bdarling Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 I had been dating my girlfriend for about 6 months when her son's father moved to town to be closer to their son. Although he was a sort of here today, gone tomorrow sort of Dad, I welcomed him being here because it have my gf a couple nights free a week. When the dad heard about me he immediately became suspicious of me, accusing me of wanting to be their sons new dad, etc. He wanted to meet me which I reluctantly agreed to but he never called to meet me so I forgot about it. I started to learn of his abusive nature with my gf, and how he would violate all her rules of diet and bedtime when the son stayed over. anyway, about a month later I was trying all day to reach my gf who did not respond to my calls or msgs so I went to her house. she was so cold to me and I kept asking her what was going on. her son wanted to say hello to me, but she sent him away. I literally had to drag it out of her when she told me that her ex had accused me of molesting their son. I was so appalled that I thought it was a joke. it seemed like she kind of believed it; she certainly did not jump to my defense. when she told me the story it did not even make sense. it was obvious that the dad coached the kid to say some things but not only was it untrue, it did not make any sense because the boy touched the dad in the shower. weird. anyway the next few weeks were weird. I felt her doubting me was enough to break things off but I stuck with her until she took her son to therapy. then, I was like, nothing happened, why does he need therapy? the dad was making all this up. then I ended it with her, but then took her back because I figured it was not her fault. the dad never reported until the son told my gf of some game him and his dad played which sounded very inappropriate. the mom told the therapist who had to report that. once that report was filed the dad filed a report against me. I was interviewed and excused. the dad was never interviewed because the son did not voluntarily tell the story again so everything was dropped. my gf kept giving her ex the benefit of the doubt while I just had to deal with this whole false accusations. I had my attorney file a cease and desist against the dad for false accusations and he left town. should I even give this girl another chance. talk about drama.
LostOnes05 Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 Yea, way too much drama. False accusations like that can RUIN your life in the most complete sense of the word. If you were falsely convicted of something like that, you'd have to register as a sex offender after probably serving time in prison. That's not a game to play. I understand she has to protect her child, so I get why she would watch you closely. But I'd still be gone. It's not worth the trouble and the dad sounds like he is willing to use any means to get you packing anyway. 2
Author bdarling Posted July 26, 2016 Author Posted July 26, 2016 i do not think she was watching me closely, she just would not stand up to her ex. and, if she did suspect me, I would think she would just break it off. the issue is the controlling nature of her ex-to make something up like this. let me add there was no chance of my ever being convicted of this not only because it was false, but because it did not make any sense. the it seems it was the ex who was acting inappropriately, not me.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 Should you give her another chance? How is this even a question? H*ll NO. You have seen what this guy is capable of, and having a string of accusations hurled at you (because they will be more if you stick around) can destroy your life. That's true even if there are no convictions. Once word gets out you've been accused of sexually abusing a child, even if it is an entirely baseless allegation, people's perceptions of you will change dramatically. You need to stay the heck away from all of them, or run a serious risk to your livelihood. 3
Zahara Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 Your other thread is about your break up and that she is ignoring you. How are you in a position now to give her a second chance? 2
LostOnes05 Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 i do not think she was watching me closely, she just would not stand up to her ex. and, if she did suspect me, I would think she would just break it off. the issue is the controlling nature of her ex-to make something up like this. let me add there was no chance of my ever being convicted of this not only because it was false, but because it did not make any sense. the it seems it was the ex who was acting inappropriately, not me. Well no, I said watching you closely because you said she didn't let the little boy come near you after the ex told her that stuff. And believe me, a false accusation can indeed get you in prison. A guy spent six years in prison for a falsified rape...so it can happen. And no one is going to take a chance with a child victim.
Author bdarling Posted July 29, 2016 Author Posted July 29, 2016 No, that was only when i went over to her house that she brushed her son away. After that the son and I were quite close. Although she did not stand to my defense, her son and I played often. Someone on this site asked me why i also posted a thread about her breaking up with me which is true. I have had a hard time not contacting her because I felt she owed me a bit more than an email break up after i stuck by her side through all of that drama. But, the truth is I probably should have broken up with her last summer when her ex started accusing me. I kept my cool as much as I could while it was going on but the truth is that the whole event put such a dark cloud over our relationship it was probably doomed, unfortunately. When she did break it off, there was no closure for me whatsoever-I felt duped. Maybe even used just to make her ex jealous. I understand that nobody really owes anybody anything but there is a considerate way to do things and an ******* way. Up until that day when i went over to her place after she did not respond to my texts or calls i thought the reason why she did not respond was because her phone volume was off, or she was busy. But,then i realized she would purposely not respond to anything somewhat upsetting. And it would drive me nuts, and she knew it. So, her ignoring me after i broke up was yet another power struggle and all I was trying to do was get some answers to a few questions to get some closure. We were together for 19 months. At first when we broke up she would say she still loved me, but then I would accuse her of sending mixed messages so she stopped. When I found out she moved so close to me on her own, after i had waited for her to move out for months so we could spend more time together I will admit that I kind of lost it. It was just very upsetting. What was more upsetting was suspecting that she knew she was moving out prior to breaking it off with me and so i felt duped. I am not bothering her anymore, but I do feel she should be honest with me even though we are no longer together. It is the difference between a somewhat pleasant break up or one in which the dumped just continues to wonder for how many months was she planning this. I am sure someone here will offer some text book advice about no contact, or stop harassing her but every situation is different, and she has never asked me to stop contacting her. But, i have just to turn my bitterness into forgiveness.
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 No, that was only when i went over to her house that she brushed her son away. After that the son and I were quite close. Although she did not stand to my defense, her son and I played often. Someone on this site asked me why i also posted a thread about her breaking up with me which is true. I have had a hard time not contacting her because I felt she owed me a bit more than an email break up after i stuck by her side through all of that drama. But, the truth is I probably should have broken up with her last summer when her ex started accusing me. I kept my cool as much as I could while it was going on but the truth is that the whole event put such a dark cloud over our relationship it was probably doomed, unfortunately. When she did break it off, there was no closure for me whatsoever-I felt duped. Maybe even used just to make her ex jealous. I understand that nobody really owes anybody anything but there is a considerate way to do things and an ******* way. Up until that day when i went over to her place after she did not respond to my texts or calls i thought the reason why she did not respond was because her phone volume was off, or she was busy. But,then i realized she would purposely not respond to anything somewhat upsetting. And it would drive me nuts, and she knew it. So, her ignoring me after i broke up was yet another power struggle and all I was trying to do was get some answers to a few questions to get some closure. We were together for 19 months. At first when we broke up she would say she still loved me, but then I would accuse her of sending mixed messages so she stopped. When I found out she moved so close to me on her own, after i had waited for her to move out for months so we could spend more time together I will admit that I kind of lost it. It was just very upsetting. What was more upsetting was suspecting that she knew she was moving out prior to breaking it off with me and so i felt duped. I am not bothering her anymore, but I do feel she should be honest with me even though we are no longer together. It is the difference between a somewhat pleasant break up or one in which the dumped just continues to wonder for how many months was she planning this. I am sure someone here will offer some text book advice about no contact, or stop harassing her but every situation is different, and she has never asked me to stop contacting her. But, i have just to turn my bitterness into forgiveness. Dude, my eyes are rolling to the back of my head reading all of this! This chick is full of drama and petty game playing and you sound painfully insecure. The two together spells TOXIC. You want an answer to your opening post? HELL NO! You've given her enough chances and it appears you already know she's a drama queen yet you keep going back for more. YOU are the creator of your own chaos man, plain and simple. 2
LD1990 Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 I am not bothering her anymore, but I do feel she should be honest with me even though we are no longer together. She wouldn't be honest with you while you two were together. You really expect her to start now? It is the difference between a somewhat pleasant break up or one in which the dumped just continues to wonder for how many months was she planning this. A "somewhat pleasant breakup" is about as likely as a nice, relaxing heart attack. It's a breakup. It's unpleasant, that's just how it goes. Continuing to wonder about it is a choice that you're making. I am sure someone here will offer some text book advice about no contact, or stop harassing her but every situation is different, and she has never asked me to stop contacting her. But, i have just to turn my bitterness into forgiveness. "Every situation is different" is the lifeline people cling to when they're not ready to let go of an ex. It's typically followed by "just found out my ex has been nailing someone else for months." You can take the initiative to stop contacting her. You're wasting your time on her.
Giggles666 Posted July 30, 2016 Posted July 30, 2016 //let me add there was no chance of my ever being convicted of this not only because it was false, but because it did not make any sense.// You've never been in a courtroom due to being accused of a crime have you?
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