do you think it is worth the 2 hour drive to meet this man? ***Updated***

[Toodaloo]

Chumley.

 

Darling no... just no...

 

If he lived close by and had a bit of spark then sure but he is an age away he is at an age where the travel will tire him and to be honest he sounds like bit of an old goat...

 

Mind you I also think you could use the dating experience.

 

I don't think this one is for you though...

 

Keep at it and keep going...

[joseb]

OP, how important is it that your partner is a Vegan?

Sounds like thats almost the only reason you are meeting him.

2 hours away, seems pretty awkward.

 

And surely there must be a restaurant close to you you can go to...where do you go normally??

[kendahke]

Have him order (pay for your half when you see him) and pick up the food and you both meet an hour away in the middle and have a picnic lunch. That way, you both have contributed to the meeting.

 

I've had the same experience with a guy I'm talking with online---but he's in the UK and I"m in the US. On paper, he's great. On the phone or in text, it's tough. One word answers sometimes. I went to the UK (part of a bucket list trip to Europe in May) and met him. OMG! Chatty Kathy!!! Very, very interesting man, very kind, very intelligent, very witty and funny (and looked nothing like his pictures, full body shots seemed to have been about 5+ years ago). We talked non-stop and had so much fun. Made it really hard to leave Manchester, which I've fallen totally in love with.

 

I vote for meeting him in person and judging for yourself in real time.

[stillafool]

 

I am not really desperate for male attention. on the dating site I get plenty of responders but it is very difficult to find someone that shares my interests in veganism and other things that is my age and lives near by and that is where he comes in. Also we are both just looking for friends first so we will probably not be rushing to see each other right away anyway. We both believe in taking things slow and this was another thing I really like about him.

 

 

 

I would hardly call a 2 hour drive as living nearby. Surely you can find someone younger who lives closer to you that is a vegan. There are tons of them.

[Versacehottie]

Thank you, Versacehottie, for a nicely balanced and well reasoned response. I'd drive two hours to meet someone who thinks this way!

 

 

I learned that lesson the hard way once (three hour drive), swore I'd never do it again, and a few months or a year later rode a motorcycle NINE hours to meet a woman. That nine hour ride was the start of what at the time was the best relationship of my life, and it lasted about a year and a half.

 

It's like Forest's mother said, it's like a box of chocolates. But one thing is for absolute certain... if you don't open the box and take one, life is going to be one big fat zero.

 

Thanks Sal! And I agree. OP, taking a chance is what you need to do if I am onto the things going on with you correctly. Approach this as friends and if something better happens that would be great; it will be a little adventure, just to get your momentum going at the very least. It totally makes sense if he's a vegan and into the things surrounding that lifestyle that he would pause before he answered and give what he says good thought.

 

Just an idea about remaining open for the other guys you have interest in and will in the future, and just a question, why try to limit it to just vegans? I think having common interests is nice sometimes but wouldn't base a whole relationship around it. Similar values and a spark is what you should be on the lookout for. Granted with being a vegan, lots of the "values" are incorporated into having that interest. It sounds really important to you but if there is a way to be even more open to other types that could be a good thing for you. Just an idea Hope you meet him soon.

[BlueIris]

I am trying to decide what to do and I am hoping others on here might be able to assist. I have gotten wonderful advice from people on here for other situations so figured I would try my luck once again;)

 

Anyway, there is this man that I have been communicating with from a dating site. On paper he seems like a really great match for me. We share similar outlooks on life and hobbies and interests. I have had difficulties finding someone that thinks the way I do in certain aspects of life but he does seem to. However, we have had 2 phone conversations so far that have not really gone that well in my opinion. He seems to be dull to talk to with no real energy in his voice..almost like a drip. There also have been moments of real awkward silence on the phone too. I feel like I have to carry the entire conversation..in other words he seems really dull. ...

 

I didn't read beyond this. This is a deal breaker for me no matter where he lives.

[salparadise]

I would hardly call a 2 hour drive as living nearby. Surely you can find someone younger who lives closer to you that is a vegan. There are tons of them.

 

 

Yea, if you're ready to settle for anyone who meets a couple of basic criteria then I'd agree with you. Not that simple for most of us. You have to be attracted to them, and they to you, and then there's the infinitely elusive chemistry on top of all of that. If it all happens to come tougher, two hours is nothing for a wonderful life partner. What are the odds? Low, of course.

 

For anyone who wants to remain single and sing sad songs... refusing to take a little risk to explore a possibility is a pretty good strategy.

[chumly]

hi there...thanks for all the added responses. I really appreciate them:)

 

kendahke and Versacehottie...thanks so much...your words really rang true to me and thanks for the encouragement about meeting him! Versacehottie, I liked your analysis as to why he needs to think things through before responding to me. I think he is perhaps a very thoughtful person that wants to give good responses to questions and there is nothing at all wrong with that.;)I just need to get used to it. kendahke, I really liked your example that you gave of someone who was completely different in person. That is very encouraging!

 

I know someone asked how important it is that I connect with a vegan. Well, to answer the question ...it certainly is a MAJOR bonus for me if they are one and the reason for that is due to the reasons I am vegan. for me it is an ethical choice so I really prefer to deal with someone who shares my ethics. Of course this is not to say that a non vegan would not potentially consider changing their lifestyle eventually or share some other very important ideas with me in life so i try not to live with any hard or fast rules when it comes to that...but there is no denying that it really is such a help to have that in common with someone. There are things I have been able to discuss with him that non vegans might not understand.

 

Another thing that we seem to have in common that is very important to me is our views on chemistry. from everything he has said so far it seems that we both believe that chemistry is the kind of thing that takes time to develop as people get to know each other as friends. We both seem to believe that the instant spark that most refer to tends to be nothing more than surface and superficial and that chemistry that grows between people can often lead to a better relationship in the end. We are both willing to be friends with one another too and remain that way if nothing else happens. This is a huge plus for me with him.

 

Anyway, believe it or not we still have not met but we are finally supposed to do so this saturday. we are meeting at a park halfway for a hike. I am a bit nervous about it but i do plan to "feel the fear and do it anyway".

 

Thanks again for all the helpful responses and i will let u know how it goes.

[moonchild94]

No , no, no, no I repeat NO. Take it from someone who drove 4 hours to someone and 4 hours back. Never drive to see a man. Idc what gender role everyone is saying these days. If he likes you and wants this to work- he will drive to you or you guys make a deal and it's half way each. Just do not waste your time. The fact that you are already concerned over a phone call already, do not go. I went through the same thing. I had a gut feeling and I didn't know if I should have drove to see my guy. My gut feeling was right. Please, do not drive to him. Or make better arrangements.

[clia]

 

Anyway, believe it or not we still have not met but we are finally supposed to do so this saturday. we are meeting at a park halfway for a hike. I am a bit nervous about it but i do plan to "feel the fear and do it anyway".

 

Thanks again for all the helpful responses and i will let u know how it goes.

 

I may be overly cautious, but please be careful. Stay on main trails, always in eyesight and earshot of other people. Hopefully you are planning to hike in a crowded, busy area. You don't even know this guy! Don't take off in the woods with him alone.

[Gaeta]

 

Anyway, believe it or not we still have not met but we are finally supposed to do so this saturday. we are meeting at a park halfway for a hike. I am a bit nervous about it but i do plan to "feel the fear and do it anyway".

 

Thanks again for all the helpful responses and i will let u know how it goes.

 

This is pure craziness!!!!!!!

 

It's ok to meet in the middle in a PUBLIC PLACE. You do NOT, I repeat you to NOT meet a stranger in the woods!! Chumly how naive can you be?? You are putting your security in jeopardy here, give him a rendez-vous in a coffee shop or a restaurant and meet him in bright day light!!

[Zahara]

Anyway, believe it or not we still have not met but we are finally supposed to do so this saturday. we are meeting at a park halfway for a hike. I am a bit nervous about it but i do plan to "feel the fear and do it anyway".

 

Goodness. You hear horror stories every now and then and I am not sure why you're choosing to go for a date to a park and hike, when there will likely be situations where you will be in secluded areas.

 

He is a complete stranger. Why aren't you meeting in a public place?

 

How can you be this naive? Would you tell your daughter to drive hours to meet a complete stranger and tell her it's okay to go hiking with him?

[Miss Peach]

My personal rule to OLD is that if I can't enjoy a 15 minute chat on the phone I won't enjoy the date. Since I have required phone calls my number of successful dates has gone up dramatically. I also wait to learn about a person beyond basics until we interact IRL and I can see body language, facial expressions, etc. Anyone can pretend to be anything. Most people are putting their best foot forward. I'm not saying he is but IRL is the best time to qualify someone to see if they are relationship material IMO. Personally I wouldn't go see him.

 

Also agree with the others. I wouldn't drive all that way to meet a stranger for a hike. I would consider somewhere public half way. Though most men have wanted to come to me.

 

Another one of my BTDT advice is that it's difficult to really get to know someone long distance. Two hours away is long distance. It's the day to day that really gives you a good glimpse into a person. I also have a friend who tried to date long distance and her BF was good at hiding he wasn't who he pretended to me. It can time time even when you see each other frequently to see what type of person you are with and the true capability level.

[BluEyeL]

I wouldn't do it. And I wouldn't see in a positive light a man who asks me to drive to him on a first date. Not a gentleman. Pass.

[Dis]

hi there...thanks for all the added responses. I really appreciate them:)

 

kendahke and Versacehottie...thanks so much...your words really rang true to me and thanks for the encouragement about meeting him! Versacehottie, I liked your analysis as to why he needs to think things through before responding to me. I think he is perhaps a very thoughtful person that wants to give good responses to questions and there is nothing at all wrong with that.;)I just need to get used to it. kendahke, I really liked your example that you gave of someone who was completely different in person. That is very encouraging!

 

I know someone asked how important it is that I connect with a vegan. Well, to answer the question ...it certainly is a MAJOR bonus for me if they are one and the reason for that is due to the reasons I am vegan. for me it is an ethical choice so I really prefer to deal with someone who shares my ethics. Of course this is not to say that a non vegan would not potentially consider changing their lifestyle eventually or share some other very important ideas with me in life so i try not to live with any hard or fast rules when it comes to that...but there is no denying that it really is such a help to have that in common with someone. There are things I have been able to discuss with him that non vegans might not understand.

 

Another thing that we seem to have in common that is very important to me is our views on chemistry. from everything he has said so far it seems that we both believe that chemistry is the kind of thing that takes time to develop as people get to know each other as friends. We both seem to believe that the instant spark that most refer to tends to be nothing more than surface and superficial and that chemistry that grows between people can often lead to a better relationship in the end. We are both willing to be friends with one another too and remain that way if nothing else happens. This is a huge plus for me with him.

 

Anyway, believe it or not we still have not met but we are finally supposed to do so this saturday. we are meeting at a park halfway for a hike. I am a bit nervous about it but i do plan to "feel the fear and do it anyway".

 

Thanks again for all the helpful responses and i will let u know how it goes.

 

Yay!!! Let us know how it goes chumly!!!

 

I think its always best to go into a date being optimistic and hopeful!

 

Be yourself and let your sweet personality shine through!!

 

And be safe!

[chumly]

Disillusionment373..you are so sweet! thanks for the positive reinforcement!!

 

thanks everyone else as well.

 

well, I did meet him last Saturday. we met halfway for the hike in the middle of the day like we planned. he brought his dog and it was a very nice meeting. it was safe because there were many people hiking on the trail. we had a great conversation and we are going to see each other again. I am so happy because it seems like i have a new friend..just as I was hoping would be the case. I am not sure if there is a love connection at the moment but I am open to anything... but we are certainly good to be friends with each other and I am very happy about that! so overall I am extremely happy i went out and met him. He did seem a bit more fun in real life so that was good too!

 

Anyway, just wanted to update this thread and thank for all the positive and encouraging help! I feel so much better about myself for doing this and my self confidence has improved so much too so it was really a good thing!!

 

Thanks again:D

[Dis]

Disillusionment373..you are so sweet! thanks for the positive reinforcement!!

 

thanks everyone else as well.

 

well, I did meet him last Saturday. we met halfway for the hike in the middle of the day like we planned. he brought his dog and it was a very nice meeting. it was safe because there were many people hiking on the trail. we had a great conversation and we are going to see each other again. I am so happy because it seems like i have a new friend..just as I was hoping would be the case. I am not sure if there is a love connection at the moment but I am open to anything... but we are certainly good to be friends with each other and I am very happy about that! so overall I am extremely happy i went out and met him. He did seem a bit more fun in real life so that was good too!

 

Anyway, just wanted to update this thread and thank for all the positive and encouraging help! I feel so much better about myself for doing this and my self confidence has improved so much too so it was really a good thing!!

 

Thanks again:D

 

Yay! So glad it went well! I'm glad you had realistic expectations and are fine with just being friends if there's no romantic connection. Its always been hard for me to expect that most of the dates I go on wont be love connections, so good for you being realistic!

 

Maybe down the line as you get to know him better you might see more of a potential for a romantic relationship...if not...you at least have a new friend and practice under your belt!

 

I'm glad he was more interesting IRL too!

 

Keep us updated about any future dates chumly!!!

[chumly]

Yay! So glad it went well! I'm glad you had realistic expectations and are fine with just being friends if there's no romantic connection. Its always been hard for me to expect that most of the dates I go on wont be love connections, so good for you being realistic!

 

Maybe down the line as you get to know him better you might see more of a potential for a romantic relationship...if not...you at least have a new friend and practice under your belt!

 

I'm glad he was more interesting IRL too!

 

Keep us updated about any future dates chumly!!!

 

thanks so much for your very sweet message as always! and yes, I certainly will keep you and everyone posted on the matter!

[chumly]

I know some on here already know about this but I met someone a few weeks ago from a dating site and I really like him on paper. He is a vegan, animal lover, intelligent, nice, has his own money, has healthy interests, takes care of himself but he is so boring that I dont know what to do anymore.

 

I want to like him so much so I keep talking to him on the phone and he claims he likes to talk to me but even his voice is boring. He is old enough to be my dad so I dont know if this is what the problem is but I keep hoping things will get better but he reminds me so much of my mom. and that is NOT a good thing.

 

I am a member of several dating sites and have found nobody else I have communicated with interesting either so it does not seem like I have too many other options either at this point and I think I am older now so that makes it that much worse.... like I said, I really want to like him because we met, he likes me and he is nice....just super boring:eek:.

 

We have only hung out once because he lives 2 hours away but we are supposed to get together this Saturday for the second time and I am kind of lukewarm about it due to this issue but we are supposed to do some interesting things..we are going to an art show ( I am not normally into art but he is an artist so it might be interesting to go with him) and we are going to a veg restaurant too. I just wish he was more fun. Anyway, I am hoping that if I hang out with him a few more times he might get better..but the phone conversations are rough. He is a bit like a wet mop:( Sorry, I guess that is a bit of a mean thing to say but it is how I feel.

 

Anyway, I was just wondering if anybody has experienced a situation where someone seemed boring at first but they became more interesting in time? I am wondering what my realistic chances are for any hope with him becoming more interesting to me??

 

Thanks in advance for any thoughts on this:)

[basil67]

I don't hold much hope. This early on, you'd expect to be full of interest and keen to find out more about each other.

 

Edited to add: On top of being dull, he lives two hours away, the two of you don't have time to see each other and he's old. Next.

Edited August 9, 2016 by basil67

[Erik30]

You're obviously not interested, you can't force yourself into liking him.

[Toodaloo]

Chumley - he is pulling out his best to try and impress and you are still bored...

 

Back to the drawing board...

 

Keep going with it.

[Gaeta]

Something similar happened to me a couple of years ago. He lived close by so we dated on weekly basis. I liked him because on paper he was perfect for me except he was boring. I gave it 2-3 months and no, it never changed. Each date with him was like heading to a funeral. I let him go.

 

I don't understand when you say you have no other options. If you are on several dating sites and have been there for a while it's time to delete it all. What you have done is over-expose yourself, now men don't see your profile anymore, they have seen it so many times it's now like an advertisement on the side we don't pay attention to. Delete everything and go back on 1 or 2 sites in 2 to 3 weeks. When I did online dating I never kept my profile up more than a week at a time. When you first get online that is when you get the most attention and the most message, so you rotate and go on and off.

[longjohn]

As a man, one who tries whenever possible to be a gentleman I would never ask a lady to drive 2 hours to meet me because there's a better restaurant, that's just lazy or a flat out lie to cover the fact he isn't willing to drive to see you. If he isn't wating to drive to see you and he can put you on the hook to see him how long before you become his two hour booty call? The fact your even questioning this tells us that you, yourself have having doubts about whether you should drive it or not. I'd listen to your gut which is clearly saying this is BS.

[chumly]

thanks everyone for the helpful responses. I guess I have some thinking to do.

 

Gaeta...thanks for the interesting tip about the dating sites. I think I noticed that myself and did not think to do that. Great idea! Funny that you had a similar experience yourself with a boring person..so I guess you can really relate and how frustrating it is when they are good in so many other ways except that.

 

longjohn...thanks for giving the male perspective on this but he actually has offered to come my way but I am the one who suggested I go out to him because I have been curious about the restaurant he keeps mentioning to me, plus the art show is in his area. I really dont mind that part so much..it is just the he is so dull and asks annoying questions like my mom does like..when will you get the new sneakers?? or when will you get your phone fixed? he reminds me so much of my mom that it is scary...lol.. almost like a naggy parent thing..lol...and they are only a few years apart in age..maybe I should hook them up instead..lol;)

 

anyway, thanks everyone..I guess I will give it a bit more thought, there is some time between now and Saturday anyway. We are only friends at the moment but I am getting the feeling he might want to start stepping things up soon. Like I said, I will give it more thought.

 

Still open to any other thoughts on thi?? It would be interesting if anybody has a story to share where someone became more interesting in time..it might inspire me a bit..lol:laugh:

 

Thanks again everyone:)