Why do so many women say "Looks dont matter"?

July 26, 2016

Because social status and humor matter more than looks. That said, women wont date ugly guys either, unless they have to, or the guys are extremely well off and can pay for their company.

July 26, 2016

This proves nothing. There is individually variability of course but there is plenty of research out there that shows that men are biologically wired to be more visually stimulated than women.

I'm not arguing against this point. Yes, men are more visually stimulated than women. What I am questioning is whether or not that translates mathematically. Have you seen any studies comparing physical attribute selectiveness (looks) between men and women on a large scale? I've searched, but I couldn't find any. The OKCupid blogs provide some information, but they are not scientific studies.

I am also arguing against the claim that "looks don't matter". In fact, from your earlier post:

Looks don't matter because I can develop an attraction based on personality.

This is you saying looks don't matter.

Having said that, I have some non-negotiables: he must be taller than me, not obese, not extremly skinny, have good skin and reasonably good teeth.

This is you saying looks do matter. Which is it?

My observation from OLD is that women are quite selective when it comes to physical attributes... just not the same attributes as men. Until I look at the majority of profiles and see all physical attributes blank under "what she's looking for", the claim that "looks don't matter" is false.

July 26, 2016

Looks matter to a very low degree, I have some bare minimum standards and from there it's all personality. Physical attraction can grow from there.

For men though, if the initial *strong physical attraction* is not there, personality is not going to do a thing.

July 26, 2016

My GF told me highly attractive men are scarce. She said they are usually full of themselves and wont commit or...gay.

She jokingly ask me what I do when I encounter another "attractive" male in public...she asked if we "Blue steel" each other lol

She was right tho. I see numerous women who take care of themselves when I'm out but I rarely feel threatened by other men.

I'm a bit "metro" as some would say so I spend well on clothing, have a stylist, work out moderately, etc..and just yesterday in a store I looked over and saw another guy..a bit taller, better build, nice beard and baby blue eyes..

It was a rare time when I felt "challenged"...? The insecurities I have that make me slightly "American Psyco" obsessive welled up inside me when I saw this guy.

Usually I can feel the glances from women, the senseless banter the waitress or cashier will try to make with me.

The random "you smell great", "I love your hair" or "thats a great shirt" I'll get....then again sometimes I wonder if they do this cause they think I'm gay.

July 26, 2016

For men though, if the initial *strong physical attraction* is not there, personality is not going to do a thing.

I kinda agree, but on looking around in real life at gfs, wives and partners, I do not see much evidence that men are all about stunningly gorgeous women.

There is a lot of noise generated, "Wow she is hot" and a lot of guy banter, but in reality average looking guys are in relationships with average looking women.

I do however get it why men NEED strong sexual attraction.

A woman, can have sex with any guy, he doesn't NEED to be sexually attractive to her, he doesn't NEED to turn her on.

She can lie back and think of England, or she can put on a show that makes him think he is the hottest guy in the world.

BUT at the same time she can be totally turned off or only mildly turned on. Sex doesn't have to stop because she is not feeling it, unless she chooses to make a big deal of it.

Men on the other hand if they are not turned on means there is no sex (in the usual meaning of the word) as they do not have an erection.

They NEED that stimulation and to be genuinely attracted on some level for it to happen at all.

Hormones tend to rage and that gets them through it usually, but not all the time. That need to perform, is I am sure a big stressor and having a sexy, attractive partner, takes a lot of that heat off.

July 26, 2016

Because attraction can grow based on personality and people can look beyond the looks

Thats right it happen to me. With my ex she asked me out i didnt like her because of her physicial apperence but once i got to know her she was an amazing funny loving women very funny. But sadly things ended.

July 26, 2016

2. Do looks matter? YES. The interesting thing about this is that when ever I ask this question in an environment that is NOT about dating the women always say LOOKS DON'T MATTER. But when it's an environment that is about dating looks obviously seems to matter.

SO I HAVE ANOTHER QUESTION FOR TODAY. WHY DO WOMEN ALWAYS SAY "LOOKS DON'T MATTER"?

The context here is everything. Women approach attraction - even pure physical attraction - w generally more complexity than men. Things that we see as more legit and less crude matter (think height as opposed to boob size), and bc of that we largely see men's judging of women as simple and blunt. SO, being as we think we're better than that and don't want to be judged on the same basis, we're quick to point out that we're more sophisticated and jump to platitudes like "looks don't matter" to buffer ourselves when obvs they do matter, just in a diff way for us. We don't want to be seen in the same two dimensional way we perceive men in that regard.

Bscly if you just ask a woman outright if looks matter she'll say no right away to attempt to protect her dignity but if you ask more subtly about the elements of looks having an effect on impressions she'll acknowledge and describe how they very much matter. /shrug

To demonstrate real simply, asking that question outright to women is kinda like doing a political street survey where you ask "do you like that a-hole candidate X?" The question's loaded.

July 26, 2016

Have you ever compared looking at a photo to looking around in real life?

I've looked at pictures on dating sites and they rarely appeal. Then I've looked at, say, a bus load of guys and can find something appealing in most of them. I don't know why this is.

I totally agree. Attraction is about so much more than looks. There has to be a basic level of physical attractiveness, but a nice smile, warm eyes, kindness, humor... This is what makes someone truly attractive for me!

July 26, 2016

Men evolved as hunters. Women constantly sought after traits such as height and muscle mass, which gave men an edge in hunting. The guy who was purely nice and fun to be around but didn't have those probably died to the lion.

July 26, 2016

Looks are as important as you want them to be, and how much value you put in your own looks, I guess.

Vanity / insecurities / an over-emphasis on the superficial play a big part on how much looks matter to someone.

In real life, I've not seen much of a difference between how men and women react to someone they have genuine feelings (so not short-term stuff).

I've never done OLD but I suspect that if a photo of a stranger is all you have to judge whether you want to get in touch with someone, it would make sense that looks matter greatly; it would also make sense that it would affect both men and women (because not everyone in the world is straight...) equally, so again it's not a gender thing.

Edited July 26, 2016 by PrettyEmily77

July 26, 2016

I think women say looks don't matter because the looks that do matter come down to your facial structure and height, and you can't really change either.

Whereas an overweight woman, can lose weight and become hot, a short guy with an unattractive face who does the same can't achieve nearly the same effect.

July 26, 2016

I think women say looks don't matter because the looks that do matter come down to your facial structure and height, and you can't really change either.

Whereas an overweight woman, can lose weight and become hot, a short guy with an unattractive face who does the same can't achieve nearly the same effect.

He can always get rich

July 26, 2016

Agreed
Cherlize Theron.

How a mean look and a downturned mouth can alter a person completely

To be fair, Charlize had the benefit of "ugly" prostheses. I doubt Aileen Wuornos looks like Charlize when she smiles, ya know?

July 26, 2016

Looks matter, but only in the eye of the beholder. It's important to remember that. Not everyone necessarily goes for the traditionally good looking. Their partners or crushes may not fit the mold of the traditionally good looking, but that doesn't mean that the person doesn't find them or at least something about them physically enticing.

I have an ex whose past boyfriends will definitely make most people go, "Wait, what?" especially compared to her more traditionally beautiful appearance. I recall having a conversation or two about this with her. None of these guys were ugly in the conventional sense, but they all shared some things in common that enhanced their appearance to this woman, namely, the way they carried themselves.

July 26, 2016

To be fair, Charlize had the benefit of "ugly" prostheses. I doubt Aileen Wuornos looks like Charlize when she smiles, ya know?

http://67.media.tumblr.com/d1cf26c2f1f387775eafdf594d7f749b/tumblr_nfk9p0fH6k1r8gw41o1_400.jpg

Aileen Wuornos aged 20 and smiling.

July 26, 2016

To be fair, Charlize had the benefit of "ugly" prostheses. I doubt Aileen Wuornos looks like Charlize when she smiles, ya know?

From the guy who did her make up

Prosthetics weren’t even considered, mainly because there wasn’t the budget to do that.

The only thing that was changed were some dentures. The rest was all make up, posture changes, facial expression changes etc...

July 26, 2016

So I made a post yesterday. Asking three questions: So I read all the answers and this is what majority of you have said.

1. Do women like sex? YES

2. Do looks matter? YES. The interesting thing about this is that when ever I ask this question in an environment that is NOT about dating the women always say LOOKS DON'T MATTER. But when it's an environment that is about dating looks obviously seems to matter.

3. Does height matter? YES AND NO

It's actually question two that stops me from approaching women. I'am actually a tall guy (6 foot) but im skinny with glasses and I'm Indian lol. Looks seem to very important to women just as important to men in the dating world.

In the thread wrote that wanted become "god". And what I meant by wanting to become a god is to just become confident. I get nervous around women. I keep thinking they are judging me, they are going to talk **** behind my back if I approach them or she will call me ugly again lol. So by GOD I just mean CONFIDENT. I don't want become a GOD and boost my ego.

But you guys are right I need to work on myself. I don't blame anyone else but me for failing this far in the dating world. But I'll get better

SO I HAVE ANOTHER QUESTION FOR TODAY. WHY DO WOMEN ALWAYS SAY "LOOKS DON'T MATTER"?

Not sure why this poster would ask the question in a presumptuous format because a lot of women are becoming what men have become, just as visual as men are.

EVERY time I was able to date a woman, they told me looks matter not 1 iota to them. My last g/f was really steadfast in that. Was kind of surprising actually, but I wonder if that could also be a blessing AND a curse. I mean, would there be some trade-off if a woman doesn't care about looks at all?

What is funny, for those women that DO care about looks, it's funny because I think some need to look in a mirror and discover that they need to stop eating at fastfood joints. I knew a chubby woman that was into a male marathon runner, very fit, he had no problem getting dates with women much more attractive than her. Yet when some average Joe asks her out, she rejects him *shrug*

Funny how people don't realize that they don't bring much to the table but expect the people they interested to bring a whole lot more.

July 26, 2016

Seriously man? Because that is a pretty spurious test.

I never suggested the test was perfect. This was two friends comparing their selectiveness of physical attributes. It was the best tool we could come up with at the time. We searched for actual scientific studies but could not find any.

Anyway, there are probably a lot more bad looking men on Match.com than there are bad looking women. I definitely think that women look better than men. All the time. Everywhere I look.

We didn't look at any of the photos. We only focused on the physical attribute fields provided by Match: Height, Body Type, Eyes, Hair, Ethnicity.

July 26, 2016

Of course looks matter to each individual but what is attractive to one person may not be to another. No everyone is looking for a model type but they are some attributes they will look for. We are attracted to what we are attracted to and there is no shame in that. I wouldn't waste my time on someone I wasn't attracted to visually, that's just silly.

July 26, 2016

Looks matter to a very low degree, I have some bare minimum standards and from there it's all personality. Physical attraction can grow from there.

For men though, if the initial *strong physical attraction* is not there, personality is not going to do a thing.

Maybe for OLD, where all you have to go on is a picture, but IRL, that's not true at all.

Sometimes a woman that you initially wasn't attracted to could have such a great personality, it changes your mind about her. Suddenly you won't care as much about looks as the personality is mostly what won you over and makes you want to be with her. I'm not saying that looks aren't important, but instead of looks being say...70% of the appeal and personality the remaining 30%, looks went down to 40%, while personality boosted to 60%. These aren't exact percentages by any means, but a way to illustrate how a great personality makes someone who didn't appeal to you you at first could start being appealing later.

July 26, 2016

Of course looks matter to each individual but what is attractive to one person may not be to another. No everyone is looking for a model type but they are some attributes they will look for. We are attracted to what we are attracted to and there is no shame in that. I wouldn't waste my time on someone I wasn't attracted to visually, that's just silly.

I don't why there's a philosophical discussion on this subject. Looks do matter to everyone. Of course not everyone has the same perspective on what constitutes what is attractive or not, but I am willing to bet that the vast majority of people fall into a bell curve when it comes to what one would find attractive or not.

I am very attracted to body before the face. If a woman is fit/athletic, the face need not be of Halle Berry or Kate Beckinsale level of beauty. A woman's body is more important to me than face. If a woman has a beautiful face and not in good shape...no chance. I also love women who look great w/o makeup, so natural beauty is a big plus for me. I was with a woman who wore a lot of makeup, but w/o it.....wow. Of course, she didn't agree...

Anyway, everyone places looks high up in value.

For me...

1. Athletic/fit body

2. Personality

3. Face

July 26, 2016

I think when you are pretty young you are more superficial about looks rather than worry about personality, but as you mature, get older you realize personality and compatibility plays a huge role in long term stability. That's why, IMO, getting married too young would lead to divorce because you haven't given yourself a chance to develop mentally/emotionally.

July 26, 2016

I kinda agree, but on looking around in real life at gfs, wives and partners, I do not see much evidence that men are all about stunningly gorgeous women.
There is a lot of noise generated, "Wow she is hot" and a lot of guy banter, but in reality average looking guys are in relationships with average looking women.

Dose of reality - it's not by choice. Most men settle because they can't get the girl they want. There are only so many stunningly gorgeous women to go around. This is why over 50% of marriages end in divorce and nearly 80% of those who marry will experience infidelity in their lifetime. I can't tell you how many married guys I know secretly hate their marriage or cheat. It's sad really. There are some really happy couples out there, but we're talking about 20% of all marriages...

July 26, 2016

Maybe for OLD, where all you have to go on is a picture, but IRL, that's not true at all.

Sometimes a woman that you initially wasn't attracted to could have such a great personality, it changes your mind about her. Suddenly you won't care as much about looks as the personality is mostly what won you over and makes you want to be with her. I'm not saying that looks aren't important, but instead of looks being say...70% of the appeal and personality the remaining 30%, looks went down to 40%, while personality boosted to 60%. These aren't exact percentages by any means, but a way to illustrate how a great personality makes someone who didn't appeal to you you at first could start being appealing later.

I think you are the exception rather than the norm. I've never not found a women sexually attractive then changed my mind after I got to know her. Only the opposite happens when a beautiful woman reveals her ugly personality and I want nothing to do with her. You should NEVER apply blanket statements to individuals but it think it's obvious that statistically, men are much more likely to care only about looks than women...

July 26, 2016

Maybe for OLD, where all you have to go on is a picture, but IRL, that's not true at all.

Sometimes a woman that you initially wasn't attracted to could have such a great personality, it changes your mind about her. Suddenly you won't care as much about looks as the personality is mostly what won you over and makes you want to be with her. I'm not saying that looks aren't important, but instead of looks being say...70% of the appeal and personality the remaining 30%, looks went down to 40%, while personality boosted to 60%. These aren't exact percentages by any means, but a way to illustrate how a great personality makes someone who didn't appeal to you you at first could start being appealing later.

my ex is a body builder and was a bouncer at the time i first met him.....there's no mistaking physical physique even fuzzy when you look like that...he had women around him all the time.....even celebrity women......i didnt really like him at all..was not attracted.....in fact...he scared me..thought he was arrogant and cold........but i got to know him.....and he was warm funny and he helped out at a disability orphanage....looks can be deceiving either way..he also didnt seem to go by looks....because he ended up with me.........deb

Sign In

Why do so many women say "Looks dont matter"?

Recommended Posts

Alamo657

Shining One

Eternal Sunshine

spmh1017

elaine567

Dente

jen1447

BaileyB

kolleamm

PrettyEmily77

SwordofFlame

Eternal Sunshine

losangelena

Blanco

elaine567

Toodaloo

LookAtThisPOst

Shining One

smackie9

MGX

Gr8fuln2020

smackie9

CryForNoOne

CryForNoOne

todreaminblue

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...