Why do so many women say "Looks dont matter"?

[Lankan_man]

So I made a post yesterday. Asking three questions: So I read all the answers and this is what majority of you have said.

 

1. Do women like sex? YES

 

2. Do looks matter? YES. The interesting thing about this is that when ever I ask this question in an environment that is NOT about dating the women always say LOOKS DON'T MATTER. But when it's an environment that is about dating looks obviously seems to matter.

 

3. Does height matter? YES AND NO

 

It's actually question two that stops me from approaching women. I'am actually a tall guy (6 foot) but im skinny with glasses and I'm Indian lol. Looks seem to very important to women just as important to men in the dating world.

 

In the thread wrote that wanted become "god". And what I meant by wanting to become a god is to just become confident. I get nervous around women. I keep thinking they are judging me, they are going to talk **** behind my back if I approach them or she will call me ugly again lol. So by GOD I just mean CONFIDENT. I don't want become a GOD and boost my ego.

 

But you guys are right I need to work on myself. I don't blame anyone else but me for failing this far in the dating world. But I'll get better

 

SO I HAVE ANOTHER QUESTION FOR TODAY. WHY DO WOMEN ALWAYS SAY "LOOKS DON'T MATTER"?

[frus69]

Because attraction can grow based on personality and people can look beyond the looks

[kolleamm]

They say looks don't matter so you don't get discouraged.

 

In reality an intimate relationship cannot exist without physical attraction. Personality etc...are only pluses.

 

If looks didn't matter you would see some really really strange couples out there, but for the most part you don't.

 

The hardest thing a person can do is be honest with another.

[basil67]

I'm not put off by someone's natural features. It's silly to judge a person by, say, their facial structure.

 

However I do care about how he presents himself...and this is part of 'looks'. If he smells bad, hair is dirty or nails unkempt, teeth bad, if his shoes are worn or he hasn't changed his haircut since the 1980's (yes, I am old) I won't be interested.

 

To me, a smile is the most important thing in a man's looks. A classically good looking man who doesn't smile won't pass Go. An average looking man who's face lights up when he smiles is a total winner.

 

Though I will admit that cross cultural attraction can be tricky. I grew up in a very white area and for a long time was only attracted to white men - it was what I was used to. This part of me is changing due to our increasingly cultural diverse society and movies, but it certainly used to be an issue for me.

[basil67]

They say looks don't matter so you don't get discouraged.

 

In reality an intimate relationship cannot exist without physical attraction. Personality etc...are only pluses.

 

If looks didn't matter you would see some really really strange couples out there, but for the most part you don't.

 

The hardest thing a person can do is be honest with another.

 

Just this weekend, I was pondering some of the mismatched couples I see. They are out there.

 

But generally speaking, uif looks mattered, wouldn't it stand to reason that only the beautiful people find partners? The far majority of people fall into the 'average' category and still find love

 

For me, the main driver for sexual attraction is personality. He can look like a God, but if he acts like a doucebag I'm not interested.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Looks don't matter because I can develop an attraction based on personality. Men can't, not really, they are programmed differently than women.

 

Sex is good if there is an overall attraction, infinitely more so than looks (again men don't get this because it works differently for them).

 

Looks are a bonus for sure but I have so many other criteria that come first. In an ideal world you would have it all but I have to let go of some of least important things (i.e. looks) to even have a shot of finding someone I would like to date.

 

Having said that, I have some non-negotiables: he must be taller than me, not obese, not extremly skinny, have good skin and reasonably good teeth.

 

Unfortunately lot of men don't get this and focus on developing a 6 pack and taking shirtless photos where they would be much better off getting education, a solid fulll time job, saving up for a deposit for a house and generally having their s^it together.

[CryForNoOne]

Looks don't matter because I can develop an attraction based on personality. Men can't, not really, they are programmed differently than women.

 

Sex is good if there is an overall attraction, infinitely more so than looks (again men don't get this because it works differently for them).

 

Looks are a bonus for sure but I have so many other criteria that come first. In an ideal world you would have it all but I have to let go of some of least important things (i.e. looks) to even have a shot of finding someone I would like to date.

 

Having said that, I have some non-negotiables: he must be taller than me, not obese, not extremly skinny, have good skin and reasonably good teeth.

 

Unfortunately lot of men don't get this and focus on developing a 6 pack and taking shirtless photos where they would be much better off getting education, a solid fulll time job, saving up for a deposit for a house and generally having their s^it together.

 

Totally agree. If there are 20 men in the room, you'll probably have at least 10 different choices by women for most attractive. If there are 20 women in a room, all the men will basically go for only 2 of them - either the most voluptuous one or the skinniest mannequin. This is why so many men get frustrated. They all go for the same girl and if they can't get her, they make these ridiculous blanket statements about women...

[Lankan_man]

Looks don't matter because I can develop an attraction based on personality. Men can't, not really, they are programmed differently than women.

 

Sex is good if there is an overall attraction, infinitely more so than looks (again men don't get this because it works differently for them).

 

Looks are a bonus for sure but I have so many other criteria that come first. In an ideal world you would have it all but I have to let go of some of least important things (i.e. looks) to even have a shot of finding someone I would like to date.

 

Having said that, I have some non-negotiables: he must be taller than me, not obese, not extremly skinny, have good skin and reasonably good teeth.

 

Unfortunately lot of men don't get this and focus on developing a 6 pack and taking shirtless photos where they would be much better off getting education, a solid fulll time job, saving up for a deposit for a house and generally having their s^it together.

 

It is true that men definitely need physical attraction to be there. I definitely need it. I sometimes wished I wasn't hard wired that way. I met a girl with an AMAZING personality!! She helped get through my grandma's death and gave me so much great life advice. She then told me she likes me and because of my male brain I couldn't get over the fact that she was over weight, had bad hair and had a lot of acne. I think if the genders were switched it might have worked out. Sometimes I still think back to the time I said no to her wondering if I made the right choice

[Toodaloo]

Yes looks matter in that it is important to be attracted to the other person.

 

No looks do not matter because everyone is different and different people will find different things attractive. So you can't win no matter what you do so may as well just accept the way you are.

 

That girl you turned down? She can loose that weight. The hair can be sorted out and many people go through a phase of acne. If you were both young at the time chances are she will "blossom" at around 18/19yrs and all that fat will drop off as she matures into a woman.

 

I don't think you made a mistake as such but I do think you missed a great opportunity.

 

Everyone will get less attractive as they grow older. We all get saggy and hair growing where it shouldn't. The trick is to find someone that you admire enough to want to get old with...

[Emilia]

I think it's all somewhere in the middle. Most people have some kind of a range in what they find attractive and it takes a bit of experience and meeting lots of different people to find what your range is.

[Shining One]

I actually had this debate with a female friend years ago. We both used Match and she commented on how much more looks mattered to men than women after seeing some of the women I chose not to pursue due to physical reasons. I countered that she was actually more stringent on looks than I was. We made a wager of it and used Match to conduct our test.

 

We searched for all men and women in a 10 mile radius of our area code. We then each entered the physical attributes we required into our searches. Dividing the second number by the first number yielded the percentage of men and women in the area who met our "looks" requirements "on paper". Over 60% of the women met my requirements while less than 40% of the men met her requirements. I clearly won the bet and she never argued this point with me again.

 

Of course, this little experiment is insufficient to draw any far-reaching conclusions. I would say that most people who make the claim that men are more shallow than women don't do any sort of analysis to determine if that's actually true. My experience tells me that men are more picky than women about certain physical attributes. Women are more picky than men about other physical attributes. Who is more picky comes down to the individual level.

[todreaminblue]

initial attraction some times isnt about looks....and physical attraction can deepen.....on knowing a guy better......i emotionally connect with someone on some level before i find them truly ...attractive........i am not really attracted to a guys looks.....i basically see fuzzy people anyway...everyone looks very similar....i thought a female officer was a guy until she was closer.......unless they are right up close..i dont see features......so me being attracted to looks...happens later...when i know the person pretty well...to be really close....

 

voices ...often or are more likely to attract me....quiet calm voices..and voices with a smile in them...you can hear...deb

[Weezy1973]

I think looks matter more to some women than others. Generally speaking, the better looking a woman is, the more looks will matter to her in a partner. Try Googling "matching phenomenon". You'll see there's a lot of research showing that couples match up fairly consistently in terms of looks. This should be pretty compelling evidence that looks indeed matter to both men and women.

[thefooloftheyear]

I think it boils down to this....

 

Yes, looks matter ....To mostly everyone...But the genders do kinda differ...

 

If you are a really attractive woman, you can take it pretty far...Most men will tolerate just about anything if a woman is truly on her game in the looks dept...I have known guys in my own life that stay with good looking women for decades, despite them having serious emotional/mental issues, are dumb as a stump, lazy, etc...

 

Women are quite different...Yes, looks matter, but they will choose less attractive(even down right homely) guys over studs, if that guy has other qualities that make her happy...Stuff like confidence/Alpha qualities, humor, intelligence, wealth, generosity, etc...Those types of traits in women generally won't overcome great looks for the majority of men...

 

If you are a guy that is both good looking and have those types of traits mentioned above, congratulations....The world is your oyster..

 

I am often amazed when I hear guys complain about this...Consider yourselves fortunate...Good looking women FAR outnumber good looking men...So it gives the average to below average guy a shot...I believe a below average looking woman is going to have a much harder go in life than a guy will, all else being equal...

 

TFY

[basil67]

I actually had this debate with a female friend years ago. We both used Match and she commented on how much more looks mattered to men than women after seeing some of the women I chose not to pursue due to physical reasons. I countered that she was actually more stringent on looks than I was. We made a wager of it and used Match to conduct our test.

 

We searched for all men and women in a 10 mile radius of our area code. We then each entered the physical attributes we required into our searches. Dividing the second number by the first number yielded the percentage of men and women in the area who met our "looks" requirements "on paper". Over 60% of the women met my requirements while less than 40% of the men met her requirements. I clearly won the bet and she never argued this point with me again.

 

Of course, this little experiment is insufficient to draw any far-reaching conclusions. I would say that most people who make the claim that men are more shallow than women don't do any sort of analysis to determine if that's actually true. My experience tells me that men are more picky than women about certain physical attributes. Women are more picky than men about other physical attributes. Who is more picky comes down to the individual level.

 

Have you ever compared looking at a photo to looking around in real life?

 

I've looked at pictures on dating sites and they rarely appeal. Then I've looked at, say, a bus load of guys and can find something appealing in most of them. I don't know why this is.

[Shining One]

Have you ever compared looking at a photo to looking around in real life?

 

I've looked at pictures on dating sites and they rarely appeal. Then I've looked at, say, a bus load of guys and can find something appealing in most of them. I don't know why this is.

Yes, I have. We couldn't find a way to factor that into our experiment, so we left that part out. However, my experience has been the opposite. I found many women attractive when I looked at their photos, but they were less attractive in person.

[elaine567]

Have you ever compared looking at a photo to looking around in real life?

 

I've looked at pictures on dating sites and they rarely appeal. Then I've looked at, say, a bus load of guys and can find something appealing in most of them. I don't know why this is.

I guess that is because in a photo you are looking for symmetry, you are looking for film star/model good looks, whereas in real life, animation can turn an OK guy into a superstar.

[Gr8fuln2020]

SO I HAVE ANOTHER QUESTION FOR TODAY. WHY DO WOMEN ALWAYS SAY "LOOKS DON'T MATTER"?

 

Always? I rarely hear anyone, men or women, say that looks don't matter UNLESS it is in a platonic context. LOOKS MATTER.

[elaine567]

Yes, I have. We couldn't find a way to factor that into our experiment, so we left that part out. However, my experience has been the opposite. I found many women attractive when I looked at their photos, but they were less attractive in person.

 

Women are masters at make-up and with the selfie culture masters of getting the angles right to look stunning.

In real life that big chin, those butch shoulders, that unflattering walk... can't be hidden,

[Eternal Sunshine]

I actually had this debate with a female friend years ago. We both used Match and she commented on how much more looks mattered to men than women after seeing some of the women I chose not to pursue due to physical reasons. I countered that she was actually more stringent on looks than I was. We made a wager of it and used Match to conduct our test.

 

We searched for all men and women in a 10 mile radius of our area code. We then each entered the physical attributes we required into our searches. Dividing the second number by the first number yielded the percentage of men and women in the area who met our "looks" requirements "on paper". Over 60% of the women met my requirements while less than 40% of the men met her requirements. I clearly won the bet and she never argued this point with me again.

 

Of course, this little experiment is insufficient to draw any far-reaching conclusions. I would say that most people who make the claim that men are more shallow than women don't do any sort of analysis to determine if that's actually true. My experience tells me that men are more picky than women about certain physical attributes. Women are more picky than men about other physical attributes. Who is more picky comes down to the individual level.

 

This proves nothing. There is individually variability of course but there is plenty of research out there that shows that men are biologically wired to be more visually stimulated than women.

[takenawayfrom]

Of course looks matter to some degree, they always do, if you look at someone and find them physically repulsive then you're not going want to touch them let alone see them naked.

 

But I think for both men and women there is a range of looks that are, for want of a better phrase "attractive enough". Most of the girls I've gone out with aren't the most beautiful girl in the room, but they've been cute and I definitely find them attractive, but the attraction you feel towards them is a function of more than just their physical appearance.

 

For me physical attractiveness needs to be at a level that I want to rip their clothes off, anything above that is a bonus.

 

I think women are the same in this, its just that their 'level' is probably a bit lower than the average mans, but clearly there are men with very low 'levels' too, as physically unattractive people get married.

 

As I said on your other post though, you need to stop worrying about this, who is to say what is and isn't attractive, you need to find out. Oddly enough, women will find you attractive if you act like you're attractive to them, and as I said, this is more than just physical appearance.

[elaine567]

Of course looks matter, as each woman has to ask herself, can I see myself kissing this guy, can I make out with this guy, can I have sex with this guy and if the answer is no, then its not going to work, is it?

 

Of course women all have their own idea of what constitutes good looks and their own threshold as to who is desirable or not.

 

Just because she is seen with a short stocky bald guy doesn't mean looks don't matter to her, she may be looking specifically for a short stocky bald guy as her family is full of short stocky bald guys and she finds that look irresistible - she may be turning down tall skinny guys by the dozen...

[TheBathWater]

Women say looks don't matter because your personality will affect the way you look.

 

There are lots of otherwise good-looking men who have awful confidence and boring personalities, so they don't appear as sexy. Try imagining Humphrey Bogart with a depressed look and bad posture. Not very sexy. Now try imagining him with a sly smile, good posture, and a twinkle in his eye. Very attractive suddenly.

 

So that's why women say looks don't matter and personality does. Because personality actually CHANGES the way you look. Ladies, PLEASE correct me if I'm wrong.

[Emilia]

Women say looks don't matter because your personality will affect the way you look.

 

There are lots of otherwise good-looking men who have awful confidence and boring personalities, so they don't appear as sexy. Try imagining Humphrey Bogart with a depressed look and bad posture. Not very sexy. Now try imagining him with a sly smile, good posture, and a twinkle in his eye. Very attractive suddenly.

 

So that's why women say looks don't matter and personality does. Because personality actually CHANGES the way you look. Ladies, PLEASE correct me if I'm wrong.

No, not at all, I've heard men say the same thing about women too. Sex appeal is not the same as objective looks.

[elaine567]

 

There are lots of otherwise good-looking men who have awful confidence and boring personalities, so they don't appear as sexy. Try imagining Humphrey Bogart with a depressed look and bad posture. Not very sexy. Now try imagining him with a sly smile, good posture, and a twinkle in his eye. Very attractive suddenly.

.

 

Agreed

Cherlize Theron.

How a mean look and a downturned mouth can alter a person completely