2 year relationship ended badly

[howen97]

So i met my ex in April of 2014 and for some time we were amazing, i was 17 and her 15 and to me she was everything....

 

After about half a year we started to have a lot of arguments and at first for some time suggested we each speak and listen to each other in turns. She was diagonised with Asperges and told me to begin with sometimes she struggles to identify with how people feel or she thinks differently, i understood this.

 

Arguements went on and on...near valentines day she shouted at me continuously even though i had tried my best for her, after she had finished she got upset but because i had taken so much i walked off.

 

Now this next part i hate myself a great deal for, i never have physically done anything with another women while with her but i decided to chat to women online etc... during the 2 years it happened 4 times at least Every time she forgave me and i told her. November she visited me at uni and we had an amazing time then in January i made the same mistake again..

 

Again she forgave me, i got her a promise ring and since January had tried making it up to her, the distance didnt help but i did all i could.

 

While some of my actions were completely wrong and i never thought id do that to anyone she on several occasions acted out of order...i had to get a train all the way down to see her to save my relationship because i was stood next to a girl i had a crush on at some point, i know why she had trust issues but i was different at this point.

 

Point is loads of stuff happened that we both could have handled differently...

April of this year she dumped me for being too clingy, then found out she had arranged a date with someone else. Found out when i came home she had canceled i took her out and she said she still loves me but needed time to process everything. I went back to uni but at this point i became obbsessive and intense because i was so worried of losing her.... speaking to her mum to calm me down even though it didnt help.

 

Went to cannes and while there found out from her mum she loved me but could only be with me if i was closer to home and switched unis...i face timed her that night and she told me she still loved me and when i got home we would spend time togehter throughout the summer...i burst out in tears of happiness. Got home for a week we went out and it was amazing at first...but she prolonged doing anything physical with me and then after said she wants to experience another guy I kept asking her if she was sure she wanted me and she said she wanted to make it work...

 

I then recieved a message asking me if i wanted to move in with her at some point over the summer...me reading this i was over the moon and was planning on taking her away...next day she dumped me as she wasnt sure anymore

 

I tried leaving it but i made the mistake of walking into their house as i was so used to it and wanting to talk to her , then ended up speaking to her mum secretly because her mum said she still loves me but is testing me etc her mum said she was doing it for her daughters benefit but in the end it drove me insane with worry...i hated talking about my ex without her knowing but yea...

 

i was invited out shopping with both of them and ended up getting upset as my ex was trying on amazing clothes but one minute flirting then having a go at me.

 

After that i asked her about us being confident due to what he mum had been telling me...she said she had no plans to be with me again, her mum then told me i had ruined all chances because i had brought it up... my ex then told me i wasnt ready to be friends with her and blocked me because of me talking to her mum...

 

I sent her a few messages over a couple of days then left it a week between messages :/ she then told me she never wants to hear from me ever again what dont i get... i broke down so hard.

 

Was doing no contact for 3 weeks nearly and bumped into her in the street...i tried being confident but my emotions came out again and i asked if we could be friends at some point...she said no i begged her to think about it and she said okay....i sent an email the next day saying thank you and ill give you plenty of time...

 

Sorry for the long message everyone but you might as well know the whole thing...i miss her so much and i feel like im thinking straight again now and i can't believe i wasn't 100 percent faithful i hate myself for it and think what if i hadn't done any of it ....she was my best friend and everything.

 

I dont know what to do

[ExpatInItaly]

I think it's pretty clear that she isn't ready for a relationship. And I would say that you aren't either.

 

That's not a shot at either of you, but her push-pull behaviour is toxic and indicates she doesn't want a serious relationship at this time. She likes to fantasize about the future, but she's what - 17, now? She's very young and has plenty of years of maturing ahead of her.

 

You going online and chatting with other women was not a mistake - it happened more than once. It's not as though you didn't know what you were doing. Obviously that eroded trust with your ex-girlfriend. I too would not be willing to open up to a guy to did that to me. What were you thinking doing that, OP? A committed boyfriend should not be chatting up other girls in that manner.

 

I understand that she was probably your first love. But I can virtually guarantee she won't be your last. You need to wipe your hands clean of this for a good long while. You have both hurt each other and healing won't begin until you really take time and space to yourself.

[howen97]

Thanks for the reply,

 

I appreciate the opinion and i do agree with you, i was very stupid doing what i did but i think both of us made mistakes. She didn't break it off with me though because of those things i dont even know why she did maybe it was a combination of things....

 

At this point i just want to talk with her to discuss things nothing more.

 

I never imagined myself doing what i did and i still dont understand why i did it, i am hating myself because of the whole thing and i dont know what to do

[hawks1988]

Neither of you are ready for a relationship. I'm in the same boat trust me. I'm finding it harder and harder to be with my new GF now after what happened with my ex of four years.