AMJ Posted July 25, 2016 Posted July 25, 2016 (edited) I've never tried matchmaking before, and apparently I'm not good at it. I met this woman a few weeks ago while spending a weekend with some girlfriends from the city I used to live in. We went river rafting (so much fun!) and this woman, Joy, is a friend of my friend who invited me on the trip. We get to talking that night, and things she's saying about being frustrated with dating, her ideas of an ideal relationship, really reminded me of a guy I used to sort of date, let's call him Danny. Danny and I met years ago fresh after the worst breakup of my life, he was too old for me but I figured he'd be a great rebound. I was totally wrong, but he and I ended up becoming friends. Sort of. That's the short version. Regardless, we're friends today and I didn't think it was weird to try to set these two up. To me, they seemed like a great match. And I did not tell her that he and I had any sort of history...because women are weird about that. I just said we were friends. I know that's a lie, but it's a white one, I promise. I don't know her exact age, but she's in her 40s, so is he. I show her pictures of him, she thinks he's hot. She says she's interested. I text him, talk her up, send him pictures of her, he thinks she's adorable. Then I gave him her number and just faded away. A week later she gives me an update- she thinks he's hilarious via text and they have plans for a date this weekend. He had to cancel because he has an unpredictable work schedule (he works in a hospital, and I did warn her about this) however I think she was a little bummed about that. He messages me, wondering why she's so disappointed...I'm like, well because she cleaned her apartment and bought fancy food for you to cook, and anyway, it always sucks when someone cancels a date. So they rescheduled for tonight. This is where things get out of control. An hour before their date they get into this ridiculous texting argument which he sends me screenshots of. It's one of the most ridiculous things I've ever seen, but it goes something like this: They're chatting about what each person is doing in the city that day. She's having some drinks in the park with friends. He's at this bar with a few of his friends. She says it's a douchebag bar. He gets extremely offended because he happens to be hanging out with a guy who partially owns this bar (how was she supposed to know that) and starts telling her not to make judgments about him because she doesn't know him, etc. She also made a joke about him getting too drunk at the bar, to which he also took tons of offense...even though she was clearly joking. Anyway this carries on until she just cancels the date altogether. Then he calls me because he's more upset that she cancelled the date. I tell him that- 1) lesson learned, don't text so much since you're hypersensitive to sarcasm and can't read sarcasm in text and 2) the most ironic, and I mean IRONIC part of this whole story is that he also hates the exact bar he was at. Everyone hates that bar, everyone thinks it's full of toolshed pretentious people. I said, "are you kidding me right now, you are actually missing out on meeting this wonderful woman because she made fun of a bar that you yourself also hate?" He then insists that I'm not getting the point, it's not about the bar, it's about the fact she's so opinionated. I tell him that he's also extremely opinionated, thus why this argument began. And during this conversation I remembered several dumb fights I had with him when we tried to date each other, because he's just so sensitive sometimes. He was badly hurt by a fiancee ten years ago and never learned how to trust women again. He thinks we are all nuts. The sad part is that I've gotten to know him aside from the walls he's built up and he IS a great guy. He just makes it very hard for people to get to know him. So then she messages me. She feels terrible. He's disappointed because she cancelled the date, I said "can you blame her? you started yelling at her in text because she called a bar you were at stupid. What woman would want to go on a date with you after that?" That was the one thing I said that made him think. Otherwise he kept saying that I was taking her side because girls back each other up. But I've known him for years and her for only a weekend....I took her side because I thought he drastically overreacted to a stupid comment she made in a text message. And then I remembered why I left this city last year, because it felt like I was constantly running into people and situations as ridiculous as this. He then said his biggest problem after she insulted this bar was figuring out where to take her, because he showed his friend (this guy who owns a few bars in the city) the text and the guy then hated her, etc. I'm like, "well the good news is that there are about 14K bars and restaurants in that city...why would you make such a big deal about not being able to take her to XYZ bar..." And then I told him that I no longer feel pity for him for being single because this whole thing was ridiculous. It's not like this was some random Tinder date. Maybe they are both too opinionated and stubborn to work out? IDK for some reason I knew those two would have fireworks, I just thought it would be the good kind. Edited July 25, 2016 by AMJ
basil67 Posted July 25, 2016 Posted July 25, 2016 How in the world was her text sarcasm? Sounds to me like she was just being an opinionated b*tch. Not at all surprised he reacted as he did - I wouldn't date someone either if they said that to me. 1
Author AMJ Posted July 25, 2016 Author Posted July 25, 2016 Well it's good to know someone agrees with him...lol. She was sarcastic about the comment of him being drunk. And she made fun of the bar he was at because it's pretty common knowledge to most people that bar has a reputation for being full of pretentious spoiled 20somethings. But she meant it in a much more lighthearted way than he interpreted. I don't think she meant for him to take that remark personally- who cares what bar he happens to be having a drink at. If he were a regular there, that might be different. Anyway, the lesson learned is that people who don't know each other shouldn't do so much texting because I could see where they misunderstood each other. If they had just not texted and met in person, I think things would have gone better. Texting is a bad form of communication, especially when you don't know the other person. 1
BlueIris Posted July 25, 2016 Posted July 25, 2016 Sorry, but I had to laugh. ohferheavensake, they just blew up on each other! You meant well. You did a good thing. You tried. I hope you're laughing too. 3
joseb Posted July 25, 2016 Posted July 25, 2016 Problem with texting and online communication is that things like humour and sarcasm often get lost in translation. If she said the same thing in person with a grin then he might have not minded at all. Tell them both to just start with a blank slate and meet up. If they still argue in person well then forget about your match making career 2
jen1447 Posted July 25, 2016 Posted July 25, 2016 Um what made you think these two would match well again?
Author AMJ Posted July 25, 2016 Author Posted July 25, 2016 Well, he always goes for younger women but gets frustrated because they don't really take him seriously. She's young at heart, really playful, loads of fun, outgoing, likes to joke a lot. He wants someone independent who has their act together, and that describes her perfectly- she has her own apartment, a great job, is planning a solo trip to Bali this summer. They both have common interests, and are compatible politically, neither are religious. Aside from being really opinionated about bars (?) they are pretty laid-back and down to earth. She mentioned being frustrated with men who never want to grow up and he's pretty traditional. They both really value their families and have good relationships with their family. He's really freaked out by emotional women or unstable women and she's pretty centered in that sense. Plus they said they were attracted to each other's photos I kinda thought they'd eventually have some friction like this but figured it would be a good, healthy chemistry/banter. And if they had just met in person it probably would have been. He just tends to come off like a jerk in text sometimes because he gets all carried away and goes on these long rants. I totally thought I was earning some good karma but instead I may have given myself seven years of bad luck or something.
mortensorchid Posted July 25, 2016 Posted July 25, 2016 Well I guess we have all learned a certain lesson here : High school never ends.
Author AMJ Posted July 25, 2016 Author Posted July 25, 2016 Well I guess we have all learned a certain lesson here : High school never ends. Well, it's more like everyone judges everyone else about what part of the city or, like in this story, bars you hang out at. Don't even get me started on the guy I dated who kept a detailed spreadsheet and rating system of restaurants. Nothing was ever good enough for him and we could only eat at the best of the best places that had already been vetted by his friends.
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