Hard breakup?

[Deviatorz]

Hi All,

Well my girlfriend of 2+ years broke up with me a couple week ago. Since then, I was coping by going to my best friends’ house. Up until today I was feeling better, but the voice in my head told me to go visit her. But here’s my story: The reason why she broke up with me was because of her parents. I have the skin condition (eczema) that is all over my body and it itches insanely at times. She never minded this, but it wasn’t until I met her parents for the first time (3 weeks ago) that they found out I was like this. She was always understanding of my skin and helped me in any way she could. She wanted to go on a trip with me but needed parents’ permission first. When she brought it up with them, they told her to break it off with me. I don’t know the whole conversation, but most likely their parents don’t want offspring that would have the same condition. We both come from Chinese (Asian) families so she has less of her say in the relationship. She told me that she knew that her parents would disagree with me because of this skin problem, but wanted to try the relationship with me anyways because, well, she loved me at the time. So now that it’s been 2 years, a part of her wanted to test the waters so she let me meet them. I wasn’t told about this situation until we broke up. I asked her to keep trying it with me, keep our relationship in the down low, that there are ways to work things out, but said that there was no possible way and that she didn’t want to try anymore. I asked her if it’s because her feelings for me diminished and she said it was part of the reason, but her family had a bigger impact. We did disagree on some things, but we also agreed to work it out. We never got into huge fights and a couple days before breakup day we had so much fun with each other (BBQ by the lake, swimming, etc). I know she’s not with another guy as she’s way to busy studying for her medical exams.

Honestly she’s (or was) the one for me. We did so many things together and we were so comfortable with each other. Like I would say the most retarded, dumbest stuff you can imagine and we would have a great time. I love to act immature around her and I felt so comforted by her presence. She isn’t my first gf as I had a couple before, and I can honestly say I couldn’t get as close with them as I did with her. She wrote me a long text msg telling me to respect her decision, that she’s terribly sorry, and thanked me for all the things that I’ve taught her (I was the one who forced her to chase her medical school dreams). I agreed of course, but I cried my eyes out in front of her when I picked up my stuff. I never cried for anyone before (family exempted). Two weeks have passed and today I visit her at the library where she studies. She came out to talk to me for a bit, and I sat with her to study until it was evening (I went in the afternoon). I felt like I was back with her, but she still declined to be with me. I made her laugh today, and yes I do wish I can get her back. I asked her to keep in contact with me and she said she would through text like she did today. I felt so happy today yet so sad, and as I type this I am tearing up.

I know what I’ve said today is most likely a cliché to all relationships and I agree it is. But at the same time I know many of you would agree that the special person you were once with was someone that you felt really good to be with. She understood everything about you, never judged and cared for you. You would feel proud to be with her knowing that it would work out, and you knew that this feeling won’t stop. But alas here I am typing this long post to you guys, weeping in both sorrow and regret.

I am not asking whether or not she will consider taking me back as I know the answer clearly; its bright as day (she won’t). I do have my goals that I am working on and at 27 years of age, I need to pursue them without failure (working towards being a high school teacher). Being 21 herself, she is also doing her best as well. We will be in the same university in September, and who knows maybe she’s up for a coffee someday, as time goes on anything can happen. Honestly I don’t know what else to write. I’ll end it off here as I’ve used up much of my time. Thank you for reading this message.

[AdamantyumKrystal]

Block..you either move on or rot in sadness,your choice.aaand ,u need Lots of NC

[juniorrocha]

Deviatorz, she's not the one for you. The one wouldn't walk away, especially when your relationship was apparently great.

 

Just let her go. I'm not one to recommend NC all the time, personally I'm not doing it, even though I haven't had any sort of contact with my ex for 3 weeks now. You do what you feel is best for you.

 

Work on moving on, find new things to be interested about and go on with your life. Don't chase her, don't accept her breadcrumbs if she ever sends you some, and practice acceptance.

 

I'm one to believe that when things are meant to be, they will be, no matter what. So just enjoy your new life and see what the future has for you.

[iServe]

The pain will eventually subside over time. You have your heart away and it hurts. Your heart will heal in time. What can you take away from this experience and how will it help you when you care for another again? Keep your head right and get busy living again. Connect with friends and family, invest some time into fun hobbies or entertainment, do something good for someone in the community, join a church social group, pour into your education, fill that time with constructive building. Thanks for pouring out your heart and sharing your story. You are noticed, special, and hopeful! Take care and God bless.

[Deviatorz]

Deviatorz, she's not the one for you. The one wouldn't walk away, especially when your relationship was apparently great.

 

Just let her go. I'm not one to recommend NC all the time, personally I'm not doing it, even though I haven't had any sort of contact with my ex for 3 weeks now. You do what you feel is best for you.

 

Work on moving on, find new things to be interested about and go on with your life. Don't chase her, don't accept her breadcrumbs if she ever sends you some, and practice acceptance.

 

I'm one to believe that when things are meant to be, they will be, no matter what. So just enjoy your new life and see what the future has for you.

 

The pain will eventually subside over time. You have your heart away and it hurts. Your heart will heal in time. What can you take away from this experience and how will it help you when you care for another again? Keep your head right and get busy living again. Connect with friends and family, invest some time into fun hobbies or entertainment, do something good for someone in the community, join a church social group, pour into your education, fill that time with constructive building. Thanks for pouring out your heart and sharing your story. You are noticed, special, and hopeful! Take care and God bless.

 

 

To be very honest I don't think I can NC as well because I am not that type. I despise the pill that I have to swallow. It's not so much the swallowing part, but the large pill that's lodged in my throat that hurts my chest, as if a sharp rusted knife just punctured the midline of my chest. That pain is something that I can't control and only time can take away (till it reaches my stomach), but I hate having to endure this time.

 

I'll be honest again with you guys, I texted her after I met her and she replied (nothing special). She's willing to reply to my text, but I am sure she just wants to fill my needs until I stop thinking about her. Again, I am not trying anything at all. I won't be texting her again in the near future. It's more about having her as a contact and that to me feels good than deleting her. I talked to a friend and he went NC with all his past relationships. My point is every treats things differently.

 

I was reading online and something really inspired me: "Your worth has nothing to do with their approval of you. If you think about it, we don’t really miss them, we miss the idea of them. We miss a lost wax casting of them; we don’t miss them as much as we miss their effect on us. We miss being with someone who is attractive, smart, funny, and likes us.". I found this on a website (here) and it was inspiring. Maybe I do miss talking to her every night on the phone and listen to her fall asleep. Maybe I do miss the emoticons she sends me through text. But I do also care of her.

 

I wrote all this because part of me wants to share my experience and maybe it might help you guys. I would still appreciate it if you guys left some replies as it does make me feel better . Sorry that I went on a rant again. Talk to you guys soon!

[runup]

A lot of time the dumper will give you a reason for breaking up that is simply not true. Don't take them as a liar, but they are in a sense. When it comes down to it, it wasn't her parents that made the decision. She admitted that she had lost feelings for you, and that's really what is was. Even that is a masked excuse in that dumpers rarely will tell you the reasons behind they lost feelings. Sometimes they don't know why they lost feelings, sometimes they know but don't want to tell you. Either way, look at the relationship when you can take a few steps back (a month or so of NC down the road) and analyze what it is you liked about her, what you disliked, what you could have done better, etc. Learn from it and grow. Once you feel independent of the relationship you will feel great with yourself and only then can these "who knows" situations will be feasible. I know you would totally be willing to get back together...if only she did. But once you relinquish the thought of getting back together, you'll grow more. You're not giving up hope by doing this, you're just accepting that, for now, you will move on. Only time will tell what will happen, but do yourself a favor and don't be friends, you still have feelings for her; you're going to be hurt.

[Deviatorz]

A lot of time the dumper will give you a reason for breaking up that is simply not true. Don't take them as a liar, but they are in a sense. When it comes down to it, it wasn't her parents that made the decision. She admitted that she had lost feelings for you, and that's really what is was. Even that is a masked excuse in that dumpers rarely will tell you the reasons behind they lost feelings. Sometimes they don't know why they lost feelings, sometimes they know but don't want to tell you. Either way, look at the relationship when you can take a few steps back (a month or so of NC down the road) and analyze what it is you liked about her, what you disliked, what you could have done better, etc. Learn from it and grow. Once you feel independent of the relationship you will feel great with yourself and only then can these "who knows" situations will be feasible. I know you would totally be willing to get back together...if only she did. But once you relinquish the thought of getting back together, you'll grow more. You're not giving up hope by doing this, you're just accepting that, for now, you will move on. Only time will tell what will happen, but do yourself a favor and don't be friends, you still have feelings for her; you're going to be hurt.

 

I think I get what you mean. There's a chance she might come back and there's a chance she might not, but that's not important. What's important is that I let go of the feeling of wanting her back, work on myself, move forward. Things will work out once I have myself worked out. The quote "If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never were." applies to what you said. I have to let her go (relinquish my thought of wanting her back). Who knows what the future has in store, but I have to move forward. I hope I interpreted correctly?

 

I do feel better as I type this, but at the same time I know I'll dream about her and feel like crap again the morning. Unfortunately that is out of my control, but I hope that feeling goes away soon enough. Thanks for the reply!!!!