Dasani Posted June 30, 2005 Posted June 30, 2005 I hear a lot (and have experienced) when talking about the person you'd like to see .... either they have made you nuts by not calling or not doing "this or that..." Then responses are often up beat- like, "they may be afraid to call.. or nervous or so on..." Or in my case a few days ago a girl stood me up... and when I confronted her I got some lame excuses and such... While personality is going to be a HUGE factor on whether or not someone likes YOU and vice versa... but come on.. arent the first few dates based on physical appearence/sexual attraction.. with the "I hope he/she has a good peronsality to go with the looks?" Or "yeah.. shes friendly and funny... and cuuute... but..." I mean if you are overweight... wouldnt that be a good reason why they're not into you? Again I know this isnt the most PC thing to talk about- but sometimes I wish when the truth is wanted.. I'd be told the whole truth. So.. with that said... I'd liek to have people post *why THEY have turned people down for dates, or broken up for them.* Not just oh he didnt make me laugh... or he had a 6 pack but no brain... I want a small description of why you were into the person, and what the result ended up being. for starters- so you knwo where I'm coming from... I have a college degree- live at home with parents while continuing school toward totally different masters (than my degree) as a physicians assistant. I'm 6' weigh 230lb (so yep... I'm pudgy.. I have the hieght to somewhat off set it... but even I am unhappy with it ... I'm a fun friendly person to people I know.. but I can seem like a jerk to people I dont. But I make friends quickly- so people dont tend to think badly of me haha. I love all things.. all music, all art, all club scenes.. I dress "college" on the conservative side.. polos, t shirts, button up shirts etc. I like suits, but dont wear many. I like money but dont have alot. I know how to spend money too (not like duh I can spend money- but I'm thrufty but I like nice things. I'm a definite liberal- as I have and enjoy all sorts of different people- except all out crass republican/biblethumpers. Austin is my favorite city (watching Real world right now = me missing it). but I live in Dallas. so.. on with my example... For instance- I met this girl.. REALLY attractive (Smokin HOT body- but not so great face), but REALLY snobby/bitchy. She actualy reminded me of a girl I dated before her- who I was also really attracted to. I initially stayed away from this girl- not hanging out with her and such because she reminded me so much of the previous GF (that ended wicked bad). But one night she shows up with co workers at a pool hall I was at- and a bunch of co-workers were playing pool with another group of friends and I ended up playign with her. Now I'm an extremely nice guy- when I want to be... (I dont like kids.. but I'll humor them lol).. and so normally I'd be like can i get you a drink.. blah blah blah.. (and this is for my friends not just some hot chick). But that night I was like.. "you're not going to win at pool"... just flat out (I wasnt in best mood) said "You wont win." so we played, I beat her.. by a lrge amount... the next few games she began to do better (not with me whimping out)- in any case a bunch of the co-workers in cluding her came over to my palce afterwards. yadda yadda yadda.. she stayed over (no sex- cause I'm all nice guy and stuff =P ) but we had some stuf fin common. Flash forward 2-3 weeks... I decided one day I'd call her- when I did I left a real sarcastic message on her phone. She called back saying that message was just so wrong... flash forward as hanging out as friends over next few days- I kept up the normal me.. sarcastic, but friendly toward her now since shes was becoming a friend (and that I was relinquishing my normalcy because.. she was hot and I didnt have much game llol). She began to NOt be bitchy or snobby towards me at all.. but others still describeed her that way (so it makes me think that i wa sbeign a push over but we - together- we always easy going). We go out to a night club one night in Austin where a guy she had been sort of datign was gonna be there-... weird stuff went down, and I drove her home... ended up kissing her- and making out for a logn time afterwards... no sex. She stayed over the next 7 nights in a row... no sex (not like I wasnt trying to be.. persuasive or anything haha). But it became like we were together.. after like 8-9 days.. hanging out.. a lot. I wasnt the one always callign her either.. I would call her but somedays I just would get up late and have a message on my phone etc... No sex though.. everythign was like upper body nothing lower (just bein honest). Bam! like after 10 days.. it got really low key- she visited san antonio... decided she was moving down there and lol when she came up to basically say good bye- she also said, I'm seeing someone else too... and then after my morbid curiosity kicekd in.. found out her was 4 years younger than either of us.. and "athletic." I didnt really mind this break up... I mean she and I didnt click... I thought she was great to look at but lol her life was NOT Me... it sucked that day but wasnt hard at all to get over her. In this case.. I really feel like.. I had pretty much everything I needed- except- I wasnt trim. Now I'm meaning not like 6pack/ awesome shoulders and such body.. I'm meaning just - run of the mill trim- maybe even with a small gut that girls sometimes think is cute.. whatever. I mean HONESTLY.. like size DOES matter honesty... how much is the other person being overweight affect your view of them? If you take care of yourself- and the other person just eats whatever (not even in gross amounts)... is that a big deal? How many really attractive people have you met.. that just didnt suit you on the outside.. based on looks? (Like I am biased toward slimmer bodies... because I honestly I wouldnt want someone my size... and deep brown eyes (like cannot see pupils because iris' are so dark eyes). I know I am being superficial to a degree- we ALL are. hope this all makes sense... =) lets see your posts =)
kellyp1 Posted June 30, 2005 Posted June 30, 2005 I have found a lot of people look for something to be wrong so that they can complete their self-fulfilling prophecy as to how doomed they are. Guys and girls can freak themselves out sometimes and then feel the immediate need to end the relationship. It can be something small - they saw another side of you that was less attractive, found themselves attracted to someone else, fickle personality, scared of falling in love, etc... Don't take it personal. As for the overweight, I like a guy with a little extra weight. If he is all toned, I am not as comfortable. I also read somewhere that people that are slightly overweight but comfortable in their skin have the best sex.
laRubiaBonita Posted June 30, 2005 Posted June 30, 2005 Originally posted by kellyp1 I have found a lot of people look for something to be wrong so that they can complete their self-fulfilling prophecy as to how doomed they are. Guys and girls can freak themselves out sometimes and then feel the immediate need to end the relationship. Amen to that! First off............ personal issues are a huge hinderance.
Merin Posted June 30, 2005 Posted June 30, 2005 Originally posted by kellyp1 I have found a lot of people look for something to be wrong so that they can complete their self-fulfilling prophecy as to how doomed they are. Guys and girls can freak themselves out sometimes and then feel the immediate need to end the relationship. It can be something small - they saw another side of you that was less attractive, found themselves attracted to someone else, fickle personality, scared of falling in love, etc... Don't take it personal. I'll add another Amen to that!
SexKitten Posted June 30, 2005 Posted June 30, 2005 i broke up with the last one because i decided to go back to school and i moved. also, he was irrititating, his head seemed to get bigger as we were together, he had hoorible bathroom issues, and his voice was so annoying i saw red whenever he spoke. this made my "moving and breaking up decision" much easier to make. i spent the last months resenting him for knowing i wanted to break up and guilting me into staying with him. he did know--he just didn't care as long as we were "b/f g/f". after a while i stopped even caring about his feelings, he would just have to deal with it. i couldn't and wouldn't be with him anymore. it's fun getting to really know someone, isn't it?
Mz. Pixie Posted June 30, 2005 Posted June 30, 2005 I've never broken up with someone over an appearance issue. If I didn't like the way they looked to begin with I never hooked up with them. The only reason I've ever broken up with anyone were things like cheating, neglect, mistreatment. Sometimes people go out with people they are just not into to have something to do. Sounds like this situation. You have to be happy with you. If you are- enough said. I am much more interested in someones smile- or whether they make me laugh. But, yes, there has to be attraction there- just a spark- to make you want to know that person better. All that being said, you seemed to have been judging this girl by her "smoking hot body" but yet you didn't want to be judged that way?? Not exactly fair.
d'Arthez Posted June 30, 2005 Posted June 30, 2005 Young people (on average) tend to look for other attributes in a potential partner compared to older people. And some people never mature, beyond their perception of what is required for a relationship, beyond their late teens / early twenties. What is attractive to people is also reflected in the locations / situations where these people tend to look for / meet potential partners. If you want a philosopherish guy or girl, chances are you won't find him / her in the bars getting drunk each night. Looks can be critical in early teens, but the importance of looks fades with the years, as research has suggested. It is unclear what causes the self-fulfilling prophecy to come true. Self-esteem or self-worth issues come to mind. But also a lack of relationship skills, or simply an unprepareddness to commit or to love. Why would people seek out a perfect partner, if that relationship would involve actual work, and hard work at it? Why not keep it a short relationship of say 4 months? And of course, most people have no clear idea of what they need in a partner. To love is no easy skill. It is not an inborn skill, in which all humans share equally. It is a skill that is to be learned, just as every other skill, through many years of practice. We are no natural masters of the art. "For one human being to love another; that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation. " - Rainer Maria Rilke
crazy_grl Posted June 30, 2005 Posted June 30, 2005 Originally posted by kellyp1 I have found a lot of people look for something to be wrong so that they can complete their self-fulfilling prophecy as to how doomed they are. Guys and girls can freak themselves out sometimes and then feel the immediate need to end the relationship. It can be something small - they saw another side of you that was less attractive, found themselves attracted to someone else, fickle personality, scared of falling in love, etc... Don't take it personal. You make it sound like if a person doesn't want to be with another person, there must be something wrong with them. Not all people are right for each other. I agree that you shouldn't take it personally, but not with the reasons you gave for that. If I'm on a date with someone, and I say, "I like kids as long as I can give them back to their owners", I don't expect a guy who loves kids and wants to have them some day to stick around and just accept me as I am. That'll never work out in the end. It doesn't mean he's fickle, superficial, scared of love, or trying to prove that he'll never find someone to love him. It means he knows what he wants and doesn't want. I happen to fall into the latter category. Likewise, if I find out a guy likes to get high, I know I don't want to spend time with him. Doesn't mean there's anything wrong with either of us. We just aren't right for each other. There are millions of reasons why a person wouldn't want to be with another, and they range from the superficial to the very deep. Most times, you'll never know what that reason is, but when it happens, just be glad that you didn't find yourself in a relationship you'd have been better off without.
Author Dasani Posted June 30, 2005 Author Posted June 30, 2005 Originally posted by Mz. Pixie All that being said, you seemed to have been judging this girl by her "smoking hot body" but yet you didn't want to be judged that way?? Not exactly fair. you are right- i did... and thats the point, I knwo i'm not perfect- i'm just wanting so ee who else is willing to admit it as well. It would just be nicer to know that sometimes it IS physical attributes that are the reason for break ups or what not. Not that you could have been a "bad boy" or be nicer, or blah blah blah. Sometimes I'd rather know it was someones superficiality that caused them to stop wanting to get together or what not- instead of trying to figure out what i might have done.. odd or wrong lol. cause if they did do it because of superficiality.. screwem =)
Author Dasani Posted June 30, 2005 Author Posted June 30, 2005 Originally posted by crazy_grl "I like kids as long as I can give them back to their owners", If i said that and I dont go to church... ever... it sure would narrow my field of choices down haha. I need to start doing this.
newbby Posted June 30, 2005 Posted June 30, 2005 i was with two guys this past year, both were overweight the first one i found irritating and a turn off and viewed his being overweight as not able to look after himself the second one i found his overweightness(?) cute ok so the first was alot bigger than the second but i think it was their personalities that made me view the weight differently i think at the end of the day it all comes down to something else
phidelt127 Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 In your whole little fling there I saw a few good things and a few bad things that may have ultimately led to your demise there, and it has nothing to do with your appearance. she reminded me so much of the previous GF (that ended wicked bad). But one night she shows up with co workers at a pool hall I was at- and a bunch of co-workers were playing pool with another group of friends and I ended up playign with her. If you know in your head that this is someone who reminded you of someone else that you broke up with, why would you want to hang with her? If she acts the same then you'll act the same and it'll just end up bad. She stayed over the next 7 nights in a row... no sex (not like I wasnt trying to be.. persuasive or anything haha). But it became like we were together.. after like 8-9 days.. hanging out.. a lot. I wasnt the one always callign her either.. I would call her but somedays I just would get up late and have a message on my phone etc... No sex though.. everythign was like upper body nothing lower (just bein honest). Now, I'm not saying that you should have had sex with her, but by being a "nice guy" and "not being like that" you're putting out a "wussy" vibe. Now, don't get mad, you asked for honesty. You are, however, and like I've said many times before, women are most attracted to confidence. Even though you hooked up with her, that doesn't mean you don't have to keep playing your game. But that night I was like.. "you're not going to win at pool"... just flat out (I wasnt in best mood) said "You wont win." so we played, I beat her.. by a lrge amount... Now, this was great. No matter if you meant to do that or what, that's one of the best things you could have said. Women are so tired of hearing the same stuff from dudes that if you catch them off guard by saying something cocky but funny, they'll automatically be intrigued if not interested. If you could have kept that playful jawing up, she might have chosen YOU. Like I said, it's all about being confident in what you say. she also said, I'm seeing someone else too... and then after my morbid curiosity kicekd in.. found out her was 4 years younger than either of us.. and "athletic." I didnt really mind this break up... I mean she and I didnt click... I thought she was great to look at but lol her life was NOT Me... it sucked that day but wasnt hard at all to get over her. In this case.. I really feel like.. I had pretty much everything I needed- except- I wasnt trim. Now I'm meaning not like 6pack/ awesome shoulders and such body.. I'm meaning just - run of the mill trim- maybe even with a small gut that girls sometimes think is cute.. whatever. I mean HONESTLY.. like size DOES matter honesty The other guy just had a better game. Size HONESTLY does NOT matter. I've seen the best looking guys get the ultimate rejection because they DO NOT KNOW how to talk to girls. On the other hand, you ever see a couple walking and think "how did that ugly dude get that hot chick?" It's because the dude is great at saying stuff to women that is different from everyone else. He's good at being cocky and funny, and he's always not all that good looking. I can say this because I have been in your position in a way. I'm an asian american and I never really had much luck with women when I was younger. Then by accident (like you being in a bad mood), I learned that saying the same stuff is stupid and women hear that 1000 times a day. So, since then, I've done much better and it's not because my looks changed at all. So at the risk of soundling like an infomercial, If it worked for me, it'll definitely work for you! Good luck in the future.
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