Miss Peach Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 I think looks matter but they matter differently to women than men. What I have found with men is they see an attractive woman. If she is someone they would be happy to have sex with then they tend to try to categorize her - plaything or GF material. The thing that drew the man in was physical attraction. Then he investigates what type of woman she is and what it's going to take to be with her for his goal (relationship or fun). For women we may be initially attracted or not but the way we feel around a man will make him look more or less attractive. If a guy is a jerk he will start looking less attractive. If he makes us feel good (i.e., makes us feel comfortable, makes us laugh, etc.) then he will grow on us and we'll find him more attractive. I found this article written from a man's perspective. But I think he nailed down the woman's side well and he mentioned it was something that surprised him about how women fall for men. The Rules Revisited: Men Don't Fall in Love the Same Way Women Do 1
Densel Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 I asked my cousin (female) if she would date a fat guy, she said "why not". And then later in the day i asked her if she would date John (a fat guy), she replied "no, he is fat". So i said, looks does matter. Dont try to act like you dont care and not shallow.
elaine567 Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 I asked my cousin (female) if she would date a fat guy, she said "why not". And then later in the day i asked her if she would date John (a fat guy), she replied "no, he is fat". So i said, looks does matter. Dont try to act like you dont care and not shallow. That's merely an anecdote, and... Maybe John is also ugly, he smells and he is boring too, maybe "fat" was the least offensive thing she could think up to say about him...
stillafool Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 I For women we may be initially attracted or not but the way we feel around a man will make him look more or less attractive. If a guy is a jerk he will start looking less attractive. If he makes us feel good (i.e., makes us feel comfortable, makes us laugh, etc.) then he will grow on us and we'll find him more attractive. Not for me. I don't care how wonderful a guy would treat me if I was not physically attracted to him I felt nothing but friendship towards him. Looks most definitely matter to me.
Miss Peach Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 Not for me. I don't care how wonderful a guy would treat me if I was not physically attracted to him I felt nothing but friendship towards him. Looks most definitely matter to me. I didn't say they won't matter at all. And I never said women don't fall for chemistry. But the guy's assessment will go up or down based on how a woman feels and the chemistry that's there. If a woman feels an OK looking guy and feels a lot of chemistry she may go for him over the hunk with no chemistry. I've also found that a lot of women fall for men who grow on them. For most women it's not as instantaneous as when I notice with men. For example I have a friend. He is short, thick, balding, underemployed, cheap, etc. Most women don't look at him and find him hot. In fact he usually gets ignored. But I have noticed that once he interacts with women, makes them feel comfortable, makes them laugh, etc. women are usually throwing their numbers at him. Another example I met a great looking, super fit man who I initially had a lot of chemistry with. He was trying to contact me for a second date when I fell down a flight of stairs with my phone. He was more concerned about getting the date than about how I was. He didn't even want to plan the date somewhere where I wouldn't have to walk to make any accommodations for my busted ankle. I wanted nothing more to do with him after that. He lost his attractiveness completely in my eyes. 1
thecrucible Posted August 2, 2016 Posted August 2, 2016 OP, cut yourself some slack. You never know what someone's reaction to you is going to be. I've fallen for all types of guys because it's something about their aura which gets me. It's hard for me to put my finger on it. No one entices me straight away - I have to get to know them more through interactions. A guy who is hot to the whole world I'd still get nervous around and I would notice him straight away - but really he is just another person. Once the facade drops, I'm focused on his personality and compatibility. I have fallen for guys and found them very hot in the end who I'd probably not think anything of if I saw a photograph of them. So it's not a case of sacrificing looks for personality. If there is genuine chemistry, I like his personality and his looks and I think he's insanely hot no matter what his looks are like objectively. I get surprised myself when a guy is interested in me. I just naturally assume they wouldn't be but actually when I think about it, some really hot guys have liked me (why? haha). Think carefully OP as when you think about it properly, there may be women who really liked you whom you might have missed or it didn't register with you.
thecrucible Posted August 2, 2016 Posted August 2, 2016 For example I have a friend. He is short, thick, balding, underemployed, cheap, etc. Most women don't look at him and find him hot. In fact he usually gets ignored. But I have noticed that once he interacts with women, makes them feel comfortable, makes them laugh, etc. women are usually throwing their numbers at him. Another example I met a great looking, super fit man who I initially had a lot of chemistry with. He was trying to contact me for a second date when I fell down a flight of stairs with my phone. He was more concerned about getting the date than about how I was. He didn't even want to plan the date somewhere where I wouldn't have to walk to make any accommodations for my busted ankle. I wanted nothing more to do with him after that. He lost his attractiveness completely in my eyes. Totally my point of view. Didn't mean to pretty much repeat what you said. You are so right though! I don't think I was particularly shallow before but my perspective has changed the further I get into adult life - you just want someone low drama, who's kind, compassionate and likes some of the things you do. You don't need all that in a guy who looks like Brad Pitt as well. And some hot guys aren't even necessarily the best in the sack either and can be selfish lovers. OP, think positively. Focus on what you can change, not what you can't. Be the best person you can be and you'll find the right person. 2
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