He cheated, we broke up, and I'm still obsessing over THEM being together?

[Carey34]

I've been feeling as bad this week as I did the night I found her car at his house, 6 weeks ago.

 

When we broke up after I caught him, he told me his feelings for me were completely gone.

 

I was shocked to say the least. More than anything, we were best friends. We always told each other that no matter what happens, we would be friends. I've been taking this very hard, to say the least.

 

However, I can't stop looking at his new girlfriend's social media accounts. He doesn't have any; thank goodness. I think that's what is really setting me back.

 

It also doesn't help that her car has been imprinted in my brain. It's a very popular car, and I see it (not specially hers) every single day. It eats at me, and brings back flashbacks. I just want all of this to go away.

 

He works in the same town as me, and I've passed him twice.

 

I try to force myself to stop looking at social media, but I always fail. I think if I completely avoid it, I would feel SO much better. But, how do I?

 

I've been taking longer routes to work, so I know I 100% won't see his car, but it's tiring.

 

When will this go away? My friends keep talking me into going out on dates, but that makes me sick to my stomach even thinking about that.

 

This may sound childish, but I try to tell myself that I am a better person than this woman and my ex. I could never cheat no matter how bad it was, and I could never sleep with someone who was in a serious relationship. She was aware of me.

 

The longer time goes by, the more I feel like the cheating was justified because he met someone who obviously makes him happy and isn't a rebound.

Edited July 25, 2016 by Carey34

[LostOnes05]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I know it's tough. Just like you, I would never cheat on someone or aid someone in cheating. Don't beat yourself up too much. Crappy people are crappy. The thing is six weeks is nothing. If anything they are in their honeymoon stage and enjoying their time together. The problem comes when that wears off and they actually have to deal with each other's problems and insecurities. How can someone trust another who was willing to cheat with them? That issue will certainly rear it's ugly head at some point. Since both parties are prone to cheating, they will always have that in the back of their minds.

 

Take your time to heal and move on from these feelings before diving into another relationship. You will be fine. Just don't let him come back when that ultimately fizzles out.

[Satu]

snip

I try to force myself to stop looking at social media, but I always fail. *I think if I completely avoid it, I would feel SO much better. But,*how do I?

 

*You do it by applying willpower and self discipline.

 

There's no easy way of doing it, but it does get easier as time passes.

 

 

Take care.

Edited July 25, 2016 by Satu

[Sunkissedpatio]

I know how you feel Carrie! With all due respect, getting over betrayal and deception is very hard and you can have all the willpower and self discipline in the world and you still can't control the feelings that will arise and the never ending questions and playing back the relationship and questioning every thing that now takes on a different meaning.

 

You can quash those feelings for a while and move past the moment but they will come back to haunt you over and over and over again until you exhaust all possible answers in your head. Then you feel you are finally moving on and something will remind you and you will fall back again.

 

Unfortunately, the only answer is time and acceptance. Not just acceptance of what has happened and the end but acceptance that you will fall back. How long it will take each individual is personal and unique. If talking about it and ruminating for a bit is what you need then do it. Personally I allow myself time to ruminate then I pick myself out of it and move on.

Edited July 26, 2016 by Sunkissedpatio

[feelsobullied]

It's so funny when we tell ourselves we can't get over someone, but clearly we aren't meant to be with them so it wasn't meant to be. It's funny because it's psychological. It's you holding the love and your love really has nothing to do with how much love he gives to this girl he is with. Your torturing yourself and not enabling yourself enough credit to know that you truly will find it to .. That is if you work on yourself because no one is going to want to date "nothing" so make yourself better competition and attract men worthy. You can't attract a quality man unless you are a quality women and quality men want strong women. I was riding my bike the other day and struggled up a hill when an attractive man got out and helped me switch my gear to the correct one and I thought wow .. My ex would be telling me I was a looser for riding a bike in the first place. Work hard and move on to better. It's out there and tell yourself you will find 10 times better then him 5 more times in your life. Lonely nights will happen, we are all human. But those nights you need to put faith that it will happen when the time is right ..