I will be able to do anything he can do, maybe even marry mom and be her husband." A rebound relationship is a relationship used as a magic charm to evade the pain of a previous lost relationship. None of the above is consciously chosen. Take care. Edited July 28, 2016 by Satu 1
Author camillalev Posted July 28, 2016 Author Posted July 28, 2016 I'm going to bring it up to him when I see him next week and ask whether he's over that relationship. I think in all likelyhood he is not. From what I know of him I think he'll be honest with me, even if I'm not happy to hear it. Sucks. He's the first person in years that I've liked and felt comfortable around, and he seems like a genuine, good person. 1
Author camillalev Posted July 28, 2016 Author Posted July 28, 2016 Sort of. My last relationship lasted three years and started about six months after she had broken off an engagement with the father of her two young children. I won't say it was a healthy relationship, though. Quite the opposite, in fact. She's been with someone else since a couple months after we split. They're still together as far as I know a year and a half later, so I guess if we're simply talking about duration of relationships, my ex is capable of stringing together quite a few "meaningful" relationships with little space in between. However, if these relationships are at all like mine with her was, they're lacking of substance and emotional connection; eventually coming off as existing out of convenience and a desire to not be single, rather than to share your life with someone you feel you have an unbreakable bond with. Wow that sounds horrible. Sounds like she was unable or unwilling to face her own issues. When did it start becoming unhealthy? His previous relationship was I think a year before this last one, so I'm not sensing serial monogamy or serial rebounding with him. 1
central Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 I'm going to bring it up to him when I see him next week and ask whether he's over that relationship. I think in all likelyhood he is not. From what I know of him I think he'll be honest with me, even if I'm not happy to hear it. Sucks. He's the first person in years that I've liked and felt comfortable around, and he seems like a genuine, good person. Even if he's not yet over her, he may be soon - especially if you are a good match for him. Not all rebounds are created equal - you have to consider how things could be, not just how they seem to be right now. 2
elaine567 Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 He broke up with her, so that is a lot better than if he was the blindsided one. He made the decision to split, dumpers often spend time getting over the relationship before they announce the split, so are often pretty ready to move on quickly. If he had been the dumpee then it is too early, as the dumper I doubt that it is too early. 2
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