ForeverAlone2016 Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 Hi all, Me n my ex broke up 3 months ago. I feel like I am still going through an emotional roller coaster, one day I am in tears wanting him back and the next day (or later on in the same day) I am happy. Its a never ending cycle which I just want to end. I think he has finally accepted it as well as he stopped trying to contact me. I have researched about the 5 stages of a break up and I am not on the 'normal pathway'. Why am I going around in a circle? Any advice would be very much appreciated.
lana-banana Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 Kubler-Ross (who hypothesized the five stages of grief) indicated they were not concrete and it was completely normal for people to experience them out of order or skip stages entirely. Grieving is not a linear process. You will have up days, down days, and everything in between. The only way to really know you're making progress is when the good days outnumber the bad. Be kind to yourself. Don't try to force acceptance. Try to recognize that things suck and will continue to suck for a while. If you are genuinely worried about your health, see a therapist. But have faith in yourself and your ability to move forward. You'll get there. 2
Bialy Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 Are you still connected to him on social media? Facebook, Instagram, etc?
burnt Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 "Normal" is a very dangerous concept, as it forces a universally standardized set of expectations on your healing process. The average life expectancy in US is 78.7 years. Under "normal" circumstances, based on collected data that number was derived. Some people live longer, some live shorter. How many years will you live? No one knows. The stages of the grieving process varies widely from person to person. As the previous poster noted, the sequence of the stages varies from person to person, but also the amount of time at each stage varies from person to person. An 18 year old after breaking up with his 17 year old gf after 6 months of dating will probably have a very short grieving cycle, whereas a 50 year old man going through mid life crisis losing his wife of 20 years will need a MUCH longer time to heal. The nature of your relationship with your ex, the intensity of it, and how vulnerable you were before and during the relationship, your strength in coping -- all those things play a role in determining how long you will take to finally let go. The most important part for you to focus on here is NOT to set any expectations on how long you SHOULD take to get over. 1
kristyxxbrickley24 Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 Hi all, Me n my ex broke up 3 months ago. I feel like I am still going through an emotional roller coaster, one day I am in tears wanting him back and the next day (or later on in the same day) I am happy. Its a never ending cycle which I just want to end. I think he has finally accepted it as well as he stopped trying to contact me. I have researched about the 5 stages of a break up and I am not on the 'normal pathway'. Why am I going around in a circle? Any advice would be very much appreciated. It is normal. It's only been about a week since I broke up with him and I'm feeling all those emotions. I just wrote a status and I was angry and a few mins after (no help with my break up playlist), and i start to cry... Why am I giving him the pleasure to talk to me again. Why do I miss him so much. Why miss someone who betrayed me and did everything he accused me of..
Author ForeverAlone2016 Posted July 24, 2016 Author Posted July 24, 2016 Kirsty, I am really sorry you are going through a break up as well. I am sorry he betrayed you. You deserve nothing but the best and I am sure it will come for you one day. Missing someone just doesn't go away, unfortunately and that is the primary core of my problem as well. I hope we can both find a solution. Stay strong xx. I can completely understand that the stages are not linear, but I don't think a single day has gone by where he hasn't been on my mind. It was not a happy break up. He tried to win me back, but I can't go to a man who has no respect for me and degrades me in front of his family as if I am nothing but trash. It just hurts thinking about the good times. I have tried everything to distract myself. I have taken on a massive workload, I go out with friends or on dates alone to cafes and take time for myself but NOTHING HELPS. I am at my wits end. I just want to forget him and move on, but I just can't.
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