seekinganswers123 Posted July 24, 2016 Posted July 24, 2016 To my surprise, I find myself thinking more about getting back together with my girlfriend after rebound sex. My purpose is not to hash out whether rebound sex is a good idea. Instead, I am trying to decide whether I belong with my ex. I recently had a night of incredibly passionate sex with someone I was on a first date with. Although, to my surprise, I had met someone who is wonderful, arguably as attractive as my ex, and perhaps a good deal more passionate in bed, I found myself missing my ex very much the morning after. I am weighing the pros and cons of whether to get back together with her. Pros: She loves me more than any woman has ever loved me She is funny She is gorgeous I love who she is as a person She would be a great mom She probably knows the secret to happiness Cons: Lack of deep conversation I love her, but am not in love with her I was not 100% satisfied with our sex life (but I rarely am this far into a relationship) Why we broke up: I was with my ex-girlfriend for almost three years. This was my second longest relationship (the longest was my ex-wife). For a long time, a civil war brewed inside me over whether I wanted to marry my girlfriend or go back to the single life. There were one or two times earlier in the relationship where I broke up with her because of this. Indeed, part of it was for her sake as, in her country, women are expected to get married while they are still in their 20's and have trouble finding a husband if they do not. My ex broke the stalemate when she broke up with me over a cultural difference (if you want to know what it is, I can get into it, but introducing it would be a major distraction and might lead people who didn't understand her culture to harshly or unfairly criticize her). She backed down and tried to get back together with me. However, I told her we should stay apart in spite of many attempts by her to get back together with me. Upon our breakup, I did feel liberated at the prospect of being a bachelor again. I would have some off days where I would feel deep sadness and would ask myself if I was making a gigantic mistake by allowing the best relationship I have ever had to end. Yet, the majority of the time I felt I had made the right decision Thank you in advance for any advice or help you can give.
elaine567 Posted July 24, 2016 Posted July 24, 2016 YOU are not in love with her, so leave her alone. YOU broke up with her for valid reasons, those reasons will come back to haunt you. OK you feel a bit sad just now, but that is no reason to rekindle a relationship that did not make you happy at the time. There will be other great girls, forget that one. I don't know what the cultural difference was that made her dump you, but if she had to back down to keep you, then I can see that being a source of resentment going forward. Desperate people may agree to anything, but in the cold light of day they start thinking with their head and not their heart. Stay away is my advice. 2
Sunnymae Posted July 24, 2016 Posted July 24, 2016 It sounds like she has a lot good qualities that you listed. But now you've been with someone else who you had great sex with, although you don't know all her qualities. It seems to me that you're not ready to settle down yet. Yes, your first girl seems to have the qualities you look for when looking for a long term relationship, but if you're not in love, and the sex is not as passionate as you would like it to be, then stop leading her on. You can say something along the lines like, you've thought about it and that she's a great person, but that you feel like you're not ready to settle down yet. Yes, she will probably be heart broken, but leading her on will be far worse than being honest.
elaine567 Posted July 24, 2016 Posted July 24, 2016 It sounds like she has a lot good qualities that you listed. But now you've been with someone else who you had great sex with, although you don't know all her qualities. It seems to me that you're not ready to settle down yet. Yes, your first girl seems to have the qualities you look for when looking for a long term relationship, but if you're not in love, and the sex is not as passionate as you would like it to be, then stop leading her on. You can say something along the lines like, you've thought about it and that she's a great person, but that you feel like you're not ready to settle down yet. Yes, she will probably be heart broken, but leading her on will be far worse than being honest. He has already broken up with her and he has already batted off any requests from her to get back with him, but now he thinks he may want her after all. BUT she may have already moved on. This forum is full of guys who after breaking up decided she is what they wanted after all, to find she got sick of waiting and moved on to another guy, or didn't want him back after all the trauma he put her through.
Author seekinganswers123 Posted July 24, 2016 Author Posted July 24, 2016 Thank you Elaine, for the advice and for clarifying part of my situation to the previous poster. However, I do have one correction. I did not break up with her. Instead, she broke up with me. As you correctly stated, I rejected her numerous attempts to get back together. Also, I think the word trauma is a little harsh. I did not beat her or cheat on her or anything such as that. Thanks for your advice though. It is helpful.
Author seekinganswers123 Posted July 24, 2016 Author Posted July 24, 2016 I am suspecting she is not over me because, when she moved out, she moved into another apartment in my building. When she comes over to pick up odds and ends she forgot to pack she is always dressed in her most beautiful clothes and is perfectly made up.
clam Posted July 24, 2016 Posted July 24, 2016 Well for starters, I would have her get the rest of her "odds and ends" out of your apartment. It's not doing either one of you any good to have her constantly popping over to retrieve items. It remains an excuse to have to see each other. Stay the course. You're not in love with her, the sex is mediocre; this does not bode well for a long-term future together.
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