Laurenjade Posted July 25, 2016 Posted July 25, 2016 (edited) Firstly I want to say, I'm 36 years old. I'm a mother. I've a boy & a girl who are 12 & 10. I've had my heart broken three times now, each one worse than the other. First time I was 18, second when my marriage ended - even though I ended it, 7 years ago. And the 3rd time in April this year after the man I thought was my 'soulmate' broke me into tiny pieces. I can't keep doing this. I genuinely don't believe there is a half decent man out there. The first 'relationship' I had after the end of my marriage was quite clearly a rebound. Although it hurt when I found out he'd cheated on me numerous times, I wasn't broken. I then met my ex. He'd messaged me on Facebook about 6/7 years ago, towards the end of my marriage. We chatted for 3 months, as friends, (my husband knew about it). Then he met someone else and moved on. I was sad, as I'd started to have some feelings for him. But, it also made me realise that if I could have feelings for someone else whilst married, my marriage wasn't right. I ended my marriage. I was heartbroken, but it was the right thing to do for all of us. A year or so later, my ex followed me again on Twitter and added me again on Facebook. We chatted on and off. I was dating, as was he. He asked if he could take me out. I said no. For 6 months, he asked me on a date every week. Every week I said no. We kept chatting, and chatting. He made me trust him, made me fall in love. For almost 5 years he was my entire world. He understood me, we had amazing sex, a great relationship. My kids loved him, even my ex husband liked him! He then emotionally cheated on me. He made a POF profile, he chatted to at least 5 other women. Sexting other women. I'm now wondering if I can ever put myself back out there. Can I ever put my heart back on the line at 36. My kids come first. They always will. But the 2 relationships I've had since the end of my marriage have both ended because the men can't be happy with what they have. My ex told a girl he was chatting too that my children had ruined my body. They were a turn off. How am I physically supposed to not think about that for the rest of life? During the end of my marriage I realised that a relationship doesn't define me. I'm still me, just a stronger version of me. I think I've finally on the road to finding me again. I don't need someone else to show me the value of me, because I know. Edited July 25, 2016 by Laurenjade Spelling! 5
Toodaloo Posted July 25, 2016 Posted July 25, 2016 I am not sure what the point of your post is. One minute you say you are heart broken the next that you are fine? If you are wanting people to join in a "All men are *****'s" style chat count me out because I know far too many really great guys out there to believe that. As for love "finding you" how about getting up off your back side and getting out there to look for him so you have half a chance of finding him? Give blokes a chance they are not mind readers. Yeah so you picked a couple of duffers doesn't mean the entire male population if faulty. 2
MzLady Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 I don't think OP is man bashing here.. I think she's just feeling defeated and hurt and her past relationships have left their mark. It's difficult to recover from so much disappointment. I am in the midst of a dating hiatus myself because I was letting all of the disappointments affect my feelings of self worth, and I just couldn't do that. I realized I need some time to heal. With that being said, OP, you're just in a bad place right now. Take some time for you and your kids. Don't worry about dating and take a break. When you're ready to get out there again, you'll know. I wish you the best. 1
todreaminblue Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 i believe that when you stop looking is often when someone comes along who is right for you......it can even be someone who you didnt really see before..... what i feel is really important...is to not get into a relationship for the sake of just being in a relationship......and with a guy recently who has shown interest in me...i am feeling it may be this way for him....and even though he is a nice guy......i wont pursue a relationship with any guy ...unless i really feel strongly for them.....i would rather wait.....and be sure .... theres nothing wrong with taking a break...theres nothing wrong with not looking.its a pressure valve to release.......sometimes...people happen your way...or you happen their way and its meant to be....i dont feel anything in regards to relationships should feel forced, pressured, expected or ambiguous...it should feel natural and real...and honest...a bit scary...but natural and honest...and when you date when you feel that honesty that naturalness...everything just seems easier and more secure.....deb.....
Trinity7 Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 I don't have any advice, just sympathy for you x. Im in the same boat minus the kids part-- 36, string of broken hearts, starting to lose hope. It just plain sucks and I really am sorry you're feeling that way too. All I can tell you is that I don't think it's a bad thing to take time for yourself.. You have to get happy on your own before you can truly be happy with someone else. Easier said than done, I know One interesting thing I've been learning lately is that I keep unconsciously choosing mates that aren't going to be my "end all be all." And it has forced me to look deep inside for the subconscious reason. Somewhere in me I have a block against love, and until I can clear that up, I will likely keep subconsciously choosing the wrong guys and ending up with the same results. So I guess my point is that maybe you can use the time alone to do some soul-searching! If you can find any patterns or similarities in your exes, that may be a good place to start. I'll leave it with this quote I found that is pretty spot on for me right now-- "Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek for and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it." 1
SA2013 Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 I would run from a woman that bows out of a relationship when they no longer have feelings. That is when the honey moon ends and we get to work on the goods of the relationship. And relationships are hard work. It sounds like you don't want a relationship you want fairy tale. Decent men aren't after just fairy tale, but solid person to settle down with and create tribe together. Not this wishywashy ****. You attack what you are. Your ex basically treated you like you treated your ex.
Bialy Posted July 30, 2016 Posted July 30, 2016 There's a woman at my job with a similar situation. She decided to NOT date until her kids were older than 16. She was single for a while and now that her daughters are older and she will soon have one outside of the house, she has started to date again. AND she's enjoying it! Take time off. Nothing wrong with prioritizing yourself, kids, and job.
l8estnews Posted July 30, 2016 Posted July 30, 2016 F My ex told a girl he was chatting too that my children had ruined my body. They were a turn off. How am I physically supposed to not think about that for the rest of life? I always read this comment over and over again. Men like these are too shallow to begin with. I wonder whose fault it is for men to have such horrible thoughts. Media? Unrealistic expectations? Are women defined only by their figure? Too many pretty faces out there with horrible "insides." It goes both ways anyways. Even men nowadays are being objectified by the amount of abs they have. No wonder everybody is looking for something they find "lacking" with their current partner. 1
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