Friskyone4u Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 ANM You have thanked everyone for the good advice. The real test is for you to take the advice , listen to it , and not ignore it. That one is all on you and there is no easy way around that . 2
DKT3 Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 Mrs Adams hit a very important point, that is thinking you can walk that line and not cross it. This very site is full of heartbroken people who thought that very thing. It's best to simply avoid coming close to the line. The excitement and thrills of flirting and the giddy school girl feelings are fools gold that end in pain and suffering. 3
BluesPower Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 I am Mrs. John Adams. I married the only boy I ever dated at 17. I was a stay at home mom of 2 children....I loved my husband and my family. At age 28 I went back to college...and I had a professor that was single...... I won't take all the space to quote your whole post. But wow, what a great post. I mean it was poetic and so correct. Great job... 3
Buckeye2 Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 This is classic. My guess is that you’re around 40 and thought of yourself as a wife and mother. Then you’re in a new environment and a guy wants to get into your pants. You thought that part of your life was over and find his attention very flattering. Way off, age is completely off and no one tried to get into each others pants. You wrote about the OM showing you special attention at work. That's exactly how men get into your pants. "Innocent" special attention and conversation. How else would a man do it especially with a married woman? You don't walk up and say "I want to have sex with you." Do a search for a 20 minute video by Helen Fisher called “Why We Cheat Why We Love.” Google the above. It will explain a great deal. 1
drifter777 Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 Thank you for the beautiful advice. I do need to re-live those moments where we first began. It's been tough at times but nothings easy. I'm glad I posted here, everyone is very supportive and non-judgmental. This is true in your case because you haven't given in to your lustful urges and cheated. I wish more people who feel they are on the precipice of cheating would come here and read about the devastation they will cause to themselves and everyone they love if they give in to this lust. If these feelings continue you will begin to give yourself excuses to begin an affair with this man. The final boundary is to swear to yourself that you will divorce your husband before going to bed with another man. If you get to a point where divorce is worth cheating then you will be doing yourself and your husband a huge favor by ending your marriage. 2
BetrayedH Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 I highly recommend the book, Not Just Friends, by Shirley Glass. It's virtually the bible on infidelity and talks extensively about this slippery slope into an emotional affair. My wife said that if she had read it prior, her affair never would have happened. It's a minimal investment. Take the time to get it and read it. I guarantee it will change your perspective and you'll stop engaging in this fantasy. 2
Mr Blunt Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 (edited) By anm1114 I know that I should NOT text him back, maybe even block his number, but I just can't bare to do it. I feel a need and desire to talk to him and hope he calls me/texts me. Do not tell us how weak you are! You can cut off contact with him so choose your conscience and mind to overrule your teenage emotions. You can do that! You may have no idea how much pain you will cause if you do not ACT NOW. Mrs. JA has given toy a glimpse of the damage that you will do to yourself and your family if you keep playing with fire. The damage will last a lifetime even if you are lucky enough to have a husband that will forgive. Most of the other posts have given you a lot of support and they are really helpful. However, you need to know that you have already caused some damage but if you go further you will be one of those women that cry all the time and have tons of regret. That is the blunt truth. You are a good woman that has the right morals but you are allowing your emotions to be fed by staying in contact with him and not forcing thoughts of him out of your mind. So far you probably have not caused permanent damage so do what you know to be right for you and your family…NO EXCUSES! Edited July 29, 2016 by Mr Blunt 1
road Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 Way off, age is completely off and no one tried to get into each others pants. No exactly on the money. This man wants to get into your pants so bad. This is why the non stop flirting still goes on. You love the attention and feed off of it so bad that you are addicted to this OM. You are realizing on one level that your resolve to keep your pants on is weakening and before you know it your pants will come off to ensure that this OM keeps giving you the attention the OM has. Yet you live in denial on another level trying to convince yourself that the OM is harmless proved by your refusal to block the OM from contacting you, you going NC with the OM, not tell your BH to be husband the thread the OM possesses to the marriage and your BH to go NC for the both of you to go NC with the OM. 1
Friskyone4u Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 ANM, Just want to reiterate the above advice. THIS MAN WANTS IN YOUR PANTS, and every time you even think he does not you are taking one step closer to crossing the line because you are feigning ignorance so that when it happens you can blame him for being a "predator" when you get caught. If you read these threads where women cheat, the 'EGO " kibbles are the bait that cannot be resisted and you know by cutting T off communication you will lose that and you are trying to figure out a way to continue to have the "excitement" without the sex. THAT WILL NOT HAPPEN . Men enter affairs for SEX , and you can read that in countless places. And women USUALLY, not always, are emotionally connected before the sex begins. You are ALREADY there on that one. The sex is the price you will eventually pay in order to continue to ego fest if you do not end this completely and totally. Don't fool yourself. You have as stated caught yourself before falling off the cliff, but if you keep standing on the ledge long enough it will not take much to push you off 1
Lobe Posted August 2, 2016 Posted August 2, 2016 Even if he doesn't want in your pants, he is getting the same emotional kibble from your interactions as you are. Would you be happy if your husband was treating another woman the way this man is treating you? What advice would you give your own children about a similar situation? You're about to dodge a bullet. I don't know that you should tell your husband about your feelings but I don't think it's wise not to block his number and step out to the grocery store if he ends up at your place to do something with hubby again. Set your boundaries and stick with them - you will not regret it. 4
standtall Posted August 2, 2016 Posted August 2, 2016 (edited) Even if he doesn't want in your pants, he is getting the same emotional kibble from your interactions as you are. Yea the kibble is the OM feels her sway and give in to his will. It's like a drug to a man...the thrill of the chase...when you're gaining ground. Heck, I'm feeling it myself reading this....perhaps that's why I'm here? Edited August 2, 2016 by standtall 2
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