sosuga Posted June 29, 2005 Posted June 29, 2005 I am having a pretty down moment right now. My boyfriend and I of 3 yrs were fighting a couple weeks ago but things have smoothed over since then. We broke up but reconciled a while afterwards. In fact the other night we had some nice make-up-sex Anyways, since this fight we have been trying to just move on with life...but I feel like it has put him two steps back in the relationship standpoint. Usually I get calls and messages about how he misses me or something of that nature, but lately I barely get an I love You out of him. I think he is aprehensive of being all lovey-dovey again because of recent events, and I can understand that. Its just very hard for me because I want everything to be normal again He has been working a LOT too so I never ever see him. When I do its for a short amount of time... anyhow to my point --- He's not calling as frequently or being as sweet, and it hurts so bad because I feel as though he lost his love for me. In a weak moment the other day, I asked him why he doesnt call me my nickname anymore? And he doesnt say I love you in his messages. He said I am thinking WAY too far in to things and to just relax. I wish it were that easy! Normally I am not like this - I can handle not getting attention, but because of the past couple of months I am extra needy right now. I am trying sooo hard not to by keeping myself busy and going out with the girls, etc...but the thoughts always creep right back in when I least expect it. I need some suggestions on what you guys think...should I back off and let him come around? Stop calling and being around all the time? would that make it even worse??? Or should I remain as I always am, and just act like everything is fine in hopes that he'll see that its safe to come out of his cave status?? I wish I could fast-forward a couple of months so things we back on track. I feel as though we're derailed I am trying to give him space -- but how does someone give another space when I already feel like we are eons apart????
curiousnycgirl Posted June 29, 2005 Posted June 29, 2005 How about you tell him that since the fight you are feeling insecure and need some reassurance? You can tell him that his not acting as warm as before the fight, and then pooh poohing your concerns is only making you feel more insecure. If he doesn't respond acceptably to that - then you guys have a few more issues to work out. Absent open and honest dialogue - I'm sorry I don't know what else to suggest.
JenDoe Posted June 29, 2005 Posted June 29, 2005 Completely agree with Curious. Without open and honest communication, you don't have a relationship. He should be willing and wanting to hear your concerns, and be making every effort to make you feel comfortable (within reason).
Author sosuga Posted June 30, 2005 Author Posted June 30, 2005 I agree with both of you -- I want to just talk to him about it. However, it was me who ended the relationship -- and have done it a couple of times out of fear that I would get hurt. It seems illogical for ME to be asking for reassurance when I'm the one who ended the relatioship, you know? No, I didnt WANT to end it, but at the time I thought it was the only option. We talked thru it and I thought we were ok, but hes acting cool towards me. In fact, he called me as I was on my way out of work but I couldnt answer it right away. For the first time in years, he didnt say I love you at the end of his message. He said "If I dont hear from you in the next...oh, 20 minutes, I'll call you when I get done with the gym. Maybe...possibly I'll call you. I might.. peace" but he sounded like he was playin around... When I called him back, I hoped he'd ask to see me. All he mentioned was how he was going to the gym and so I left it at that. I am not sure if he is waiting for ME to come around (which I find hard to believe because lately it has been me asking to see him) or what...
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