thebig-guy Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 (edited) Hi all, Back here again, with another new heartache! I've just returned back from Ibiza today after a week of what was supposed to be crazy parties and drinking....! What actually happened was I met a girl, we partied once, then instead of doing what i should have (continued going out partying), I decided to speak to her the whole holiday and arrange regular meets. Now usually i would have wrote this one off, as I've already had a previously failed holiday romance that crashed and burned after 1 year. But for some reason I just could not help myself from meeting this girl. She seems like all the things I look for in a woman.. We would meet up for drinks. Have the best nights of our lives, she would be all over me, you know the usual kissing/cuddling/dancing. She even slept with me a few nights (not sex), followed by walks home holding hands. Then during the day we would meet again sober, and she would treat me as if we were only friends... One time on the beach she opened up a little, and decided to tell me that she has been 'kind of' seeing someone. This was a 'few visits' to his country, and mentioned the fact she was waiting for him to ask her to move to his country... I asked her why she didnt tell me and she said things just keep changing and she now doesnt know what she wants... but insisted she wasnt seeing this guy. So after having that bomb dropped on me I was ready to throw the towel in, but then she would text me saying "What have you done to me, Im gonna miss you so much". I repeatedly asked her what was going on and she just kept telling me to "enjoy the moment". The last night of the holiday finished with a group of us drinking by the sea, we had fun, but sadly knew it was time to end things there. I asked for 5 minutes with her alone and she broke into tears. She said she doesnt know what to do, I left with a hug and a kiss and also broke down when I got back to my hotel. So since arriving home this morning we've agreed to meet up again. But I cant help thinking does she actually want me as much as I do her? Shes been asking me questions that assume I only see her as a holiday romance and i may not be as interested when we get back in the UK. This is not true. And this other guy seems to be messing her around a little, maybe why shes given me a chance..? I know most of you will say stay well clear if theres another guy involved but I just feel like theres something I can do to make her mine.. Do I play it cool? All I'm ever thinking about is when she is going to text next.. Do I set things straight and demand an answer? Do I meet up and see how things go in the uk? Why does she want to meet me if she has someone else there? I could honestly say I feel like this person could be the one I'd spend the rest of my life with, which I've never felt before, so don't want to throw everything in the bin just yet. But at the same time I dont want to burn any bridges by asking questions that she wont answer.. She's said many things that assume we are 'friends', but then many things assuming we are lovers.... My heads all over the place! Any thoughts welcome! Edited July 22, 2016 by thebig-guy
longjohn Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 I'd avoid like the plague, not a chance. She's sort of with one guy and not with him yet she's sort of interested in you but she isn't sure about him. What age is she.. 17? Avoid her before your the "other guy" she isn't sure about when she meets the next fella. I wouldn't invest emotionally in her I think she'll tear out your heart one day and eat it.
davidvillasor Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 nope she isn't the type of girl you will hook up for a long term. Avoid.
joseb Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 I could honestly say I feel like this person could be the one I'd spend the rest of my life with, which I've never felt before, so don't want to throw everything in the bin just yet. But at the same time I dont want to burn any bridges by asking questions that she wont answer.. She's said many things that assume we are 'friends', but then many things assuming we are lovers.... My heads all over the place! Any thoughts welcome! I think we are reading way too much into a holiday fling and also getting far too emotionally invested. How old are you both? 1
Author thebig-guy Posted July 23, 2016 Author Posted July 23, 2016 Im 26, shes 27. Yeah I feel like avoiding would be the simplest and safest option. But I really want to at least meet her once in the UK to see if she is willing to give it a go. She has been in a relationship previously for 4 years so its not normal for her to be playing the field...
ExpatInItaly Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 You are for too attached for a one-week romance, OP. You say she's the type you could spend your life with, but you barely know her. What you saw of her is just a tiny fraction of her life and her character. So my first suggestion is to cool your engines and change your perspective a bit. You have no idea who this girl really is, which isn't to say she's a bad apple - the point is that you can't possibly know that yet. Also, she tells you she's "kind of" seeing someone, she's waiting for him to ask her to move, then says she's not seeing anyone. Eh? She can't get her story straight. I would not invest anything at this point. Meet up if you want, but don't get your hopes up yet. She felt she had to mention this other guy, which means whatever they have is significant enough for her to feel guilty about hanging out with you. Be very careful here. I have a feeling she'll keep talking to or seeing both of you to keep her options open. 1
Author thebig-guy Posted July 24, 2016 Author Posted July 24, 2016 Very wise words there! I guess I dont really know her. I think i'm maybe more obsessed than anything. She told me today that she isnt really interested in this guy now as hes a bit too romantic and shes bored with the long distance thing. I agree that she probably is keeping us both going to keep options open. Its becoming more apparent that she is only really interested in fun with me. When ever i talk about 'us' she backs right off. Very frustrating but i cant say anything.. We may be meeting up next weekend, I just dont know if its good to go if im gonna get more attached.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 24, 2016 Posted July 24, 2016 Very wise words there! I guess I dont really know her. I think i'm maybe more obsessed than anything. She told me today that she isnt really interested in this guy now as hes a bit too romantic and shes bored with the long distance thing. I agree that she probably is keeping us both going to keep options open. Its becoming more apparent that she is only really interested in fun with me. When ever i talk about 'us' she backs right off. Very frustrating but i cant say anything.. We may be meeting up next weekend, I just dont know if its good to go if im gonna get more attached. If you think your feelings are becoming too strong, I would advise you not to meet up with her. You two hardly know each other and there's another guy in the picture. This is going to get messy.
Author thebig-guy Posted July 30, 2016 Author Posted July 30, 2016 Ok final update (i think). We had a long chat wednesday evening on facebook about how she felt bad for this other guy whos in prague, saying she wasnt seeing him but didnt want to cheat. That conversation ended with her still keen to meet up with me next weekend. Now this is not something I'd usually want to do but something in the back of my mind tells me i could sway her into being with me instead... Thursday I received a message "friendly kisses".... Wasnt sure what to make of that so i left it for a day. Friday afternoon I replied with some general conversation, messages were read and she didnt reply. I decided to follow up today asking what the problem was, haven't heard anything from her since Thursday and pretty concerned to know why she's not replying to my messages. Once again they've been read but she hasn't replied. It's totally out of character for me to message more than once if someone doesn't reply, but feel i'm getting a little desperate here.. I'm just really frustrated, and really curious as to why she's just blanking me completely? Is she doing this on purpose? I'd prefer her to just message me saying to stop, rather than letting me go crazy... Not sure whether I should just block her or try and forget about this for now? Somethings stopping me in the hope that she may decide to reply during the week. I just need some closure on this as it's starting to affect my work and spare time.. Hope I dont sound too crazy here guys! As I said before i feel completely out of character but not sure what to do...
ExpatInItaly Posted July 30, 2016 Posted July 30, 2016 OP, she's inconsistent and randomly blanking you because there is another guy in the picture. You should never feel you need to "sway" someone into liking you. If she had a serious interest in you, she wouldn't be leaving you hanging. But she doesn't, so she isn't really concerned about you. That's really all there is to it. This girl should not have the ability to affect your life in such a big way that your work is being affected. That's an indication that you're far too invested already. Forget about her. Seriously. She isn't available for anything resembling a relationship right now.
Author thebig-guy Posted July 30, 2016 Author Posted July 30, 2016 OP, she's inconsistent and randomly blanking you because there is another guy in the picture. You should never feel you need to "sway" someone into liking you. If she had a serious interest in you, she wouldn't be leaving you hanging. But she doesn't, so she isn't really concerned about you. That's really all there is to it. This girl should not have the ability to affect your life in such a big way that your work is being affected. That's an indication that you're far too invested already. Forget about her. Seriously. She isn't available for anything resembling a relationship right now. So you think just blocking her and trying to forget would be the best idea? I just want to do whats best for me to move on quickly. Feel pretty stupid acting like this over someone Ive known a week, but really can't see the bigger picture currently :/
ExpatInItaly Posted July 30, 2016 Posted July 30, 2016 So you think just blocking her and trying to forget would be the best idea? I just want to do whats best for me to move on quickly. Feel pretty stupid acting like this over someone Ive known a week, but really can't see the bigger picture currently :/ Absolutely. She's not interested in the same way you are. Keeping her around is going to hurt you more.
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