Redhead14 Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 Yeah I said that on the main post!! She told me that a week after the "fight" I'm not hurt because she told me that, I'm like this because I know it's my fault Ok, I missed that. You should take the "good" from this, which is getting insight about how you deal with things and make a good faith effort to keep it in check. You cannot change the past, you can only make the future more promising for yourself. Owning your part in a failure is the first step to making that possible.
Author Mario2109 Posted July 28, 2016 Author Posted July 28, 2016 As some of you already know, I really messed up with a girl I like a lot.. It's been 2 weeks already since that day and I can't stop thinking about her.. We dated for only 2 months, I know it's not that much but we had a good thing going.. What can I do to get her out of my mind? It's not like I'm heartbroken or depressed, but I can't take her out of my mind.. We keep talking here and there, she added me on instagram yesterday, I have her on every social media I have.. I can't just go ahead and block her or delete her because she has not done anything bad and it's not like we are mad at each other or we hate each other so it would super immature for me to do that. The last time I asked her out (after the day I messed up) around a week ago, she pretty much said no in a polite way.. Any recommendations? 1
JewelD Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 Move on. and you're not blocking her on social media for punishment, you're doing it because you don't need to be staring at pictures of someone you're trying to get over. I doubt she will be offended at this point. 2
smackie9 Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 You do it for yourself not her. Business is finished between you two, you don't need to be her friend or buddy.....you own her nothing. Just stop responding, ghost, then hopefully she will get the hint. If she pushes just tell her politely you are moving on, and wish her happiness. 1
kolleamm Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 Can't you just unfollow her news feed? Also remove her from your chat box. Love comes again just be patient. 2
Satu Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 There's nothing immature about leaving off the communication. Whats the point of continuing something that isn't ever going to go anywhere? It's your choice. Take care.
Author Mario2109 Posted July 28, 2016 Author Posted July 28, 2016 Move on. and you're not blocking her on social media for punishment, you're doing it because you don't need to be staring at pictures of someone you're trying to get over. I doubt she will be offended at this point. I did not mention that we do business together, the company I work for does business with the company she works for.. I have to sometimes contact her and I go to her office every 2 weeks.. Everyone at my office and at her office know that we were dating.. It's a complicated situation 1
Author Mario2109 Posted July 28, 2016 Author Posted July 28, 2016 There's nothing immature about leaving off the communication. Whats the point of continuing something that isn't ever going to go anywhere? It's your choice. Take care. I have no problem with leaving off the communication, if she does not text me I definitely won't anymore. My main issue is social media, I wish I could just delete her and that's it, but it's not that simple 1
JewelD Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 I did not mention that we do business together, the company I work for does business with the company she works for.. I have to sometimes contact her and I go to her office every 2 weeks.. Everyone at my office and at her office know that we were dating.. It's a complicated situation A good reason to not mix business and pleasure in the future, but it doesn't have to be complicated. If you have to contact her for work, do so, but I don't see what that has to do with you following her on social media. You can still block her. Do you conduct business on fb or something? If so, stop. and people at your office can mind their business. You were dating, now you're not, they'll move on to the next piece of gossip. 1
Author Mario2109 Posted July 28, 2016 Author Posted July 28, 2016 A good reason to not mix business and pleasure in the future, but it doesn't have to be complicated. If you have to contact her for work, do so, but I don't see what that has to do with you following her on social media. You can still block her. Do you conduct business on fb or something? If so, stop. and people at your office can mind their business. You were dating, now you're not, they'll move on to the next piece of gossip. Well we followed each other on social media 2 months ago, it was not like yesterday.. The only social media we did not follow each other on instagram and she started following me yesterday. I think what bothers me the most is that everything ended because of me.. If it was the other way around I wouldn't care 1
JewelD Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 Well we followed each other on social media 2 months ago, it was not like yesterday.. The only social media we did not follow each other on instagram and she started following me yesterday. I think what bothers me the most is that everything ended because of me.. If it was the other way around I wouldn't care In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really matter whose fault it was. You did something, you tried to make amends, she said no, you feel hurt. At this point you need to move on. You're not obligated to be friends on social media and if you spend time staring at her pics and pining over her and what she's doing, you'll continue to feel like crap. 1
Gaeta Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 unfriend her on all of your social media. It's not rude as you think, it's the smart thing to do when we want to get over someone. And between you and I, after what happened, and after her refusing your last invitation to go out, she will relieved that you unfriend her.
Bialy Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 You need to unfriend her on ALL social media. Yeah, it sucks, but you're driving yourself insane. You are doing this for YOU. It's the first big step in becoming YOU again and not letting this consume you in an unhealthy way. Maybe a year from now you can re-add her.
jellybean824 Posted July 30, 2016 Posted July 30, 2016 Whether this relationship progresses or not, it's important to "clear the air" and put this incident behind you. Have you thought about why the "incident" bothered you so much? Maybe because you have a pre-existing business relationship, and you are her client, she felt obligated to pay. Could she have viewed this as a "business" meal? Just because she doesn't want a dating relationship now, doesn't mean that it won't change in the future. Are you ok with the status of the relationship, as is? If not, you need to have an honest talk with her, since she seems to be sending a lot of mixed signals. Mixing dating with work relationships can be tricky, since you are in a dual relationship. Not saying that it can't work, but you both need to be on the same page and clearly discuss the expectations. 1
PogoStick Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 Mario, I want to explain part of the problem with the restaurant incident for your future relationships. Not the anger stuff, but consider from her point of view: This wasn't just a first date, you guys were in a bit deeper. Most likely she was developing feelings for you. When she tried to pay for an expensive date, she was investing in your relationship. She was showing that she cared about you, that she wasn't just using you. Also, by paying, she's taking a certain ownership of the evening. She probably had a great night, and was excited to have gone to a nice restaurant. She was proud of the date you had together. She assumed you had similar feelings about the great date the two of you had. When choosing to pay for the night, she was turning that fun, expensive date into a gift that she was giving to you. She feels pleasure getting to be the girl who gives that gift to you. That's why your response was so hurtful to her. You didn't just refuse her gift, you threw it on the floor, stomped on it, and lit it on fire with gasoline. Anyways, I'm sure this is a big lesson that you'll remember for a long time. Next time, consider her point of view, why is she making a particular choice and what it means to her. 2
Grisho Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 Don't know if some of you missed it, but he mentioned she added him on INstagram a few days ago. Since some of you are posting about how happy she'll be if he unfriends her etc, those posts seem at odds with her seeking him out on Instagram. I'm inclined to think he'd be better to unfriend her on all websites regardless, but am wanting to make sure we post clearly about the facts given. 2
todreaminblue Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 (edited) I have read all the replies...and your opening post and the update......i feel what you need to do is let it go......she added you instagram if you are interested in this woman relax and dont try to control the outcome...what will be will be.....she paid the bill...she added you on instagram......let her make the moves she doesnt seem all that shy...she knows what she wants to do ...and she is polite about it too..so is she a calm person........maybe she viewed what you did at the restaurant in regards to getting angry over the bill as ...anger you couldnt control the outcome of the date..which si what i would believe...you must have a pretty strong reason for wanting to pay so badly that you would get angry......she likes to be in control.....if she changes her mind about a relationship i am sure she will let you know......in her previous relationships...maybe they were controlling...she wants leeway if it has gotten to the point where you arent thinking of much else than her....you need to step back...take some deep breaths and involve yourself in your own life again......which si probably what attracted her in the first place....relax ...let things happen when and IF, she wants them too...dont try and force it or control her or the situation..dont obsess over her...and you are arent you?..... get in contact with your other friends and go out....and have fun....let things settle..if she contacts you ....let it happen naturally on her get go.....and as i have said before...what will be will be....but not by you controlling or fixing it.......best wishes...deb Edited July 31, 2016 by todreaminblue 1
Author Mario2109 Posted August 3, 2016 Author Posted August 3, 2016 Mario, I want to explain part of the problem with the restaurant incident for your future relationships. Not the anger stuff, but consider from her point of view: This wasn't just a first date, you guys were in a bit deeper. Most likely she was developing feelings for you. When she tried to pay for an expensive date, she was investing in your relationship. She was showing that she cared about you, that she wasn't just using you. Also, by paying, she's taking a certain ownership of the evening. She probably had a great night, and was excited to have gone to a nice restaurant. She was proud of the date you had together. She assumed you had similar feelings about the great date the two of you had. When choosing to pay for the night, she was turning that fun, expensive date into a gift that she was giving to you. She feels pleasure getting to be the girl who gives that gift to you. That's why your response was so hurtful to her. You didn't just refuse her gift, you threw it on the floor, stomped on it, and lit it on fire with gasoline. Anyways, I'm sure this is a big lesson that you'll remember for a long time. Next time, consider her point of view, why is she making a particular choice and what it means to her. You're completely right, it makes sense now.. Thank you for being understanding and taking the time to explain how she might had felt after the incident.. I will definitely remember this lesson for a long, and most importantly I will learn from it. Thank you again
Author Mario2109 Posted August 3, 2016 Author Posted August 3, 2016 I have read all the replies...and your opening post and the update......i feel what you need to do is let it go......she added you instagram if you are interested in this woman relax and dont try to control the outcome...what will be will be.....she paid the bill...she added you on instagram......let her make the moves she doesnt seem all that shy...she knows what she wants to do ...and she is polite about it too..so is she a calm person........maybe she viewed what you did at the restaurant in regards to getting angry over the bill as ...anger you couldnt control the outcome of the date..which si what i would believe...you must have a pretty strong reason for wanting to pay so badly that you would get angry......she likes to be in control.....if she changes her mind about a relationship i am sure she will let you know......in her previous relationships...maybe they were controlling...she wants leeway if it has gotten to the point where you arent thinking of much else than her....you need to step back...take some deep breaths and involve yourself in your own life again......which si probably what attracted her in the first place....relax ...let things happen when and IF, she wants them too...dont try and force it or control her or the situation..dont obsess over her...and you are arent you?..... get in contact with your other friends and go out....and have fun....let things settle..if she contacts you ....let it happen naturally on her get go.....and as i have said before...what will be will be....but not by you controlling or fixing it.......best wishes...deb Yes she added me on instagram weeks after the incident happened, we were still talking here and there though.. I am letting things happen, the ball is on her court and most likely this is the end of it. Recently I haven't been thinking of her that much, getting better and realizing that life moves on. Thank you 1
Author Mario2109 Posted August 3, 2016 Author Posted August 3, 2016 I want to thank everyone for their inputs and advice that you have given me, it has helped a lot.. I really appreciate it. It's been 3 weeks already since that day, I am feeling way better than when I started this threat.. We have not talked in about 5 days already, I think of her sometimes, I am not gonna lie, but I am not feeling down or anything like that. I'm going out on the weekends, spending time with friends, and everything has worked out okay for me lately. I will definitely learn from this lesson, once again thank you all for your help. 2
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