JewelD Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 Ong, he says he's attracted to her just not great over heels. And have you seen the bf/gf odd those overweight people you speak of? Let's just say typically like attracts like .. and CLEARLY that hurt her, as OP stated. And that's not always true, I see plenty of overweight men with thin women and plenty of thin men with overweight women. More of the latter actually. Although OP didn't state what body type she prefers anyway, the point is, people should have partners who ARE head over heels for them physically. I highly doubt anyone on here would be okay with a person being with them for their personality and being unsatisfied with their physical appearance. I wouldn't settle for that and I don't think she should settle for it just because she's a plus size woman.
frus69 Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 and CLEARLY that hurt her, as OP stated. And that's not always true, I see plenty of overweight men with thin women and plenty of thin men with overweight women. More of the latter actually. Although OP didn't state what body type she prefers anyway, the point is, people should have partners who ARE head over heels for them physically. I highly doubt anyone on here would be okay with a person being with them for their personality and being unsatisfied with their physical appearance. I wouldn't settle for that and I don't think she should settle for it just because she's a plus size woman. I hardly ever see a thin man with a thick woman. On TV I did it was a documentary about chubby chasers Anyway, I think OP wants to be thin since she said she's insecure about her weight? So she should lose weight for herself
JewelD Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 I hardly ever see a thin man with a thick woman. On TV I did it was a documentary about chubby chasers Anyway, I think OP wants to be thin since she said she's insecure about her weight? So she should lose weight for herself Well if YOU don't see it, it must not exist. Thanks for clearing that up for us all.
RecentChange Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 OP- I see you started some other threads regarding your depression and its effect on your sex life etc. I am going to be another proponent for exercise. Nothing but good will result. It will help your depression and over all mood. It will improve your health. Sleeping patterns and often even affects your hunger in a positive way. It will increase your longevity, and your brain health. It will change your body. You will be able to see changes and feel proud about them. There are a long list of positive reasons to exercise, and the list of negitives are short. We can't all be "beautiful" but we can make an effort to be healthy and vivacious. But do it for yourself, not for him. 2
SevenCity Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 and CLEARLY that hurt her, as OP stated. And that's not always true, I see plenty of overweight men with thin women and plenty of thin men with overweight women. More of the latter actually. Although OP didn't state what body type she prefers anyway, the point is, people should have partners who ARE head over heels for them physically. I highly doubt anyone on here would be okay with a person being with them for their personality and being unsatisfied with their physical appearance. I wouldn't settle for that and I don't think she should settle for it just because she's a plus size woman. A lot of the couples I see with an overweight woman didn't start out that way. She was once thin and let herself go once they got married and had kids. Often women with kids take on "mommy role" and don't feel they have to be attractive anymore. They will cut their hair short because it's "easier" and pack on the pounds. Then they wonder why they got left for a younger hotter woman. Guys can get fat, but often not the dramatic change as you see with women. There are guys out there who are attracted to larger women. I had a friend like that who would flat out reject thin women (he was a big guy himself). My preference is a thin woman. My ex wife started to get fat and it completely turned me off. I would watch the warehouse club container of jelly beans get lower and lower and it made me want to throw up. I had lost attraction for her and it showed. That said, I agree that the inner beauty is equally as important. But everyone has their preference and the majority of guys like thin women. This isn't the case in all cultures, but it is here. People can't help what they find attractive. Some women like guys with beards, some like bald guys, some like fat guys but the majority of women would go for a tall, tanned guy with a 6 pack.
frus69 Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 Well if YOU don't see it, it must not exist. Thanks for clearing that up for us all. When did I ever say they don't exist? Don't be ridiculous. Of course they exist they even made a documentary! But they are not the majority. Some men like chubby women, but all men like fit women.
Dis Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 OP, is this the same bf you've been posting about since 2015??? If it is I think you need a reality check hun....if you need to start 7 different threads because you're having continuous problems with the same man...you need to stop complaining and get out 1
LexiB Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 Every man I've been with has thought I was gorgeous. Each said so voluntarily and adoringly many, many times throughout our relationship. I wouldn't be with a man who saw me any other way. 6
sin miedo Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 Do yourself a favor and lose some weight. "Inner beauty" is fine until someone with "outer beauty" comes along. Then the "inner beauty" woman gets the boot. Trust me. After my divorce I dated a very pretty woman that had a few extra pounds. Was approached by a fit woman at the gym who wasn't nearly as pretty as the woman I was with. However, I couldn't stop thinking about how fantastic this woman's body was. I eventually started messing with the fit chick and pushed the heavy one to the curb. I felt bad but was reminded by every male I told the story to that I did the right thing. Hit the gym before it's too late.. Wow that's a terrible thing to do. And this is coming from a dude... 4
Leigh 87 Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 I DO actually think that it is important for a guy to be head over heels. I have a big nose and I am not thin anymore, and although I am curvy, I am not quite the traditional hour glass - basically, I AM NOT BEAUTIFUL and yet my bf fell head over heels for MY looks. I believe in chemistry - and compatability. The thing about having good chemistry is - you DO NOT HAVE TO BE GORGEOUS for a guy to fall head over heels for your looks! I Promise! I am not beautiful and yet I have had several men fall head over heels with my looks - because the chemistry and my particular style, appealed to them - even though they could logically ascertain that I was not a model look alike! So I disagree with what the other posters have said; I DO know men who have falled head over heels with their partners looks despite them being overweight.
Leigh 87 Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 I had a very shallow ex. He was most into big boobs on a slim woman with a perfect small, upturned nose and perfect features. With a summer tan all year around He was never very attracted to my looks - not skinny, pale, a crooked not small nose..... We were watching women one day when we were out - and he pointed to a plump woman - she was chubby, overweight and had plain features and yet my ex said to me: " I could fall head over heels for her looks because she excuses confidence, her persona is so lovable, so I could legit overlook her larger weight and non stunning features because she is tanned and pleasant still and her outward personality comes accross as irresistable to me" I was a strange quirky girl who hates going out in public often. I was slim at the time and had a better body than this girl he spoke highly of - but I just did not have that CHEMISTRY with my ex that made him drawn to me or head over heels for me. Where as another girl who also did not have his usual physical attributes he fell for - but had 1 or 2 of them - he addmittedly, would have been able to fall for her looks due to her personality that came accross when he observed her! I also had 1 or 2 of his check list in regards to look - and yet with me, our chemistry was not enough and my personality was not enough for him. Your bf DOES NOT NEED to meet a girl with his ideal physical type in order for him to fall head over heels for her looks - a plain girl could make him fall hard for her looks if they share the right chemistry. There was his ex who was not in my opinion, stunning, and yet he fell head over heels for HER looks - because she had the tiny nose and right personality. I was as attractive as his ex, yet my personality did not create sparks of lust for him.
Leigh 87 Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 Every man I've been with has thought I was gorgeous. Each said so voluntarily and adoringly many, many times throughout our relationship. I wouldn't be with a man who saw me any other way. Me too. I am NOT GORGEOUS at all - I am a cute 6/10, and can be a 7 or 8/10 with professional make up. Yet I have managed to date several men who thought I was GORGEOUS. Seirously - the right man WILL view you as beautiful! EVEN THOUGH you are not objectively stunning to the vast majority of men!
Leigh 87 Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 I think it's pretty unfair to expect him to be crazy attracted to your body when you admit to being overweight. He says he IS attracted to you in spite of being overweight which says a lot about him.You're only hurt and sad bc you know it's true. I suggest getting healthier for you to feel better about yourself. He sounds like a great guy but c'mon you can't expect gihim to be wildly attracted to you being overweight. My friend gained 30 pounds.' She went from being thin to chubby. Her boyfriend was ALWAYS wildly attracted to her.
ashy555 Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 Hearing that would probably make me feel a little sad as well. Just think of it this way. Your inner qualities you have forever. Your looks change. Hes telling you he LOVES you for you. Which is what you want. A relationship wont last based on just physical appearance & sex. It needs to be more than that. I know it's hurtful but you asked for the honest truth and he gave it to you. Now all you can do is try and move on whilst working on yourself. Start working out and eating healthy. Your confidence will blossom. Confidence is one of the most attractive qualities to me. Lack of confidence is also a huge turn off. Focus on that and I promise you will feel 100% better
Leigh 87 Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 Hearing that would probably make me feel a little sad as well. Just think of it this way. Your inner qualities you have forever. Your looks change. Hes telling you he LOVES you for you. Which is what you want. A relationship wont last based on just physical appearance & sex. It needs to be more than that. I know it's hurtful but you asked for the honest truth and he gave it to you. Now all you can do is try and move on whilst working on yourself. Start working out and eating healthy. Your confidence will blossom. Confidence is one of the most attractive qualities to me. Lack of confidence is also a huge turn off. Focus on that and I promise you will feel 100% better what about all the women who have partners who are head over heels about their looks and their personalities? There are many women who get partners who are wildly attracted to them AND who ALSO admire and love their personalitis and "innder beauty". I am one of those women and I am not thin or pretty - so I think most women can find it too, providing they are not super fussy! 2
Leigh 87 Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 Hearing that would probably make me feel a little sad as well. Just think of it this way. Your inner qualities you have forever. Your looks change. Hes telling you he LOVES you for you. Which is what you want. A relationship wont last based on just physical appearance & sex. It needs to be more than that. I know it's hurtful but you asked for the honest truth and he gave it to you. Now all you can do is try and move on whilst working on yourself. Start working out and eating healthy. Your confidence will blossom. Confidence is one of the most attractive qualities to me. Lack of confidence is also a huge turn off. Focus on that and I promise you will feel 100% better and LOL - what IS there to be confident about when your own boyfriend admits to not being head over heeks about you? I am confident - in fact, I KNOW there are many men who admire my looks, and I am confident enough to wear what I want and feel attractive, while at the same time knowing I am not actually conventionally or objectively gorgeous or even good looking necessarily! If my own bf wasnt head over heels for my looks and everything - the whole package - I would feel like crap. And I did in my past relationships, where the guy was not head over heels for me:sick:
Els Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 It's perfectly fine for him to be 'more attracted to your inner beauty'... except he isn't. You're having trouble in the bedroom. He says 'it's a possibility' he'd perform better there if you were thinner. Etc etc. That is NOT the same as being attracted to your inner beauty - if he truly were, he wouldn't make all those negative comments about your outer appearance, because you'd be gorgeous in his eyes and he'd want to have sex with you. What problems are you having in the bedroom? 4
bubbaganoosh Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 Seems like your the only one that is having a problem with your weight issues. It doesn't seem like it bothers him so why are you bugging him with the 20 questions? He accepts you for who you are and isn't that what counts?
Lois_Griffin Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 He mentioned that we could start being more active with our hobbies I always thought my weight wasn't an issue between us but being wondering if I've been kidding myself this whole time. Well I'm a female but I'm not going to delude you with the nonsense that 'big is beautiful.' It may be for some, but probably not for the majority. Clearly, it's not your boyfriend's preference. I think he loves you for you and he's really trying hard, but he's having a tough time physically because the physical attraction just isn't there. I think he's being sweet when he's hinting to you that you both could be doing your 'hobbies' more together (which I'm assuming means being more active) as a way of trying to engage you in losing weight. He's saw how sad I looked and told me how much he loves me and thinks I am beautiful. If I'm being honest, you need to stop dumping your crap on this guy's front porch. Because you're unhappy with yourself, you're continually looking to him to make you feel better. That gets REAL old after awhile and he's going to get real tired of constantly soothing you. Do people think I should look at this in a positive light and be happy and guy loves me for me and not appearence or can people understand I have the right to be hurt? I think you've got a loving, sensitive great guy whose doing everything he can to be positive. Unfortunately, his inability to be physical with you tells the real story. That doesn't make him a bad person. We all have the things that we're attracted to and we can't help what they are. I think maybe, he's just not the RIGHT person for you, is all. 6
JewelD Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 Well I'm a female but I'm not going to delude you with the nonsense that 'big is beautiful.' It may be for some, but probably not for the majority. Clearly, it's not your boyfriend's preference. I think he loves you for you and he's really trying hard, but he's having a tough time physically because the physical attraction just isn't there. I think he's being sweet when he's hinting to you that you both could be doing your 'hobbies' more together (which I'm assuming means being more active) as a way of trying to engage you in losing weight. If I'm being honest, you need to stop dumping your crap on this guy's front porch. Because you're unhappy with yourself, you're continually looking to him to make you feel better. That gets REAL old after awhile and he's going to get real tired of constantly soothing you. I think you've got a loving, sensitive great guy whose doing everything he can to be positive. Unfortunately, his inability to be physical with you tells the real story. That doesn't make him a bad person. We all have the things that we're attracted to and we can't help what they are. I think maybe, he's just not the RIGHT person for you, is all. Actually, it kind of does make one a selfish person to date someone you know you're not very attracted to physically. If they were just meeting and talking, okay, fair enough, he's letting her know upfront. But they are already well into a serious relationship and it's a big enough deal that it's causing problems in their sex life. As far as big being beautiful, that's not nonsense just because you don't find it beautiful. It would also be false to say majority of people don't like bigger women (The Kardashian ass craze says it all) but even if it were true, she's not going to be dating 'the majority', she'd be looking to date one person. This is the same 'majority' that holds all women to the same thin and European standards of beauty that MAJORITY of women do not and will never fit into. Including the people on here who think big=unattractive. This man doesn't need excuses made for him because he knew what he was doing. There is no good reason to date someone you are not head over heels for physically. That is the most basic necessity of a relationship, you both should at the very least have sexual desire for each other. It's also not uncommon for people to get with partners they don't find all that attractive in the hopes that they will be less likely to be cheated on or broken up with. Very noble. He's not doing her any favors by being with her bc he likes her personality, that's called a FRIEND. If I like your personality a lot but don't really want to screw you, you are my friend. He's very sweet for trying to suggest to her ways to lose weight in the hopes that he'll want to have sex with her when she's smaller? And if she loses it and he still doesn't find her attractive? What shall she do next, plastic surgery? If somebody can't accept you the way you are, regardless of what you look like, they need to move tf on and find somebody else.
mortensorchid Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 Yikes ... That's a bad conversation. Things one can avoid as well. I for one don't understand people in their concepts of beauty. Some think that the beautiful people can and do have anything and everything they want, and that's so not true. I have seen many a beautiful woman get thrown over for a woman less attractive than her (in the face and/or body), and later proven to be less intelligent and less personality, and downright trashy. Why? Because men want someone who is lesser than they are. This may be a harsh thing to accept / say about your situation, but I think that is what he is telling you. He considers you to be lesser than he is, that's why he likes you. Is that a good thing? Well, it's what it is.
SwordofFlame Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 Yikes ... That's a bad conversation. Things one can avoid as well. I for one don't understand people in their concepts of beauty. Some think that the beautiful people can and do have anything and everything they want, and that's so not true. I have seen many a beautiful woman get thrown over for a woman less attractive than her (in the face and/or body), and later proven to be less intelligent and less personality, and downright trashy. Why? Because men want someone who is lesser than they are. This may be a harsh thing to accept / say about your situation, but I think that is what he is telling you. He considers you to be lesser than he is, that's why he likes you. Is that a good thing? Well, it's what it is. Well one reason I can think of is that the average looking woman that's very enthusiastic about sex is more attractive than the hotter woman that acts like a dead fish in bed. I would seem to agree.
SunnySide0418 Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 My friend gained 30 pounds.' She went from being thin to chubby. Her boyfriend was ALWAYS wildly attracted to her. It happens but I don't think it's typical.
elaine567 Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 I think there maybe more issues here than just whether or not the bf finds the OP attractive or not. From a previous thread. As for the sex.. It's been an issue early on in the relationship.... He says I've damaged his self esteem by "complaining " about it.. When I've been very careful voicing my needs.... He says how he feels judged when it happens so he hesitates..therefore it doesn't happen. #10 2
No_Go Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 IDK... He IS attracted to you - obviously, because he is your BF, otherwise he would have left. Do you need a verbal confirmation from him that you're wildly attractive to boost your confidence? He reacted like a typical guy - told you the truth. He is attracted to you physically but is more attracted to your other qualities. I'd actually be happy if my BF tells me this. I don't want to be considered an arm candy but a wholesome human being with a range of qualities. 1
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