Ex girlfriend ended things after 2 years out of the blue

[WELLINGTON14]

WOW its like you read her mind expat!

So she called whilst on her break at work, i proceeded to tell her that i have a shoot tomorrow i probably won't be back till 8, i told her we could maybe meet after(i knew she wouldn't want too but didn't want to leave it on that note) she said no i dont want too see you at night, we had day plans and shock you've backed out and not proved anything again same old you! she was really angry and said maybe ill see you in a few weeks!

Don't know where this puts me, feel like i ruined my chance not going to the meetup feel bad?

Thoughts??

[WELLINGTON14]

Hi guys just thought I'd post this, I never sent her this message in fact it's still in my drafts but reading it to myself actually gave me closure & helped me think about things from a new perspective, I honestly believe I found my one but unfortunately I just don't think she was ready to commit & be with me forever which I understand is hard for anyone to do, just wanted to share with you all the affect this girl had on me & any responses or opinions are welcome, it's kinda soppy but hey we're all here to share life experiences & maybe you might steal this for yourself lol! Well here goes!!!

 

Night as much as I think this could've worked out, I need to protect myself because I'm the only one getting hurt, agreeing and not valuing myself every time you text or say something I get caught up in it all again, I still loveyou but not as a friend as my world & girlfriend & I think you know that as well, as friends we don't work, there's still attraction there and we're gonna keep going round in circles you are gonna be in my life because I have no hate towards you at all I still care for you but what am I gonna gain right now from being there for you, hearing or seeing you get with other people? Hoping that being close we might get back together?

It hurts to walk away but I think it will push us away further if I don't walk now, I still wanna f*ck you & kiss you and cuddle you that's how I know I'm nowhere near over you & you don't love or care for me the same way as you used to, you don't even reply or bothered if I'm here or not, it's not your fault because I know you don't mean to give me hope but our connection makes it impossible not to think there is, in the future maybe a couple weeks we can sit down and talk about things & be normal but if I'm honest tomorrow was too soon for me, I don't care if you think I let you down I'm doing what's right for me & I can't keep pretending my feelings aren't there like yours, if you loved me like you said you did you'll be back in the future because we're meant to be but I understand you're not feeling us now & I'd rather you enjoy yourself because I want to settle with you not go out and break up again, I see a future with you & that's hard to find these days, just stay true to yourself and you're classiness because that's the thing I admire you most for & if I'm not the one at least we had a good time together & wont forget me I don't want to be just another ex I want to be the ex!

I wanted to send you a picture because I know you think I wasn't emotionally as loving as you in the relationship but guys show it different & my emotions were all over, I adored you the picture was of the first time I came to you're house to meet you and pick you up I remember how nervous I was & I thought she's got to be my girl we clicked straight away even tho I was in dickhead mode but hey who likes the nice guy?

Anyway just wanted to show that all those memories meant something and I never deleted them, brings a tear to my eye thinking you're gonna be someone else's when you're the only person I'd give it all up for and did do, ditched America for the second time because I couldn't go through that again, 6 months of counting down to see you I don't know what's worse not being able to see you and being on the other side of the world & be so in love that I wanted to cuddle you, or now knowing we might never get back together and you'll find someone else that makes you happier than me, hardest thing but I have too not think about it, you're my first love & it's probably nothing for you because you've had two previous loves but you mean a lot & I won't forget you, everytime I look at the dog I see you cuddling him, everytime I watch a film I think of how we used to lay in bed watching them, everytime I lay in bed at night I think about who's cuddling you whilst I'm wallside where you always wanted to be, everytime I go out I think wow I wish we could have that night on your (bestfriends) birthday & the other night in the club all over again every week, My boy said he'd never seen two people look so in love and happy & he said you looked at me like I was the world, I know that look so well everytime we were together id catch you staring at me & I never understood how someone could love me like you did, you helped me through so much and I am happy now like not depressing and down anymore, I'll forever love you for supporting me I know I was difficult, but you made everything better just making me laugh and kissing me, I'd do anything to have all this back but I know you're done you checked out months ago, and ironically I've started getting money which was all I ever wanted was too do things with you as much as you think it's all words, I felt like **** that you had to pay for things that's why I had too much pride and wouldn't let you & I regret that because we missed out on so many more memories!

I think we're always gonna have this thing underlying because if I ever see you I know you'll smile and I'll smile back and it will just be normal us, that's what's weird so intense how we felt about each other & i think honestly that's why you can't see me because you know it's hard to resist touching or cuddling & that's why I think we'll always have something but you need to explore what's out there, maybe you don't want commitment and really do want to be free & I can't argue with that you're so strong and I'm proud of everything you've done because I know you don't have that support system and you've built everything yourself & have been so independent that's what turns me on about you lol but I know what I want, I'm done with going out every weekend masking the emotions and pain I feel about us if anything it makes it worse because all I can think about is you when I'm out, all I wanna do is text you! I'm fed up of all the same people same faces everyone in everyone's business & I checked out a long time ago with the bull**** and fake people, I'm not a slime that wants to sleep with loads of girls doesn't interest me I have more respect for myself than that, I want someone that is on that wavelength, classy wants to be more than another face, build a future and get out of our city because not many people have that ambition and are in set ways, now I'm not saying I'm waiting on you because you don't want that & you might not care what happens to me, but I'll make this promise to you, there is no one I would give it all up for than for you, if It takes 3 years when you've finished partying I'll be here, I know you're the one I know it & I don't think you'll realise it or think I'm wrong or laugh at all this and cringe but I'm gonna go now, just know no one will have what we have & how much I care about you, just don't get hurt by someone else or used you're better than that, I'll see you soon, but I'm gone now

(P.S you know I like space lol, so I'll leave you with this thing I've been reading about, it's not impossible that there's other universes in space, ones that we can't even comprehend or think about, not even just 1 there's proof that there's maybe even millions, where every person has a different story in each universe, one where me and you have never even met, one where we have only just met, one where we hate each other, one where we still love each other & this one where neither of us knows what the future holds for us two & is still being written, just make sure everytime you look up at the stars from now on, you think about that and me & smile at perhaps in another universe I'm staring back at you, my first and last) A&F F&A

[ExpatInItaly]

WOW its like you read her mind expat!

So she called whilst on her break at work, i proceeded to tell her that i have a shoot tomorrow i probably won't be back till 8, i told her we could maybe meet after(i knew she wouldn't want too but didn't want to leave it on that note) she said no i dont want too see you at night, we had day plans and shock you've backed out and not proved anything again same old you! she was really angry and said maybe ill see you in a few weeks!

Don't know where this puts me, feel like i ruined my chance not going to the meetup feel bad?

Thoughts??

 

My honest thoughts?

 

She has plans with someone else that night, and thus can't meet you. But she's turning it around on you to make you look like the bad guy.

 

You can continue playing her game or you can take yourself out of the match for a while and let yourself heal.

[ExpatInItaly]

This letter, while lovely in sentiment, is not going to help. Keep it as a type of "journal entry" but don't send it.

Edited August 2, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Bertdaddy718]

A year ago, I was dumped by someone I truly loved. I was with her from ages 19-24, and the randomly got up and left me after five years. Two months later, I found the woman I thought who was the love of my life. We broke up 3 days ago, and I'm a mess. She filled that void, and expanded on it.

 

 

You will be okay. I know it doens't seem easy to think about now, but you WILL find someone else who's better. Hang in there buddy, I'm going through this now. I PROMISE you will be okay, just stay tough!

[WELLINGTON14]

Hi guys just thought I'd keep you updated, I know a lot of people disappear after they've gotten answers, but feel like I'd be leaving on a cliffhanger if I didn't stay active and show gratitude for your advice!

Basically haven't spoken since Monday night & I have been very busy travelling for my modelling and really starting to focus on my career, really feel like a big part of me is missing though not because I'm dependent on my ex, but just because whenever we had something exciting or were doing things we'd always be so supportive and intrigued about it all, I set off at 6am this morning & have only just got back at 8pm, 14 hours alone lol I really want that partner to share my success and experiences with & maybe she is out there even though I'm still hung up on my ex.

I'm not going to lie it's easier there's no urge to text or contact her more just disappointment she hasn't initiated contact after being such a fast replier & would get mad if I didn't respond straight away lol, sounds silly but that's the only thing I think of just sad that someone can do a full 180 on you like that.

Apart from that at some point she will move on as much as she says she doesn't want a relationship & I honestly believe it from what I hear at some point she will & at the point she'll have chosen someone over me and at that point there's no return, thanks for all your responses and help & I think there is 0% chance I'll hear from her again especially on all the terms I want but I really am thankful I've had people to vent too as males don't really talk to there friends and don't have that support & im quite a strong person so I hold everything in, unfortunately the one person I opened up too had stamped on my heart, but we focus on bettering ourselves and moving on maybe not now but in a year I might have found the one haha.

I hope she realises the grass really isn't greener, unfortunately I'm so done with proving and trying that I also checked out on our relationship & my time is precious...

[ExpatInItaly]

You're right, your time is precious.

 

Break-ups are always hard and the grieving process always sucks. But thankfully, most of us come out on the other side wiser and stronger in character.

 

It's normal to feel that absence but take it from an older woman who's been through it a few times - it does get easier. You will feel better. Most of us are not still with our first loves today, and that's not a bad thing. We learn something (hopefully!) from every relationship we have.

 

Partners who were great for us at one point in our life are not necessarily the ones we remain with forever. At your age, you will grow and change so much in your twenties you will be amazed at who you become in 10 years, 15 years. The first long-term boyfriend I had (from age 18-23) was a lovely guy but looking back now, most certainly was not the one I was meant to be with. You will very likely feel the same at some point in the not-so-distant future.

[WELLINGTON14]

The numbers these days aren't very promising in terms of divorce rates etc, so i know i am naive to think i found the ONE, just saying it sounds ridiculous but i think in general im a very caring person and hate to have negativity in my life & just knowing you can't have that person in your life because it hurts me & messes with my emotions is crazy i never thought id be in this situation & before i met her i was adamant i would be single, because I've seen breakups first hand & it just gets messy.

I guess im an old romantic though and when i get into a relationship i do it because i could be with that person forever and see that person as mine and myself as hers, no need for a wandering eye dont be in a relationship if you want other people, because otherwise whats the point.

I just feel my generation in particular dont grasp how things affect them later down the line & its getting more unlikely relationships last, having kids or marriage doesn't generally mean you're tied down nowadays either, people change their mind like the wind, this whole process has opened my eyes though to the fact that until i have my career and life goals in order and on track, i will not be entertaining a serious relationship, single no answering to anybody and no more unnecessary pain until someone matches the love i am willing to give and then some just for added security!!

Crazy world & Expat i really hope you can laugh with me in time when its all said and done thank you!!

[WELLINGTON14]

Hey just a quick update i haven't spoken to my ex, i have deleted my social media accounts & just kept instagram as it a necessity for my job but it is open, kind of weird because my ex can see what im doing whereas her profile is on private, just wondering if i should leave things as they are or block her so she doesn't get to see what im doing, im not very petty so i haven't deleted or blocked her on anything before but just wondering if i should kind of signal thats it you no longer get to see or be part of my life? just a though?

Anyway yeah so i haven't spoken to her since monday night, i told her basically that i do love her & thats why i can't be friends with her, maybe in the future but right now it wouldn't be fair on me because id be wanting more & theres still attraction from both sides, i'm not saying im waiting for you & i want you to enjoy yourself but im only interested in a relationship and you know where i am if you decide you want the same, good luck x

I didn't expect a reply and i haven't got one lol & i won't initiate contact from now on, i know a lot of you said its done but i feel like she was texting me thinking id accepted friendship and thats not what i want, my girl cousin just split up with her boyfriend & she said you need to make it clear what you want, and then walk away and never look back.

She said your ex might realise when she's had her freedom, wow i miss him I've not been without him for more than a week & she may or may not come back but also you might not be there to go back too when she looks back in fact you may have won the race and moved on with someone that values you, my cousin read my final text that i didn't send & she said if a guy sent her that she would literally cry & she doesn't deserve me treating me like im nothing after 2 years.

I feel confident about myself and have been talking to a few old flames just to build back that game, i dont want anything serious and im definitely not sleeping round just because its too fresh and i dont want to hurt and string someone along, now obviously I've felt what that can do too a person, just nice to know people are interested in me & im getting over this slowly but surely.

[VeveCakes]

Don't bother with the old flames, they are in the past for a reason.

 

Start new...

[WELLINGTON14]

Quick update guys, unwillingly broke NC last night at 3am I received a call off a private number it turned out it was my ex, she said she wanted to come over obviously I said I don't think that's a good idea, she then preceded to ask if I wanted to meet next Monday, I said I don't know what I'm doing but to text me closer to the time & that I had to go & to enjoy you're day.

It seems whenever I'm getting over her she will chuck me a crumb, I'm not interested in it anymore I've adjusted to not having her in my life & seeing her in general & I don't have her on any social media, don't understand what her game is one minute she's cold and doesn't reply to my message about not wanting to be friends and let me know if you want anything else & then a week later she wants to meet up again, dunno guys I still love her but I don't think it's worth meeting her and if I do what will it achieve? I would have her back but I just don't like this person she has become so I don't know if I actually do & I followed the rules don't initiate contact till she does & I will be implementing it again forever! If she wants to get back just tell me it's really tiring, obviously she's not having much luck finding anything better but I'm not a second choice to anyone & I feel like she's trying to keep me in her life & she is really confused & im just being a bitch and communicating with her even tho she called me on a private number she's clever and knew I'd answer! Broke my NC!!

Meet her Monday and tell her to her face that I'm done with it all or just don't reply at all?

Let me know guys thanks

[ExpatInItaly]

Ok, OP, you won't like this and I am sure you will disagree, but as a woman who was once a young girl behaving somewhat like she is now, here is what I think is going on:

 

She is seeing another guy but it's not a sure thing yet. So when he's around, she's cold to you because she doesn't want you interfering. When he's not or when she's feeling insecure about him, she booty-calls you. (And yes, that is why she called you at 3am)

 

Stop being her security blanket. She doesn't really miss you or value you at this point because she knows you'll respond. Don't reply to her anymore. You'll never move on like this and it will only hurt more when she does finally starting dating this other guy (or a different one) regularly and you're cast aside completely.

[WELLINGTON14]

Yeah im obviously keeping NC and im not on social media atm, finding it easier each day and have been speaking to someone else casually which removes that boredom which i find can really help if anyone else is in this situation, obviously i dont hate my ex but just feel like she has made a mistake, thats not me saying im gods gift as ill explain.

Basically she has been in relationships since 15-19 so obviously as I've heard from mutual friends she isn't interested, speaking or seeing any guys at all in fact she's avoiding them, i wasn't shocked to hear this because i know this girl so well & thats why i know coldness is her way of dealing with things because she's very alone family and friends wise which is sad, but honestly i was her bestfriend and she chose to ruin that, i honestly believe she just needs to get a feel for the single life as in actually going out and letting her hair down instead of working.

But she has tried to keep me as a friend which i can't do unfortunately i do want her back but its not a risk im willing to take to be heartbroken again if she decides she does want to date. thanks for you're help and yeah a weird one i just wish her the best but she is no longer my responsibility

[WELLINGTON14]

Hi guys just a quick update on my situation so since my last post on the 9th august, i have been following NC im going to be honest and say that it hasn't been easy i mean im in a bad place career wise as i am unsure what to do, i go to the gym and sleep all day, i have done a few online tests and research and all im getting back as that i have depression, i am one of those people that usually wouldn't let myself fall into things like that so i have been running etc just to keep my mind at bay, but the more days pass i think wow what does my future hold!

 

On top of this i am still hurting from my relationship, i dont feel the need to reach out anymore but theres a cycle going on which leaves me feeling such hatred towards her, because i know i wont have those feelings and type of relationship again for a long while & it disappoints me because she was part of the family we took her in & she d*cked all over my mum and dad didn't even say thank you for all they did, i know im moving on but im sure everyone has a day like this and then the other 6 days you probably dont even think about that person, just hurts my mum still mentions her name and it brings it all back.

 

I think the hardest part is knowing that i didn't do anything wrong, it wasn't a bad breakup but it feels like im the only one thats suffering, i see things on social media and decided to delete everything because every party or club event she seems to be there, on other girls feeds that i know of, its just really frustrating I've stopped going clubbing 1) because i got that out my system a long time ago and its become boring & 2) because i dont know what id do if i saw her, do i say hello, ignore her, what if she's with some guy.

 

I think mainly because i do still love her, but the old her, she's turned into something i dont find attractive in girls, like the party animal kind of girl & the last phone call we had she was saying how happy she is and saying how she loves to drink now, but that she only loves me as a friend, i said i had to go and put the phone down & text her after saying i can't be friends with you, i still have hope for us but i think what you said, you made it clear you dont want to get back together & i love you as my girlfriend & thats the only relationship i want with you, if you change you're mind let me know, thanks for the memories x. she never replied and we haven't been in contact for 3 weeks now.

 

Dissapointed yes because i never thought id be here hurting over someone im usually very cold and if someone doesn't want to be in my life i wash my hands and let it be, but this situation this girl was everything to me & the thought of her even talking to someone else puts the nail in the coffin i could never take her back & obviously deep down i hope she realises what we had, but i dont have hope anymore this is why im writing this NC is the way to go like people say if she contacts you and wants it too work listen but anything less than that dont entertain, i think i worsened my situation by believing she was the person i fell in love with and giving her the benefit of the doubt when she reached out.

 

I deserve more than a party girl that has disrespected not only me but my family & hasn't even blinked just a normal day at the office for her, wish we could hit reset on our memories, people say that might be harsh but when she needed me i was there and helped her, in my time of need she multiplied my pain and left me, i dont even want to leave the house through embarrassment, im lonely and noone knows the problems im having i daren't tell my parents because i feel ridiculous, just wish i could tell my ex how she made me feel but it would probably give her an ego trip and id have to break NC, because i was so calm about the breakup and fought for her respectfully without pressuring her and she doesn't even give me the time of day because she's got what she wanted and is happy, at the same time i dont want her to reach out with breadcrumbs, such a limbo state of mind & i think its the mixture of my emotions outside of the breakup all entwining, really getting on top of me at the minute, sorry for the lengthiness, but this is my therapy feels better to write it down and vent otherwise id just scream!!

[VeveCakes]

Dont tell her ....she doesnt care. Your parents and family do care though, you should try and talk to them. You need to surround yourself with support right now. Even if it does make you feel uncomfortable at first...push through that. Time to get your life on track and have a fresh start.

[ExpatInItaly]

Good for you for staying No Contact, OP. That is a big step!

 

Believe me when I say that we can all sympathize with you. Nearly every single one of us has been where you are, at some point in our lives. So you're in good company here!

 

What you're describing is unfortunately fairly typical in a break-up. One party is hurting terribly while the other seems to be doing just fine. We feel unappreciated, unwanted and dismissed when we are the dumpees. Most of us never get the "thanks for all the memories" that we hope to hear - but you know what? It's sometimes better not to hear it. Those words can be a lot more painful to listen to than we think.

 

So my advice is do not reach out to her. It won't help a darn thing. It won't change her mind and it won't help you feel any better in the end.

[Miss Peach]

I can assure you this wasn't out of the blue, for her. She'd probably been thinking about ending it for a little while, even if she didn't let on. You mentioned you two were arguing a lot. Even though you were making up, that much conflict takes a toll and can really damage a connection. What sorts of things were you arguing about?

 

Totally agree with this. IME I tend to bring it up but the guy ignores it or doesn't take it seriously. I don't want to nag or change a guy but if he can't make me feel better, then I will probably lose my desire to be with him and move on eventually.

 

I know I'm here right now. I've brought up something twice now to my BF and he says he's doing what I don't want 'for the relationship' even though I keep telling him I don't like it. I know he's mixing up some reaction from a previous woman onto me but I haven't been able to get through to him yet. I know if I just end it it will seem out of the blue to him even though on my side I've been complaining about some of these things for months. It's hurting my feelings for him. The reason I bring this up is I really doubt it was all of a sudden for her.

 

I would google Gottman or read one of his books. He spent decades researching couples in a lab and has a great formula to predict divorce. He basically says that how couple handle these situations (arguments, bids for support, etc.) are the key ways that determine whether couples stay together or split.

 

i must say she is a very loyal GF and neither of us cheated so very surprised about this whole situation.

will no contact work we've spoken everyday for 2 years, she insisted on morning and night messages and now it seems she doesn't care if she never got one off me again, she is a stubborn person so makes it harder to cut contact because she's too proud to text first, really want to call her but im fighting the urge, miss talking to her and hearing her laugh!

 

No contact is for you. It's harder to heal when you're still tied together. It's like an addiction. You need to cut yourself off from it before you can get better. That's really the point of NC. Any reasonable person would understand wanting to take some time off to heal.

 

I'm not saying you can't be friends later but IMO it doesn't work right off the back. You need some time apart to grieve first. When you get to the point of being apathetic then you could theoretically handle contact again.

[WELLINGTON14]

Hi everyone on this forum that helped me through a tough time in my life it was a rocky one for sure, hope you are all good and thanks for replying and making me see sense 2 years ago, hope your all happy and in love and i have remained single ever since my posts on here, yes i spoke to my ex once for the first time last month after 2 years nc, she sent me a gift i said thanks, no animosity hope your okay and i forgive you.

Honestly can't thank everyone in this forum enough, you really do get over these things you learn to grow and see what you really want, and for me life is too short too hold grudges but at the same time i'm moving on and never looking back, promise me people you will forget the past and soldier on, it works!!

And i'll be back one day when i've found that special someone but for now carpe diem!!!!!