thats_so_not_cool Posted July 24, 2016 Posted July 24, 2016 i've been dating my boyfriend for about 9 months. i think it's important to preface that before we began dating, we were neighbors and our relationship did not begin until i moved away for work reasons. our relationship progressed very quickly, and he ended up moving states to where i had relocated for work. things were great at first. i felt very emotionally connected to him and very much in love. soon after we moved in together, things quickly deteriorated. prior to him moving in, there were discussions of him going to school here, us working out together and all of the different activities we would try. none of that ever came to fruition. without work to keep him busy, he got into a routine of staying up late, playing video games, never working out and eating poorly. fast forward to 9 months down the road and our relationship is in shambles. he says he cares about me and wants to be in a relationship with me, but his actions show the compete opposite. we haven't had sex in months, he barely talks to me (is always on his phone instead), or is playing video games. the only time he ever goes out is if i suggest something and plan it myself. i feel like i've had enough. i don't want a sexless relationship where the guy never even speaks to me. he does nothing to make me feel special - i can't remember the last time he said i love you. in 9 months he has never gone out of his way to suggest going on a romantic dinner or asking me if there's something i'd like to do. i'm starting to think the only reason he's still with me is because he sold his car to move here and now he feels like he has no where to go. i don't know what to do, because i really thought this was the guy, but things have taken such a sour turn that i'm almost certain there's no remedying this. has anyone been in a similar situation? and if so, were you able to fix this? if not, how did you end it? 1
smackie9 Posted July 24, 2016 Posted July 24, 2016 You are right, you are just there to pay the bills. Calmly tell him it's over and that he has a few weeks to locate a roommate (a real one) while you are looking for a place of your own. There is no way to fix this but to get the hell out. 2
smackie9 Posted July 24, 2016 Posted July 24, 2016 Tip: don't live with someone until you go through the four seasons of a relationship, when the honeymoon phase is over (about a year). That should be enough time to see what they are really like. If they start to suck, then it is way easier to walk away. 2
Gaeta Posted July 24, 2016 Posted July 24, 2016 I am sorry sweetie it turned out this way. There is nothing you can do to fix this. A relationship needs to be nourished by 2 people to evolve and grow. Any effort you'd put in would be in vain without his equal efforts. You need to split, he is only using you for convenience. When a man stops having sex with you it's because he does not love you anymore. If it's your apartment than give him 15 days to find a room some place else. Good luck with everything 2
ExpatInItaly Posted July 24, 2016 Posted July 24, 2016 Your relationship is as good as over. Tell him he needs to find a new place to live. This should come as no shock to him, though he probably won't like it. He's going to have to start acting like an adult and making his own way, and he sounds like a big fat man-child. You will be relieved when he's gone. 3
Bialy Posted July 24, 2016 Posted July 24, 2016 So sorry you are dealing with this! He's using you for a place to live. Get him out. You guys aren't even having sex anymore -- I'm willing to bet he's self-loathing and feels inadequate, so he's resorting to masturbation. Get him out! Gain your space back. 1
Author thats_so_not_cool Posted July 24, 2016 Author Posted July 24, 2016 Thanks. He started packing his things :/ 2
Satu Posted July 24, 2016 Posted July 24, 2016 Reach over and pull on the ejection seat release behind his head. Take care. 1
Bialy Posted July 25, 2016 Posted July 25, 2016 Thanks. He started packing his things :/ Good! Huge weight lifted. 1
Dis Posted July 25, 2016 Posted July 25, 2016 Hey hun...I'm sorry about your break up but this guy sounds like dead weight. Its awful when men give up on relationships...of course women do too. I've been in 2 LTR where my ex's stopped caring. Its so sad because theres really nothing you can do. A relationship requires effort from both parties...we cant pick up the slack for our bf's nor should we. I'm sorry you're going through this hun. But I bet you'l feel alot better without him. I responded to you in the 30 and done with dating thread but I'll copy paste my reply here as I kinda highjacked that guys thread I actually checked out your previous threads and you've really been through the ringer hun. I've been cheated on too. But I have to say you sound like a really strong woman...you know what you deserve and wont settle for less...good for you. In regards to age I'm 30...single and no kids...currently taking a break from dating...a much needed one...I feel my clock ticking though...My mom is an APRN...a wonderful one at that....graduated with honors from Yale. She says many women can have children into their early 40's....her friend did at 42. So pls dont believe what alot of people say about age and pregnancy. Yes after 35 fertility decreases but theres still a good chance you can have kids well after 35. Really...talk to your OBGYN about it. Sorry for the redundancy lol Best of luck to you hun! 2
Dis Posted July 25, 2016 Posted July 25, 2016 Also want to note you sound similar to me when it comes to break ups...when you're done...you're 100% done and done quick. Thats the way to be 1
Author thats_so_not_cool Posted July 25, 2016 Author Posted July 25, 2016 Thanks for the input. I'm actually pretty tolerant and I give a lot of opportunity for change, but sometimes you just reach a boiling point. Also, it eventually reaches a point where being in a toxic relationship just gives you anxiety. That's kind of where I am right now and I don't need it. I also feel like all of the energy I invest in worrying over him and trying to make it right detracts from my work and working out. I just can't anymore. I also suggested couples counseling (because my work offers it for free) and he just blatantly laughed at me. Oh well 2
Dis Posted July 25, 2016 Posted July 25, 2016 Thanks for the input. I'm actually pretty tolerant and I give a lot of opportunity for change, but sometimes you just reach a boiling point. Also, it eventually reaches a point where being in a toxic relationship just gives you anxiety. That's kind of where I am right now and I don't need it. I also feel like all of the energy I invest in worrying over him and trying to make it right detracts from my work and working out. I just can't anymore. I also suggested couples counseling (because my work offers it for free) and he just blatantly laughed at me. Oh well Mmmm...yup he has one foot out the door. My ex was the same. But when I finally had the nerve to break up with him he cried like a baby....funny how guys do that...act like they dont care..but when your foot is out the door its another story. I understand what you mean about the boiling point. I stay until that point too. Then I'm done and I dont look back. When is he going to be 100% moved out? Hopefully he wont drag it out 1
Recommended Posts