Versacehottie Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 Thanks VersaceHottie! Good points you have there--all of them! I can feel a little better now because I kept beating myself up about the fact that he picked her over me. I guess it's best to just learn from this Well it doesn't help to beat yourself up! But there are facts and causes of situations in life that you can always learn from. Gather the facts, see what might apply to you that you can change and what you would be willing to change or put out there more to express who you are and what you want more clearly. If you also gather facts and decide some of it is how it is and you don't care and feel fine like you are then go with that. I generally think there can be little adjustments and learning from most situations. As you said, it has happened to you several times over. Reminds me of a post on here a while ago, where a girl was in a similar situation and felt like guys loved hanging out with her but mostly saw her as a buddy. That's no good. I think if you have good qualities to offer and are just as good looking as this IG girl, that you probably fail to flirt very well or sell the sexy side of yourself. It wouldn't be the first time I heard of some girl showing that she would be a great gf BEFORE she's actually got the attraction and physical and mental attraction of a guy. I'd guess that is what your issue is. It's possible that he STILL would have chosen this girl over you. But you do want to tip things in your favor and get YOUR message across when you are dating someone you'd like to see a future with. Try not to play the girlfriend card too soon. I think it's been said before: guys don't fall into like the same way we do. We think of potential and start imagine the future. A guy is more in the moment, so he won't appreciate those gf-like traits until later when he is already hooked. You can find your comfort zone within being more flirtatious and sexy--you don't have to do it in HER way but DO do it in yours. Good luck 1
bubbaganoosh Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 Do men do that though? He posted a picture with her on instagram captioned ith, "I love her" So i don't really know if he's actually in love with her or just with her for shallow reasons. Look. I'm a guy............an old guy but at one time I was young and when it came to picking out who I wanted to go out with if there's a girl whose letting you know that she's more then willing to let me pass first base then that's where I was headed. Yeah I know, shallow as all hell but when I was interested in a relationship, they were the last ones I wanted and I went looking for a girl who wasn't ready to jump in bed and let herself be used. You seem like a nice lady and you have your values so don't let some guy convince you compromise them for his fun. You do that then you have nothing. Your guy will come along and he will be thrilled with you. He's there and you know what they say, good things come to those that wait. Best of luck to you. 2
frus69 Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 He is probably just shallow. If some guy left me for a bimbo I wouldn't think low of myself, rather he is stupid. 1
Versacehottie Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 Ooops, can I also say and shift in attitude would help. Instead of thinking how you would make a great girlfriend to him (or whichever next guy). Think like this: that you want him to show you what he has that would make him good to be in your life. That subtle shift is often the difference between girls that have repeatedly get boyfriends easily and those who struggle. There's an inherent putting yourself first and making a guy prove himself to you (unspoken, of course). It's subtle mind shift. 1
Versacehottie Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 Look. I'm a guy............an old guy but at one time I was young and when it came to picking out who I wanted to go out with if there's a girl whose letting you know that she's more then willing to let me pass first base then that's where I was headed. Yeah I know, shallow as all hell but when I was interested in a relationship, they were the last ones I wanted and I went looking for a girl who wasn't ready to jump in bed and let herself be used. You seem like a nice lady and you have your values so don't let some guy convince you compromise them for his fun. You do that then you have nothing. Your guy will come along and he will be thrilled with you. He's there and you know what they say, good things come to those that wait. Best of luck to you. Although I am saying she should be more flirty, she can do both what I am saying and this too. Basically you need a guy to see you from a sexual point of view but you can and should hold strong to your values. That makes you the best prize of all and will garner you the best guy for you.
winny Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 Whether a guy loves me back or not and whether he chooses another gal and not me and any other stuff that he does.... is no definition or parameter of how awesome of a person I am or I am not ! Who knows behind that flashy show off exterior, she could be the sweetest person ever! Or may be not! That has nothing to do with you! I have also tried to wonder in the past... why didnt he choose me? But then this is no competition. Let it go... 2
aussietigerwolf Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 The amount of times I've been passed over for the slutty bimbo lol and been told how much better she was then a frigid prude who thought all the time. It happened so often I did wonder if there was something wrong with me, if I should change to be like these girls who slept with guys at the drop of a hat and expressed no thoughts, opinions and laughed/agreed with everything the guy said. But after the guys had had their fun these girls were discarded for exactly the same reason they were chosen over me in the first place. Anyway long story short, just be yourself.
Els Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 I've had this happen to me a few times in my teens. Yeah, it stung at the time, but looking back now I realize the guys weren't compatible with me anyway (and in two of the cases I wondered what the hell I ever saw in them... ). It's a good thing, too, because their rejection enabled me to be single and meet the guys whom I DID eventually have relationships with. It's not you, it's just incompatibility IMO.
Bialy Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 It's an ego crusher, but this is how I think of it: I would assume the guy is doing me a favor. Maybe he's still hung up on his ex -- bullet dodged! Maybe he found someone more compatible to him - bullet dodged! Maybe he's not really interested in a relationship with anyone - bullet dodged! Just assume the guy is doing you a favor. I like the posts on this thread about self-improvement. That helped me too a lot - exercise and keeping active. Riding my bike, hanging out by a pool.
Author JelatineDessert Posted July 26, 2016 Author Posted July 26, 2016 Look. I'm a guy............an old guy but at one time I was young and when it came to picking out who I wanted to go out with if there's a girl whose letting you know that she's more then willing to let me pass first base then that's where I was headed. Yeah I know, shallow as all hell but when I was interested in a relationship, they were the last ones I wanted and I went looking for a girl who wasn't ready to jump in bed and let herself be used. You seem like a nice lady and you have your values so don't let some guy convince you compromise them for his fun. You do that then you have nothing. Your guy will come along and he will be thrilled with you. He's there and you know what they say, good things come to those that wait. Best of luck to you. Thank you dude! Sound advice. I also just found out they've been actually dating way longer than I thought...Maybe less than a year or so. Given this info, do you think he's actually in love with her if he's been with her for that long? Again, as I said before, I was creeping her page and he's "Liked" all her slutty pictures. Do guys just turn a blind eye to those things? Could he actually be in "love"?
ChatroomHero Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 Thank you dude! Sound advice. I also just found out they've been actually dating way longer than I thought...Maybe less than a year or so. Given this info, do you think he's actually in love with her if he's been with her for that long? Again, as I said before, I was creeping her page and he's "Liked" all her slutty pictures. Do guys just turn a blind eye to those things? Could he actually be in "love"? What you are trying to do is rationalize something that you'll never be able to rationalize. You are trying to make her slutty or him shallow to fit the narrative that you are better and he made the wrong choice. Maybe he did and maybe he didn't, either way, you'll never be able to rationalize it. Maybe she is deeper than you. Maybe she treats him better. Maybe she is the smartest girl you would ever meet. None of that matters and you will never be able to solve the mystery, ever. He liked her better for some reason, you can make up all the reasons you want but you will never know so why try? That is not an indictment of you, it simply is what it is. Let's face it, do you love every guy you meet or every guy you date equally? Have you ever been interested in someone and then met someone "better"? I bet you didn't think the other person was suddenly garbage, you just had a stronger attraction to the new guy. Was there anything the other person could have done for you to like them better? Nope. 1
mortensorchid Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 Happens to me all the time, and will continue to happen to me. All you can do is say "He doesn't deserve me, he deserves this (fill in the blank) that he picked over me." It's hurtful, you find out that there are a lot of guys out there who do not deserve what you have to offer, but it's what it is. Move on.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 Great points SimpleNFit! Probably! He's been here in the U.S. for 4 years however, so I don' t know if he's still in that phase. He does say "I love her" which makes me look like this ---> LoL! Do you think he is in a deep relationship with her though? (Even though lets say he may not bring her home to mom) Shoot. 4-years and he's partying it up! :-) It may not be a phase. It could be a new discovered liberation as he may not go back to how/who he was in the past! "I love her" are simply words. He may or may not have genuine affection for her and her for him. Don't know what their relationship was/is, but he may be blowing-up or exaggerating the extent of his relationship. I don't know.
basil67 Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 This thread has so much name calling against the women who snared the man. Sluts, bimbos, criticisms of their behaviour. I guess there must be some truth that putting down another person builds our own self esteem. 2
CryForNoOne Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 This thread has so much name calling against the women who snared the man. Sluts, bimbos, criticisms of their behaviour. I guess there must be some truth that putting down another person builds our own self esteem. People in general need to focus on bettering themselves instead of finding fault in others or someone else to blame...
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