TheGirl5 Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 I am a girl from middle east who got engaged to a guy. It was supposed to be an arranged marriage and after the engagement, me and my fiance were allowed to talk on phone. He works in europe. Everything was going great except that sometimes my fiance was a little skeptical about me. As time passed, we developed trust and shared our feelings of love for each other. He told me that he has fallen in love with me and that he wants to make babies with me. From the day one he was very supportive in my career development and asked me multiple time to peruse higher education to which I agreed happily. One day, out of nowhere, he said he doesn't want kids in his life because after having kids he won't be able to concentrate on his work. He is a workaholic. I completely rejected the idea saying that we can manage kids along with our careers. He was stubborn so I gave him a week to think over his decision. During that entire week, he was very cold towards me and didn't call me a single time. I kept texting him that no matter what decision he takes, I will stick by him. A week later when he called, he told me that he will only marry me if I agree to go for sterilization procedure as a contraceptive measure. I was shattered. How could he expect me to give up my femininity for the sake of his career. I snub him and out of anger I told him that I would agree to his condition if he agrees to pay me half of his wealth incase we split up after marriage. I know that was a lame and cynical demand of mine, but I never meant it. It was just out of anger. Anyway our conversation got heated up (yes I got rude) and he went offline for a week with no contact at all. A week later he wrote me a long text that we are breaking up and that he cannot put his 30 years of effort at stake. I apologized multiple times and said that I am okay with not having kids but we should not split up. We will sort out our problems together but he wasn't ready to discuss anything. I decided to give him some time and space so I went no contact for a week. A week later when I called him, he said he cannot marry me because we have different goals in life but we should stay friends. I tried to convince him very calmly but he didn't agree. At that time I thought that his mind is a little unstable about kids so I should wait, may be things will get better. But since I loved him, I decided not to leave him. Anyway, we kept talking for a week but he remained stubborn and said that he doesn't love me anymore (although a week before the breakup he promised me that he would never leave me no matter what and that he loves me from the core of his heart). During this one week of conversation, he told me that he got very hurt by my reaction and that he will never come back to me. He also mentioned that he met another girl at his workplace during the period he went offline and that he has fallen for that girl. He told me that that girl is amazing and that I wasn't sincere bla bla bla.... He said that the new girl has a very bright career and he loves her because of that and that I am lazy and I don't have any career goals (which is not true as I am a graduate of No. 1 ranked engineering University of my country and also I've been nominated and sponsored twice by my university to represent my country at international platforms). He says that the new girl has nothing to do with our breakup and she came into his life after he had decided to break up with me. He also mentioned that the breakup is all my fault and that I should regret it because I ruined our relationship with my own hands. And he kept praising her and I was much hurt so I reminded him of the promises that he made to me which pissed him off and he blocked me everywhere (phone, whatsapp, viber, facebook). He unblocked me 4 days later but I didn't text. And I never will. Also, in our last conversation he said that since I am from a troubled family, I don't have the courage to face the difficulties of life and that I am not hardworking and all I want in life is money. I don't think any of this is true because when I chose to marry him I had other options but I never considered his financial background. Moreover he is not rich. He is just an average guy in terms of finances but yes he has a bright career and he can make money. What bugs me now is that if someone claims to love you, is it possible for him to forget you so quickly? Was it really my fault? He could've discussed the problem with me but he didn't. Yes I was rude but his demand was not easy for me to absorb quickly. Had he given me some time and the liberty to make free decision, I would've chosen him over kids. Does every guy dumps his fiance if she gets rude with him for the first time? Was it because I failed to make him sure that I am a hard worker and that I am not after his money? Or is it because he has found another girl? Also, he has a 41 year old unmarried sister and in our community sometimes, men are made to marry girls in exchange with the girl's brothers getting married to that man's sisters (X marries Y's sister and Y marries X's sister) My fiance (ex) once told me that he has such offer. Now when I think about the past, sometimes I feel as if he has done all this for his sister so that she can get married. I don't know whats going on in his mind. Is he abnormal or something? he always sounded amazing to me. Ye he used to be a little cynical during our conversations but then everyone has some cons and nobody is perfect. When I read our previous chats, I sometimes feel that yes maybe it was my fault. I should've handled things more sensibly. :( those conversations sometimes make me think so low of myself. I want to get over him and I have decided never to reconcile with him because he doesn't deserve me but sometimes his past conversations make me feel like it was all my fault.
kristyxxbrickley24 Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 I would say if you want kids in the future and ur significant other is clearly stating that they never want kids in their life... MOVE ON. Not worth it. It should be an automatic deal breaker! Same for me.'was with this pos for 6 years and he told me he hated kids... I respected his opinion and said I'll see where the relationship goes.. 6 years goes by.. The relationship didn't get better, it got worse. There was lots of disrespect on both ends but he did the ultimate betrayal and I had to be done. Now I think about it.,,I see a few of my friends with kids, picnics, bdays.. I should've been like man, it's not too late but is it really worth it to start over again? I don't know. I'm getting too old. I don't know if I'll have the strength
ExpatInItaly Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 OP, you should never have to try to convince a man to marry you. You should also never compromise what you truly want (ie. children) to get a man to like you. You two are not a match, at all. And it is most certainly not all your fault that this engagement didn't last. He is trying to blame you so that he feels less guilty, and probably also so that he doesn't lose face in front of his family (as I assume they arranged this match) The bottom line is that he no longer wants to marry you, and has met someone else. This is probably a huge blessing in disguise, as he sounds quite arrogant and rude. 1
elaine567 Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 I have a feeling he decided he didn't want to marry you and made up a "dealbreaker" excuse to get rid of you. My guess is that Miss Perfect was waiting in the wings and was the real reason for your split. 2
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