JelatineDessert Posted July 25, 2016 Posted July 25, 2016 I just recently started dating a guy a couple months ago and he seemed great. I have tried my best to learn all I can about dating and men through experience, advice, books, articles and other resources. I've even written down my past mistakes so that I don't repeat it, so I'm really trying my best at dating. I've never had a boyfriend and this guy I dated ended up not calling me again after we dated for a little over a month. I felt kind of bad cause I thought I was finally going to have a great guy that I can experience a relationship with. I ended up seeing a picture of him and a girl on Instagram last night, and they are together. She looks very pretty and is well put together. Although I am confident in who I am as a person and what I have to offer, I can't help but to question myself whenever things like this happen. It makes me think "Why did he feel I wasn't as great as her?" It's happened more than once where the guy picks another girl over me. I don't know if there is something wrong with me or if the guy just was not that great of a fit for me. Does anyone else feel the same? Like when they get rejected or not chosen you think that you did something wrong or question yourself? Again, I'm not insecure about myself, but because it's happened a lot, I cant help but to wonder...
kolleamm Posted July 25, 2016 Posted July 25, 2016 I dated a woman for about a month, and then she decided she just wanted to be friends. I took this as a sign to improve myself and joined a gym, and have never felt/looked better. These experiences make you stronger. 4
Author JelatineDessert Posted July 25, 2016 Author Posted July 25, 2016 I dated a woman for about a month, and then she decided she just wanted to be friends. I took this as a sign to improve myself and joined a gym, and have never felt/looked better. These experiences make you stronger. It definitely does but do you think maybe it's my fault that he doesn't like me all that much? I have done everything I can for years to improve myself as much as possible and still some guys end up never calling me again. I am scared that I will never find someone that feels the same...
kolleamm Posted July 25, 2016 Posted July 25, 2016 Are you putting yourself out there for other men to meet you? Is there anything you can do to improve yourself physically?
Shining One Posted July 25, 2016 Posted July 25, 2016 OP, most of the time, it's simply compatibility. I've chosen Girl B over Girl A for reasons that only make sense to me. There's nothing wrong with Girl A. In fact, she is "better" than Girl B in many ways. Girl B was just a better choice for me at that moment. Try not to dwell on it and keep seeking out the men to whom you are the best choice. 4
Author JelatineDessert Posted July 25, 2016 Author Posted July 25, 2016 OP, most of the time, it's simply compatibility. I've chosen Girl B over Girl A for reasons that only make sense to me. There's nothing wrong with Girl A. In fact, she is "better" than Girl B in many ways. Girl B was just a better choice for me at that moment. Try not to dwell on it and keep seeking out the men to whom you are the best choice. I guess so He chose a girl who is kind of promiscuous on instagram who posts a lot of pictures that show off her butt in bikinis and her body. She doesn't seem very deep her friends dont look like they would even vibe with him (because they seem different in personality). It's just weird....
SwordofFlame Posted July 25, 2016 Posted July 25, 2016 I guess so He chose a girl who is kind of promiscuous on instagram who posts a lot of pictures that show off her butt in bikinis and her body. She doesn't seem very deep her friends dont look like they would even vibe with him (because they seem different in personality). It's just weird.... It sounds like he chose her because she's "easy" or more fun. Or at least she gives off the impression that she is.
Shining One Posted July 25, 2016 Posted July 25, 2016 I guess so He chose a girl who is kind of promiscuous on instagram who posts a lot of pictures that show off her butt in bikinis and her body. She doesn't seem very deep her friends dont look like they would even vibe with him (because they seem different in personality). It's just weird....Pure assumption on my part, but maybe he was looking for low-effort sex and he believes he has a better chance of that with her than you. I've certainly chosen the path of least resistance on occasion.
Author JelatineDessert Posted July 25, 2016 Author Posted July 25, 2016 Pure assumption on my part, but maybe he was looking for low-effort sex and he believes he has a better chance of that with her than you. I've certainly chosen the path of least resistance on occasion. Do men do that though? He posted a picture with her on instagram captioned ith, "I love her" So i don't really know if he's actually in love with her or just with her for shallow reasons.
SwordofFlame Posted July 25, 2016 Posted July 25, 2016 Do men do that though? He posted a picture with her on instagram captioned ith, "I love her" So i don't really know if he's actually in love with her or just with her for shallow reasons. Men absolutely do this and fairly often too. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 25, 2016 Posted July 25, 2016 I think it's sad that people automatically assume the worst in themselves when something doesn't work with the object of their affection. Sometimes things just aren't meant to be for a million reasons that have nothing to do with YOU at all. Instead of wasting your precious time and energy contemplating where YOU went wrong and thinking YOU were somehow responsible in some way, chalk it up to incompatibility and learn to shift your thinking so that you see it as their loss, not yours. Just imagine the number of broken hearts that would be mended by simply focusing on the positive angle of break-ups instead of always dwelling on the negative. 6
smackie9 Posted July 25, 2016 Posted July 25, 2016 Maybe you are making the guy do all the chasing. Guys like their ego fluffed up with heavy flirting, be sexy but in a feminine classy way, proper posturing to keep their attention. If you don't understand any of that I suggest a dating coach to get some direction. 1
lilmissjava Posted July 25, 2016 Posted July 25, 2016 Not every guy is going to be a great match for you. I think after a month, you begin to notice things that you may not prefer in a potential partner. Depending on where you met the guy, OLD is a cesspool of window shoppers. Don't be surprised if he is of the multi-dating type. Perhaps she's an ex, perhaps they're childhood friends, perhaps she's his sister. No one knows. Don't get down about it either. It's better knowing now than later when you may have been more emotionally invested.
Author JelatineDessert Posted July 25, 2016 Author Posted July 25, 2016 Maybe you are making the guy do all the chasing. Guys like their ego fluffed up with heavy flirting, be sexy but in a feminine classy way, proper posturing to keep their attention. If you don't understand any of that I suggest a dating coach to get some direction. I've reached out to him as well, so he hasn't been the only one reaching out. Yes, I've been doing all those things. Who knows
BlueIris Posted July 25, 2016 Posted July 25, 2016 It stings at first. It hurts. But, then, you can’t wallow, and you have to go Mr. T and pity the fool, because no one else is you:
jen1447 Posted July 25, 2016 Posted July 25, 2016 Eh, it takes all kinds. Unless you're somehow managing to compete w professional models regularly, there's no more wrong w you than there's right w them. It's pretty much all random. 3
Author JelatineDessert Posted July 25, 2016 Author Posted July 25, 2016 (edited) Men absolutely do this and fairly often too. I see. He seems very different from her. She does have great clothing style choices and dresses well, but she is kind of immodest, flashy and show-offish on IG, has posted pictures in the past of her in the photo booth with a gal-friend pretending to lick her boob to be "silly," pics where she's pulled down her tank to expose part of her bra.Her closest friends are IG models with thousands of followers that are vapid &kind of airheads that also post equally, if not, even more exposing photos. Tons of pics on the beach showing her butt. She's had numerous [] Halloween costume pics where one of them was literally just lingerie. She's got a pic of herself on a bed wearing a dress and heels in "cowgirl" position. I dont get it!! I dont want to judge her but she seems shallow. I even went to college with one of her closest friends who lacks personality and is boring. But he said "I love her" so I dont knoww. He's 30 btw Edited July 26, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
todreaminblue Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 (edited) the girl my ex chose was the exact opposite of me..i am submissive ...she is dominant......she has money......i am always broke......she is tall...i am short...she has blonde hair i have brown...she was working with him...and i was the stay at home mum for fifteen years with five kids...(on his request) it wasnt dating i know it was basically everything but legally married...when he chose her.....i was devastated.....because she was the exact opposite of who i am....i dont feel that i have ever felt uglier.....or older than i did..bar being told by a guy i am a creepy 75 yr old woman a couple of years ago.i was 45..that made me feel ugly......i aged and i hated who i was when my ex left me for someone else........i let him affect me...liek i ddi the guy without tact .i felt responsible for him leaving the family we had together...i wasnt good enough...even though he used the line you are too good for me........i felt the opposite..... i think though what i have learned from being made feel ugly....is that i wasnt made to feel ugly by someone else...it was and is my own insecurities......coming out...... and i am not going to let my heart be torn up like that again...by me thinking i am not good enough or pretty enough to love...or by anybody... ..i have learned that if a guy chooses someone else ...another woman...when i am in a relationship with them...he isnt the right guy for me...i deserve better and deserve to feel good about myself... i am happy for my ex that he is with someone he cares about....and i forgive him...i forgive people who say mean things about me too.....and i am going to find the right guy...one day..the right guy for me...not someone elses right guy..i wotn waste time...blaming myself for their choices.....deb Edited July 26, 2016 by todreaminblue
preraph Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 Most of the time, it's just because the guy is just trying to bed as many women as possible and is nowhere near ready for a relationship. Bullet dodged. it's best you didn't waste much time on him and he showed what he was up to right away.
Author JelatineDessert Posted July 26, 2016 Author Posted July 26, 2016 (edited) Dated this guy and really liked him. He felt he wasn't into me and not too long later posted a IG pic of him and a GF together. I was sad about it for a while but then realized she's no better than me. However, I cant help but wonder what he sees in her. Yes, as any woman that is interested in a man, I did creep her page (lol creeped). I found out that he seems very different from her. I know people may assume I'm bitter about it but honestly, this post is not meant to be hating on her, but just to find out if he's taking this girl seriously given the information below. First of all, I will say she is very pretty and has a great sense of style. However she seems different from him for the following reasons. -He is a modest guy from a conservative country that heavily values religion (he's a foreign student). -She often has great pics [], but then she has a handful of immodest, flashy, and show-offish pictures sprinkled throughout her IG -She's got a pic of herself on a fancy hotel bed wearing a dress and heels sitting in the sexual cowgirl position. -Has posted pictures in the past of her in the photo booth with a gal-friend pretending to lick her boob as a "silly pic". Another one with her tank being pulled down to expose her bra. -Tons of pics taken that are solely meant to just show off her butt & body -Numerous [] Halloween costume pics where one of them was literally just lingerie. -Her closest friends are IG models with thousands of followers that are vapid &kind of airheads that also post equally, if not, even more exposing photos. -I went to college with some of her closest friends (also IG model) who lacks personality and is kind of vanilla. I dont get it!! I dont want to judge her based off pictures but she seems shallow. I know people have more sides to them, however, maybe she's not the deepest girl in the world because she lacks humility and oversexualizes herself to over 3000 strangers on IG. In their picture together, he wrote "I love her" as the caption so I dont know if this relationship has substance or is just superficial. Edited July 26, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Merge threads and edit language.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 Wow. You described nothing that is surprising. :-) This guy comes from a more conservative part of the world and is interested in someone who is wild...surprise, but not a surprise. I suspect that he would never bring this girl home to his parents as a potential bride. He is letting his inhibitions down b/c he is no longer confined by social norms that he secretly wants to break free of (at least for now) and indulge in behavior that most human being (mostly men) fantasize about. This other girl is giving him all the naughty things that you didn't. It's not a reflection on you. He's in a stage where he wants to have more fun and this girls seems to provide it. 1
Author JelatineDessert Posted July 26, 2016 Author Posted July 26, 2016 Wow. You described nothing that is surprising. :-) This guy comes from a more conservative part of the world and is interested in someone who is wild...surprise, but not a surprise. I suspect that he would never bring this girl home to his parents as a potential bride. He is letting his inhibitions down b/c he is no longer confined by social norms that he secretly wants to break free of (at least for now) and indulge in behavior that most human being (mostly men) fantasize about. This other girl is giving him all the naughty things that you didn't. It's not a reflection on you. He's in a stage where he wants to have more fun and this girls seems to provide it. Great points SimpleNFit! Probably! He's been here in the U.S. for 4 years however, so I don' t know if he's still in that phase. He does say "I love her" which makes me look like this ---> LoL! Do you think he is in a deep relationship with her though? (Even though lets say he may not bring her home to mom)
Versacehottie Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 (edited) Dated this guy and really liked him. He felt he wasn't into me and not too long later posted a IG pic of him and a GF together. I was sad about it for a while but then realized she's no better than me. However, I cant help but wonder what he sees in her. Yes, as any woman that is interested in a man, I did creep her page (lol creeped). I found out that he seems very different from her. I know people may assume I'm bitter about it but honestly, this post is not meant to be hating on her, but just to find out if he's taking this girl seriously given the information below. First of all, I will say she is very pretty and has a great sense of style. However she seems different from him for the following reasons. -He is a modest guy from a conservative country that heavily values religion (he's a foreign student). -She often has great pics[], but then she has a handful of immodest, flashy, and show-offish pictures sprinkled throughout her IG, has posted pictures in the past of her in the photo booth with a gal-friend pretending to lick her boob as a "silly pic". Another one with her tank being pulled down to expose her bra. -She's got a pic of herself on a fancy hotel bed wearing a dress and heels sitting in the sexual cowgirl position. -Tons of pics taken that are solely meant to just show off her butt & body -Numerous [] Halloween costume pics where one of them was literally just lingerie. -Her closest friends are IG models with thousands of followers that are vapid &kind of airheads that also post equally, if not, even more exposing photos. -I went to college with some of her closest friends (also IG model) who lacks personality and is kind of vanilla. I dont get it!! I dont want to judge her based off pictures but she seems shallow. I know people have more sides to them, however, maybe she's not the deepest girl in the world because she lacks humility and oversexualizes herself to over 3000 strangers on IG. In their picture together, he wrote "I love her" as the caption so I dont know if this relationship has substance or is just superficial. Idk, just gonna throw this out there: maybe he's not the deepest guy in the world either. Or at least isn't in terms of attraction. Or will be in the future but isn't yet, needs to figure that out along the way. I think you can't underestimate the ego boost of a guy being able to get a girl who has some popularity, even if it's on IG, as an attraction factor itself. I'm not saying it's the right thing that he is pulled in by this, only that sometimes these things happen. I don't think that you need to do what she does and maybe your thing with him just wasn't meant to be. That said, I always think it's good to assess yourself honestly (as you seem to be able to do) and if you were missing chances to express yourself to him in flirtatious, or privately sexy way than make sure you don't with the next guy. Guys may evaluate on stuff like that first and deeper stuff later. Maybe you are doing things in reverse for a guy to be attracted and get attached. Such as, he may not realize that she may not have much depth or personality or is attention seeking or materialistic until a year down the road. He may make this mistake with various girls many times over. In the meantime, if there is a lesson to be learned here, you can't change his behavior, but you can change yours or adjust a bit to get better results. If you think that could have been part of the issue of why you didn't get your full shot with him, than by all means learn from it. Good luck! Edited July 26, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2
Author JelatineDessert Posted July 26, 2016 Author Posted July 26, 2016 Idk, just gonna throw this out there: maybe he's not the deepest guy in the world either. Or at least isn't in terms of attraction. Or will be in the future but isn't yet, needs to figure that out along the way. I think you can't underestimate the ego boost of a guy being able to get a girl who has some popularity, even if it's on IG, as an attraction factor itself. I'm not saying it's the right thing that he is pulled in by this, only that sometimes these things happen. I don't think that you need to do what she does and maybe your thing with him just wasn't meant to be. That said, I always think it's good to assess yourself honestly (as you seem to be able to do) and if you were missing chances to express yourself to him in flirtatious, or privately sexy way than make sure you don't with the next guy. Guys may evaluate on stuff like that first and deeper stuff later. Maybe you are doing things in reverse for a guy to be attracted and get attached. Such as, he may not realize that she may not have much depth or personality or is attention seeking or materialistic until a year down the road. He may make this mistake with various girls many times over. In the meantime, if there is a lesson to be learned here, you can't change his behavior, but you can change yours or adjust a bit to get better results. If you think that could have been part of the issue of why you didn't get your full shot with him, than by all means learn from it. Good luck! Thanks VersaceHottie! Good points you have there--all of them! I can feel a little better now because I kept beating myself up about the fact that he picked her over me. I guess it's best to just learn from this
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