EnoKate96 Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 (edited) My boyfriend and I've known each other since we were in kindergarden. My mother and his mother were once friends but had a big fall out since 2006. We would secretly hang out but in the following year his mother moved with him elsewhere. In my face, she told him "what have I told about playing with that rotten, brat". Then she turned to me and said "stay away from my son, he's moving away from both you and your mother". Fast-forward: 9 years later (we're now both 20) and he just moved to my state. We reconnected in fb and have been dating for 4 months. The only problem is his mother didn't take it good and still hates me. Meanwhile my mother is ok with him. She admits to causing the fall out but his mother never wants to reconcile with her. I'm at lost. This lady hates me ever since that year. According to her, I'll just like my mother and will ruin her son's life, that I'm no good. Basically she hates me for no reason other than being physically similar to my mother and because of what my mother did to her, which I still don't know. Edited July 26, 2016 by EnoKate96
Gaeta Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 This is her problem and not yours. If she wants to spend the rest of her life hating someone she does not know it's her business. Have a great life with your boyfriend and without her. If she does not want to be part of her son's life it's her loss. 2
Author EnoKate96 Posted July 26, 2016 Author Posted July 26, 2016 Gaeta, I appreciate your response and agree she's really wasting her life hating me for no reason. My bf has already told her to get to know me but she's not interest. It's kind of sad that I'm being hated for reminding her of my mother. Hopefully this will one day get resolved.
Larryville Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 I know this will sound slightly insensitive but folks don’t just dislike someone for the hell of it or NO logical reason. There has to be some other history, confrontations, and conversations meaning you posted this thread because you might think her feeling are “unfair or unjustified” (I’m) just like my mother and will ruin her son's life, that I'm no good. Basically she hates me for no reason other than being physically similar to my mother and because of what my mother did to her, which I still don't know. Remember I’m just responding to what you wrote, it just does not sound logical (the hate) to me. Is it your race, religion, education or lack of, you have crazy tats, weird hair color, do you do drugs, drink too much... nobody just purely “hates” without some cause, just sayin’ If the son is cool with you what difference does it make? There will only be a problem if you decide to (have kids) and or marry because if you don’t fix the rift it will ultimately destroy the relationship in the long run.
heartfeltlove Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 @Larryville, if people do not have a cause, they will make one up, and that will suit them fine. Bush (USA) and Blair (UK) did that when they decided to invade Iraq, and made all manner of back-pedalling excuses afterwards, which held no water under scrutiny. The same, to a lesser degree, might be said here.
smackie9 Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 NO.... your mom needs to step up and reconcile with his mother. It will take time but maybe you can be a mediator and finally put this dispute to rest. OR your BF needs to step up and set things straight with his mom that her conflict has nothing to do with his GF so she better get over it.
Gaeta Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 Some people are just haters. I have a friend who's hated by one of her sisters for something extremely childish that happened 40 years ago. That woman transferred her hate to her children, so my friend's nieces and nephews from that sister have always hated her for something outside of them. The best thing is to exclude these people from your life.
Larryville Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 @Larryville, if people do not have a cause, they will make one up, and that will suit them fine. Bush (USA) and Blair (UK) did that when they decided to invade Iraq, and made all manner of back-pedalling excuses afterwards, which held no water under scrutiny. The same, to a lesser degree, might be said here. AFL avoiding the political example because (current administration continued policies, DNC candidate voted for it and spoke on Senate floor supporting it) But neither here or there… Smacks two points NO.... your mom needs to step up and reconcile with his mother. OR your BF needs to step up and set things straight with his mom I have a very close relationship with my mom and if she HATED someone, something my mom is completely incapable of doing personality wise, I’d take that seriously. If this dude really cared about you he would do as Smack said and address directly with his mom, unless he is a Pu*** or does not see it (YOU) as a priority as long as nothing is “concrete” in terms of the relationship, meaning no long term plans, no long term future considerations. Keep in mind my opinion is because the OP specifically used the term HATE, if she said his mom “does not like me” (countless threads here about that) would not have given it a second thought, routine. Some people are just haters. G, some people in this world HATE me because of the color of my skin, while intellectually irrational, I don’t know nor have I walked in some of the shoes of people who reject someone based on color of skin. I don’t outright reject because I don’t know them. Hate is based on ignorance much of the time, having said that what is the mother being ignorant about? In this thread, we don’t know the mothers motivations or reasons or experiences, can't know her mindset, her past, all I’m saying. All of us post here (OP's) or give opinions based on our past and experiences and yes we can come to some illogical conclusions and engage in irrational behaviors.
Timshel Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 Meanwhile my mother is ok with him. She admits to causing the fall out but his mother never wants to reconcile with her. I'm at lost. This lady hates me ever since that year. According to her, I'll just like my mother and will ruin her son's life, that I'm no good. Basically she hates me for no reason other than being physically similar to my mother and because of what my mother did to her, which I still don't know. Whatever happened between these two ladies so many years ago should, hypothetically, have no bearing on your relationship now. Reasonably...between mature adults. Yet it is. Ask your mother more about this...knowledge may give some insight to begin healing. As two adults, of course your choices are your own. If you see a future with this guy and hope to bridge a gap, it may be worthwhile to dig deeper.
Gaeta Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 If this dude really cared about you he would do as Smack said and address directly with his mom, unless he is a Pu*** or does not see it (YOU) as a priority as long as nothing is “concrete” in terms of the relationship, meaning no long term plans, no long term future considerations. Larry, the kid is 20 years old. We can't ask of him to have the maturity and same thought process as a 40 something. He is probably torn by this situation. At 20, still living with his mom, I think he is handling it pretty good for his age and the circumstances. And between you and I, and this board, the very few reasons a woman would hate another woman this intensely for something that happened 10 years ago probably has something to do with a man. It's between them. I say let the kids be in love and let the haters hate. 2
Larryville Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 Larry, the kid is 20 years old. We can't ask of him to have the maturity and same thought process as a 40 something. G I know you have a soft spot for some stuff and I do depending on the topic but I don’t now nor have I ever subscribed to the notion that age equals maturity and you should necessarily expect less from someone because of it (age) I've dated enough to know age don't have $#i* to do with maturity. And between you and I, and this board, the very few reasons a woman would hate another woman this intensely for something that happened 10 years ago probably has something to do with a man. It's between them. G all I am saying and processing this from another perspective is just like most of these treads for me personally when I read and process before responding there are always key words and phrases that take me in a different direction as I stated. Someone using the word hate sends up alarm bells because to get to that level must be something deeper is all I’m saying. Is OP exaggerating the other mom’s emotional response? I need to hear/read more. Just a perspective, yes LVill is over processing maybe… because a slow day at work… On this: I say let the kids be in love and let the haters hate. I did NOT see the L word anywhere and THAT was another thing that caught my attention. Was not a Romeo and Juliet situation.
Gaeta Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 G I know you have a soft spot for some stuff and I do depending on the topic but I don’t now nor have I ever subscribed to the notion that age equals maturity and you should necessarily expect less from someone because of it (age) I've dated enough to know age don't have $#i* to do with maturity. . Context dear, it's all about context. He is 20 years old, lives with mom, and moves around with mom. This is a kid that never left home and never had to fetch for himself. This is not the 20 yo fully financially independent, living alone, working 3 jobs to make ends meet. Someone using the word hate sends up alarm bells because to get to that level must be something deeper is all I’m saying. Is OP exaggerating the other mom’s emotional response? I need to hear/read more. The vocabulary we use is limited by our education, culture, socio-economic situation. Hate may be her favorite word to describe something negative, she hates mustard and mother-in-law hates her. I don't think she used the word hate because she knew the weight of that word. Same is you judge me by the vocabulary I use on here. English isn't my first language and at 50 I doubt my English will evolve. I use the vocabulary available to me. I did NOT see the L word anywhere and THAT was another thing that caught my attention. Was not a Romeo and Juliet situation. Granted.
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