Moriah Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 (edited) A little back information- *My boyfriend and I are gamers * I feel the need to stick up for the "little guy". *A few months ago there was this game on steam that was user created not valve owned (personal not company for the non gamers) that was.. Excuse the language I'm about to use but I kid you not this was the name of the game "Rape dirty n------" I was absolutely horrified to find the game wasn't a joke it was not clickbait it was an actual mod where you play as a white slave owner and rape black slaves while shouting racial slurs. The objective was to rape as many people as possible... I was extremely horrified and took to the forums with this question "how do I report a server? The server surrounds itself around racist content and is promoting rape I'd just like to know if there is anyone I van contact to ask about the steam rules for personally created servers" within 20 minutes I had 200 pages of comments saying things such as "I hope you get raped just kill yourself" Now I know this may seem silly to most but as someone who struggles with anxiety and depression and takes medication daily it's not a "whatever ignore it" situation for me its personal. I call him crying and his response was "I mean it wasn't your place" *TODAY! There is a guy harrasing people on a public post on a social media site I won't name for not helping me deal with him I called him out by quoting his "favorite quote " which was 'I always stand up for the weak' I then get 50 yes 50 harrasing comments back from him which I report the ones directed towards me and the 30 something people he also harrased. I ignore him and shortly after he hears no reply from me he begins sending me very crude and threatening private messages. My boyfriends response to me saying he's harassing me? "How is he harassing you ? You literally attacked him first what else was he suppose to do? Why can't you ever just mind your business?" This is only 2 of the multiple times he never ever sides with me and I've tried expressing how I feel but he gets defensive about how my feelings are just mental and I need to learn to shut them out and maybe I wouldn't get offended all the time. I just dont know how to express to him how much he actually hurts me when he basically flat out tells me I deserve people saying things like that to me when I try to be the only good hearted person out of a large number of people Edited July 27, 2016 by Moriah
Els Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 The gaming community that is active on forums and social media is really not a good place for you to be if you suffer from anxiety/depression. Most of the normal people who game aren't vocal/active there, so those places are typically full of socially-stunted tweens who get their kicks out of bullying people on the internet. Rather than blaming your bf, I suggest you just stay away from places that trigger you. Personally I don't blame him for not wanting to get involved - 'fights' like these are just a total waste of time and energy. You're accomplishing nothing but feeding the trolls by doing that. 3
Author Moriah Posted July 27, 2016 Author Posted July 27, 2016 I'm not saying you're wrong but here's my problem with this side of the argument You're basically saying "since you have a mental illness you should just stay away from the internet even though that's where the world communicates to one another in this day in age so you dont get butt hurt" and I'm also not tying to put words in your mouth but I've had so many people say that exact statement "you dont belong on the internet" a million times because I fight for the underdog- for people like me. I'm not sure how addressing issues of others behaviors and their response being kill yourself you fat whore bitch as well as hundreds of pms a day that the solution is as easy as "just dont go on the internet"
Els Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 (edited) I'm not saying you're wrong but here's my problem with this side of the argument You're basically saying "since you have a mental illness you should just stay away from the internet even though that's where the world communicates to one another in this day in age so you dont get butt hurt" and I'm also not tying to put words in your mouth but I've had so many people say that exact statement "you dont belong on the internet" a million times because I fight for the underdog- for people like me. I'm not sure how addressing issues of others behaviors and their response being kill yourself you fat whore bitch as well as hundreds of pms a day that the solution is as easy as "just dont go on the internet" ....I'm not saying stay away from the internet. There are certain communities on the internet that are supportive and worth your time and energy. And there are certain communities on the internet that are NOT. I'm advising that you spend your time and energy on the communities that build you up instead of tear you down. Trolls in those communities feed on responses like yours. Your responses only encourage them, they help no one. When those people are ignored, they tend to subside much more effectively than when they are argued with. Frankly, based on your response to my post, I suspect you're just trying to find offense where there is none. Edited July 27, 2016 by Elswyth 1
Author Moriah Posted July 27, 2016 Author Posted July 27, 2016 But I can assure you I haven't I dont take offense to anything you've said honestly I just dont think staying off the internet is a good alternative to sticking up for what I believe in and I respect your opinion I do. However I would like to point out I'm not blaming my boyfriend for anything I just can't seem to express to him how much he hurts me when he tells me you deserved it instead of empathizing with me in the least bit. No one deserves to be spoken to like that
basil67 Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 I'm not saying you're wrong but here's my problem with this side of the argument You're basically saying "since you have a mental illness you should just stay away from the internet even though that's where the world communicates to one another in this day in age so you dont get butt hurt" and I'm also not tying to put words in your mouth but I've had so many people say that exact statement "you dont belong on the internet" a million times because I fight for the underdog- for people like me. I'm not sure how addressing issues of others behaviors and their response being kill yourself you fat whore bitch as well as hundreds of pms a day that the solution is as easy as "just dont go on the internet" Nobody deserves to be threatened with rape or other violence. Ever. Now, while it's entirely sensible of your boyfriend to stay away from all the trolls and not get into the online fights, the fact that he says you brought this on yourself speaks volumes about how he views women. The reason he's not upset is because he thinks it's OK to threaten to rape a woman who objects to games and other things which are offensive or demeaning. It will be a long time before we overcome the misogyny aimed at women who speak out. But what you can do is disassociate yourself with people like your boyfriend who don't find such behaviour objectionable. He's given you a window into his soul. You'd be a fool to ignore it.
Els Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 Is this the first time you've done this, or is it a regular pattern? I can understand wanting empathy, but if you continually do this, surely anyone's patience would wear thin. For instance, if my SO misplaces his house keys and has to wait outside for me for hours to let him in, I'd empathize but say 'keep them on your belt or something next time'. The second time, I'd be a lot less empathic. The third time, I'd probably go, "Gosh, why are you complaining about being stuck outside the house when you refuse to do anything to prevent that???"
Els Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 Nobody deserves to be threatened with rape or other violence. Ever. Now, while it's entirely sensible of your boyfriend to stay away from all the trolls and not get into the online fights, the fact that he says you brought this on yourself speaks volumes about how he views women. The reason he's not upset is because he thinks it's OK to threaten to rape a woman who objects to games and other things which are offensive or demeaning. It will be a long time before we overcome the misogyny aimed at women who speak out. But what you can do is disassociate yourself with people like your boyfriend who don't find such behaviour objectionable. He's given you a window into his soul. You'd be a fool to ignore it. Those tweens send similar 'threats' to everyone regardless of gender, and to everyone who is vocal in the community, not just her. They aren't really threats - they're smack talking by immature bullies who have nothing to look forward to in life and nothing better to do. 1
Author Moriah Posted July 27, 2016 Author Posted July 27, 2016 Nobody deserves to be threatened with rape or other violence. Ever. Now, while it's entirely sensible of your boyfriend to stay away from all the trolls and not get into the online fights, the fact that he says you brought this on yourself speaks volumes about how he views women. The reason he's not upset is because he thinks it's OK to threaten to rape a woman who objects to games and other things which are offensive or demeaning. It will be a long time before we overcome the misogyny aimed at women who speak out. But what you can do is disassociate yourself with people like your boyfriend who don't find such behaviour objectionable. He's given you a window into his soul. You'd be a fool to ignore it. Woah no no... The reason I'm so offended by things like that is because I am a former victim and I'm sure I've made him sound like an ass but I assure you he is a loving man and he's helped me and supported me for many years. The problem is I have some mental issues and as a philosophy/physiology major his belief is if its mental its just that get over it . and I can't seem to get him to understand that for me I can't just get over it I have to defend others who are being wronged like I was. But I can completely see how the original post makes him seem like a sexist pig but I promise he is kind he just doesn't understand
Els Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 (edited) I can't just get over it I have to defend others who are being wronged like I was. If you must do that, I suggest you just stick to reporting them and not bothering to argue. With immature tweens, their gaming account is often their whole life, so a ban is a far worse deterrent than anything else. Or does Valve not do anything with reports? As far as a racist mod goes, instead of posting on the forum about it, just contact Valve customer support directly. They are typically pretty strict with which games and mods are allowed, and would likely remove this one entirely. Edited July 27, 2016 by Elswyth
Author Moriah Posted July 27, 2016 Author Posted July 27, 2016 Yea how about when I report people valve emails me back with and I'm not even joking I have a scree shot where I reported someone telling me to kill myself or they'd do it for me and the reply was "maybe just dont come back on our site if it bothers you so much" I'd also like to question how trying to stick up to bullies makes me overly sensitive? And im not asking my boyfriend to stand up and fight for me in fact I'd hate if he did step in but an "its OK babe they're just *******s" would be much appreciated rather than "I mean you deserve it it's none of your business"
Els Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 That's pretty terrible customer support by Valve. If you really want to go the social justice route, I suggest making a blog post with that screenshot (make sure your comments are disabled and your contact info isn't available). People might boycott Valve if they see that. How old are you?
Author Moriah Posted July 27, 2016 Author Posted July 27, 2016 I'm 23 believe it or not. 23 letting little kids bully me.
Els Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 Well, stop letting them. I agree somewhat that the way your bf responded was insensitive. But if it's a constant, regular, unceasing thing (as your posts imply), it's normal that people would lose patience. I play games on Steam, but I don't even bother with any gaming forums, Twitch chat, or the like. They're all just cesspools of immaturity, because mature people just have better things to do than sit for hours trolling chat. None of the mature gamers I know bother with stuff like that. Do you have a career/study to occupy yourself with?
basil67 Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 Woah no no... The reason I'm so offended by things like that is because I am a former victim and I'm sure I've made him sound like an ass but I assure you he is a loving man and he's helped me and supported me for many years. The problem is I have some mental issues and as a philosophy/physiology major his belief is if its mental its just that get over it . and I can't seem to get him to understand that for me I can't just get over it I have to defend others who are being wronged like I was. But I can completely see how the original post makes him seem like a sexist pig but I promise he is kind he just doesn't understand The good traits he has doesn't negate the fact that he said you brought this on yourself. Did he tell you that they were out of line sending you all those messages?
Author Moriah Posted July 27, 2016 Author Posted July 27, 2016 I wanted to work with animals. They're kind of like a therapy session for me however I was in this program with my highschool that helped children with mental disabilities get jobs. They made me go through a psych evaluation and after I received a score of 67 for neuroticism and 98 for depression they told me "no ones going to hire you" . once you've read every book I'm the house there's not much else to do than to find other ways to occupy yourself you know. Hobbies get tiresome
Els Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 I wanted to work with animals. They're kind of like a therapy session for me however I was in this program with my highschool that helped children with mental disabilities get jobs. They made me go through a psych evaluation and after I received a score of 67 for neuroticism and 98 for depression they told me "no ones going to hire you" . once you've read every book I'm the house there's not much else to do than to find other ways to occupy yourself you know. Hobbies get tiresome What? So they refused to take you into a course of study or help you find a job? That's extremely concerning. No wonder you keep getting sucked into pointless arguments on the internet. Where do you live? Surely you have other options for seeking jobs or getting into courses of study? Have you tried applying to work as a tech at a vet? Are you able to get counselling or psychology assistance? Where are your parents? At the very least do go and volunteer at the local SPCA. 2
Author Moriah Posted July 27, 2016 Author Posted July 27, 2016 I've done some volunteer work yes and I love it unfortunately it doesn't pay the bills. My parents are aware of my state but like myself cant afford to get me the help I need there are no free phycologists here in town and the ones I've been too always just put me on medication without even having a verbal session. I know it seems like I'm just complaining about everything but unfortunately I live in a small town where if you dont know the big man in town you're not getting anywhere. I'm desperately searching for a job on my own so I can pack up out of here and start in a new town where I can receive real help and not people pretending though know better than me because they've heard my story from town gossip
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