marula Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 Hi, Okay, taking the risk that this might sound pretty ridiculous but... I need some advice. After breaking up with my ex last November, I downloaded Tinder, I thought why not give it a try. Pretty quickly that guy 'superliked' me (which is even better than a normal like, haha), and I liked him back, because 1. he was really cute and 2. I saw that we have two friends in common. He messaged me, we started talking on the app, then exchanged FB and started talking. As far as you can say that online, we hit it off. We talked about a lot of stuff and he seemed interesting and really interested in me, he asked me out twice (but I wasn't free) before I agreed to go on a date with him (at that point we had been talking on FB for a week). So, he picked me up and took me out for dinner, which was really nice. He seemed still very interested in me, we had a great dinner conversation, I also made sure I asked him stuff, and he told me things like that I seem to be a very interesting, smart and independent woman (I told him I work self-employed and how I moved to South America for a few years). It didn't sound cheesy, he seemed to be perfectly honest. After dinner, he suggested to go to a bar. We had a great conversation there too, and after some beers he started to make some moves, like touching me 'accidentally', taking my hand, putting his hand on my leg, being really close to me. I flirted back, but I was more holding back than him, maybe it's just a cultural thing (I'm European, he's Latin American but has lived most of his life in Europe). He didn't try to kiss me though (I don't know if this is of any importance but the day of the date I had a little wound on my lip, I think I unintentionally bit myself at night). At around 2am, he offered to bring me home. At that point, we had been out together for six hours. On the way back to my apt (we walked, our city isn't huge) he took my hand, he hugged me from behind while we were talking (both of us were a little buzzed and I kinda liked it, I let him do it and I do think I made sure to show him I like it). In front of my apartment building, I wondered if he'd kiss me, but we just stood there for a few minutes, talked a bit more, and when he didn't lean in to kiss me (again, I had a wound on my lip, not sure if that's the reason), I gave him a long hug, thanked him for dinner and went upstairs. I just got into my apartment when he messaged me. He said he had a great time and asked if I'm okay. We talked for like half an hour on Facebook, then I went to sleep, feeling that this date went really great. The next day, I messaged him, asking if he was hungover (It was a work day and we both had to get up early). We had another nice conversation on FB about a lot of stuff, even religion, Star Wars and other stuff, haha. In the end, his answers got shorter and then he said he's really busy at work, so I just said okay. Later that evening, he messaged me asking how my evening is going. I told him that I'm in a restaurant with friends and asked what he's doing, he answered that he's watching a movie. I asked what movie, he told me the movie, 20 min later I asked if it's good, then he just didn't answer anymore (It was after midnight so maybe he was asleep already). A day later, I messaged him, asking how he is. We had a conversation about what we were doing that day, then about sports, when his answers got pretty short I just stopped answering. After not hearing anything for two days I messaged him again(that was like 4 days after our initial date), just asking how his day is going. We had a very short conversation and he didn't seem very interested, like he was in the beginning, so I stopped answering again (he also never asked me anything, while I asked him how his day was etc.). After that, nothing. He didn't ask me out again. I also didn't message him again. A week and a half after our conversation ended, he messaged me at midnight telling me that him and our mutual friends are going to a bar right now and if I wanna join (super short message again though). I was already somewhere else, so I said that I can't and have fun. After that, I never heard of him again. I ran into him at a party about two months later and we talked for a bit, but that was it. I really don't know what happened, this has never happened to me. I can usually tell if a date went well and if someone likes me, and I really had the feeling he did, but then I felt like he stopped being interested from a day to another. Did I do anything wrong? I asked our mutual friend and he said I'm totally his type (and I know that, since he 'super liked' me and since he made moves on our first date, and yes, I do look like in my pictures). He also doesn't seem like the guy who just wants to get laid. He seemed very mature, and he had a few long-term relationships. My friend also said he isn't dating anyone (so I don't think he just met someone a day after our date and liked her better). Now it's 5 months later (5 months after our first date), and I still wonder about him. I really liked him, and that doesn't happen very often. I wonder if I did something wrong, or if he just changed his mind from a day to another. By the way if it helps, he's 33, I'm 28. I still wonder if I should do anything about this, if I should contact him again or something, but I don't want it to seem awkward or weird so, I mean it's been 5 months since our date. Or maybe I should just let it go. What do you think of all this? What would you do in my shies? Thanks!
PegNosePete Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 You're still wondering about a first date, 5 months ago? If he liked you, he would've asked you out on a second date, within a few days of the first. If he hasn't by now, he never will. Let this one go, like you should have done 4.5 months ago. 3
Author marula Posted July 27, 2016 Author Posted July 27, 2016 You're still wondering about a first date, 5 months ago? If he liked you, he would've asked you out on a second date, within a few days of the first. If he hasn't by now, he never will. Let this one go, like you should have done 4.5 months ago. Yes, I do. I've been on other dates since. But I haven't met anyone that I liked as much as him. I just think the whole thing is weird, because he was so interested and from a day to another nothing anymore, and I wonder if I just did something wrong and if I should have done something about it (e.g. ask him out myself).
Gaeta Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 This is very common and everyone actively dating will go through this a few times. It even happened to me. I'd go out on a date, date was perfect, guy was fun and interesting, we even flirted and kissed. Then I'd get home and let the feeling settle and decide he's not the one for me. He did nothing wrong, said nothing wrong, I just didn't feel it strong enough to continue. 2
smackie9 Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 I agree with Peg, a guy with serious intentions would ask you out pretty quickly. When I was dating I would get asked out again at the end of the date even. Never ever count, texting as time dating. I know many would disagree with that, but what really counts is a guy that wants to physically spend time with you.....it take no effort to text someone. 2
Larryville Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 You're still wondering about a first date, 5 months ago? If he liked you, he would've asked you out on a second date I'd go out on a date, date was perfect, guy was fun and interesting, we even flirted and kissed. Then I'd get home and let the feeling settle and decide he's not the one for me. what really counts is a guy that wants to physically spend time with you.....it take no effort to text someone. Here is a good article that women especially should read… The Number One Reason Men Suddenly Lose Interest The Number One Reason Men Suddenly Lose Interest A couple of paragraphs: When a girl loses interest in a guy after a few dates, she can usually pinpoint the reason. Maybe he was too desperate, not intellectually stimulating, too quiet, too loud, too boring, too boisterous–she usually knows exactly what it is that turned her off and can give a reason as to why she doesn’t want to continue dating him if asked. A guy can go on a few amazing dates with a girl and find himself suddenly and inexplicably put off by her. Whereas he was previously texting her throughout the day and feeling a strong desire to see her…he now has no desire to contact her whatsoever. This can be as baffling for guys as it is for girls. When asked, many guys will say they don’t know why they were suddenly turned off…they just were. While I can’t speak for all guys of course, depending on if you are in a dating slump or had bad luck when you “finally” get in contact with a decent woman you engage quicker goes to G’s quote above. you are thinking FINALLY but then... I’ve done that, but then you go on date (using that term loosely) #2, #3 and things like I don’t like her teeth, a mole I did not notice before, how she dressed, her eyes, I notice her legs and was turned off, I hate to say it but a few times I just hated her voice. I prefer soft spoken women, women who enunciate clearly who have a feminine laugh for example. If the woman has a rough, deep, course voice, cusses too much, say “ax” instead of “ask” (some will get this…) after a time it turns me off. He might say to himself, she is a little heavy “but cute” so I will give it a try, but then changes his mind because on a later date she wore something that made her body unflattering. I’ve been turned off by someone who had long hair in dating profile, but met her and she cut off all her hair while style might be cool, I like long hair unless she is thinner. May seem like little things (may even seem kinda stupid, I freely admit) but I’m posting this because most guys won’t specifically say this kind of stuff and women get confused and blindsided by the unknown. 1
gorf Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 I can usually tell if a date went well and if someone likes me, and I really had the feeling he did, but then I felt like he stopped being interested from a day to another. You have it figured out. I agree with the other poster, and I am a guy too so I will say, if a guy is interested, like legit interested, it won't take more than 2-3 days to ask her out again. Probably max. So, my first answer is 'tinder.' I'm not saying he was looking to turn you into a fling. I don't know the guy. But we both know why tinder is traditionally thought of as the fling/hook-up app. Cause typically it ends up being that. Ask anyone and see what the ratio of real relationship to flings ends up being with tinder.. and you see its just a straight up fling app. So.. as a result, and with OLD in general, its just too easy to go on a date, then go on another date with someone else, then find someone else and do it again. Its too easy. Maybe this guy has had one too many dates and now doesn't realize a good thing when he sees it.
iphone_user1 Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 (edited) Goddamn OLD haha Okay, I just did that to a girl. Same stuff, met on Tinder, great connection, food, drinks, make out session, etc... I was interested before meeting up, but the next day after the date I just went cold for a reason I can't pinpoint, really, it's been a few weeks and still can't tell exactly why I went cold. It's like "okay, so we make out and that's it... Whatever, onto the next one" even though she kept showing a lot more interest until, I guess, she got tired and never texted me again, now I kinda miss her LOL To sum it up, I guess that guy took you out for a one night fun without expecting a lot more than that. He achieved having fun, felt great and that was it. Edited July 27, 2016 by iphone_user1
Author marula Posted July 27, 2016 Author Posted July 27, 2016 Thanks everyone for your answers!! Now that we brought it up.. most people seem to thunk Tinder is more an app for quick hook ups than for anything else. But if not Tinder, where on earth am I supposed to meet guys? It sounds stupid, but I almost never meet anyone, and neither do my close female single friends. I know I'm definitely very attractive and have guys hitting on me in bars or on the street, but it's usually 'Hey Mamacita you're so hot' kind of stuff and almost never any decent guys. Once in a while I see someone attractive at a bar, but they're usually there with someone, or they wouldn't come up to me to talk to me anyways, probably because they don't have to and already have a couple of girls lined up. In the street or the gym, nobody ever talks to anyone (that stuff where a guy starts talking to a girl at the grocery stuff just doesn't seem to happen in real life). My friends don't seem to have any attractive and interesting friends they can set me up with, at least I think I've met them all and nothing. I have some hobbies but there are mostly girls, people that are too old for me, couples etc. I kinda start giving up hope that I will ever meet anyone I like.
iphone_user1 Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 Thanks everyone for your answers!! Now that we brought it up.. most people seem to thunk Tinder is more an app for quick hook ups than for anything else. But if not Tinder, where on earth am I supposed to meet guys? It sounds stupid, but I almost never meet anyone, and neither do my close female single friends. I know I'm definitely very attractive and have guys hitting on me in bars or on the street, but it's usually 'Hey Mamacita you're so hot' kind of stuff and almost never any decent guys. Once in a while I see someone attractive at a bar, but they're usually there with someone, or they wouldn't come up to me to talk to me anyways, probably because they don't have to and already have a couple of girls lined up. In the street or the gym, nobody ever talks to anyone (that stuff where a guy starts talking to a girl at the grocery stuff just doesn't seem to happen in real life). My friends don't seem to have any attractive and interesting friends they can set me up with, at least I think I've met them all and nothing. I have some hobbies but there are mostly girls, people that are too old for me, couples etc. I kinda start giving up hope that I will ever meet anyone I like. Stop the quest
Author marula Posted July 27, 2016 Author Posted July 27, 2016 Stop the quest This is a forum and I can ask/vent/post whatever I want. Don't read if you're annoyed.
Gaeta Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 There are many dating sites half decent. Match Okcupid Eharmony Zoosk Badoo Even pof is better than tinder
katiegrl Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 There are many dating sites half decent. Match Okcupid Eharmony Zoosk Badoo Even pof is better than tinder I received an e-vite on my email to join Badoo!! I was thinking of trying Eharmony too.
frus69 Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 He wasn't super interested and he met someone else soo after
winny Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 What is the confusion.... she met him on Tinder. Obviously he wanted to hook up only. After talking to her he realized this gal will want a relationship. Too much work. So he did the fade away.
Gaeta Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 I received an e-vite on my email to join Badoo!! I was thinking of trying Eharmony too. I met my BF on badoo. We are in our 8th month dating. In my city it's the dating site with better prospects. We also have local dating sites i'm sure all big cities have.
nancyha Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 I think part of the problem might have been that after the date you were the one constantly starting contact. I've learned, as annoying as it is, that usually it's better for us girls to just step back and let them initiate contact, at least in the first dates. I know it feels harmless to send a text but somehow some guys will get scared if you text them and think you're going too strong. Then again, of course this is not always the case and a truly interested guy would not be put off by this. Bottom line, I think he wasn't really too interested and after just one date it's difficult to know the reasons. About Tinder, I feel the same way you do, that it seems to be the only way to meet guys. I think it also depends on the country, a lot of people on this forum alway say it's clearly just a hook up app. I'm from Mexico and there are no other decent dating sites that I know of so Tinder seems to be the only option. And of course a lot of people just use it as a hook up app but I also know quite a few serious relationships that have started by Tinder. I suppose it's important to know what you're both looking for.. I find a simple "So what are you looking for in Tinder?" at the beginning of the conversation, helps clear things out. Some will say nothing serious and others will say to get to know different people and see where it goes. Then you choose if it's compatible with what you want.
mortensorchid Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 Sorry to say this, but that's how it is. You have a good encounter with someone you meet on a website, then ... Nothing. That's happened to me more times than I care to think about, but a man who's interested will ask to see you again directly either with a phone call or a text and ... He didn't. I have a rule that I live by with it, which is if you haven't heard from him within 24-48 hours after the first get together, you will not hear from him again. And you were the one who made the moves towards conversation, not him. If he contacts you any later than 24-48 hours after, you may have another get together with him, but nothing after that. Some have argued with me here on this forum that it's too harsh and that there is a lot of pressure for guys to respond to women within 24-48 hours afterward. B******. A man who is interested cannot wait to contact a woman he is interested in. Fact. Some have told me they were waiting for me (the woman) to contact them. Also b*******. One told me that a few years ago and I thought "Oh okay, I see how this works." Then one day I called him and his phone number had been disconnected, never heard from him again. We aren't friends or anything today because he wasn't interested. This is how it works. Move on.
Shanex Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 What is the confusion.... she met him on Tinder. Obviously he wanted to hook up only. After talking to her he realized this gal will want a relationship. Too much work. So he did the fade away. Nothing personal against you but these posts ''he lost interest because he didn't get in your pants'' are becoming tiresome. Lumping all men whether that is on tinder or other sites that we only expect quick sex. Tell you what, escorts do the job for $150 an hour and it's far less drama and efforts... If we only wanted that. Larryville and post #6, thanks. These are probably the main reasons men will lose interest.. just like men can be rejected after date 1 or 2. Usually we're not given an explanation anyway. Why speculate ?
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