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30 and finished with dating.

Redguitar35

By Redguitar35
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Redguitar35 Established Member

Redguitar35

Posted
Posted (edited)

I turned 30 this past week, which was also the week I decided to quit dating. I met a series of people who didn't have their stuff together, or were unbalanced, bad experiences that have just turned me off of dating forever. The last two girls I dated, one drank too much and was on antidepressants and another was dead broke and had deep emotional problems related to anger. At the same time, I'm feeling depressed that my dating life is over and ending on such a sour note. I had a goal to meet a someone special by 30, but I never did. :(

Edited by Redguitar35
bachdude Established Member

bachdude

Posted
Posted

It sounds like you are discouraged. I would suggest you keep and open mind. It is true there are a lot of people out there that have a lot of problems and issues but there really are people who have their act together as well. When you stop looking is often when the right person shows up.

  • Like 1
LostOnes05 Established Member

LostOnes05

Posted
Posted

I can commiserate with you Redguitar...I've dealt with the same things and now I'm done. I'm only going to focus on my achieving new goals and learning a few languages.

Rainah Established Member

Rainah

Posted
Posted

The right one will come along you just have to give it time, keep an open mind. Ive felt discourged a number of times too but the right one does come

  • Like 1
longjohn Established Member

longjohn

Posted
Posted
I turned 30 this past week, which was also the week I decided to quit dating. I met a series of people who didn't have their stuff together, or were unbalanced, bad experiences that have just turned me off of dating forever. The last two girls I dated, one drank too much and was on antidepressants and another was dead broke and had deep emotional problems related to anger. At the same time, I'm feeling depressed that my dating life is over and ending on such a sour note. I had a goal to meet a someone special by 30, but I never did. :(

 

Give it a bit of time you'll get back on the horse again. We've all male and female alike had bad dates. I almost gave up years ago when I met a nice professional lady on a dating website. Turned out she had a bf and claimed she just wanted to meet "friends" yet had herself listed as single? It's hard not to want to slap some of these people for lying to you and themselves but also wasting everyone's time with their stupid crazy $hite. However I've heard lots of horror stories from some female friends to know the crazy runs.. maybe gallops lol in both directions.

gorf Established Member

gorf

Posted
Posted

I agree you are discouraged. But you're only 30 dude. Setting a goal like that is kinda... ridiculous. I think setting a "by this age" goal when it comes to meeting someone is kinda setting yourself up for failure. It just brings stress and negativity that carries along into relationships and into your search for one. Lots of people are just getting started finding the special someone at 30. I know the last 2 sounded like they didn't go so well. But I stand by what I said.

  • Like 5
1RosePetal New Member

1RosePetal

Posted
Posted

Your dating life is not over. Who would blame you though with the way you have experienced things? But it's not a permanent feeling you have, it just feels that way.

 

Be gentle and good to yourself right now.

PogoStick Established Member

PogoStick

Posted
Posted

Are you crazy? I'm approaching 40 and I'm just getting started with dating :p How about taking a look at what has gone wrong, why, and what you can do to make it better?

  • Like 7
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Redguitar35 Established Member

Redguitar35

Posted
  • Author
Posted
It sounds like you are discouraged. I would suggest you keep and open mind. It is true there are a lot of people out there that have a lot of problems and issues but there really are people who have their act together as well. When you stop looking is often when the right person shows up.

 

That's a big part of it. I've met so many horrible people in dating, I've really stopped believing there's any good ones out there. If there are, I haven't met them. The idea of meeting someone new sounds aweful to me at this point.

  • Like 1
Dis Established Member

Dis

Posted
Posted

OP, I truly feel for you. I'm in a similar spot myself

 

I just turned 30 as well. I too wanted to meet "the one" before I turned 30. So the past year I have turned myself upside down jumping from relationship to relationship trying to find the right one.

 

I'm now at place where I am utterly exhausted from dating. In the midst of my search to find the right guy...I ended up losing myself

 

Another poster mentioned that putting such a timeline on finding a partner is a bad idea...I'm seeing that now.

 

I'm not really discouraged...just tired and in need of a break...I'm taking time on my own to regroup. I know I'll find the right guy...I just need to stop forcing it. It will happen when its meant to happen....and I'm looking forward to that

 

Same with you hun. Take that pressure off yourself...feels better without that weight on your shoulders right??? :D And try to be hopeful too... You'll meet the right woman when the time comes...I'm sure of that. But if you dont even want to think of that right now I dont blame you. I'd rather stick a hot pin in my eye than go out on a date anytime soon lol :lmao:

 

Take some time to yourself and recharge your batteries....you have failed at nothing hun...it just wasnt the right time...and these 2 girls werent the right ones. Just let it go for now and relax. It'll happen when the timing is right :D:bunny::bunny::bunny:

  • Like 1
thats_so_not_cool Member

thats_so_not_cool

Posted
Posted

I'm in a similar place, mentally, but feel even more worse off that you because I'm turning 35 soon and I'm female. My relationships prior to now have been learning experiences, yes, but on the "building something lasting and stable" front, complete failures.

I would love to be happy and married to someone I love, respect and admire, but it just hasn't worked out for me. My relationships end, all for different reasons (infidelity, lack of common interests, emotional abuse), and I can't seem to meet someone on the same wavelength as me.

I'm in the process of ending my last relationship and I truly think I'm giving up after this. Relationships seem like A LOT of investment to me for something that always ends up dissolving in the end. Maybe not everyone is meant to be in relationship and I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that I may be one of these people.

I'm much more productive when I'm single and I focus on my goals.

I hope it works out for you, but if it doesn't, it may be a good thing. Settling for damaged goods is no way to live.

  • Like 1
Dis Established Member

Dis

Posted
Posted
I'm in a similar place, mentally, but feel even more worse off that you because I'm turning 35 soon and I'm female. My relationships prior to now have been learning experiences, yes, but on the "building something lasting and stable" front, complete failures.

I would love to be happy and married to someone I love, respect and admire, but it just hasn't worked out for me. My relationships end, all for different reasons (infidelity, lack of common interests, emotional abuse), and I can't seem to meet someone on the same wavelength as me.

I'm in the process of ending my last relationship and I truly think I'm giving up after this. Relationships seem like A LOT of investment to me for something that always ends up dissolving in the end. Maybe not everyone is meant to be in relationship and I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that I may be one of these people.

I'm much more productive when I'm single and I focus on my goals.

I hope it works out for you, but if it doesn't, it may be a good thing. Settling for damaged goods is no way to live.

 

Hi hun...thanks for sharing...I cant blame you for feeling fed up.

 

May I ask if you have kids?

thats_so_not_cool Member

thats_so_not_cool

Posted
Posted
Hi hun...thanks for sharing...I cant blame you for feeling fed up.

 

May I ask if you have kids?

 

No kids.. That's why I really feel like it's game over for me.

  • Like 1
kolleamm Established Member

kolleamm

Posted
Posted

DO NOT GIVE UP ON DATING. You are only 30, that's still young. Some people can't even get dates.

 

Improve yourself in every possible way.

Dis Established Member

Dis

Posted
Posted
No kids.. That's why I really feel like it's game over for me.

 

Oh hun thats not true!

 

Dont get me wrong...I just turned 30 and I'm single...no kids...and I can feel my clock ticking big time!!! I cant believe I'm 30 and still dont have the family and husband I always wanted. I just stopped dating for awhile...after a year of failed relationships I need a break. But I still feel pressure to find the right guy and settle down. But I truly need a break from dating right now so it is what it is. I feel better on my own...the past year has been really hard dating wise...its nice to have a break

 

I tell my mom how I feel my clock is ticking. She's an APRN...a wonderful one at that....graduated with honors from Yale. She says many women can have children into their early 40's....her friend did at 42. So pls dont believe what alot of people say about age and pregnancy. Yes after 35 fertility decreases but theres still a good chance you can have kids well after 35. Really...talk to your OBGYN about it.

 

I actually checked out your previous threads and you've really been through the ringer hun. I've been cheated on too. But I have to say you sound like a really strong woman...you know what you deserve and wont settle for less...good for you. And I'm so sorry about your current break up. But you deserve better and I'm glad your sticking to your guns

 

Take a break for as long as you need...but never give up on your dreams and what it is you really want. As long as you keep some sense of hope....theres always a chance :D

TheBathWater Established Member

TheBathWater

Posted
Posted
I turned 30 this past week, which was also the week I decided to quit dating. I met a series of people who didn't have their stuff together, or were unbalanced, bad experiences that have just turned me off of dating forever. The last two girls I dated, one drank too much and was on antidepressants and another was dead broke and had deep emotional problems related to anger. At the same time, I'm feeling depressed that my dating life is over and ending on such a sour note. I had a goal to meet a someone special by 30, but I never did. :(

 

It can be empowering to 'give up' when we let go of our attachment to how we think things 'should be.' The way you describe giving up though sounds like you are attaching even stronger to how things should be, and so it isn't empowering. Like you suggested, it's depressing.

 

I'm not going to encourage you to cheer up, tell you you're too young to give up, etc... There are plenty of people here who will (though I haven't read any of the replies so far)...

 

What I will suggest to you is that you be willing to take the time to self-reflect on your experiences and ask yourself if what you're doing is working for you. Should you just try harder? Should you try something different? Should you pursue something other than traditional dating and relationships? These are only questions you can answer, and not quickly.

 

Just remember, wherever your journey in life takes you, that no woman...no matter how amazing and beautiful...will never EVER satisfy your soul. Once you realize this, it is possible to realize everything...

 

Good luck, brother :)

  • Like 1
mortensorchid Established Member

mortensorchid

Posted
Posted

Honey, I am going to tell you some things about age 30 that you do not know or that no one directly tells you ...

 

1) You're not a kid anymore - YOu have let go of a lot of that teenage nonsense that you unknowingly held onto into your twenties. You are now an adult.

 

2) Life is hard - It's hard in many respects and that's one of the many respects that you have to acknowledge. Done with dating? Okay, maybe so. You're done with the people from the past, and you're looking to the future. Is there no one in that future? THere will be many more people who will come into your life in so many forms, things that you never thought possible can and will happen to you.

 

3) Is it meant to be? - Well, it might not be meant to be that you are to be with someone at all. I'm 41, never been married, have no children, and it's what it is. I'm not ashamed of it. Because of all the men I have been with as an adult (not counting my high school sweetheart) all dumped me, rebounded and married a trashy girl barely a year later, and are all divorced from them today. I'm glad I'm not with any of them, I can't imagine the nightmare that their lives turned into and would have made into for me. Am I the problem? No, I'd make an awesome wife / gf, they are the losers. It might not be meant to be but if it is, it is. And you have to not mind if it isn't.

 

4) Sex - After age 30 (or perhaps a bit sooner), sex is AWESOME. You feel better about yourself, you are willing to try things, and you have your head adjusted the right way for it. I was having a laugh with a gal I went to high school with who I was having a Facebook chat with saying "How about these a****** who marry their high school sweethearts?!" Because all the mind bending sex I've had happened when I was older, not when I was younger. I couldn't imagine doing some of the things that I had with my high school sweetheart. Can you? We both agreed. Are you the same person you where when you were 18? Of course not, and you'll be different again at another age.

 

5) Giving up - I've felt that I have given up many times. But I don't care anymore, because life is fun and exciting, and it doesn't mean that you have to be with someone to enjoy it. It would be nice to be with another who feels the same way, but think of yourself as well. Do you want to be with someone who always puts you down, complains, doesn't like this or that, doesn't like your friends, etc? No, you want to be with someone who deserves to be with you.

 

Just some things to think about. And I'll tell you one more secret ... 40 is AWESOME in all caps.

  • Like 5
Dis Established Member

Dis

Posted
Posted
Honey, I am going to tell you some things about age 30 that you do not know or that no one directly tells you ...

 

1) You're not a kid anymore - YOu have let go of a lot of that teenage nonsense that you unknowingly held onto into your twenties. You are now an adult.

 

2) Life is hard - It's hard in many respects and that's one of the many respects that you have to acknowledge. Done with dating? Okay, maybe so. You're done with the people from the past, and you're looking to the future. Is there no one in that future? THere will be many more people who will come into your life in so many forms, things that you never thought possible can and will happen to you.

 

3) Is it meant to be? - Well, it might not be meant to be that you are to be with someone at all. I'm 41, never been married, have no children, and it's what it is. I'm not ashamed of it. Because of all the men I have been with as an adult (not counting my high school sweetheart) all dumped me, rebounded and married a trashy girl barely a year later, and are all divorced from them today. I'm glad I'm not with any of them, I can't imagine the nightmare that their lives turned into and would have made into for me. Am I the problem? No, I'd make an awesome wife / gf, they are the losers. It might not be meant to be but if it is, it is. And you have to not mind if it isn't.

 

4) Sex - After age 30 (or perhaps a bit sooner), sex is AWESOME. You feel better about yourself, you are willing to try things, and you have your head adjusted the right way for it. I was having a laugh with a gal I went to high school with who I was having a Facebook chat with saying "How about these a****** who marry their high school sweethearts?!" Because all the mind bending sex I've had happened when I was older, not when I was younger. I couldn't imagine doing some of the things that I had with my high school sweetheart. Can you? We both agreed. Are you the same person you where when you were 18? Of course not, and you'll be different again at another age.

 

5) Giving up - I've felt that I have given up many times. But I don't care anymore, because life is fun and exciting, and it doesn't mean that you have to be with someone to enjoy it. It would be nice to be with another who feels the same way, but think of yourself as well. Do you want to be with someone who always puts you down, complains, doesn't like this or that, doesn't like your friends, etc? No, you want to be with someone who deserves to be with you.

 

Just some things to think about. And I'll tell you one more secret ... 40 is AWESOME in all caps.

 

This was very enlightening mortensorchild! :D It put things into a different persepective for me....a more realistic and relaxed perspective. Thank you! :D

MGX Established Member

MGX

Posted
Posted
I turned 30 this past week, which was also the week I decided to quit dating. I met a series of people who didn't have their stuff together, or were unbalanced, bad experiences that have just turned me off of dating forever. The last two girls I dated, one drank too much and was on antidepressants and another was dead broke and had deep emotional problems related to anger. At the same time, I'm feeling depressed that my dating life is over and ending on such a sour note. I had a goal to meet a someone special by 30, but I never did. :(

 

I hear you, Red. There is alot of stupid, dumb **** out there. Because of it, I got fed up and quit dating. Anger and disappointment. I've been "clean" for two years this summer.

 

Sometimes, you need a break from the BS that you will encounter. Just focus on yourself.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted

So 2 bad relationships and still single at 30. Your life is over for sure!! Yes you should give up. I mean past 30 there is nothing to look forward to, right!

 

Hon, you should expect everything in life to be hard. I spent close to 4 years online and met over 200 men before meeting my boyfriend. I was lied to, deceived, played and I was even kidnapped! but I have never gave up finding 'the one' for me and I did ! Dreams aren't given to quitters! So don't quit, you can change plan, change your approach, take a break, but you cannot quit if this is something important to you.

  • Like 2
BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
Posted
Honey, I am going to tell you some things about age 30 that you do not know or that no one directly tells you ...

 

1) You're not a kid anymore - YOu have let go of a lot of that teenage nonsense that you unknowingly held onto into your twenties. You are now an adult.

 

2) Life is hard - It's hard in many respects and that's one of the many respects that you have to acknowledge. Done with dating? Okay, maybe so. You're done with the people from the past, and you're looking to the future. Is there no one in that future? THere will be many more people who will come into your life in so many forms, things that you never thought possible can and will happen to you.

 

3) Is it meant to be? - Well, it might not be meant to be that you are to be with someone at all. I'm 41, never been married, have no children, and it's what it is. I'm not ashamed of it. Because of all the men I have been with as an adult (not counting my high school sweetheart) all dumped me, rebounded and married a trashy girl barely a year later, and are all divorced from them today. I'm glad I'm not with any of them, I can't imagine the nightmare that their lives turned into and would have made into for me. Am I the problem? No, I'd make an awesome wife / gf, they are the losers. It might not be meant to be but if it is, it is. And you have to not mind if it isn't.

 

4) Sex - After age 30 (or perhaps a bit sooner), sex is AWESOME. You feel better about yourself, you are willing to try things, and you have your head adjusted the right way for it. I was having a laugh with a gal I went to high school with who I was having a Facebook chat with saying "How about these a****** who marry their high school sweethearts?!" Because all the mind bending sex I've had happened when I was older, not when I was younger. I couldn't imagine doing some of the things that I had with my high school sweetheart. Can you? We both agreed. Are you the same person you where when you were 18? Of course not, and you'll be different again at another age.

 

5) Giving up - I've felt that I have given up many times. But I don't care anymore, because life is fun and exciting, and it doesn't mean that you have to be with someone to enjoy it. It would be nice to be with another who feels the same way, but think of yourself as well. Do you want to be with someone who always puts you down, complains, doesn't like this or that, doesn't like your friends, etc? No, you want to be with someone who deserves to be with you.

 

Just some things to think about. And I'll tell you one more secret ... 40 is AWESOME in all caps.

 

I agree with every word of this!

AMJ Established Member

AMJ

Posted
Posted

Every time I've fallen in love it's when I least expected it, was not at all even looking for a relationship. Things and people fall into your lap when you're too busy with the rest of your life. So it could be a good thing you're giving it a break.

  • Like 1
Larryville Established Member

Larryville

Posted
Posted
How about taking a look at what has gone wrong, why, and what you can do to make it better?

 

Important!

 

First take regular breaks if things don’t work out.

 

But most important for me, be more discerning about who you decide to meet, improve your vetting process. Don’t meet every damn person, everyone is NOT worth your time. If you are more selective about who you meet and dedicate your time to the more satisfying dating will be to you.

 

I'm telling you from own experience, because I went thru a serious I hate dating phase until I was given almost the exact quote above.

  • Like 2
Sanman Established Member

Sanman

Posted
Posted

I have to agree with Larryville. The question you need to ask yourself is why are you dating? Is it just to get laid or are you looking for something specific? IF so, what are you looking for?

Zippy2000 Established Member

Zippy2000

Posted
Posted
Oh hun thats not true!

 

Dont get me wrong...I just turned 30 and I'm single...no kids...and I can feel my clock ticking big time!!! I cant believe I'm 30 and still dont have the family and husband I always wanted. I just stopped dating for awhile...after a year of failed relationships I need a break. But I still feel pressure to find the right guy and settle down. But I truly need a break from dating right now so it is what it is. I feel better on my own...the past year has been really hard dating wise...its nice to have a break

 

I tell my mom how I feel my clock is ticking. She's an APRN...a wonderful one at that....graduated with honors from Yale. She says many women can have children into their early 40's....her friend did at 42. So pls dont believe what alot of people say about age and pregnancy. Yes after 35 fertility decreases but theres still a good chance you can have kids well after 35. Really...talk to your OBGYN about it.

 

I actually checked out your previous threads and you've really been through the ringer hun. I've been cheated on too. But I have to say you sound like a really strong woman...you know what you deserve and wont settle for less...good for you. And I'm so sorry about your current break up. But you deserve better and I'm glad your sticking to your guns

 

Take a break for as long as you need...but never give up on your dreams and what it is you really want. As long as you keep some sense of hope....theres always a chance :D

 

Sorry but what then heck is an APRN or OBGYN? I wish people would stop using acronyms without putting the meaning of them in the same sentence. DYCMD...."Do you catch my drift" lol ?

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