Super High Interest Level to Gone

[bighearted]

I met this great girl 3 months ago via an online dating app and we hit it off immediately. She began texting me every day and I proceeded to take her dancing and on other dates, ending with awesome makeout sessions. A few more dates and we were having sex, and her interest level escalated even further. I would wake up to a "goodmorning" text EVERY single morning, and would receive a "goodnight, sweet dreams" text every single night. She would text me every day and often texted looking to hang out and come over. When we were on trips apart she would tell me she misses me. She asked about my past relationships, and future, and one time even stated she'd love to meet my family. I knew she was thinking about getting serious and things seemed to be going great.

 

Then one night when we were all out with friends at a concert she hinted about how her and her sister (she lives with her sister) may be moving back, in 4 months, to the state from which they had moved from the year before. She had no absolute obligations to move (other than their apartment lease would be up), just expressed she probably was going to (this raised a flag.) That night she also drunkenly kind of expressed the "WOOOO I'M SINGLE!" cheer when a band says "any single ladies out there?!" The week around this timeframe I noticed her contact decreased some and she wasn't saying the things she had been, and also wasn't trying to see me as much. When she would come over to hang out, she wasn't as touchy as she had been. This continued for another week or two, but we still hung out with each other, went to another concert, and the "couple" like things such as texting every day, holding hands, and kissing continued all the way up until this very moment: One night I mentioned my desire for her and she says "I'm not ready for a relationship."

 

I was pretty confused considering how she had acted, and backed off immediately. Didn't hear a word for 2 weeks from her and I finally got in touch saying I'd like to see her. I basically wanted to see her in person and judge whether her body language was giving off if she wasn't interested anymore, or not. We met at a bar, had a good time, and nice chat (nothing about relationship or "us") and when we went to leave I went to kiss her and she openly received and we had a great makeout session again. She texted me asking if i got home and told me sweet dreams. But since, her contact is still non existent. I've tried a few times to see her, and she's given a few excuses.

 

I'm just rattled at what could have happened when a girl's interest level was genuinely RED ****ing hot and then she seemingly just dropped "us" entirely, when everything seemed to be so good?

One note that I should make that was somewhat alarming, when we were seeing each other: She never would stay at my house. During the week she would say she has to get ready very early for work (true). But even on the weekends she should avoid it. She once mentioned that she didn't want to "explain herself to her sister." And it seems her sister is similar to a mother figure to her. But it has me scratching my head as to what she was really avoiding?

Edited July 25, 2016 by bighearted

[Larryville]

Super High Interest Level to Gone

 

This is another one of these classic thread starters where there MUST BE something more to this story. What is between the lines?

 

 

met via an online dating app

 

texting me every day

 

awesome makeout sessions.

 

few more dates and we were having sex,

 

"goodmorning" text EVERY single morning,

 

"goodnight, sweet dreams" text every single night.

 

would tell me she misses me.

 

she'd love to meet my family.

 

I knew she was thinking about getting serious and things seemed to be going great.

 

she hinted about how her and her sister (she lives with her sister) may be moving back

 

the "WOOOO I'M SINGLE!"

 

I noticed her contact decreased

 

she wasn't as touchy

 

One night I mentioned my desire for her and she says "I'm not ready for a relationship."

 

Didn't hear a word for 2 weeks

 

when we went to leave I went to kiss her and she openly received and we had a great makeout session again.

 

She texted me asking if i got home

 

But since, her contact is still non existent. I've tried a few times to see her, and she's given a few excuses.

 

She never would stay at my house.

 

it has me scratching my head as to what she was really avoiding?

 

 

This is so common in today’s recycled toss away dating world. Some people men and women just see you as Mr. or Ms. Right now. You were excitement and useful for a time and your expiration date came due.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Welcome to online dating! Ain't it grand?

[kolleamm]

Oh dude that's such a bummer, I'm really sorry to hear that. How long did it go well for?

 

Sometimes we like to think everything is going well, but did you ever sense she was holding back through out the whole time? Or any other red flags besides the ones you mentioned?

 

It's these little things that offer the most insight into how well it's going, not their words, words are meaningless.

[bighearted]

This is so common in today’s recycled toss away dating world. Some people men and women just see you as Mr. or Ms. Right now. You were excitement and useful for a time and your expiration date came due.

 

Good point, but I will add that this woman was clearly not a serial dater and had hardly met anyone from a dating app before me. She had also asked me the "how many women have you slept with?" question and responded that I was #6 at her age of 25.

 

Oh dude that's such a bummer, I'm really sorry to hear that. How long did it go well for?

 

Sometimes we like to think everything is going well, but did you ever sense she was holding back through out the whole time? Or any other red flags besides the ones you mentioned?

 

It's these little things that offer the most insight into how well it's going, not their words, words are meaningless.

 

It was about a month and a half of super high interest and her seeking to hang out with me. And her not staying at the house is the only area that I could see where she was holding back during that time.

[kolleamm]

Good point, but I will add that this woman was clearly not a serial dater and had hardly met anyone from a dating app before me. She had also asked me the "how many women have you slept with?" question and responded that I was #6 at her age of 25.

 

 

 

It was about a month and a half of super high interest and her seeking to hang out with me. And her not staying at the house is the only area that I could see where she was holding back during that time.

 

My best guess is she met another guy. This was a good learning experience for you nevertheless, it happens.

[SevenCity]

Who knows what she may be thinking. It really doesn't matter anyway. It will not make you feel better or give you closure.

 

The important thing to take away from this is when a woman comes out of the gate it is a huge red flag. They fall in and out of love just as quick.

[smackie9]

Just be glad you had the GF experience, you had fun, it was great.....now it's time to move onto the next one.

[todreaminblue]

maybe you did everything too quickly....spending lots of time together ...making out really early in dating then sex...where to from there......more sex...more making out......text bombing..then..boredom on her behalf.....

 

maybe it was that.....and it sucks for sure...she was obviously gung ho.....yeehaar lets go.....

 

 

 

maybe next time you meet someone take it a bit slower...if they seem gung ho....do date more relaxed anyway....have a life outside of just dating see your friends do the things you love to do and date too.....be with someone who is a little more relaxed too and get to know the person you are dating a little better...theres a difference between thinking you know someone...to really knowing them.....really knowing someone takes time before sex is involved....its protection and security to take it a bit slower......deb......

[bighearted]

You know, with this girl I actually thought to myself that I needed to hold off a little bit on the sex until I felt like it was more serious, and she would stay over. But she pressed for it and it happened, although not until after several dates.

 

I've just been mind ****ed by this whole situation. It's because I am an extremely picky person when it comes to who I get involved with. I don't want to lead anyone on if I KNOW inside of me that there's something about them or us that just won't work, and I also don't want to waste my time, so if I'm not VERY interested in someone, and see potential, I just won't let things get past a date or two. Or whenever I realize it. In fact, I haven't been in a serious relationship in 6 years because of it. Had a few almosts that didn't work out including one woman who was moving to another country. The rest of the time, I meet women, go on a date or two dates with them and think "this isn't going anywhere and I don't want to lead them on" and Ill just go on with my life. Yes, I meet and date women all of the time, and I'm not going around announcing "I want a relationship," I know better than to rush something. I love sex, but casual sex does not interest me.

 

So this one hurts pretty bad, which sounds pretty ridiculous considering the time. But she was the most interested I've EVER been in a woman. Ever. Because of just how much our interests and ideals lined up, and how great her personality was and we could just hang out. (I can't explain it) I'm having a hard time getting her out of my head. I've lost some of my appetite, and sleep. I just wish I could get her to see the amazing potential I see, but I know I can't.

 

I've made it clear I'm not interested in a Platonic friendship with her. I guess the only thing I can do is walk away and see if she comes back strong? Should I even bother if she does come back seeing as how she went from acting like a couple to almost nothing in a matter of no time? How to even react if she texts me some small talk?

 

Honestly, I have this gut feeling that she is talking to her ex back in her home state again.

Edited July 27, 2016 by bighearted

[JewelD]

You know, with this girl I actually thought to myself that I needed to hold off a little bit on the sex until I felt like it was more serious, and she would stay over. But she pressed for it and it happened, although not until after several dates.

 

I've just been mind ****ed by this whole situation. It's because I am an extremely picky person when it comes to who I get involved with. I don't want to lead anyone on if I KNOW inside of me that there's something about them or us that just won't work, and I also don't want to waste my time, so if I'm not VERY interested in someone, and see potential, I just won't let things get past a date or two. Or whenever I realize it. In fact, I haven't been in a serious relationship in 6 years because of it. Had a few almosts that didn't work out including one woman who was moving to another country. The rest of the time, I meet women, go on a date or two dates with them and think "this isn't going anywhere and I don't want to lead them on" and Ill just go on with my life. Yes, I meet and date women all of the time, and I'm not going around announcing "I want a relationship," I know better than to rush something. I love sex, but casual sex does not interest me.

 

So this one hurts pretty bad, which sounds pretty ridiculous considering the time. But she was the most interested I've EVER been in a woman. Ever. Because of just how much our interests and ideals lined up, and how great her personality was and we could just hang out. (I can't explain it) I'm having a hard time getting her out of my head. I've lost some of my appetite, and sleep. I just wish I could get her to see the amazing potential I see, but I know I can't.

 

I've made it clear I'm not interested in a Platonic friendship with her. I guess the only thing I can do is walk away and see if she comes back strong? Should I even bother if she does come back seeing as how she went from acting like a couple to almost nothing in a matter of no time? How to even react if she texts me some small talk?

 

Honestly, I have this gut feeling that she is talking to her ex back in her home state again.

 

I think you should just be done with her entirely. If she was 'the one', it wouldn't be this difficult. You wouldn't feel hurt and you wouldn't be losing sleep or appetite.

 

Similar thing happened to me recently, and it's human nature to go back through every little thing you did to see where you may have went wrong, but really, it's usually nothing you did. And even if you could go back and change something, you might get the same exact results anyway.

 

I would not indulge her in conversation whatsoever or wait to see if she even attempts to reconnect. Think of this as the universe stopping you from going down the wrong path. If you keep trying to go down it, bad things might happen. She might tell you something you don't want to hear. She might do something that hurts you even worse.

 

You don't want someone that stresses you out this early on.

[slider1985]

Same thing happened to me. Dated this girl for 2.5 months. Chatted on the phone daily, always texted and asked for reassurance. Hung out 2-3 days a week. Decorated my condo and even bought a rug for my place. Setup a pinterest account together, went away for the weekend at the cottage. Asked for us to be exclusive after 5 weeks. She was extremely attractive jealous, anxiety, needy, high maintenance but she new she was gorgeous. She would pretend to be exclusive but when she was out with her friends she was single. I discovered after the fact.

All of a sudden she went cold and distant and never gave me an answer. She tried to string me along for two weekd after she went distant. Her last relationship was over a year. Looking back at it nw she was an ultimate player. Very manipulative and no matter how wrong she was there was no reasoning with her. I guess what bothers me most is that she couldn't be mature about it and end it properly. I don't understand the reason to game someone along be distant and pretend nothing happened.

 

She probably found a new toy but it still puzzles me how one day they're professing their love for you and then the next they're are cold as ice. I've come to realise through my experiences and friends that securing an attractive girl who knows she's gorgeous is extremely difficult. I was eventually going to end it as she lacks personalit but she beat me to the punch. Good ridden! !

[SevenCity]

Same thing happened to me. Dated this girl for 2.5 months. Chatted on the phone daily, always texted and asked for reassurance. Hung out 2-3 days a week. Decorated my condo and even bought a rug for my place. Setup a pinterest account together, went away for the weekend at the cottage. Asked for us to be exclusive after 5 weeks. She was extremely attractive jealous, anxiety, needy, high maintenance but she new she was gorgeous. She would pretend to be exclusive but when she was out with her friends she was single. I discovered after the fact.

All of a sudden she went cold and distant and never gave me an answer. She tried to string me along for two weekd after she went distant. Her last relationship was over a year. Looking back at it nw she was an ultimate player. Very manipulative and no matter how wrong she was there was no reasoning with her. I guess what bothers me most is that she couldn't be mature about it and end it properly. I don't understand the reason to game someone along be distant and pretend nothing happened.

 

She probably found a new toy but it still puzzles me how one day they're professing their love for you and then the next they're are cold as ice. I've come to realise through my experiences and friends that securing an attractive girl who knows she's gorgeous is extremely difficult. I was eventually going to end it as she lacks personalit but she beat me to the punch. Good ridden! !

 

I had a similar experience with a girl I dated before my previous ex. The RL lasted only 11 months but took a full two years to get over.

 

She would literally tell me 40 times a day how much she loved me. There is only so much a guy can hold off that force from a hot girl who is awesome in bed.

 

6 months in I started to believe her - 5 months after that she completely blew me off.

 

She was one of the hottest girls I've dated - and she was well aware of the amount of men who were attracted to her.

 

Like yours, she was jealous, needy, and high maintenance.

 

I'm thankful she broke it off because if it kept up I would have married her as I was under her spell. That would not have ended in divorce, rather one of us would be dead...lol.

[Shanex]

I've made it clear I'm not interested in a Platonic friendship with her.

 

You're absolutely right. It's pretty typical that the dumper want to stay ''friends'' with the dumpee in order to keep track on you and make it harder for you to find someone else. Cut her loose, sorry you've been a bit hurt by this but move on. It's a life lesson. You did nothing wrong, it's plausible that she's back with an ex or found a different guy. I see you're young and will grow a thicker skin as this happen to all of us.

 

If she doesn't want a relationship with you or dumped you, you have a right not to want to be friends with her, she can't blame you for not wanting to give her what she wants while she denies you what you want.

[slider1985]

Your situation sounds exactly like mine however i didn't last too long. As much as I hate who she is and knw inside it would never work I'm crushed. Women like this can truly get what they want. It's one area in life that I feel women have more power than men.

With her I always had anxiety and i felt I had to keep her entertained and stimulated with fun activities.

When I would pull back a bit she would be on my ass and needy always wanting reassurance. She was young and imateur 27 yr old.

Unfortunately I cant help but look back and analyse what I did wrong even though I know it was all her. I'm afraid of moving on to the next one because I can't trust anyone these days. Online dating the temptation and the need for instant gratification always wanting sometjing better has really changed the dynamics of dating. In your case you were together almost 1 year and it can still blow up in you face. I realise Relationship are never a guarantee in life you just don't know what's real anymore.

[SevenCity]

Your situation sounds exactly like mine however i didn't last too long. As much as I hate who she is and knw inside it would never work I'm crushed. Women like this can truly get what they want. It's one area in life that I feel women have more power than men.

With her I always had anxiety and i felt I had to keep her entertained and stimulated with fun activities.

When I would pull back a bit she would be on my ass and needy always wanting reassurance. She was young and imateur 27 yr old.

Unfortunately I cant help but look back and analyse what I did wrong even though I know it was all her. I'm afraid of moving on to the next one because I can't trust anyone these days. Online dating the temptation and the need for instant gratification always wanting sometjing better has really changed the dynamics of dating. In your case you were together almost 1 year and it can still blow up in you face. I realise Relationship are never a guarantee in life you just don't know what's real anymore.

 

I get it man. She was even younger than yours (I forgot how old at the time). This was over 7-8 years ago and it left a lasting impact.

 

After her I married a "safe" girl for fear of getting hurt and was bored out of my mind. I had zero passion and it lead me to get a divorce so it was a bad idea.

 

For the last girl I dated after the divorce, things were different. I was sick of living my life to protect myself and just went with the flow. We fell madly in love for nearly 7 years and she was without question the best girl I have ever been with and I had every intention on marrying her.

 

Unfortunately, we broke up 2 months ago because a bunch of life stuff impacted our relationship and the lack of communication killed us. We are trying to work things out but the future is TBD.

 

My advice to you would be to go out and have fun. Don't assume that they are all like your ex, but let them PROVE to you that they are different. Make the girl work for your, not the other way around.

[slider1985]

I get it man. She was even younger than yours (I forgot how old at the time). This was over 7-8 years ago and it left a lasting impact.

 

After her I married a "safe" girl for fear of getting hurt and was bored out of my mind. I had zero passion and it lead me to get a divorce so it was a bad idea.

 

For the last girl I dated after the divorce, things were different. I was sick of living my life to protect myself and just went with the flow. We fell madly in love for nearly 7 years and she was without question the best girl I have ever been with and I had every intention on marrying her.

 

Unfortunately, we broke up 2 months ago because a bunch of life stuff impacted our relationship and the lack of communication killed us. We are trying to work things out but the future is TBD.

 

My advice to you would be to go out and have fun. Don't assume that they are all like your ex, but let them PROVE to you that they are different. Make the girl work for your, not the other way around.

 

I hear ya. You make great points. I have no issues meeting attractive women I just find that I'm the one trying to sell myself when it should be the other way around. I question if I was a different type.of guy things may have worked with her, but then maybe not. I let my guard down too quickly with her and once she had me she spit me out.

I hope things work out for you . Thanks for the advice!

[biker23]

Dude. This sucks. I have similar story. Red hot. Met parents and kids. Then 6 weeks later she was pushing me away claiming stress in her life. Needed space. Warning bells.

 

I find out after weeks of that crap and after she ended it due to another issues that she when went to a wedding with an old friend they hit it off and said nothing happened but it made her reevaluate us this her needing space. I mean she literally said she loved me and I said it back. And 1 week later was this wedding.

 

It's unbelievable. Lessons learned. Fast starts are dangerous but I'm not certain when you are safe.

[4x4storm]

I know how you feel mate my first relationship ended 3 months ago and it only lasted 4 months. She is the first and only girl I have ever loved but I still remember right after my brother met her he turned to me and said "That girl is gonna be trouble".

 

All the above past experiences sound exactly like the girl I was with she was very loving and caring but when I had issues she was never there at all. The sad thing is i'm still not over her simply because I've never had someone show me that much affection before.

Edited July 30, 2016 by 4x4storm

[LookAtThisPOst]

I think the same kind of happened with me. We both mutually moved quickly and thus it caused problems or it lost the organicness (if there's such a word) of the dating process. Usually I think as a result of no real courtship and too much passion. I figured that was typical of new relationships though.

[Grapesofwrath]

I think there are two possible explanations:

 

1) She decided she wanted to end the relationship--possibly because she met someone else--but was too immature to communicate with you properly. Instead, she just disappeared and figured you would eventually "get the hint." This is an immature and childish move, so you're better off without her.

 

2) She was never really available in the first place (unwilling to sleep over) and may have been seeing you on the side, while her bf was either out of town or they were "on a break" etc.

[bighearted]

I think there are two possible explanations:

 

1) She decided she wanted to end the relationship--possibly because she met someone else--but was too immature to communicate with you properly. Instead, she just disappeared and figured you would eventually "get the hint." This is an immature and childish move, so you're better off without her.

 

2) She was never really available in the first place (unwilling to sleep over) and may have been seeing you on the side, while her bf was either out of town or they were "on a break" etc.

 

Thanks. Yes after carefully going back through everything in my mind, I really started to believe the second situation. She moved from another state about 8 months ago, and stated she had gotten out of a relationship a few months before that. The same night at the concert around the time she started acting distant and I asked her what was up with us and our relationship, she slightly mentioned her ex (talking about when her last relationship was) but by no means did she talk about her ex or another guy around me other times when we were together.

 

The fact that she wouldn't stay over sticks out in my mind like there was something she was still holding onto. Almost like she didn't want her sister to know she was that involved with me because she might catch flack if she was still involved with her ex. Or she was trying to keep from telling herself what we had/were doing was a relationship or real. But then it still baffles me why she asked about my relationships and where I see myself and states she'd like to meet my family.

 

It's hard to swallow that she went from super high interest and us pretty much being a couple and **** going awesome to being able to walk away.

[bighearted]

Ugh... Still struggling with this. It seems kind of ridiculous but it literally feels like a breakup to me. The time since she dropped the bomb of "not wanting a relationship" on me to now has been almost as long as we were together, and I still am hungup on this woman. It's been 3 weeks since last contact and I still wake up every morning thinking about her, and think about her all day. Everyday. I went on vacation for a week... still thought of her constantly.

 

It would have been easier if she had been bitchy to me at all or made it clear what happened or that she's back with her ex or met someone. But no, just a quick fade away. After SHE came on to me so strong and hinted at relationship.

 

Last thing I said to her was making it clear I'm not interested in a platonic friendship with her and asking for honesty whether that may be she's seeing someone else, or back with and ex, or just not interested in my romantically anymore, or whatever happened. And she never responded. Damnit this sucks. I have spent time writing out a novel I want to say to her, basically explaining how I felt about her and that it hurt that, after how she was so into me, she didn't have the decency or maturity to just communicate whatever it was to me that made her drop everything. I'm not even sure she knows how much I cared about her. I know sending it probably ends in me feeling worse, but It's almost as if I have to hit bottom and sabotage every POSSIBLE chance in my mind to reconcile, to get over it. I just keep thinking "what if".

 

I'm a bridge burner.

 

Is anyone else like this?

[Satu]

It could be that she realised that you were much more into her, than she was into you. I once ended a relationship for that reason. The inequality made me uncomfortable.

 

 

Take care.

[Larryville]

she didn't have the decency or maturity to just communicate whatever it was to me that made her drop everything.

 

Earlier quote:

 

“She was extremely attractive jealous, anxiety, needy, high maintenance but she new she was gorgeous. She would pretend to be exclusive but when she was out with her friends she was single. I discovered after the fact.”

 

This describes so many women these days, sorry ladies but true…

 

There are so many people who are in seriously unfulfilling relationships. The dynamic of one partner always giving and the other always taking is common. So when these people do finally exit out of the “bondage” of a relationship any small measure of stress or anxiety they just flat bail.

 

There is another thread on ghosting there is more and more of this, I’m venting here but BH you are not alone and it WILL get much worse.

 

Just think of this, on OLD sites, you might be in contact with someone, now those who use OLD get on and off the sites checking emails or who might have checked out your profile.

 

Take me for example on one site have had a bunch of “test” chat emails from several women, you get into these abbreviated conversations, you see they are online, you get a quickie note then nothing if they are somewhat interested maybe more but everyone is just testing the water, few are actually really pursuing anything of substance.

 

You almost have to think of yourself as an online game character the people on the site are just wanting something to take their mind off of their mundane life or some stressor in their life.

 

Someone finds you, intros exchanged and they think ok you’ll do for now.

 

It’s jacked up but a great number of us are wading thru the same slime infested dating waters. Why this site gets so many recycled traumas. Exactly why if you are in a “truly” great relationship you should be playing the lottery.