sc0316 Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 One of my best friends has been seeing an "amazing" guy (according to her) for a couple of months. She just learned that the guy had a much younger girlfriend a few years back. This guy is in his late 40s now and my friend just turned 40; the ex-gf is 10 years younger than my friend. My friend couldn't shake this feeling that her guy likes to go for a much younger girl; she's also starting to get a little insecure, as she feels that she's not young enough. What should I say to my friend to make her feel better? Or is she justified in feeling a little uncomfortable with this information?
GunslingerRoland Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 He's dating her now though isn't he? I'm not sure if the difference between dating a 30 year old and a 40 year old is so significant that she should be obsessing with it. If he had been moving from 18 year to 18 year old for years, I could see her worry that she isn't his type, but really unless there is more backstory here, I don't see the issue.
hippychick3 Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 I don't see that as an issue. I'm 9 1/2 years older than my bf. His last gf before me was maybe 6-7 years younger than him. That's a huge difference. But, he obviously doesn't prefer that age or he wouldn't be with me. And your friend's bf apparently doesn't have that preference either or he wouldn't be with her. Tell your friend to own her age. Confidence is HUGE 1
central Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 Age is only one of MANY factors in attraction. Often, a large age difference is a huge negative - not a positive! Your friend should stop worrying about this - it's a non-issue.
Gaeta Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 He gave it a go and he didn't like it. There is a thread on here from a 40 yo man dating a 26 years old and he is just realizing it's not gonna work and on top of that he is missing his 40s ex-girlfriend. Unless ALL of his girlfriends were 15 to 20 years younger than I would not label him as preferring younger women. He just happened to date someone younger last time. I dated plenty of younger men, younger than I by 14-15 years. My boyfriend is my age and I'd never go back to dating younger. It was just something I was open to experience at the time and nothing more. 3
stillafool Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 I don't think 10 years age difference is a much younger woman at their ages. There is nothing you can say or do to make your friend feel more secure.
Erik30 Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 There's no problem, his ex wasn't that young, she was in her mid 30s. It's not like he has a history of dating 20 year olds. (I assume)
Author sc0316 Posted July 27, 2016 Author Posted July 27, 2016 I don't think 10 years age difference is a much younger woman at their ages. There is nothing you can say or do to make your friend feel more secure. The ex-gf is 10 years younger than my friend, which makes her about 18 years younger than the guy.
Author sc0316 Posted July 27, 2016 Author Posted July 27, 2016 There's no problem, his ex wasn't that young, she was in her mid 30s. It's not like he has a history of dating 20 year olds. (I assume) When they were in a relationship, the guy was early-mid 40s and his ex-gf was mid-late 20s.
Author sc0316 Posted July 27, 2016 Author Posted July 27, 2016 He gave it a go and he didn't like it. There is a thread on here from a 40 yo man dating a 26 years old and he is just realizing it's not gonna work and on top of that he is missing his 40s ex-girlfriend. Unless ALL of his girlfriends were 15 to 20 years younger than I would not label him as preferring younger women. He just happened to date someone younger last time. I dated plenty of younger men, younger than I by 14-15 years. My boyfriend is my age and I'd never go back to dating younger. It was just something I was open to experience at the time and nothing more. This is a good point: it does make a difference whether ALL of his past gfs were much younger.
Lansing Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 I would also say it isn't a big deal. I dated a girl about 8 years younger than me and friends would tease me that she was pretty young mid 30s vs. mid 20s. After that I ended up dating a girl 12 years younger than me. Again, I wasn't dating young girls for the sake of dating young girls but I found myself meeting/liking younger girls. If I found someone closer to my age that was cool/active/fun to be with I wouldn't hesitate to date her either and would probably prefer it.
smackie9 Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 If this guy was that shallow he had to have a younger GF he sure wouldn't be dating your friend now would he. Your friend has insecurity issues in general and should address them before it sends her into misery. 2
Emilia Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 There are plenty of people who date within a big age range. 1
mikeylo Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 If he was happy in that relationship, he would still be there but he isnt. Each to his own but 18 years is a lot of difference.10 years is workable.
Author sc0316 Posted July 28, 2016 Author Posted July 28, 2016 Thank you for all the replies. It seems that the consensus is that my friend's concern has no basis (perhaps she's a bit insecure), unless her guy has a history of dating much younger girls.
mortensorchid Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 Too funny. I was just talking about this with someone not too long ago how these things happen when you go through certain phases of your life. Not counting high school or college, when I came into the scene (aka the adult world) I was 22 and the baby. Everyone was older than me, and I met the second love of my life who when we were going out I was 22 and he was 40. We were together for two rocky years, still good friends today. I felt like everyone was so much older or younger than me, be it at work or socially and I had no choice but to adapt. Now I'm 41 and it's shifted where I am the older one and a lot of the friends / coworkers are becoming younger, but it's what it is. And then the men are turning younger as well in the dating world. It's all about time periods.
Author sc0316 Posted July 28, 2016 Author Posted July 28, 2016 Too funny. I was just talking about this with someone not too long ago how these things happen when you go through certain phases of your life. Not counting high school or college, when I came into the scene (aka the adult world) I was 22 and the baby. Everyone was older than me, and I met the second love of my life who when we were going out I was 22 and he was 40. We were together for two rocky years, still good friends today. I felt like everyone was so much older or younger than me, be it at work or socially and I had no choice but to adapt. Now I'm 41 and it's shifted where I am the older one and a lot of the friends / coworkers are becoming younger, but it's what it is. And then the men are turning younger as well in the dating world. It's all about time periods. I remember that I was such a kid when I was in my early-mid 20s. It was hard to imagine dating someone in his 30s, let alone 40s. I mean, that was a totally different stage in life. Did the age difference play an important role in your relationship then?
Author sc0316 Posted July 30, 2016 Author Posted July 30, 2016 Thank you for all the replies. It seems that the consensus is that my friend's concern has no basis (perhaps she's a bit insecure), unless her guy has a history of dating much younger girls. So I got to chat with my best friend today, pretty much passing the combined wisdom of you guys. As it turned out, the ex-gf is a non-issue now compared to another issue. Her guy just disclosed to her that he has some financial problems. I'm not sure about the specifics, but it sounded like some kind of serious debts. This guy is actually a partner at some law firm, so I assume he's making a pretty good income; plus, he has been quite generous to my friend and is the kind of guy who likes to treat his lady to dates. They have only been dating for a couple of months (I think they are exclusive though). Would it be bad to "jump ship" before their relationship turns super serious (and before yet another issue comes up)? Of course, my friend has already been very attached to the guy and it might be hard to break off even if she wanted to...
Author sc0316 Posted July 31, 2016 Author Posted July 31, 2016 Any feedback will be greatly appreciated :-) So I got to chat with my best friend today, pretty much passing the combined wisdom of you guys. As it turned out, the ex-gf is a non-issue now compared to another issue. Her guy just disclosed to her that he has some financial problems. I'm not sure about the specifics, but it sounded like some kind of serious debts. This guy is actually a partner at some law firm, so I assume he's making a pretty good income; plus, he has been quite generous to my friend and is the kind of guy who likes to treat his lady to dates. They have only been dating for a couple of months (I think they are exclusive though). Would it be bad to "jump ship" before their relationship turns super serious (and before yet another issue comes up)? Of course, my friend has already been very attached to the guy and it might be hard to break off even if she wanted to...
SammySammy Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 I've dated women younger and older than me. Several many years younger. Never broke up with any of them because of their age. It was always something else. Why would his financial issues be her concern after only two months? It's not like she's about to marry him. If he has a large income as you say, financial problems can be worked through. At this point, it's not her problem. 1
Lansing Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 Any feedback will be greatly appreciated :-) If your friend is looking for advice from people on the Internet then maybe tell her to come and post on here. Without all of the details, I am not sure how much advice anyone can really give on the debt/finance issues of her boyfriend and even then I am not sure why you are playing middle man? If she is asking you for advice she is probably asking for what YOU feel. 1
basil67 Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 Financial problems themselves shouldn't necessarily be a dealbreaker. Sometimes we can get bad advice and it all goes to pieces. However, the way he handles those financial problems is the thing to look at. If he's doing his best to sort it out, then it's good. However, if he's ignoring the debt and buying unnecessary toys, then it's an issue. 1
indeed7 Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 I would agree with most people here: I see no need for concern. The guy had a younger girlfriend before? So what? Doesn't really say anything except that at one point he liked that particular woman and she liked him.
phineas Posted August 2, 2016 Posted August 2, 2016 If your friend is looking for advice from people on the Internet then maybe tell her to come and post on here. Without all of the details, I am not sure how much advice anyone can really give on the debt/finance issues of her boyfriend and even then I am not sure why you are playing middle man? If she is asking you for advice she is probably asking for what YOU feel. Because OP is really her "friend"?
Gr8fuln2020 Posted August 2, 2016 Posted August 2, 2016 Age shouldn't be an issue. I think your friend may be insecure as his ex was much younger. Most ladies in their 40s+ do not stay in shape, so perhaps she's thinking whether she'll be able to compete in that regard? Anyway, he's dating her, so she has to be attractive to him. As per finances. Right now, not something to dwell on. I am a little impressed that the guy admitted to such so early in the relationship. Good for him. He says that it is "serious" debt, well, don't know his income potential and how well the firm is doing, but for him to use the word "serious" (or is that you?), it should not be ignored. He is either an honest, up-front person, or this may be a sign of other things to come. Don't fret over it, but I have known and know some high income professionals who have no idea how to manage their money or their debt. No retirement setup, loans, credit card debt, etc. 1
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