Boyfriend Of 8 Years Broke Up With Me. Now I Feel Depressed And Getting Suicidal Thou

[lara123]

I just went through a break up after being with my boyfriend of 8 years. we lived together for the last 2 years. He said he does not have feelings for me anymore, we are not compatible and we have grown apart. he said he has been feeling like this for a while but i did not realise and i am still madly in love with him. the thing that hurts the most is that he is talking to anther girl. it is obvious he has moved on but how do i move on. The worst part is that after we broke up, we were still sleeping together for about 5 months and were still spending weekends with each other and going out to dinners. After this i assumed that he was definitely going to ask me to be his girlfriend again. But no he still said he didn't want to be with me and us sleeping together was just sex and it has been fun hanging out. This hurts so much because its only been him for 8 years. he is the person i have shared most of my first experiences with. he is my first everything. i no longer sleep much at night, i think so much, i haven't eaten much and keep thinking of suicide. i even cut myself a few times although i haven't done that in 4 weeks. Even when i am at work i can not concentrate and i've been crying almost every day. nothing makes me happy anymore. i think about me and him all the time and i've blocked most of my friends o my phone because i dont feel like being around anyone. i dont know how to move past this. i don;t kno what to do.

[sooshi]

Lara,

 

I'm so sorry for your very deep and painful loss. Now is the time to go no contact with him. He has shown that his feelings and desires matter much more than yours. But the truth is: YOUR feelings and desires matter too!

 

It is understandable that you want to be on your own right now. You're going through a breakdown, and now it is time to work on breaking through that. It is okay to grieve. Post on here. Ask a trusted friend for support. Or call a support line and speak with someone anonymously. Maybe see a therapist--the right match will be really helpful in helping you see things more clearly and to break out of the cloud of emotions. Try not to isolate yourself much longer--get out in the sun, allow for the sunlight to hit your skin and your eyes, and to warm you up. Hug a tree. Talk to a squirrel or a flower. Reconnect with nature, the essence of our planet, our one home.

 

This man has been such a big part of your life, and now that he's gone, you don't feel like you have an identity without him. Many of us have been there. Now, you get to discover new things about yourself. This is the time for you to heal. Drink more water or herbal teas, delight yourself in some fresh fruit, go out and treat yourself to a meal or a movie. Be gentle as you would with someone you care about who is going through what you're going through.

 

We're here for you.

[Toodaloo]

Lara

 

What are you doing blocking your friends!

 

The person you should be blocking is that pathetic excuse of a man!

 

Time for a wake up call here honey.

 

1. The guy has been using you

2. The guy has been a tad deceitful in the way he has gone about it

3. The guy has carried on with both behaviours for several months after splitting up with you

4. Now he is having his cake and eating it.

 

Sod taking your life for this prize turd! He is no where even near that!

 

What you do is this. In no particular order...

 

1. Collect all your belongings, return all of his in one go.

2. Block his phone number

3. Remove from twitter and any other social media

4. Have a shower/ bath and shave your legs and arm pits

5. Get your hair cut/ styled

6. Enrol in a class or something you have always wanted to do. Suggestions include Yoga, dance lessons, learn a foreign language

7. Call your friends and visit your family

8. Save for and book a holiday

9. Read some self help books such as "the no contact rule" and "beating your addiction to a person"

10. See your doctor about those horrible thoughts and get some help with it.

 

Lara this man was a big part of your life but truth is he didn't deserve one scrap of your time. If he had been he would have treated you with those little things called dignity and grace. He hasn't.

[Giggles666]

I would also hope you go see a professional if you are having thoughts of hurting yourself.

 

I agree with the above poster, cut him out of your life. If something goes wrong with his new relationship guess who he is going to most likely come running back to? You do not deserve to be plan B, and he's hurting you.

 

Take care of yourself as best you can and I am sorry you are going through this.

[Bialy]

Lara,

 

I know what you're going through. I had an almost 8 year relationship end suddenly recently, but my ex was still emotionally stringing me along. It hurt so badly -- it still does is! You share so many years with someone, you sometimes never think they would treat you callously and selfishly. Your ex is treating you terribly! Get angry and let it all out! See him for what he is --- an emotional manipulator.

 

Lara, you will survive! It's hard to imagine this right now, but believe me, you will! Don't block your friends and family --- speak to them -- vent and get these emotions out with friends, family, anyone --- you need it. This helped me so much, for three weeks, I was just sharing my sadness, anger, and resentment, hollowness. It HELPS! SO MUCH.

 

Seek professional help with your suicidal thoughts -- call one of the hotlines. Reach out to family and friends and let this all out - talk it out with many people.

 

Drink plenty of water, stay hydrated, and eat fruits. Put on some music and DANCE! This is crazy, but this actually helped me get the edge off at night. I put on some EDM/electronic music, electronic music with an empowering beat, and I was just dancing and MOVING and letting out all of my angst, sadness, and aggression. Let it all out!

 

Be kind to yourself - you have a loving heart -- you don't deserve this treatment from him!

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, please, first and foremost, seek the support of a qualified and experienced professional. Cutting yourself and suicidal thoughts require urgent attention. Please don't be ashamed to reach out for help, either. There are people out there willing and ready to help you sort out your emotions in a healthier way - I cannot stress enough how important it is for you to contact a distress line/centre in your area.

 

Second, follow the good advice of other posters in this thread. You most certainly deserve happiness and he, unfortunately, is a toxic person for you.

 

You will hurt for a little while, but I promise you, it does get better over time. Remember that now that you cut this guy out of your life, there will room for a kind, respectful man to take his place one day.

[jeffrey0102]

well i've just been through similar experience. i've just dumped by my first love, girlfriend of 8 years a month ago. she always said she loves me but suddenly she said that she has no feelings for me anymore. she left me for other guys and she cheated on me 4months ago and i dont realize it. so she has moved on before the break up happens. it feels like my life has no meaning, feels like the world is ending. i've even already planned to propose her this november on her birthday. that is the worst day in my life.

In our relationship i always do the best for her, i respect her decision, i give her space, i helped her with many things, we have fun laugh, i always give her little surprise, everyday i told how lucky i am to have such beautiful kind girl like she is, and not even once i've think about other girl in that 8 years with her. our relationship are not perfect sometimes we fight,we argue but i always try to work it out but sometimes she doesnt want to communicate what she wanted to. sometimes she's a crybaby but i accept all her weakness and i always thinks she's the one for me.

to be dumped like this is extremely painful. it feels like your life is pointless. you had no hope. you will think that you wont find anyone like him to love anymore. you will feel that all of this is your fault. you will try to finding a way to reconcille with him.

 

well that's what i felt.

what i did to make things better are

-for the first few days just cry feel the emotion

-then do no contact( block, unfriend, unfollow him ) believe me to do no contact it's hard i've failed a few times and that will only make things worse. just do the best as you can dont contact him in any ways. no stalking. no text. no everything.

-hide or burn all things reminding you of him.

-talk to your trusted friend or family just tell her how you feel. this help me a lot.

- do as many activities as you can. exercise,do your hobby or finding a new hobby, hangout with friends, meet new friends, go out see how beautiful the world is.

-go buy something for yourself, new clothes,new haircut,a holiday trip,etc

-remind yourself that you are special too. when we had a long term relationship we forgot about ourselves. we forgot that we can be happy alone, remember that moment before you met him you can feel happy right?

-find your new dream in life. improve yourself. do this for yourself not him.

-take a break from romantic relationship. dont do rebound. focus on yourself make yourself a better woman.

-dont think of him. dont compare yourself to her new girl. do other things when you start thinking of it.

-dont ever think to suicide. his love are not worth it to your life. remember you maybe lost the man who you love. but he lost the one who truly loved him the most. be happy if you feel this miserable, it means your heart capable of loving someone deeply and that's rare things to have! he's definitely not worth it for you.

-always encourage yourself.

 

i know it will be hard. i've felt it myself. but you should remember that everyting that happened now is meant to be something. it will teach you something. and to prepare you for a better man on the future the man who will love you the most.

 

well even now sometimes i still feel miserable. the feelings will come and go. sometimes you will meet him in your dream and this is freakin awful. i've dream about her a few times. and i still cry everytime i woke up. but on daily life i dont think about her a lot anymore. but the feeling of emptiness is still there. well only time that will show us the way. just be strong be patience. you are not alone here. i promise you will get better.

 

here are a few motivational quotes that i find helpful.

 

" i believe that everything happen for a reason. people change so that you can learn to let go. things go wrong so that you appreciate then when they're right. you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself. and sometimes good things fall apart so better thing can fall together"

 

"the truth is, unless you let go,unless you forgiver yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward"

 

"things dont go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be"

 

i hope this will help you.

we can get through this lara

[soulmate777]

I feel you, I call suicide helpline if you are outside of the US like me, just use viber, cuz they wont answer skype, it's free, when they ask where are you from just say US, I know but I had no choice, they do help me from suicide, and they are usually nice and will listen to your story.