Mario2109 Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 (edited) Hi I need some advice with a girl that I really like, I have been talking/hanging with her for about 2 months already. Everything started at a business party, we had a chat for about 10 minutes, but she had to leave early because she was going on vacation the next day. That same night after she left, her friend approached me and told me to text her because she liked me. That same night after the party, I texted her and we started talking. Everything was going smooth, we were getting along and everything. She seemed really interested, we talked every day during her vacation for around two weeks. She came back and we started to hang out and everything was perfect, she was really interested. She asked me out a couple of times, we would talk pretty much every day, she would hit me up all the time; even when I did not. We would laugh together at everything, nothing forced, everything came out smoothly. Everything was going perfect, until a week ago when I messed up during one of our dates. I got mad for the stupidest thing ever, she paid the bill at this restaurant without telling me and I got mad at her. I even gave her the silent treatment on our way back to her house (she got mad at me, even though she said she wasn't, when she got out of my car she slammed the door). Since that day she has been distant, she even told me she didn't want a relationship or anything like that. She has reached out back though, we even talk at least 3/4 times a week, but she has changed a lot since that day. (I am kind of her client, which makes it even harder since I have to see her every two weeks or so. For example I have to see her tomorrow) When she sees me it looks like she stills like me, she gets shy and stuff like that. I don't know what to do, I am not chasing her though!! I stop hitting her up when she started acting distant. However, we still talk every 2 days or something. What should I do? I mean I really like her, but I don't know if I should just let her go, or just go with the flow when she texts me and maybe ask her out again? Even though she told that she liked talking to me and hanging, but did not want a relationship. If I didn't mess up and she started acting like that I would just let her go and just don't think about, but since everything changed the same exact day I messed up, I am stuck in this dilemma. I would really appreciate if you could help me figure this out. Thank you so much Edited July 26, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Gaeta Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 What you did is inexcusable. You acted controlling and immature. You are not relationship material and she knows it now. It's over. Be professional when you see her and move on. If I were you I'd look into what's your problem before dating further.
Author Mario2109 Posted July 26, 2016 Author Posted July 26, 2016 Yes I did! I told her that I knew I acted like a jerk, that I am not like that!! the day after that we went out again, we watched a movie, she was acting kind of different, but she would hold my hand, kiss me and stuff like that.
Author Mario2109 Posted July 26, 2016 Author Posted July 26, 2016 What you did is inexcusable. You acted controlling and immature. You are not relationship material and she knows it now. It's over. Be professional when you see her and move on. If I were you I'd look into what's your problem before dating further. Look I know I acted immature, that I was a jerk and everything. I am not like that though, I messed up and we all make mistakes. You don't know how much I regret doing what I did, but I guess it's time to move on without second chances
Author Mario2109 Posted July 26, 2016 Author Posted July 26, 2016 Did you ever apologize to her for your behavior? Yes I did! I told her that I knew I acted like a jerk, that I am not like that!! the day after that we went out again, we watched a movie, she was acting kind of different, but she would hold my hand, kiss me and stuff like that.
PogoStick Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 Well, what do you want to happen? Did she ever want a relationship with you before the fight?
Author Mario2109 Posted July 26, 2016 Author Posted July 26, 2016 Well, what do you want to happen? Did she ever want a relationship with you before the fight? Oh I know what I want to happen, I want to be by her side and prove to her that I am not a douche bag, but it is probably too late. She is an excellent woman!! Well I think she was ready to move forward before the fight, she never told me because I never asked. I met her siblings, she even asked me if I wanted to come in to her house after dinner (before the fight) we even talked about going on vacation together later this year!! I messed up big time
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 Why on earth would you get angry for woman picking up the tab on your date??? You say that you're "not like that" so why don't you fill us in on what triggered you to react so inappropriately? There has to be more to this story. She's probably very conflicted by you right now. And is likely treading very carefully in fear of what else might trigger you. I mean if you got mad and gave her the silent treatment over something that was actually a nice thing like paying the restaurant bill, what the hell else can you flip out on her for? I can't even imagine. Personally, any man who behaved that way would never get a second date with me. Good luck. 4
Gaeta Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 Mario: Those first dates are sooooo important. During these first dates we create an opinion of someone. If you make a bad impression it's often impossible to change it. She viewed you a certain way and you killed it for her. She accepted another date and continued talking because she thought maybe her initial impression of you would come back but obviously it's not. You saying 'it's not like you to do this' is.....well almost funny. You did it, so don't say it's not like you. Have you asked yourself why you reacted that way? What was going on in your mind? 1
Author Mario2109 Posted July 26, 2016 Author Posted July 26, 2016 Why on earth would you get angry for woman picking up the tab on your date??? You say that you're "not like that" so why don't you fill us in on what triggered you to react so inappropriately? There has to be more to this story. She's probably very conflicted by you right now. And is likely treading very carefully in fear of what else might trigger you. I mean if you got mad and gave her the silent treatment over something that was actually a nice thing like paying the restaurant bill, what the hell else can you flip out on her for? I can't even imagine. Personally, any man who behaved that way would never get a second date with me. Good luck. I know you probably think I am a douche bag or a jerk or whatever. I would think the same way if I were you. However, I am actually a good guy, I have the best intentions with her!! Since the first day we started dating I knew we could have something good, something real. It was reciprocal. I messed up big time, and I admit it!! I had no reason to act like that, first time I have acted like that. I tried to make it up for her the same day before giving her the silent treatment, I was mad already but I tried to make it up, but she acted like she did not want to so I drove her home and gave her the silent treatment. So I should just give up? I am here for advice, and I truly appreciate your help and you input
Author Mario2109 Posted July 26, 2016 Author Posted July 26, 2016 Mario: Those first dates are sooooo important. During these first dates we create an opinion of someone. If you make a bad impression it's often impossible to change it. She viewed you a certain way and you killed it for her. She accepted another date and continued talking because she thought maybe her initial impression of you would come back but obviously it's not. You saying 'it's not like you to do this' is.....well almost funny. You did it, so don't say it's not like you. Have you asked yourself why you reacted that way? What was going on in your mind? The first 4 dates were pretty good, I was being me you know, she was happy, I would always make her laugh!! She seemed to really appreciate my company, until that stupid day came..I am going to see her today, I of course going to act professional, but should I read her signs or something? To see if she still likes me? I knowwww, but I swear I am not like that, first time I have ever done that!! believe it or not.. Yes I have, and every time I do I end up getting the same answer. I don't know whyyyy I was so stupid, I can't believe it
winny Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 It could also be the case that she has had similar experiences in past and those didn't end well eventually. So she doesn't want to happen that again. Also during initial phases making a good impression is important. Why would she give you another chance? From her perspective this is a major red flag. I think this is over from her end.
Gaeta Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 The first 4 dates were pretty good, I was being me you know, she was happy, I would always make her laugh!! She seemed to really appreciate my company, until that stupid day came..I am going to see her today, I of course going to act professional, but should I read her signs or something? To see if she still likes me? I knowwww, but I swear I am not like that, first time I have ever done that!! believe it or not.. Yes I have, and every time I do I end up getting the same answer. I don't know whyyyy I was so stupid, I can't believe it So if I ask you what was going on in your mind when you got mad at her you cannot answer? and what was going on in your mind when you gave her the silent treatment? same thing you cannot answer? Be professional and don't try to read anything. I think if you have already apologized the ball is in her court. More you force things more you come across as someone with control issues.
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 I know you probably think I am a douche bag or a jerk or whatever. I would think the same way if I were you. However, I am actually a good guy, I have the best intentions with her!! Since the first day we started dating I knew we could have something good, something real. It was reciprocal. I messed up big time, and I admit it!! I had no reason to act like that, first time I have acted like that. I tried to make it up for her the same day before giving her the silent treatment, I was mad already but I tried to make it up, but she acted like she did not want to so I drove her home and gave her the silent treatment. So I should just give up? I am here for advice, and I truly appreciate your help and you input Sorry, but that's not good enough Mario. I don't care what your 'intentions' were or are. You lost your cool over something that didn't warrant your reaction whatsoever. WHY???? If you tried to apologize and she hasn't bounced back from that night then perhaps it's time to let it go. The ball is in her court now. As they say, you only get one shot at a first impression. It's a saying for a reason after all. I think you really blew it with her and I don't blame her.
BaileyB Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 To be honest, I think you both sound immature in your behavior. Losing your cool because she paid the bill at a restaurant is kind of ridiculous... The correct response would have been to say thank you, I'll get the next one. I don't know if it will work out or not, but I hope you take this as a learning experience and control your behavior better next time.
Author Mario2109 Posted July 26, 2016 Author Posted July 26, 2016 It could also be the case that she has had similar experiences in past and those didn't end well eventually. So she doesn't want to happen that again. Also during initial phases making a good impression is important. Why would she give you another chance? From her perspective this is a major red flag. I think this is over from her end. Yes!! According to her best friend, she has had bad luck when it comes to relationships. I did make a good impression, I understand I messed up big time, but I think I kind of deserve a second shot. Because I was super good to her, I was always there when she needed to complain about something.. I guess you are right, it is time to let her go and move on......
Author Mario2109 Posted July 26, 2016 Author Posted July 26, 2016 To be honest, I think you both sound immature in your behavior. Losing your cool because she paid the bill at a restaurant is kind of ridiculous... The correct response would have been to say thank you, I'll get the next one. I don't know if it will work out or not, but I hope you take this as a learning experience and control your behavior better next time. I know it is ridiculous and immature!! that's why I'm here.. Why would you say that she is acting immature?
Author Mario2109 Posted July 26, 2016 Author Posted July 26, 2016 So if I ask you what was going on in your mind when you got mad at her you cannot answer? and what was going on in your mind when you gave her the silent treatment? same thing you cannot answer? Be professional and don't try to read anything. I think if you have already apologized the ball is in her court. More you force things more you come across as someone with control issues. Yes, I was thinking about doing something else that same day so I can invite her and make it even, but I felt she was not really into doing something else that day (after I got mad) When I gave her the silent treatment, the only thing that was going through my mind was "talk to her, say you're sorry, hold her hand" but my f-ing ego was bigger than me. No, no! like I said I am not chasing her at all!! I'm just waiting to see what happens.. If she would give me a 2nd chance, I would not let her down
Author Mario2109 Posted July 26, 2016 Author Posted July 26, 2016 Sorry, but that's not good enough Mario. I don't care what your 'intentions' were or are. You lost your cool over something that didn't warrant your reaction whatsoever. WHY???? If you tried to apologize and she hasn't bounced back from that night then perhaps it's time to let it go. The ball is in her court now. As they say, you only get one shot at a first impression. It's a saying for a reason after all. I think you really blew it with her and I don't blame her. I dont know whyyyyyy!! it sucks to be me right now.. yeah I apologize that same day after I got home!! We talked for 4 days in a row last week and she was acting okay.. Can you at least give me the benefit of the doubt? Yeah I repeat, I am not chasing her and I don't have intentions of doing so
Gaeta Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 You know Mario, men don't grow huge ego over night. I think you are in denial when you say it never ever happened before. This very situation may never have happened before but I don't believe you were never impatient, controlling and passive-aggressive before. 1
Author Mario2109 Posted July 26, 2016 Author Posted July 26, 2016 You know Mario, men don't grow huge ego over night. I think you are in denial when you say it never ever happened before. This very situation may never have happened before but I don't believe you were never impatient, controlling and passive-aggressive before. Well yeah you're right!! I could be impatient at times, but not aggressive though.. I wanna get rid of the stupid ego, I don't need it
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 I dont know whyyyyyy!! it sucks to be me right now.. yeah I apologize that same day after I got home!! We talked for 4 days in a row last week and she was acting okay.. Can you at least give me the benefit of the doubt? Yeah I repeat, I am not chasing her and I don't have intentions of doing so Mario, having worked for years with women of domestic abuse, I've seen a LOT of these types of situations where very nice men on the surface lose their sh*t over the most mundane and innocent reasons. Are you an emotional abuser and/or violent man in the making? I can't speak to that but you can't just brush it off as a one-off encounter. YOU may not think this is who you are on a regular basis but the fact that you did behave this way is of concern. There is no sugar coating this one. It would benefit you greatly to really think about what it was that set you off in the first place. Then maybe you can prevent this from ever happening again. 1
Redhead14 Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 Well yeah you're right!! I could be impatient at times, but not aggressive though.. I wanna get rid of the stupid ego, I don't need it Let this one go. You've kinda contaminated the scenario and you'll likely be walking on eggshells worrying about this and your possible next misstep. Or, she will be walking on eggshells for the same reason. Learn from this. Learn how to be gracious and allow a woman to keep things balanced and show her independent, secure, generous side. If you don't want that kind of woman, date women who are more subservient and expect you to do everything.
Author Mario2109 Posted July 26, 2016 Author Posted July 26, 2016 Mario, having worked for years with women of domestic abuse, I've seen a LOT of these types of situations where very nice men on the surface lose their sh*t over the most mundane and innocent reasons. Are you an emotional abuser and/or violent man in the making? I can't speak to that but you can't just brush it off as a one-off encounter. YOU may not think this is who you are on a regular basis but the fact that you did behave this way is of concern. There is no sugar coating this one. It would benefit you greatly to really think about what it was that set you off in the first place. Then maybe you can prevent this from ever happening again. I am not a 17 year old kid.. I have had relationships before, I lasted 4 years with one of them and I never, didn't even think about putting my hands on her or anything like that. I am not a violent man in the making, I just messed up big time Is that what she might be thinking?
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